看Friends学英语-Season Four

多云有时晴

多云有时晴

401 The One With The Jellyfish

Joey: (lying on a beach towel, recapping what happened in the last episode) Okay, so we went to the beach, because Phoebe found out about this lady who knew her mom and dad, and I don’t really know what happened with that.

[cut to Phoebe Sr.’s house, from the last episode]

Phoebe Sr.: (to Phoebe) I’m your mother.

Phoebe: Ehh?

[cut to Monica opening the door of the beach house, with Chandler trying to pick her up for a date.]

Joey: (voice-over) Oh, and then Monica joked that she wouldn’t go out with a guy like Chandler...

Chandler: (to Monica) (in a funny voice) Hi there. (Monica turns her head away in disgust)

Joey: (voice-over) ...and he couldn’t let it go, and... I don’t really know what happened with that either.

[cut to a montage of scenes involving Bonnie, Ross, and Rachel from the last episode.]

Joey: (voice-over) Oh-oh! And then Ross’s new girlfriend, Bonnie, shows up and Rachel convinced her to save her head. And then Ross and Rachel kiss, and now Ross has to choose between Rachel and the bald girl and I don’t know what happened there either...

[cut back to Joey on the beach towel]

Joey: Y'know what, hold on, let me go get Chandler. (gets up and leaves.)

[Scene: The beach house, it’s the same scene from the end of last year, with Ross in front of the two doors of Rachel’s and Bonnie’s rooms, trying to decide which door to choose. He finally chooses the one his right and goes in.]

Ross: (surprised) Hi!
Rachel and Bonnie: Hi!

Bonnie: Rachel was just helping me out. My head got all sunburned.

Ross: Awww.

Bonnie: (to Rachel) Thanks a million.

Rachel: Oh, you’re welcome a million.

Bonnie: (getting up and leaving) (to Ross) Okay, I’ll see you in our room.

Ross: Yeah. (closes the door, and goes over and kisses Rachel.)

Rachel: (softly) Oh my God.

Ross: I know.

(They both kiss again and fall onto the bed.)

Ross: (stopping suddenly and getting up) Okay, I gotta go.

Rachel: Whoa! What?! Why?!

Ross: Well, I-I gotta go break up with Bonnie.

Rachel: Here?! Now?!

Ross: Well, yeah. I can’t-I can’t stay here all night, and if I go in there she’s-she’s gonna wanna... do stuff.

Rachel: Well, can’t you tell her that you are not in the mood?

Ross: No, she likes that. Yeah. Faking sleep doesn’t work either, I can’t tell you how many mornings I woke up with her...

Rachel: (interrupting) Whoa-ho.

Ross: Whoa-oh, okay! Yeah, why am I telling you that?

Rachel: I don’t know.

(they kiss again)

Ross: Yeah, yeah. (opens the door) It wasn’t every morning.

Rachel: Oh, making it worse!

Ross: Okay.

OPENING CREDITS
[Scene{s:1:tongue}hoebe Sr.’s house, it’s right after she told Phoebe that she’s her birth mother.]

Phoebe Sr.: So I guess you’d like to know how it all happened.

Phoebe: I-I mean I, well I think I can figure it out. I guess y'know I was born, and everyone started lying their asses off!

Phoebe Sr.: Noo! No! It wasn’t like that I... Remember how I told you how Lily, Frank, and I we were, we were close. Well, we were, we were very close.

Phoebe: How close?

Phoebe Sr.: Well, the-the three of us we were, kind of umm, a couple.

Phoebe: I don’t even know how that would work!

Phoebe Sr.: Well, we were...

Phoebe: (interrupting) I’m not asking!

Phoebe Sr.: Well, any how, some how I got pregnant, and, and I was scared. I was stupid and sellfish, and I was 18 years old. I mean, you remember what it’s like to be eighteen years old?

Phoebe: Yeah. Let’s see, my had Mom killed herself, and my Dad had run off, and I was living in a Gremlin with a guy named Cindy who talked to his hand.

Phoebe Sr.: Well, I’m so sorry. I thought I was leaving you with the best parents in the world, I didn’t even hear about your Mom and Dad til a couple of years ago, and by then you were already grown up. I don’t know, you’re here, and I would, I would really, I would like to get to know you.

Phoebe: Yeah, well, everybody does! I’m a really cool person. And y'know you had 29 years to find that out, but you didn’t even try! Y'know what, you walked out on me, and I’m just, I’m gonna do the same thing to you.

Phoebe Sr.: Wait!

Phoebe: I don’t ever want to see you again!

(She walks out and slams the door.)

Phoebe: (walking back in with her hand over her eyes.) Umm, where’s my purse?

[Scene: The beach house, Joey and Chandler are sitting at the dinner table, Monica is looking in the fridge.]

Monica: (closing the fridge in disgust) Shoot! We’re out of soda.

Chandler: (jumping up) Oh, I’ll go out and get you some.

Monica: Really?!

Chandler: Nope! Because I’m not your boyfriend. (to Phoebe, who’s entering) Hey Pheebs, how did it go?

Phoebe: Well, umm, my Mom’s friend, Phoebe, is actually my birth Mom.

(The gang is shocked.)

Chandler: I found a dried up seashores.

Monica: Sweety, what are you talking about?

Phoebe: Oh, my new Mom, who-who’s a big, fat abandoner! (starts to go upstairs)

Joey: Whoa, wait, Pheebs, wait a second! Don’t you wanna stay here and talk about it?

Phoebe: No. I’m just, I wanna, I need to be alone.

(She starts to go upstairs.)

Phoebe: (turning around, insistently) Monica!

Monica: Oh.

[Scene: The beach house, Rachel’s bedroom. She is finishing up writing something as Ross walks through the door.]

Ross: It’s over.

Rachel: Oh, was it awful?

Ross: Well, it was loong. I didn’t even realise how late it was, until I noticed the 5 o’clock shadow on her head. (They both start to laugh, then stop themselves quickly.) Anyway, she didn’t want to stay. I called a cab; she just left.

(They kiss.)

Rachel: I wrote you a letter.

Ross: Ohh! Thank you! I like mail. (He goes to kiss her again, but she turns away.)

Rachel: (handing him the letter) It’s just some things I’ve been thinking about. Some things about us, and before we can even think about the two of us getting back together, I just need to know how you feel about this stuff.

Ross: Okay. (He leans in to kiss her again, but she leans back preventing him from making contact.) Wow, it’s-it’s 5:30 in the morning. (Rachel laughs) So, I’d better get cracking on this baby.

Rachel: Well, I’ll be waiting for you, just come up when you’re done.

Ross: Okay, I’ll be up in, (looks at the letter) 18 pages. Front and back. Very exciting.

[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Ross is passed out on the kitchen counter. He wakes up with a start and has one of the pages of the letter stuck to his face.]

Ross: Oh. (looks at his watch) Oh-oh. (takes a drink of coffee and resumes reading the letter)

Rachel: (coming down the stairs) Hey! (Ross jumps up, and quickly puts the letter back together, pretending like he has just finished it.) What happened to you? Why didn’t you come up?

Ross: Done!

Rachel: You just finished?

Ross: Well, I wanted to be thorough. I mean this-this is clearly very, very important to you, to us! And so I wanted to read every word carefully, twice!

Rachel: So umm, does it?

Ross: I’m sorry.

Rachel: Does it?

Ross: Does it? Does it? Yeah, I wanted to give that whole ‘Does it?’ part just another glance.

Rachel: What are you talking about, Ross, you just said that you read it twice! Look, y'know what, either it does or it doesn’t, and if you have to even think about it...

Ross: (interrupting) No, Rach, no. I don’t, I don’t, I don’t have to think about it, in fact, I’ve decided, I’ve decided that, that it.......does.

(Rachel stands there for a moment, starting to cry. Then gasps and runs over and hugs him. While hugging her, Ross tries to find the ‘Does it?’ part in the letter.)

Rachel: Are you sure?

Ross: Oh, sure! I’m sure.

Rachel: I know. (Hugs him more violently this time and pushes him back away from the letter.)

[Scene: The beach. Chandler and Monica are out getting some sun.]

Chandler: All right, there’s a nuclear holocaust, I’m the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me?

Monica: Ennnh.

Chandler: I’ve got canned goods.

Joey: (jumping up in a hole that he is digging, he is shoulder deep) Hey, you guys! Take a look at this! (Chandler and Monica jump up and go over to the hole.) Check this baby out, dug me a hole!

Chandler: Excellent hole, Joe.

(A wave crashes on the beach and partially fills up his hole.)

Joey: Oh no! No!! My hole!!

Monica: (screaming in pain) Ow!! Ow!!!

Joey: (climbing out of the hole) What?! What?!! What is it?!

Monica: Jellyfish sting! Oh, it hurts! It hurts!! It hurts!!

Chandler: Well, can we help?! You want us to take you back to the house?!

Monica: It’s like two miles!

Joey: Yeah, and I’m a little tired from digging the hole.

Monica: Oh damn the jellyfish. Damn all the jellyfish!

Chandler: We’ve got to do something!

Joey: Well, there’s really only one thing you can do.

Monica: What?! What is it?!

Joey: You’re gonna have to pee on it.

Monica: What?!! Gross!!

Joey: Don’t blame me, I saw it on The Discovery Channel.

Chandler: Y'know what, he’s right. There’s something like uh, ammonia in that, that like kills the pain.

Monica: Well forget it! It doesn’t hurt that (tries to take a step) baaad!!!!

Joey: If you want some privacy you can use my hole.

[Scene: The beach house, Phoebe is coming down the stairs all packed and ready to go.]

Phoebe: Well, I’m ready to get the hell out of here! (Sees Ross and Rachel cuddling on the couch.) Oh. Are you? Are you?!! (they nod ‘Yes.’) Ohh! That’s so great!! Ooh, not for Bonnie. (they nod ‘No.’) But for you, yay! Ohh.

(The rest of the gang arrives with their heads down in shame.)

Ross: Hey!

Rachel: How was the beach?

Monica: Nothing, I don’t know.

Ross: What happened?

Monica: Nothing. I’m gonna take a shower.

Chandler: Me too!!

Joey: Me too.

Phoebe: Okay, I’m gonna put this (her suitcase) in the car.

Rachel: Ooh, I have to go pack. (Gets up to do so.) It really does?

Ross: It does. It really and truly does.

(Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After she’s gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the ‘Does it?’ part.)

Ross: (finding the part) (looks up in disgust) It so does not!!!

COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler about the letter.]

Ross: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I mean she goes on for five pages about, about how I was unfaithful to her! (Both Joey and Chandler shrug their shoulders as to say ”Well...”) (yelling) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!

Chandler: Oh my God! If you say that one more time, I’m gonna break up with you!

Ross: Fine! Fine! But this break-up was not all my fault, and she, she says here, (reading from the letter) “If you accept full responsibility...” (to Chandler and Joey) Full responsibility! “...I can begin to trust you again. Does that seem like something you can do. (yells at Joey) Does it?!!”

Joey: No?

Chandler: Look, Ross, you have what you want, you’re back with Rachel. If you bring this up now you’re gonna wreck the best thing that even happened to you.

Ross: (calming down) Yeah, I know. I mean, no, you’re right. Yeah I guess I’ll let it go. But you-you understand how-how hard it is to forget about this.

Joey: Sure, it’s hard to forget! But that doesn’t mean you have to talk about it! A lot of things happened on that trip that we should never, (to Chandler) ever talk about.

Ross: What the hell happened on that beach?!

Joey: It’s between us and the sea, Ross!

(Ross laughs and has a ‘Come on...’ look on his face as he looks and Chandler who nods his head in agreement with Joey. Ross is stunned.)

[Scene: A hallway in an apartment building. Phoebe is knocks on a door and it opens.]

Phoebe: (to the person that answered the door) Hi, Ursula.

Ursula: Hey!

Phoebe: Okay, well umm, I know that we haven’t talked in a long time, but umm okay, our Mom is not our birth Mom. This-this other lady is our birth Mom.

Ursula: Right, okay, the one that lives in Montuak, umm-hmm.

Phoebe: (shocked) You know her?!

Ursula: No, I umm, I read about her in Mom’s suicide note.

Phoebe: There-there was a suicide note?! (Ursula nods ‘Yes.’) Well, do you still have it?

Ursula: (disgusted) Hang on. (She goes into her apartment and slams the door in Phoebe’s face.)

Phoebe: I can’t believe you didn’t tell me there was a suicide note!

Ursula: Yeah. So how have you been doing?

Phoebe: I, umm, shut up!

(Ursula opens the door and hands her the note.)

Phoebe: (reading from the note) “Good-bye Phoebe and Ursula. I’ll miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk.” You just wrote this!

Ursula: Well, it’s pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?

Phoebe: Noooo!!

Ursula: All right, hang on! (She takes the note, goes back into her apartment and slams the door shut.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are sitting at the table eating dinner and not talking. Ross and Rachel are outside cuddling on the balcony.]

Monica: Pass the cheese, please.

(Joey hands her the cheese without looking at her.)

Monica: My God, you can’t even look at me! Can you?

Joey: Nope.

(Phoebe enters.)

Chandler: (jumping up) Hey! Phoebe! We can talk to Phoebe!!

Phoebe: No. I’m-I’m to depressed to talk.

Chandler: I’ll give you a thousand dollars to talk to us.

Ross: (coming back in with Rachel) Hey, you guys! What do you, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?

Chandler, Monica, and Joey: NO!!!

Rachel: All right, that’s it, you guys! What happened out there?

Monica: What? We took a walk, nothing happened. I can back with nothing all over me.

Ross and Rachel: Come on!

Ross: What happened? Joey?

Joey: All right. (gets up)

Monica: (stopping him) No! Joey, we swore we’d never tell!

Chandler: (running over and joining Monica) They’ll never understand!

Joey: Well, we have to say something! We have to get it out! It’s eating me alive!! Monica got stung by a jellyfish.

Monica: (interrupting) All right!! All right. (walks slowly into the living room) I got stung. Stung bad. I couldn’t stand. I-I couldn’t walk.

Chandler: (following Monica) We were two miles from the house. Scared and alone. We didn’t think we could make it. (He goes to put his hands on Monica’s shoulders but for some reason can quite complete the action and pulls back.)

Monica: I was in too much pain.

Joey: And I was tired from digging the huge hole!

Chandler: And then Joey remembered something.

Joey: I’d seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...

Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!

Phoebe and Rachel: Ewwww!!

Monica: You can’t say that!! You-you don’t know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldn’t...bend that way. So... (looks at Joey.)

Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel: (turning to look at Joey) Ewwww!!

Joey: That’s right I stepped up! She’s my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, I’d pee on anyone of you! Only, uhh, I couldn’t. I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was too much pressure. So-so I uh, I turned to Chandler.

Chandler: (wails loudly into his hands) Joey kept screaming at me, “Do it now! Do it!! Do it! Do it now!!” Sometimes late at night I can still here the screaming.

Joey: (laughs) That’s ‘cause sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out.

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is finishing up a song.]

Phoebe: (singing) “...fuchsia and mauvvve. Those are the 66 colours of my bedroommmm.” (applause) Thank you, thank you. Ohh, and I invite you to count the colours in your bedroom. (Sees that Phoebe Sr. has entered, and to her) Except for you. You go away.

Phoebe Sr.: I’ll go in a second, I-I just wanted to tell you that there hasn’t been a day where I didn’t regret giving you up.

Phoebe: Okay, bye.

Phoebe Sr.: No, I’m not done. I-I-I just want you to know that I, the reason I didn’t look you up was, well I was afraid that you’d react, just well like, the way, the way you’re reacting right now, and can’t we just, y'know, start from here?

Phoebe: No.

Phoebe Sr.: Sorry. But just one last thing. Y'know you came looking for family. I’m family, I’m it. Now, now I’m done. (starts to leave)

Phoebe: But, it’s not like we’re losing anything. Y'know?

Phoebe Sr.: Yeah, I guess you’re right.

Phoebe: It’s not like we-we know each other or anything. Or that have anything in common.

Phoebe Sr.: Well, I don’t know. I mean it’s not like we don’t have anything in common. I mean I like uh, pizza.

Phoebe: I-I like pizza!

Phoebe Sr.: You do?! Wait, I like umm, the Beetles.

Phoebe: Oh my God, so do I!

Phoebe Sr.: I knew it, wow!!

Phoebe: Wait-wait-wait, wait! Puppies. Cute or ugly?

Phoebe Sr.: Ohh, so cute.

Phoebe: Uh-huh, well! But umm, still I’m-I’m mad at you.

Phoebe Sr.: I know. I’m mad at me too.

Phoebe: Well umm, do you wanna get something to eat? I’m kinda hungry.

Phoebe Sr.: Hey! Me too!

Phoebe: All right, stop it. Now you’re just doing it to freak me out.

[Scene: Rachel’s bedroom. Ross and Rachel have just finished consummating the new relationship.]

Rachel: Oh-hooo, I missed you.

Ross: I missed you too.

Rachel: Ooh, I was soo nervous about that letter. But the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much you’ve grown. Y'know?

Ross: (getting miffed) I suppose.

Rachel: You have! Ross, you should give yourself credit. I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”

Ross: (getting angry) Umm-hmm.

Rachel: Ooh, I just wish we hadn’t lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective...

[cut to Monica cleaning the floor in the kitchen]

Ross: (yelling from the bedroom) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!!

Chandler: (entering with Joey) (to Monica) Coffee house?

Monica: You bet.

[cut back to Rachel’s bedroom with both of them hurriedly getting dressed]

Ross: And for the record, it took two people to break up this relationship!!

Rachel: Yeah! You and that girl from that copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!!

Ross: I didn’t know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didn’t finish the whole letter!

Rachel: What?!!

Ross: I fell asleep!

Rachel: You fell asleep?!

Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means ‘you are,’ Y-O-U-R means ‘your!’

Rachel: Y'know I can’t believe I even thought about getting back together again! We are so over!!

Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)

Rachel: Oh, oh, and hey-hey-hey, those little spelling tips will come in handy when you’re at home on Saturday nights playing Scrabble with Monica!!

Monica: Hey!!

Rachel: (to Monica) Sorry!! (to Ross) I just feel bad about all that sleep you’re gonna miss wishing you were with me!

Ross: Oh, no-no-no don’t you worry about me falling asleep. I still have your letter!!!

Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, it’s not that common! It doesn’t happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!

Chandler: I KNEW IT!!!!

CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are playing cards at the dinner table.]

Monica: (sets down some cards) Gin.

Chandler: We were playing Gin? Y'know if we were a couple, we could play this game naked.

Monica: Will you stop!

Chandler: Okay. All right.

Monica: Okay, all right, I think you’re great, I think you’re sweet, and you’re smart, and I love you. But you will always be the guy who peed on me.
END

多云有时晴

402 The One With The Cat
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is eating breakfast as Chandler comes out of his bedroom, ripping his coat in the process.]

Chandler: Wow! That ripped! That ripped real nice!

Joey: How many times do I have to tell you! Ya, turn and sliiiide! Y'know, turn and slide.

Chandler: You don’t turn and slide, you throw it out! I’m tired of having to get a tetanus shot every time I get dressed!

Joey: Look, we’re not throwing it out! I built this thing with my own hands!

Chandler: All right, how about we, how ‘bout we sell it.

Joey: All right. But, you’re gonna have to tell them. (He opens the cabinet to reveal the chick and the duck living inside with Christmas lights and a disco ball as decorations.)

Chandler: (nods his head) Do you mind if we stick you in another cabinet? (to Joey) They seem all right with it!

OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are there. Monica is checking the messages.]

Chip: (on machine) Hey Monica, it’s Chip.

Monica: Yesss!!

Ross: Who’s Chip?

Monica: Shhh!

Chip: (on machine) Good runnin’ into you at the bank today, so ah, here’s my number, 555-9323. Give me a call. Later.

Monica: Chip, is Chip Matthews.

Ross: The guy who took Rachel to the prom? Why is he calling you?

Monica: ‘Cause I ran into him at the bank, he is still soo cute.

Ross: Monica, you’re so lucky! He’s like the most popular guy in school!!

Monica: I know!! (calls him) (on phone) Chip? Hi! It’s Monica. (listens) ‘Kay. (listens) ‘Kay. (listens) Okay. (listens) Okay, good-bye. (hangs up) Oh my God, we just had the best conversation!! (goes into her room as Rachel enters)

Ross: (to Rachel) I was just leaving.

Rachel: Good! ‘Cause I’ve got a product report to read, it’s like eight pages, I hope I don’t fall asleep.

Ross: Why? Did you write it?

Rachel: (sees Chip’s phone number) Wow! Look at that, Chip Matthews called. I wonder what he wants?

Ross: Well ah, actually...

Rachel: (interrupting) I bet he sensed that I was ready to have sex with another guy.

Ross: Well, umm, why don’t you give him a call?

Rachel: Okay. (picks up phone) Are you sure you wanna hear this?

Ross: Oh, I’m sure.

Rachel: (on phone) Chip! Hi, it’s Rachel. (listens) Rachel Green. Yeah, umm, you left me a message. (listens) Yes you did, my roommate wrote it down. (listens) Monica Geller. (listens) Ohh.

Ross: (whispering in her ear) Oh, that’s right! He called to ask out Monica! That-that’s gotta be embarrassing!

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is finishing up a song.]

Phoebe: (screaming, angrily) ...DUMB, DRUNKEN, BITCH!!! (applause) (happily) Thank you, thanks.

Ross: (reading the newspaper) Hey, here’s a question; where did you guys get the finest oak East of the Mississippi?

Chandler: Uh-huh, first you tell us where you got the prettiest lace in all the land.

Ross: I’m reading your ad.

Joey: Looks good, uh?

Ross: Yeah.

Chandler: (reading the ad) Stunning entertainment center. Fine, (pause) fine Italian craftsmanship. (Joey is very proud of himself)

Phoebe: Oh my God, you guys are selling the entertainment center?

Rachel: Why? I love that thing.

Chandler: You want it?

Phoebe and Rachel: Oh no.

Chandler: Ahh, Gepeto, $5,000 dollars? Are you insane?

Joey: Hey, the ad alone cost 300 bucks!

Chandler: All right look, I’m changing it to 50 bucks, or your best offer.

Joey: What kind of profit is that?! And you call yourself an accountant.

Chandler: (looks at him) Nooo.

Joey: Oh. What do you do?

Chandler: I can’t believe you don’t know what I do for a living!

Phoebe: Yeah, I actually don’t know...

Ross: Good, so do I

Rachel: Something to do with numbers?

[Cut to someone entering Central Perk which lets a cat in. The cat then runs over to Phoebe’s guitar case and starts sniffing around.]

Phoebe: Oh my God! No! Shoo! Kitty! No! No-no-no! Shoo! Come on, you! (goes over and picks up the cat) Come on. Crazy. (looks into the cat’s eyes) Oh my God.

Rachel: What?

Phoebe: Nothing. Nothing.

Joey: What? What’s wrong?

Phoebe: I just, I just have this really strong feeling that this cat is my Mother.

Rachel: You mean the mom you met in Montauk. She was a cat?!

Phoebe: No, no-no, she was a human lady. This is the spirit of my Mom Lily, the one who killed herself.

Ross: Are you sure she’s in the cat, or have you been taking your grandma’s glycoma medicine again?

Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! I’m sure. First of all, okay, there’s the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mother’s favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an “Oh my God.” gesture) Oh, I haven’t seen this smile in 17 years!

Joey: (to Chandler) Dude, Phoebe’s mom has got a huge peni...

Chandler: (interrupting) Let it go!!

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is working as Monica enters.]

Monica: Hey!

Rachel: Umm, when were you gonna tell me that you’re going out with Chip Matthews?

Monica: Now? Is it okay if I go out with Chip Matthews?

Rachel: Nooo! It’s not okay! I can’t believe you would want to after what he did to me!

Monica: What, that little thing at the prom?

Rachel: Monica! I couldn’t find him for two hours! He was having sex with Amy Welch!

Monica: Come on, that was back in high school! How could that still bother you?

Rachel: I mean why, of all people would you want to go out with Chip?!

Monica: Look, you and I went to different high schools...

Rachel: Okay, that doesn’t help me, because we went to the same high school.

Monica: You went to one where you were popular, and you got to ride off Chip’s motorcycle, and wear his letterman jacket. I went to one where I wore a band uniform they had to have specially made.

Rachel: (shocked) They had to have that specially made?!

Monica: It was a project for one of the Home Ec classes.

Rachel: (stunned) Oh my God, they told us that was for the mascot!

Monica: Back then, I thought that I would never, ever get the chance to go out with a Chip Matthews, and now he’s-he’s called me up and asked me out. And the fat girl inside of me really wants to go. I-I owe her this. I never let her eat.

Rachel: Oh, you go out with him. (goes over and hugs her)

Monica: Oh, really?!

Rachel: Yeah. Just, if it’s possible, could you leave him somewhere and go have sex with another guy?

Monica: I’ll try.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, they are all there eating breakfast.]

Ross: So you guys having any luck getting rid of the entertainment center?

Joey: Well, there were a couple of calls last night, but ah, I don’t think any of them are gonna work out.

Chandler: Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails.

Phoebe: (is struggling with the cat) Stop it! Stop it! She keeps squirming, trying to get away! Just like when she was alive.

Ross: So Pheebs, how long is your mom gonna be with us?

Phoebe: Well, I’m not sure. I mean, I guess until she y'know, gets used to the fact that there’s y'know, a new mom. Y'know, I think she’s worried that y'know, she’s gonna, she’s gonna be replaced. (to the cat, in a funny voice) Well, that’s not gonna happen is it? Noo. (gets up) Okay, I have to return a call in the other room.

Monica: Why can’t you use the phone in here?

Phoebe: Well, I’m returning a call from a certain mom at the B-E-A-C-H. I just spelled the wrong word. (goes into Monica’s room)

Ross: So, guys, am I crazy, or does Phoebe’s mom remind anyone of a cat?

Monica: Ross, don’t start.

Ross: Come on, you-you can’t tell me you actually believe that-that there’s a woman inside that cat!

Rachel: I believe it.

Ross: No you don’t.

Rachel: Yes, I do.

Ross: No you do--y'know what, you’re not gonna suck me into this.

Rachel: Oh sure I am, because you always have to be right.

Ross: I do not always have to be--okay, okay. (starts to leave)

Rachel: Jurassic Park could happen.

(Ross wants to say something, but just smiles and leaves.)

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are showing a couple of guys (Tony and Peter) the entertainment center.]

Tony: Wow! That’s ah, that’s pretty nice!

Joey: Pretty nice?

Chandler: You’ll have to pardon my roommate, he wanted to marry this.

Tony: We don’t have 50 bucks, but would you be willing to trade for it? We’ve got a canoe.

(Joey jumps up in excitement and without turning around Chandler holds out his hand stopping him, and ushering him back into his seat. Joey sits down, dejected.)

Chandler: Y'know, I, I really don’t think we need a canoe.

Tony: You gotta take the canoe!

Chandler: All right, just, just take the entertainment center, and then when you get home, throw the canoe away!

Peter: We’re not throwing it away! I built that canoe! (starts to leave as Tony chases after him)

Joey: (to Peter) Good for you!!

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Ross are there.]

Rachel: (entering) You guys, you’re never gonna believe what I just found tacked up on a telephone pole! (She’s holding a flyer.) Look kinda familiar?

Ross: (taking the flyer) Apparently Phoebe’s mother also goes by the name Julio.

Rachel: You guys, there’s a little girl in Soho looking for this cat. I mean, you know what that means?!

Joey: (looking at the flyer) Yeah-eah! 200 dollar reward, split five ways!!

Rachel: Do we have to tell her?

Ross: Yes, we have to tell her!

Monica: Oh, but it’s made her so happy.

Ross: (holds up a hand) Little girl misses her cat. (hold up the other hand) Crazy lady thinks her mother is in a cat. (gets up) Okay, y'know what, I have to go have dinner with my son, can I trust that when you see Phoebe, you will tell her.

All: (disappointed) Yeah.

Ross: Thank you.

Rachel: I hate when Ross is right!

Monica: He is right, isn’t he?

Chandler: Y'know what, I think this might be one of the times he’s wrong.

All: You think?

Chandler: Oh-no, he’s right.

COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Central Perk, the same scene is continued from before the break. With Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler sitting on the couch.]

Phoebe: (entering, with Julio) Hi. (sits down in the chair)

Monica: Hi!

All: Hey!

Joey: Uh, Pheebs, about your mom...

Phoebe: Yeah?

Joey: (pause) How’s that going?

Phoebe: So great. Oh, we took a nap today and my Mom fell asleep on my tummy and purred.

Joey: That’s so sweet. (pause) I’m gonna get some coffee. (gets up and leaves)

Monica: (sliding into Joey’s place on the couch to try and talk to Phoebe) Huh? What’d ya say Joe? I’ll be right there. (gets up and joins Joey)

(Rachel and Chandler slide into position.)

Rachel: Pheebs...

Phoebe: I just feel so, uhh.....

Rachel: All right!!

Chandler: I’m coming already!!

Rachel: Jeez!

(They both get up and leave Phoebe alone.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading at the kitchen table as there is a knock on the door.]

Monica: (running from the bathroom to her room, wearing only a towel) Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! (gets to her room and closes the door, as Rachel gets up to answer the door.)

Rachel: Hello, Chip.

Chip: Hey, Rach! How ya doin’?

Rachel: I’m great! I’m great. I’ve got a great job at Bloomingdale’s, have wonderful friends, and eventhough I’m not seeing anyone right now, I’ve never felt better about myself.

Chip: So ah, Monica ready yet?

Rachel: She’ll be out in a second. So, Chip, how’s umm, Amy Welch?

Chip: Amy Welch? Wow! I haven’t seen her since... So, Monica about ready?

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is showing off the entertainment center.]

Joey: This is the unit for you my friend. Sturdy construction, tons of storage compartments, some big enough to fit a grown man.

Guy: What?!

Joey: Oh yeah! I got in there myself once. My roommate bet me five bucks that I couldn’t, and then he stuck a board through the handles that locked me in. Yeah. It was funny ‘til I started feeling like I was in a coffin.

Guy: No, you, you can’t fit in that thing. That’s not deep enough.

Joey: Oh yeah? (opens up the center and takes out the stereo) If I can’t, I’ll knock five bucks off the price off the unit.

Guy: All right, you have yourself a deal. (shakes his hand)

Joey: Okay. (he gets in the unit and closes the door) See?! I told ya!

(The guys takes a hockey stick and slips it through the handles then proceeds to take the stereo and Chandler’s computer and walk out.)

Joey: Sometimes I get in here just to get away from it! Hey, a nickel!!

[Scene: A street, Chip is walking Monica to his motorcycle.]

Chip: Here, we are.

Monica: Oh my God! You still have the Chipper!

Chip: The what?

Monica: That’s what we used to call your ah, your motorcycle in high school. Y'know how a motorcycle is a Chopper, and you’re Chip. Nevermind.

Chip: No, I think it’s cute. (kisses her)

Monica: Wow! A lipper from Chipper.

Chip: So you still in touch with anyone from high school?

Monica: Umm. Well, there’s Rachel, and umm, I think that’s it. How bout you?

Chip: Oh yeah, I still hang with Simmons and Zana, y'know. I see Spindler a lot. Devane, Kelly, and I run into Goldie from time to time. Steve Brown, Zuchoff, McGwire, J.T., Breadsly.

Monica: Is that all?

Chip: Ehh, y'know after high school, you just kinda lose touch. Oh yeah! I ran into Richard Dorfman.

Monica: Ohh, how is he?

Chip: Not so good, Simmons and I gave him a wedgie.

Monica: Isn’t he an architect now?

Chip: Yeah, they still wear underwear.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming home. As we walks through the door, and without looking up, he goes to throw his keys on the foosball table, only, it’s gone and the keys it the floor. He then looks up at an empty apartment; everything is gone except for the entertainment center and that ceramic dog. Even the food in the fridge!]

Chandler: OH MY GOD!!!

Joey: (still trapped in the entertainment center) WHAT?!!

Chandler: Are you all right?!

Joey: Yeah...

Chandler: (lets him out) What happened?!!

Joey: (getting out) Awww, man! He promised he wouldn’t take the chairs!!

Chandler: What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!!

Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didn’t think big enough to fit a grown man!

Chandler: So--You got in voluntarily?!

Joey: I was tryin’ to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what I’m gonna do?

Chandler: BEND OVER?!!!

[Scene: Dot’s Spot, Chip and Monica are on there date, eating dinner. Chip is telling a story.]

Chip: ...and then Zana, just let one rip!! (laughs histerically)

Monica: Look, not that I enjoy talking about people who I went to high school with, ‘cause I do, but umm, maybe we could talk about something else? Like you, I don’t even know where you work?

Chip: You know where I work!

Monica: I do?

Chip: The movie theatre, you used to come in all the time.

Monica: You still work at the multiplex?

Chip: Oh, like I’d give up that job! Free popcorn and candy, anytime I want. I can get you free posters for your room.

Monica: Thanks, I’m set. Do you still live with your parents?

Chip: Oh yeah, but I can stay out as late as I want.

(Monica takes a big swig of her martini.)

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rachel, Phoebe, and Julio are consoling Joey and Chandler.]

Rachel: Wow! They really got you guys. Your T.V. The chairs.

Phoebe: Oh yeah, your microwave. The stereo.

Joey: (looking through a deck of cards) Aww, man, he took the five of spades!! Oh, no-no-no, here it is!

Monica: (entering) Oh my God! What happened?

Chandler: Oh, umm, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed!!

Rachel: (to Monica) So, how was your date?

Monica: Well, y'know how I always wanted to go out with Chip Matthews in high school?

Rachel: Um-hmm.

Monica: Well, tonight, I actually went out with Chip Matthews in high school.

Rachel: Oh honey, I’m sorry.

Monica: No, it’s okay, not only did I get to go out with Chip Matthews, I got to dump Chip Matthews.

Rachel: Ohh! That’s so great!

Monica: I know!

Ross: (entering) Hey! So ah, what did the insurance company say?

Chandler: Oh, they said uh, “You don’t have insurance here, so stop calling us.”

Ross: (seeing Phoebe still with cat) You didn’t tell her?! (They all kinda shy away.) Okay, fine! Pheebs?

Phoebe: Yeah? (sees Ross) Hi!

Ross: Hi! Listen uhh, this cat belongs to a little girl. There are flyers all over the place.

Rachel: I’m sorry, sweetie. (shows her the flyer)

Monica: Hey, we can take her back with you if you want.

Phoebe: Ohh. Um-hmm. But y'know, she choose to find me. I mean, I have to respect her decision. Right?

Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel: That’s a good call. Right.

Ross: No! No! Look--Hey, enough is enough! Look, I am sorry that you feel guilty or whatever about spending time with your new mom, but this is not your old mom. This is a cat! Okay, Julio the cat! Not mom! Cat!

Phoebe: (she turns around and puts the cat on the entertainment center) Ross, how many parents have you lost?

Ross: None.

Phoebe: Okay, then you don’t know what it feels like when one of them comes back. Do you? I believe this is my Mother. Even if I’m wrong, who cares? Just be a friend. Okay? Be supportive.

Ross: I’m sorry.

Phoebe: Okay.

Ross: I don’t know what to say.

Rachel: You could.... say you’re sorry to her mom.

Phoebe: I think she would like that.

Ross: (goes over to Julio) Come here, here, come here, come here, (pause) Mrs. Buffay. Sorry, about what I said, umm, it was, it was insensitive of me to say that you were just a cat. When clearly you are also the reincarnated spirit, of my friend’s mother.

Phoebe: Thank you. We both forgive you.

Rachel: So honey, what are you gonna do about the little girl?

Phoebe: Yeah, okay, listen, umm, Mom, I hope you know you still mean a lot to me. And you’re welcome to come back anytime.

Chandler: Pheebs, if she could come back as a couch, we’d really appreciate it. (Joey nods in agreement)

Phoebe: Come on, Mom, I’ll take you home.

Rachel: I’ll go with you.

Monica: Me too. (they all leave)

Ross: Oh! Y'know, I’ve got an extra futon.

Joey: Dude, you don’t have to brag! We got nothing here!!

CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler have trading the entertainment center for the canoe. Joey is sitting in the bow, staring off into space as to envision his future full of possibilities. Chandler is sitting at the stern, staring into space and is looking at an uncertain future.]
END

多云有时晴

403 The One With The ‘Cuffs
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the door carrying an outdoor patio table.]
Joey: Hey!! We are so in luck! Treeger said that we could have all this cool stuff from the basement. Wait right there. (Goes back into the hall)
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I’m, I’m paddling away!
Joey: (Returning carrying a couple of rusted lawn chairs) Huh?!
Chandler: Wow! Really?! We get all this rusty crap for free?!
Joey: Uh-huh. This and a bunch of bubble wrap. And, some of it is not even popped!
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joey’s bedroom.)
Chandler: Could we be more white trash?
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
Monica: (Entering from her bedroom) How desperate am I?
Rachel: Oh! Good thing Chandler’s not here, he always wins at this game.
Monica: I just told my Mom I’d cater a party for her.
Phoebe: How come?
Monica: Because I need the money, and I thought that it’d be a great way to get rid of that last little schmidgen of self-respect.
Ross: Come on, I think this is a good thing. I don’t think Mom would’ve hired you if she didn’t think you were good at what you do.
Monica: You don’t have to stick up for her. She can’t here you.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading the paper and Chandler is getting ready for work.]
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Umm, do you guys have any juice?
Joey: Just pickle.
Chandler: Hey uh, Rach, funny story. I ah, bumped into Joanna on the street yesterday.
Rachel: My boss, Joanna? Wow, that must’ve been awkward.
Chandler: Well, no, actually she uh, asked me if I wanted to get a drink.
Rachel: (laughs) You ah, you didn’t say ‘Yes’ to that did you?
Chandler: (laughs) No. No!
Joanna: (Coming out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel) Hello, Rachel. (She goes into Chandler’s bedroom)
Chandler: Well, not at first.
Rachel: What is she doing here?
(Joey makes a sound like a creaking bed.)
Rachel: I don’t understand! Last time you went out with her you said she was a ‘big, dull dud.’
Chandler: Well, I think I judged her too quickly, and this time we were able to take the relationship to the next level.
(Joey creaks louder)
Rachel: Well, last time I almost got fired. You must end it, you must end it now!
Chandler: Oh, come on! It’s not like this is an everyday occurrence for me! I mean usually I’m pretty much just in there by myself.
(Joey makes a sound imitating one person making a bed creak and Chandler turns and glares at him.)
Rachel: Chandler!! (He turns around quickly) Promise me, you will end it.
Chandler: Okay, I promise, I’ll end it.
Rachel: Thank you.
Chandler: I hope you know what I’m giving up for ya, because she’s not just the boss in your office, if you know what I mean.
Joey: Yeah-eh-eah! (Rachel glares at him) Oh-oh, sorry, I-I knew what he meant.
[Scene: The Geller household kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are cooking for Mrs. Geller’s party.]
Mrs. Geller: (entering) How’s the hired help?
Monica: Doing great, the quiches are coming along.
Mrs. Geller: What’s this? Blue nail polish?
Monica: Yeah, I thought it was cute.
Mrs. Geller: Ahh, that’s what your Grandmother’s hands looked like when we found her.
Monica: Let me ask you a question.
Mrs. Geller: Hmm.
Monica: Why did you hire me?
Mrs. Geller: Oh, well Richard raved about the food at his party, of course you were sleeping with him. Then I heard the food at that lesbian wedding was very nice, I assume you weren’t sleeping with anybody there. Though, at least that would be something. (Leaves)
Monica: (to Phoebe) Oh my God! Did you hear that? She hired me because she thinks I’m good.
Phoebe: Okay, I didn’t hear that.
Monica: Oh yeah, she didn’t hire me out of pity, it wasn’t so she could pick on me in front of her friends, she actually thinks I’m good.
Phoebe: Wow! And hey, it’s cool if you’re a lesbian! (Gives her a thumbs up)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is scrapping gum off the table as there is a knock on the door. He goes over and opens it.]
The Salesman: (Entering before Joey can say anything) Good afternoon, are you the decision maker of the house?
Joey: Uhhhh. (He’s not sure)
The Salesman: Do you ah, currently own a set of encyclopedias?
Joey: No! No. But ah, try the classifieds, people sell everything in there.
The Salesman: Actually, I’m not buying. I’m selling. Let me ask you one question. Do your friends ever have a conversation and you just nod along even though you’re not really sure what they’re talking about?
(We go into a flashback sequence with Joey remembering some of those times.)
[Cut to Monica and Rachel’s apartment, all are there.]
Ross: …I’m telling you it’s totally unconstituional.
Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: Oh yeah, I totally agree.
(Joey just nods his head.)
[Cut to Central Perk, the entire gang is there.]
Monica: …I think he deserves a Nobel Prize. (Joey starts to nod ‘Yes.’)
All: Nooo!! (Joey quickly stops nodding his head.)
[Cut to Monica and Rachel’s, they’re all there playing cards.]
Chandler: …it was like the Algonquin kids table. (They all laugh, but Joey only laughs not to be left out.)
[Cut back to the present day.]
The Salesman: (Interrupting the flashback) Excuse me, I’m sorry, you haven’t said anything for about two and a half minutes, are you at all interested?
Joey: Yeah-well-yeah! Yeah-oh-yeah. Come on in.
[Scene: The Geller’s Kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are still cooking.]
Phoebe: That’s weird.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Your nails.
Monica: Oh, I know, I never wear fake ones. I just did it so my Mom wouldn’t give me grief about me biting them.
Phoebe: Oh, no, I meant that it’s weird that you only have nine now.
Monica: (Looks at her nails) Oh my God. Wait a minute, I had them put… (realises) Oh my God! It’s in the quiche! Oh My God!
Phoebe: Okay, don’t panic. I’m gonna go to the store, I’m gonna get you another set of nails, no one’s gonna know, and you’re gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, it’s ‘cause they’re gonna eat—that’s the problem.
Mrs. Geller: (entering) (to Monica) Honey, don’t bite your nails.
Monica: Okay ah, please don’t freak out. Umm, but ah, there’s a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and there’s no way to know which one.
Phoebe: And! Whoever finds it wins the prize!
Mrs. Geller: (laughs) I’m not freaking out.
Monica: Then why are you laughing?
Mrs. Geller: It’s nothing, it’s just that now your Father owes me five dollars.
Monica: What? You bet I’d lose a nail?
Mrs. Geller: Oh no, don’t be silly. I just bet I’d need these. (Opens the freezer to reveal…)
Monica: Frozen lasagnas?
Mrs. Geller: Um-hmm.
Monica: You bet that I’d screw up?! So all that stuff about hiring me because I was good was…
Mrs. Geller: No-no-no, that was all true. This was just in case you pulled a Monica.
Monica: You promised Dr. Weinburg, you’d never use that phrase.
Mrs. Geller: Oh honey, come on, have a sense of humour, you’ve never been able to laugh at yourself.
Monica: (laughs) That’s right. My Mom doesn’t have any faith in me! Oh, that’s hilarious! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Phoebe: I don’t get it.
Mrs. Geller: No, I have faith…
Monica: (interrupting) No! You have lasagnas! (Storms out and an awkward silence follows.)
Oven: Ding!
Phoebe: Op, the ruined quiches are ready.
[Scene: Joanna’s office, Joanna and Chandler are making out on her chair. Chandler isn’t wearing any pants.]
Chandler: It just doesn’t…feel like we’re breaking up.
Joanna: No, we are. I’m sad.
Chandler: Okay.
(They start kissing again, but are interrupted by the phone.
Joanna: (answering the phone) Yes. (listens) Uh, can’t you wait until tomorrow? (listens) All right. (hangs up) Unbelievable!!
Chandler: Thanks.
Joanna: No, no, that was my boss. I have to go.
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to button up his shirt)
Joanna: What are you doing?
Chandler: I’m getting dressed.
Joanna: Why?
Chandler: When I walk outside naked people throw garbage at me.
Joanna: Wait. I wanna show you something.
Chandler: What is it?
Joanna: Just a little gag gift somebody gave me. (She’s holding a pair of handcuffs) Put your hands together.
Chandler: Ah-ha, you’re not the boss of me. (She kisses him) Yeah, you are! (She handcuffs him to the chair) Ooh, saucy.
Joanna: (kisses him) I’ll be back in ten minutes. (Starts to leave)
Chandler: You are, you’re gonna leave me like this?
Joanna: Knowing you’re here, waiting for me I think it’s kinda exciting.
Chandler: Okay. But if you don’t come back soon, (She leaves and closes the door) there’s pretty much nothing I can do about it!
[Cut to Joanna’s outer office, where Rachel and Sophie work. They are both coming back from lunch.]
Joanna: (locking her door) Oh.
Sophie: Hi! I brought you back a macaroon!
Joanna: Oh great! I’ll keep it in my butt with your nose. (She grabs the cookie and walks out.)
Rachel: That’s weird, she locked the door.
Sophie: Y’know why? She’s got the Christmas bonus list in there. I saw her working on it this morning.
Rachel: Okay, swear you won’t tell, but when Mark left he gave me a key to Joanna’s office. Do you wanna see the list?
Sophie: Yeah!
(Rachel unlocks and opens the door to reveal a half-naked Chandler handcuffed to the chair. They both gasp and Chandler stares at them in shock and surprise.)
Chandler: Hi! (to Sophie) How are you?
(Rachel and Sophie both back out and close the door without saying anything.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Joanna’s office, Chandler, still handcuffed to the chair, is looking through the lingerie catalogue by turning the pages with his teeth. The phone rings and Chandler answers it with his nose.]
Chandler: Hello, Joanna…(Realises he doesn’t know her last name)…’s office.
Joanna: (on speaker phone) I’m really sorry but I may be a little while longer.
Chandler: How little?!
Joanna: A couple of hours, I feel awful.
Chandler: Look, this isn’t funny! You get back here right now!
Joanna: I can’t!!
Chandler: Why not?!
Joanna: I’m in my boss’s car!
Chandler: What?!
Joanna: Uh-oh, tunnel. (The phone gets cut off)
(Chandler gets an idea)
[Cut to Rachel’s office as her intercom buzzes.]
Rachel: (answering it) (angrily) What?!
Chandler: (in a serious, businesslike tone) Rachel, could I see you for a moment?
(Rachel goes into talk to Chandler.)
Chandler: Okay, here’s the situation. The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door. Could you be a doll and grab them and scoot on over and unlock me? And on a totally different subject, that is a lovely pantsuit.
Rachel: You promised you would break up with her!
Chandler: I did break up with her! She just took it really, really well!
Rachel: And the fact that you were jeopardising my career never entered your mind?!
Chandler: It did enter my mind! But then something happened that made it, shoot right out.
Rachel: Y'know what Chandler, you got yourself into those cuffs, you get yourself out of them.
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I can’t get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and I’m cold, and (Stops and looks up the skirt on a statue behind Joanna’s desk.)
Rachel: Oh, Chandler!! All right, this is it! (Grabs the key) You never see Joanna again!
Chandler: Never!
Rachel: You never come into this office again!
Chandler: Fine!
Rachel: You give me back my Walkman!
Chandler: I—never borrowed your Walkman.
Rachel: Well, then I lost it. You buy me one!
Chandler: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! (Rachel goes over and unlocks the handcuffs) Ahhh! (He starts rubbing his wrist)
Rachel: Does it hurt?
Chandler: No, I just always see guys doing this when they get handcuffs taken off them. (He runs over to where his pants are hanging) Hello sweet pants!
Rachel: Wait a minute! What are you gonna tell Joanna?
Chandler: About what?
Rachel: When she sees that you’re gone, she’s gonna know that I let you out, and that I was in here, and I’m gonna get fired!
Chandler: I’ll make something up! I’m good at lying, I actually did borrow your Walkman!
Rachel: No, there’s nothing to make up, she’s gonna know that I have a key to her office, I’ve got to get you locked up back the way you were! (She tries to drag him over to the chair, but Chandler stops her.)
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho, I don’t think so!
(He starts to put his pants on, but Rachel manages to drag him to the chair. When they get to the chair, Chandler drops his pants and knocks the chair away. Rachel then backs him up and locks him to the top drawer of a filing cabinet.)
Chandler: Well, this is much better.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, The salesman is trying to sell Joey the encyclopedias.]
The Salesman: So, here’s somebody interesting, Joey. What do you know about Van Gogh?
Joey: He cut off his ear.
The Salesman: And?
Joey: I’m out.
The Salesman: He painted that. (Points to one of his paintings in the book)
Joey: Wow! That’s pretty nice. I thought he cut off his ear ‘cause he sucked. What else you got in there?
The Salesman: Let’s see, ahhh… Where does the Pope live?
Joey: In the woods. No wait-wait, that’s the joke answer.
The Salesman: Actually its, Vatican City. Now ahh, what do you know about vulcanised rubber?
Joey: Spock’s birth control.
The Salesman: (laughs) You need these books.
[Scene: Monica’s childhood bedroom (which has been turned into a gym), Monica is lying on the treadmill as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Hi.
Phoebe: This used to be your room? (She nods ‘Yes’) Wow! You must’ve been in really good shape as a kid.
Monica: Ohh, I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I actually thought she could change.
Phoebe: Well, who cares what your Mom thinks? So you pulled a Monica.
Monica: Oh good, I’m glad that’s catching on.
Phoebe: No but, why does that have to be a bad thing. Just change what it means. Y'know? Go down there and prove your Mother wrong. Finish the job you were hired to do, and we’ll call that pulling a Monica.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Okay, umm, if a kid gets straight A’s, his parents would say, "Yeah, he pulled a Monica." Y'know? Or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, "Yeah I know, he pulled a Monica." Or someone hits a homerun and the announcer says, "Yeah, that one’s outta here." Though some things don’t change.
Monica: (getting up) All right, I’ll go down there. But, I’m not gonna serve the lasagna. I’m gonna serve something I make.
(She exits and Phoebe goes over and sits down at the machine that works your shoulders and tries to do one, which she does, easily.)
Phoebe: Wow! My breasts are really strong. (She goes and joins Monica.)
[Scene: Joanna’s office, Rachel and Chandler are having a little tug-of-war with his pants.]
Rachel: Chandler! Chandler, please, I have to get you locked up back the way you were, I am sooo gonna lose my job, she’s very private about her office. Now I know why.
Chandler: Hey, look, you’re in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, she’s gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
Rachel: What if I clean your bathroom for a month?
Chandler: It still wouldn’t be clean. (Rachel makes an ‘Eww, disgusting!’ face) All I want is my freedom.
Rachel: Foot rubs for a month!
Chandler: Freedom!
Rachel: I’ll take all of your photos and put them into photo albums!
Chandler: Freedom! I want my freedom! Why won’t you here me?! (Opens the door) Sophie, help me! Help me!! (Sophie stands up)
Rachel: Sophie sit!!
(She closes the door and puts his tie into his mouth as a gag.)
Rachel: No! God, would you just calm down!
(Chandler screams a little bit, then realises that he can spit out his gag. He does so with a ‘Pouff!’)
Chandler: I’m gonna say this for the last time. Would you please just… (He moves his arm which opens the drawer and hits in the back of the head, which proves his point.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is now reading the ‘V’ book, with the salesman watching.]
Joey: Wow! There’s a lot I didn’t know about vomit. (The duck comes to the door of the bathroom, quacking.) (To the duck) In a minute. (The duck goes back into the bathroom.)
The Salesman: So, what do you say, Joey? You get the whole set of encyclopedias for twelve hundred dollars, which works out to just 50 bucks a book!
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? I’m home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess there’s a few things you don’t get from book learnin’.
The Salesman: Well ah, what can you swing?
Joey: How about zero down and zero a month for a long, long time?
The Salesman: You don’t have, anything?
Joey: You wanna see what I got? (He gets up to empty out his pockets) Okay? I’ve got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an army man. Hey!
The Salesman: Okay, I-I get the picture. Uh, thanks, for your time. (Starts to leave)
Joey: And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be Chandler’s pants.
The Salesman: For 50 bucks, you can get one book! What will it be? A? B? C?
Joey: Oh, I-I think I’m gonna stick with the V, I wanna see how this bad boy turns out.
[Scene: Joanna’s office, Rachel and Chandler are still negotiating.]
Rachel: I ah, will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.
Chandler: No!
Rachel: I ah… Oh! I’ll squeeze you fresh orange juice every morning!
Chandler: With extra pulp?
Rachel: (happily) Yeah!!
Chandler: No!
Rachel: D’oh!! (pause) I’ve got it!
Chandler: You don’t have it.
Rachel: I have so got it. There’s gonna be rumours about this, there’s no way to stop it. Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.
Chandler: How do Monica and Phoebe know?
Rachel: Oh, I called them. And when they ask me what I saw, I can be very generous (Holds her hands far apart) or very (In a high pitched voice) stingy.
Chandler: (intrigued) Go on.
Rachel: I can make you a legend. I can make you this generation’s Milton Berle.
Chandler: And Milton Berle has a…
Rachel: Ohh, not compared to you. (Chandler nods in agreement)
[Scene: The Geller’s kitchen, Phoebe is bringing in some dirty dishes.]
Monica: Well?
Phoebe: They’re not even touching the lasagna!
Monica: Really?!
Phoebe: Oh, they love your casserole.
Monica: Yes!!
Phoebe: It’s hard to believe that just a little while ago this was nothing but ingredients.
Mrs. Geller: (entering) Well, everyone seems to be enjoying your dish.
Monica: And you?
Mrs. Geller: I thought it was… quite tasty.
Monica: So if everyone liked it, and you liked it, that would make this a success. Which would make you…
Mrs. Geller: (interrupting) A bitch?
Monica: Well, I was going for wrong, but we can use your word.
Mrs. Geller: Yes, well I was wrong, and I have to say you really impressed me today.
Monica: Wow!
Phoebe: Umm, you might even say that she pulled a Monica. (They both look at her) (to Monica) She doesn’t know we switched it. (Monica nods her head ‘No.’)
Mrs. Geller: And the next time you cater for me, there will be nothing but ice in the freezer. (She starts to bite her nails)
Monica: That really means a lot. Oh, and Mom, don’t bite your nails.
[Scene: Central Perk, all except Chandler, are there.]
Chandler: (hello) Hello.
Joey, Rachel, and Ross: Hey!
Monica: (in a sexy voice) Hello, Chandler. (Phoebe has a huge smile on her face.)
Chandler: (to Rachel) I love you. (Kisses her on the forehead)
Joey: Wh-what’s going on?
Phoebe: Oh.
(She motions for them to come closer, they lean in and she whispers what Rachel told her. The guys both lean back laughing.]
Joey: No he doesn’t!
Chandler: (checks his watch) Two hours, that lasted!
Rachel: So did you break up with Joanna?
Chandler: I think so.
Joey: Well, it’s good thing you got out when you did, before she blew up like that Vesuvius.
Ross: The volcano?
Joey: Yeah. And speaking of volcanoes, man are they a violent igneous rock formation.
Rachel: What?!
Joey: Oh yeah, lava spewing, hot ash, of course some are dormant.
Monica: Why are you talking about volcanoes all of the sudden?
Joey: Well, we can talk about something else. What do you want to talk about? Vivisection? The Vasdeferens? The Vietnam War?
Monica: Oh! Did anybody see that-that documentary on the Korean War? (Joey is pissed)
All: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh God, Korea is such a beautiful country.
Ross: With such a sad history.
Chandler: Could there be more Kims?
(They all laugh and Joey joins them, not to be left out. When the laughing dies down, he has a depressed look on his face.)
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Rachel’s office, Rachel is coming in for the day.]
Joanna: (from her office) Who’s out there?
Rachel: It’s me! Good morning!
Joanna: Rachel, could you come in here for a moment, please?
Rachel: Yeah, sure. Umm, they didn’t have poppy seed bagels, so I… (Enters Joanna’s office and sees her handcuffed to her chair wearing nothing but a slip) Oh my word!
Joanna: I seem to have had a slight office mishap. Could you please get the key off the back of the door for me.
Rachel: Oh, yeah! Yeah!
(She goes back and forth, not sure what to do first, put the bagel down or grab the key. She finally puts the bagel down and grabs the key and goes over to unlock Joanna.)
Joanna: You tell your friend Chandler that we’re definately broken up this time.
Rachel: Okay.
END

多云有时晴

404 The One With The Ballroom Dancing
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is there eating breakfast. Chandler is cleaning out his wallet.]
Phoebe: Hey! New wallet, huh?
Chandler: Yeah, it was time. The old condom ring in the leather just doesn’t say ‘cool’ anymore.
Monica: Rachel!
Rachel: What?
Monica: You just put an empty carton back in the fridge!
Rachel: Oh yeah, I know, but the garbage was full.
Monica: Have you ever taken out the trash? (Hands her the garbage.)
Rachel: Well, I thought you liked doing it. (Rachel starts out the door and stops.)
Monica: Third door on the left.
Rachel: Right!
[Scene: Garbage room: Mr. Treeger is unclogging the trash chute as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Oh! Hey, Mr. Treeger.
Mr. Treeger:: Hey.
(Rachel opens the trash chute, winces at the smell, and throws the garbage bag in. She then tries to throw the pizza box in, but since it’s so big she jams it into the opening and it prevents the door from closing. She then turns around too see Mr. Treeger watching her.)
Mr. Treeger:: What are you doing?
Rachel: Ummm. Oh! I’m sorry. (She grabs the box and offers him a piece.) It’s a little old but…
Mr. Treeger:: No! You’re clogging up the chute that I spent a half-hour unclogging!
Rachel: I’m sorry. I didn’t—I don’t come in here a lot.
Mr. Treeger:: Oh yeah, of course you don’t!
Rachel: No.
Mr. Treeger:: ‘Cause you’re a little princess! "Daddy, buy me a pizza. Daddy, buy me a candy factory. Daddy, make the cast of Cats sing Happy Birthday to me…"
Rachel: I didn’t… I never said that.
Mr. Treeger:: You think you could make a mess and the big man in coveralls will come in here and clean it up, huh? Well, why don’t think of someone else for a change?
Rachel: (starting to cry) Okay, I’m sorry. (Runs out still carrying the pizza box.)
[Cut to Monica and Rachel’s apartment as Rachel returns in tears.]
Monica: God! If you’re gonna cry about it! (She grabs the box and goes to through it out.]
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Continued from earlier, Rachel is now telling everyone of her experience in the garbage room.]
Joey: Whoa-whoa, Treeger made you cry?
Rachel: Yes! And he said really mean things that were only partly true.
Joey: I’m gonna go down there and teach that guy a lesson.
Monica: Joey, please don’t do that. I think it’s best that we just forget about it.
Rachel: That’s easy for you to say, you weren’t almost just killed.
Joey: All right that’s it, school is in session! (Exits and slams the door.)
Monica: (Picking up a card from Chandler’s wallet.) My God! Is this a gym card?
Chandler: Oh yeah, gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I’ve missed the last 1200 times.
Ross: So why don’t you quit?
Chandler: You don’t think I’ve tried? You think I like having 50 dollars taken out of my bank account every month? No, they make you go all the way down there! Then they use all of these phrases and peppiness to try and confuse you! Then they bring out Maria.
Ross: Who is Maria?
Chandler: Oh Maria. You can’t say no to her, she’s like this lycra spandex covered gym…treat.
Ross: You need me to go down there with you and hold your hand?
Chandler: No!
Ross: So you’re strong enough to face her on your own?
Chandler: Oh no, you’ll have to come.
[Scene: Treeger’s apartment, Joey knocks on the door and Treeger opens it.]
Mr. Treeger:: Tribbiani! Hold on, I’ll get the plunger.
Joey: Hey! You hold on pal! Now you made my friend, Rachel, cry. So now, you’re gonna go up there and apologize to her, unless you want me to call the landlord.
Mr. Treeger:: And tell him what?
Joey: Have you heard about a little something called, Not Making Girls Cry.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah. Well maybe you have heard about the Rent Stabilization Act of 1968!
Joey: I have actually not heard of that.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, well your friends are in violation of it. I’ve been a nice guy up until now, but uh, I don’t need this grief. I’m gonna call the landlord and tell him that Monica is illegally subletting here grandmother’s apartment. Your friends are outta here pal.
Joey: Why don’t you tell me something I don’t know! (He storms out, and once Treeger closes the door behind him, Joey makes an ‘Oops!’ have.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, everyone is still eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: Oh please, somebody tell me I don’t have to go to work today!
Monica: What’s the matter?
Phoebe: Oh, my first massage today is this incredibly gorgeous guy, and every time I see him I just want to do things to him that I’m not allowed to charge for.
Monica: So do them for free.
Phoebe: Oh no, it is forbidden! No-no, Mrs. Potter fires people for fooling around with clients. And it’s against my oath as a masseuse.
Ross: They make you take an oath?
Phoebe: No, I made myself take an oath. Yeah, no fooling around with clients and umm, always be prepared. Yeah, that one’s actually from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.
Chandler: Why don’t you just give him to somebody else?
Phoebe: No, I can handle it. No, I’m a professional. (She starts to leave)
Rachel: Oh Pheebs, is that a new ankle bracelet?
Monica: Wow! And you got a petticure. Your feet are all dressed up.
Chandler: Because that’s the only part of you he can see when he’s on the table!
Monica: You’re gonna do some feet flirtin’!
Phoebe: I don’t what your talking about. (Laughs nervously and continues to leaqve)
Ross: Then how do you explain the toe ring?!
Phoebe: Because it’s Arabian princess day at work! Okay?! Leave me alone!
[Cut to later, Joey is returning from talking to Mr. Treeger.]
Rachel: Oh! My hero! What happened?
Joey: Well uh, I went down there and told him that no one treats my friends like that and that he’d better come up here and apologize. I’ll see you later. (Starts to leave)
Monica: What a minute, what did he say?
Joey: He said that he wasn’t gonna apologize because you guys are living here illegally, so instead what he’s gonna do is have you evicted—I’ll see you later.
Rachel: What?! You got us evicted!!
Monica: I told you not to go down there!
Joey: Well he made Rachel cry!
Monica: Rachel always cries!
Rachel: That’s not true! (Starts to cry.)
Monica: Now Joey, you go down there and you suck up to him. I mean you suck like you’ve never sucked before!
Joey: All right! I’ll try! But if I can’t, you can stay with Chandler and I until you get settled.
Rachel: Go!!
Joey: All right, all right, all right. (Starts to leave, stops, and turns around) I mean I’ll have to check with him first, but I’ll think he’ll be cool with it. (Monica shoos him out.)
[Scene: Chandler’s gym, He and Ross are there to cancel his membership.]
Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa, hey! Now remember what we talked about, you gotta be strong.
Chandler: Yes. (In a stronger voice) Yes!
Ross: One more time, "Hey, don’t you want a washboard stomach and rock hard pecs?"
Chandler: No! I want a flabby gut and saggy man breasts!
Ross: Good! That’s good!
Chandler: Okay. (They go inside) (To the guy at the desk) I wanna quit the gym.
Gym Employee: You wanna quit?
Chandler: I wanna quit the gym.
Gym Employee: You do realize that you won’t have access to our new full service Swedish spa.
Chandler: (He turns to Ross and Ross makes a ‘Be strong’ sound.) I wanna quit the gym.
Gym Employee: Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters. (Both Chandler and Ross start to make their way to the membership office.) Uh, excuse me, (to Ross) are you a member?
Ross: Me? No.
Gym Employee: Sorry, members only.
Chandler: (horrified at the prospect of trying to quit alone and unsure about himself) I wanna quit the gym.
Ross: It’s okay man, be strong. (Chandler goes into the office.)
Gym Employee: (to Ross) So, are you a member of any gym.
Ross: No! And I’m not gonna be, so you can save you little speech.
Gym Employee: Okay, no problem. (To someone out of the picture) Could you come here for a second?
(This gorgeous woman in spandex walks up)
Woman: Hi, I’m Maria.
(Ross is at a loss for words.)
[Scene: Heeling Hands Inc., Phoebe’s work, she is giving a massage to the guy, Rick, she likes.]
Rick: (looking at her feet) Wow, you have really pretty feet.
Phoebe: These old things.
Rick: Would you mind spending some time on my siadic area, it’s been killing me today.
Phoebe: You mean the—Okay by siadic, you mean the towel covered portion.
Rick: Yeah.
Phoebe: Sure, yeah, no I can do that, yeah, because umm, y'know, the muscles in the siadic area can get y’know, real (lifts up the towel) nice and tight. So umm, tell me Rick, how umm, how did you injure the area.
Rick: Oh, a 16-hour sit-in for Greenpeace.
Phoebe: Oh. (She goes to work, and her head slowly drops out of view.)
Rick: Ow! Did you just bite me?
Phoebe: No!
[Scene: Mr. Treeger’s apartment, Joey is there to suck up.]
Mr. Treeger:: What?
Joey: Please don’t kick Monica and Rachel out, this wasn’t there fault, it was mine.
Mr. Treeger:: You want me to kick you guys out instead?
Joey: No you can’t do that, where would the chick and the duck live?
Mr. Treeger:: You have pets!
Joey: Noo-no-no, no, those are nicknames. I’m the chick and Chandler is the duck.
Mr. Treeger:: Huh, I would’ve thought it was the other way around.
Joey: Come on man, just-just let the girls stay, I’ll do whatever you want.
Mr. Treeger:: Really? You’ll do anything?
Joey: Yeah-yeah, absolutely.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, I’ve got something you can do.
Joey: What, what is it?
Mr. Treeger:: Can you be my dancing partner?
Joey: That’s not, prison lingo, is it?
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is telling Monica and Rachel what he has to do.]
Monica: His dancing partner?!
Joey: Yeah, there’s this superintendent’s dance, the Super Ball. I don’t know, and he wants to impress Marge, this lady super that he’s a crush on.
Rachel: Well, why doesn’t he practice with a girl?
Joey: Well, he’s too shy, he doesn’t thing he’s good enough to dance with girls yet.
Rachel: Yeah, right, he almost danced me right down that…garbage chute. (Starts to cry)
Monica: Oh, would you let it go already?! You’re fine!
(Chandler and Ross enter)
Chandler: Hey.
Rachel: Hey! So, did you quit?
Chandler: No, I almost did, couldn’t leave Ross there without a spotter!
Monica: Wait, now so you joined the gym?
(Rachel starts to laugh.)
Ross: And that’s funny, why?
Rachel: Oh, umm, I was just y’know working out and umm… Oh, that’s it.
Chandler: We’re doomed. Okay, they’re gonna take 50 bucks out of our accounts for the rest of our lives. What are we gonna do?
Monica: Well, you could actually go to the gym.
(Chandler and Ross both laugh)
Ross: Or! Or, we could go to the bank, close our accounts and cut them off at the source.
Chandler: You’re a genius!
Joey: Aww, man, now we won’t be bank buddies!
Chandler: Now, there’s two reasons.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
All: Hey!
Phoebe: Ohh, you guys, remember that cute client I told you about? I bit him.
Rachel: Where?!
Phoebe: On the touchy.
Ross: And that’s not against your oath?!
Phoebe: No, I know! I-I’m sorry, but the moment I touch him, I just wanna throw out my old oath and take a new, dirty one.
Monica: Well, next time your massaging him, you should try and distract yourself.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Like-like when I’m doing something exciting and I don’t wanna get too excited, I just ahh, y’know try to thing of other things like ah sandwiches, and ah baseball, and ah Chandler!
Chandler: Thank you, Joey.
Joey: No-no, thank you.
[Scene: Treeger’s apartment, Joey knocks and Mr. Treeger opens the door.]
Joey: All right, I’m here, let’s ahh, get this over with.
Mr. Treeger:: Okay ahh, well, just ahh, follow my lead. (Turns on some music)
Joey: Whoa-whoa, don’t we need to do some kinda preparation first? Like ahh, get really drunk?
Mr. Treeger:: Look come on, eh, just ah, just ah, put your arms around me, eh.
(Joey does so, and they both start dancing. Treeger tries to spin Joey, but ends up throwing him into the door.)
Mr. Treeger:: Ahhhh! I’m sorry!
Joey: No, it’s okay, but if I’m Marge, my breasts are coming out my back.
Mr. Treeger:: Ahh, forget it! I’ll never be any good at this, my mom was right, I’m just a big potato with arms, and legs, and a head.
Joey: Come on man, you’re not a potato.
Mr. Treeger:: I’m sure as hell a dancer, it’s no use Marge will never go for me.
Joey: Come on Treeger, don’t say that. You just ahh, you just need more practice. Here, come on, let’s ahh, let’s try it again. Come on. (they start dancing again) Plus, it was, it was probably mostly my fault, anyway. I mean, y’know, I’m not really that comfortable dancing with a—(Treeger throws him) We-he!! Hey!
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Monica are sitting at the table as Joey enters.]
Monica: Hey-hey, how goes the dancing? Gay yet?
Joey: Ah-ha-ha, you guys owe me big time. (He walks into the kitchen and does a little dance step on the way.)
Rachel: (laughing) What was that?
Joey: What?
Rachel: You just did a little dancy thing.
Joey: No I didn’t.
Monica: Yes you did! You did like a little hop.
Rachel: You are soo enjoying this.
Joey: No, I’m not! And it wasn’t a hop it was a pademarie.
Monica: (laughing harder) You know the words! You are so into this!
Joey: All right, well maybe I’m enjoying it a little bit. I mean I’m getting pretty good at it.
Rachel: Ooh, this is soo sweet, Joey our little twinkle-toes.
Joey: Hey-hey, hold on, this isn’t some kind of like girly dance. All right, it’s like a sport, it’s manly!
Monica: All right, then show me some manly moves.
Joey: All right.
(They both get up and Monica expects Joey to take the lead, but he doesn’t, and they fumble around for a little bit.)
Joey: I don’t know how to lead.
[Scene: Ross and Chandler’s bank, they are there to close their accounts.]
Ross: Hello.
Chandler: Hi.
Ross: We’d like to close our accounts.
Bank Officer: Close your accounts? Is there some kind of problem?
Ross: No-no.
Chandler: No, we’d just like to close them.
Bank Officer: Okay, Ms. Lambert handles all our closures. (to a beautiful woman) Would you come over here please?
Ms. Lambert: Hi, I’m Karen.
Chandler: I wanna quit the bank!
[Scene: Healing Hands, Inc., Phoebe is giving Rick a massage.]
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Okay, baseball. Rick, playing baseball. Okay, slides into second, maybe even his pants come down a little… Oh no—wait no, no! No! Okay, all right, sandwiches, sandwiches. Umm, okay, on a plate, maybe Rick’s pants come down a little. No! No! Okay, Chandler! Okay Chandler, ooh, that’s working.
(The camera zooms in on the clock on the wall and it reads a quarter after one. Time lapse. The clock now reads 3:30, and Phoebe is still giving Rick his massage.)
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Chandler’s knees. Chandler’s… ankles. Chandler’s ankle hair. (notices the clock) Oh no. (to Rick) Okay, you’re all set.
Rick: Oh wow! That was amazing, was that really just an hour?!
Phoebe: Yeah! In… really long hour world.
Rick: What?
Phoebe: Ugh, okay, I have an enormous crush on you. But because you’re a client, I can’t ask you out, even though you give me y’know, the feeling.
Rick: Wow! I had no idea! But you know, I could always find another masseuse.
Phoebe: Really?!
Rick: Yeah, really.
(They start to kiss, then Rick stops suddenly.)
Phoebe: What?
Rick: Suddenly, I very aware that I’m naked.
Phoebe: (laughs) Okay, quit down. (they start to kiss again)
(Suddenly, Phoebe’s boss, Mrs. Potter, and a client, Mr. Simon, enters.)
Mrs. Potter: Mr. Simon’s been waiting for—(sees Phoebe and Rick) Oh my God!
Mr. Simon: Why wasn’t I offered that? I’d definitely pay more for that.
Mrs. Potter: Phoebe, we have rules here, this isn’t that kind of place.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, oh and I know, but this isn’t what it looks like, ‘cause Rick is my ahh, husband.
Mrs. Potter: Oh really? Well, then you’d better tell his other wife, ‘cause she called three times asking where he is.
Phoebe: Yes, I will tell her.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
Monica: So you didn’t leave the bank?
Ross: No! And somehow, we ended up with a joint checking account.
Rachel: What are you ever gonna use that for?!
Chandler: To pay for the gym.
(Phoebe enters)
Chandler: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey! So I had a great day, Rick and I really hit it off, and we started making out, and then my boss walked in and fired me for being a whore.
Joey: What?!
Rachel: You got fired?!
Monica: Oh my Gosh!
Phoebe: It’s so weird, I have never been fired from anything before!
Rachel: Sweety...
Phoebe: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, y’know? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen, thought I was a whore too. It’s been a really bad day, whore wise.
(There’s a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.)
Mr. Treeger:: Hey Duck, is Chick here?
Chandler: Yeah… Bunny-rabbit.
Joey: (To Mr. Treeger) So you ah, ready for our last practice?
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, but y’know, I think the reason we’re not getting that spin right is because my apartment’s too small.
Joey: Look, you wanna use our place?
Mr. Treeger:: No, I ahh, had another idea.
[Cut to the roof, where Joey and Mr. Treeger are dancing happily to ^Night and Day^.]
Joey: We did it!!
Mr. Treeger:: I know, we did it!! Hey, that was incredible, huh?!
Joey: I know, it was amazing! I mean, we totally nailed it, it was beautiful.
Mr. Treeger:: Thank you, listen, thanks a lot Tribbiani, (checks watch). Oh my God, look at the time, I gotta catch the bus to the ball.
Joey: Oh well, okay, good luck.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah.
Joey: Unless you wanna practice the Foxtrot again? Or-or the Tango?
Mr. Treeger:: Ahh, thanks but no. You see I-I think I’m ready to dance with girls.
Joey: Okay.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah.
Joey: Go get ‘em Treeger.
Mr. Treeger:: Right. (Starts to leave) Hey, ahh, you wanna come? Marge has a girlfriend.
Joey: (intrigued) Really?
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, you could dance real good with her, she’s the same size as me.
Joey: No, I’m good.
(Treeger leaves, and Joey’s dances off.)
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Lara and Jeni’s Massage, Phoebe is interviewing for a job.]
Interviewer: So it looks like you’ve got some great experience here. Let’s see ahh, reason for leaving last job?
Phoebe: Yeah, they thought I was a whore.
Interviewer: Okay, we’ll give a call if anything comes up.
Phoebe: Great! Thank you very much.
(The interviewer watches her leave with an ‘Oh my goodness’ face.)
END

多云有时晴

405 The One With Joey's New Girlfriend
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang's all there. Ross has a slip of paper that he throws on the ground tying to get Rachel's attention.]
Ross: (picking up the slip of paper) Hello! What's this? Oh right its that girl's phone number. (Rachel ignores him) Yeah-yeah, there it is, just a phone number a really hot girl gave me. (He holds it so that Rachel can see it, she continues to ignore him) It's no big deal, I mean it is her home phone number, but...(Rachel still ignores him) Whoa! (Throws it in her lap) Whoa-whoops, I almost lost this baby! Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number and I-I go and drop it. (He waves it in front of Rachel's face. Then suddenly Phoebe has to sneeze and Rachel quickly grabs the slip of paper and gives it to Phoebe for her to sneeze into.)
Phoebe: Thank you.
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk, the next morning. Chandler, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are there.]
Gunther: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah?
Gunther: When's your birthday?
Rachel: May fifth, why?
Gunther: Oh, I-I'm just making a list of people's birthdays.
Ross: Oh, mine's December...
Gunther: Yeah, whatever. (Walks away)
(Chandler is talking to Monica and notices a beautiful woman.)
Chandler: Ohh, she's pretty. Pretty ahh, pretty girl, the pretty--she's pretty.
Monica: Just go up to her and ask her out. (Chandler laughs) Oh, what's the worst thing that could happen?
Chandler: I could die.
Ross: Yeah, it's-it's tough being single. That's why I'm so glad I found Amanda.
Rachel: Ross, you guys went out once. You took your kids to Chucky Cheese, and you didn't even kiss her.
(Ross glares at Chandler.)
Chandler: I tell people secrets. It makes them like me.
Phoebe: (entering) Oh.
Chandler: Hey! (Phoebe sneezes)
Monica: Phoebe! You're sick, you shouldn't play. You should just go home, get in bed, and stay there.
Phoebe: (in a nasally voice, from her cold) But I'm unemployed, my music is all I really have now. Well music, and making my own shoes. (She puts her shoe on the table, and it's horribly decorated) Pretty, huh? (Sneezes)
Chandler: All right, I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna get shot down. Any advice?
Monica: Just be yourself. But, not too much.
Chandler: (gets up) (softly) Wish me luck.
Ross: (loudly) Good luck!
Chandler: Wish it! (To the woman, Kathy, he likes) Hi. Hi, I-I was just sitting over there, and uhh, Chandler. My name is Chandler. Did I say that?
Kathy: No, you didn't. Hi, I'm Kathy.
Chandler: Uh Kathy, with K or a C?
Kathy: With a K.
Chandler: Oh-oh-hey!
Kathy: Wow! You are really good at this.
Chandler: Hey, come on, give me a break, I'm out on a limb here.
Kathy: I'm sorry, you're right, I apologize, but I should tell you that I'm waiting for a date. (Joey enters) Oh, and there he is now.
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey! Hey, hey-hey, hey. (Joey kisses Kathy.)
Joey: Hey, I see you guys already met, huh?
Chandler: Yes-yes, I was just trying to figure out a way to uh, demonstrate how I could get my exceptionally large feet into my even bigger mouth.
Joey: Didn't I tell ya? Always showin' off.
Phoebe: Before I start, I just wanna say that umm, I have a cold, so if I sneeze in the middle of song, it's not on purpose. Oh, except the last verse of Pepper People. (Starts to sing) Smelly cat, smelly cat. What are they feeding you? (Stops singing) This chick sounds good. (Singing) Smelly cat, smelly--(stops singing) Hey Gunther, be a good little boy and bring me a whiskey.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is walking into the living room having just gotten up in the middle of the night.]
Chandler: (sees Kathy is up watching TV) Hi!
Kathy: Hi.
Chandler: Jeez, at 2:30 in the morning, I didn't expect to have to fight over the remote.
Kathy: I'm sorry, it's just this Ernie Cofax thing on in a few minutes I wanted to watch.
Chandler: Oh my God! That's why I got up too!
Kathy: You're kidding! Oh, I love him.
Chandler: Hey, listen, I'm sorry about this afternoon, y'know, if I would've known you guys were... I never would've...
Kathy: Oh please!
Chandler: So ah, Joey tells me you two met in acting class.
Kathy: Yeah, they teamed us up as partners. Joey picked three scenes for us to do; all of them had us making out.
Chandler: That's a good thing actually, because ah, he used to have me rehearse with him.
Kathy: (laughs) Oh-oh-oh-oh!
Chandler: Is it on?
Kathy: No, but this wonder broom is amazing!
Chandler: Hey! (Runs over and gets his wonder broom)
Kathy: Oh my God!
Chandler: Oh! It's on! It's on!
(Chandler jumps into the canoe and sits down. The chick starts chirping and Chandler reaches down to pick him up.)
Chandler: There we go little fella.
Kathy: (laughs) What about the duck?
Chandler: Well the duck can swim.
Kathy: Oh, jeez. (Hits him)
[Scene: Central Perk, the next night, Phoebe is finishing up her set.]
Phoebe: (singing, drunk) My sticky shoes, my sticky-sticky shoes, why do you stick on me, ba-a-by! Thanks for the lights honey.
All: Way to go, Phoebe!
Monica: That cold makes you sound so great.
Phoebe: It's fun, God I love how sexy I am. (Coughs really loudly.)
Joey: Oh, Kath, we should get going. We're going to by hamsters.
All: Ooh, that's great, I love those little guys.
Kathy: No, no, it's not like that. I, I work for a medical researcher.
Rachel: Well, have fun!
Kathy: Okay.
Phoebe: Well, I think it's great that the medical community is finally trying to help sick hamsters.
Monica: Y'know what, I like Kathy.
Chandler: Oh yeah, me too, she's so cool and pretty.
Rachel: Yeah, she's...
Chandler: She's smart and funny, y'know? We were up all last night talking, she said the funniest thing about--what?
Rachel: You love her.
Chandler: No, I don't.
Phoebe: Yes, you do. Chandler loves Kathy.
Ross: Come on, Pheebs lay off him.
Chandler: Thank you, Ross.
Ross: Yeah, he's a little sensitive right now, `cause he's so in love.
Chandler: All right.
All: Ohh!
Chandler: All right.
Monica: (turning around and doing that, "I'm making out with someone," thing with her hands) Ooh, umm, oh Kathy! Kathy, I love you! Oh! (She turns around and sees Gunther staring at her and stops suddenly.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: So, I need to write some depressing stuff to go along with my new floozy voice, but nothing that sad has ever really happened to me.
Monica: Oh umm, how about your mom dying, or having to live on the streets when you were 14?
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, I could write about the time my hair did that "Woo-hoo" thing.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey.
Ross: (loudly) So I'm going over to Amanda's tonight!
Monica: Rachel's not here.
Ross: Oh.
Monica: How's it going with her?
Ross: Great, actually. I'm thinking tonight, maybe the night. Yeah, I mean ah, the kids are gonna play together and then when they're asleep, I'm thinking Amanda and I break open a bottle of wine, and do a little "playing" ourselves.
Rachel: (entering, with a guy) Hi guys! This is Josh. Josh, these are my friends, and that's Ross.
Monica: Hi, Josh.
Phoebe: Hi.
Josh: Dudes.
Monica: So, did you play in college? (She points to his NYU Soccer (football for the rest of the world) sweatshirt he's wearing.)
Josh: Oh, I still do. Next year, I hope to make varsity though.
Rachel: Ross, didn't you ah, play soccer in High School? Oh no wait, that's right. You just organized their game schedules on your Commodore 64.
Josh: Well, it's getting late, I've got to get to the game, so I'm gonna... head.
Rachel: Okay. (He starts to leave, and Rachel grabs him and gives him a passionate kiss.) I'll miss you.
Josh: Dope! (exits)
Phoebe: Wow, cute one!
Monica: Very!
Rachel: I know, isn't he great? It's so nice to finally be in a fun relationship, y'know? There's nothing boring about him, and ah, I bet he's never set foot in a museum.
Ross: Well maybe he'll get to go soon, like on a class trip or something.
Rachel: Y'know what else is really great about him, oh, what is the word for the adult that doesn't have dinosaur toys in their bedroom?
Ross: Oh! (He bangs his fists together.)
Rachel: What was that?
Ross: Monica knows.
Monica: It's this dumb thing that Ross made up `cause he was trying to fool our parents. It's a way of giving the finger, without actually having to give it. I remember I cried the night you made it up, `cause it was the first time that I realized that I was actually cooler than my older brother.
Ross: Well, I'm gonna go get ready, (Gives Monica the fist thing.) for my date tonight, so ah, I'll just_ head.

Phoebe: Yeah, I should go to, `cause I'm playing in one hour. Hey, (clears her voice and in her normal voice) you guys should come hear me, ooh hear me. Ooh, (tries to sing) My sticky shoes--eww! Eww! I lost my sexy phlegm!
[Scene: Amanda's apartment, Ross is arriving with Ben.]
Amanda: (opening the door) Hi!
Ross: Hi!
Amanda: Hi Ben!
Ross: Wow! You-you look great!
Amanda: Thanks!
Ross: (she lets him in) Okay! (to her son) Hey Tommy.
Amanda: I am so glad that you could come over tonight.
Ross: Oh no-no-no, it's my pleasure.
Amanda: Okay, well, my cell phone number is right here on the counter, please help yourself to anything in the fridge.
Ross: What?
Amanda: I appreciate this soo much, I've been trying to go out with this guy for like a month.
Ross: I-I-I...
Amanda: (noticing the bottle of wine he has) Oh, I don't mean to be a square, but I'd really appreciate it if you wait and drink your wine after the kids are asleep? Oh uh, thanks for this, I hope I can do the same for you sometime. (She leaves)
Ross: Who wants to make some long distance calls?
[Scene: A street, Chandler is buying a newspaper and notices Kathy running by.]
Chandler: Kathy! Kathy! Hi!! Kathy! Kathy! (She doesn't hear him and keeps running, Chandler starts chasing her as the theme to The Mod Squad starts to play. First, a car almost hits him and then gets mustard splashed on him as he runs by a hot dog vendor.) Kathy! (He keeps running and gets tangled up in the leashes of five dogs, in desperation he throws his paper.) Fetch! Fetch it! (He frees himself and resumes the chase) Kathy! Kathy! Kathy! (He now trips and falls into a pile of garbage, he tries to get up and scream her name again but he has a piece of spinach in his mouth. He gets out of the garbage and starts crossing the street by running over the hoods of a couple of cabs.) Kathy! (He jumps in front of her and out of breath he says) Kathy.
Kathy: Hey, Chandler! What are you doing here?
Chandler: Oh, I just wanted to say, "Hey!"
Kathy: Hey!
Chandler: Okay. (He walks away disgusted with himself.)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is telling Monica about his new baby sitting job.]
Monica: Oh come on! You're making it sound worse than it actually was.
Ross: Her date tipped me ten dollars. (Monica laughs)
(Phoebe runs into the kitchen with wet hair, opens the window, and sticks her head outside.)
Ross: Pheebs, what are you doing?
Phoebe: Okay, I wanna be sexy again so I'm trying to catch a cold. It should be easy, supposedly they're pretty common.
Monica: Phoebe, you'll catch pneumonia.
Chandler: (entering) Okay. You were right. I'm in love with Joey's girlfriend.
Phoebe: What?!
Ross: Are you serious?
Phoebe: Well, how-how-how is that possible? You barely know her!
Chandler: I don't know. I can't--I just, I can't get her out of my head. Y'know? I mean, I'm a very bad person. I'm a very, very bad person. I'm a horrible person. (he waits for a reaction, when he doesn't get one) No you're not Chandler! We still love you Chandler!
Monica: (sneezes) Oh gosh, Phoebe, I think I caught your cold.
Phoebe: You mean you stole it! (Monica sneezes again) Don't cover your mouth when you do that!
(Joey and Kathy enter, laughing)
Joey: Hey.
Kathy: (to Chandler) We were just talking about you.
Chandler: Really?!
Joey: Yeah-yeah, I told her about the time you got drunk and fell asleep with your head in the toilet.
Chandler: (laughs) Right in there!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with the chick and the duck.]
Chandler: 99...100! Ready or not, here I come! (He opens his eyes and sees that the chick and the duck are still sitting in front of him) All right, let's go over the concept one more time.
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hey guys. (to Chandler) Listen uh, you wanna get some dinner with me and Kathy tonight?
Chandler: Ohh, umm, y'know what, I already ate.
Joey: It's 4:30.
Chandler: Y'know I had a big meal on Monday, y'know. So that's just gonna get me straight through the week.
Joey: Okay, I see what's going on here.
Chandler: You-you do?
Joey: Yeah! You don't like Kathy.
Chandler: You got me.
Joey: Yeah, you've been avoiding her ever since we started going out. Look, I made an effort to like Janice, now I think it's your turn to make an effort to like Kathy by going out to dinner with us. Right?
Chandler: Yeah. Right.
Joey: Good, and hey! My treat. (He turns to go into his bedroom then stops.) But that's only because you're not eating anything, right?
Chandler: Okay.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is returning from a date with Josh, and when they get the door open, Rachel turns and passionately kisses Josh.]
Monica: (lying on the couch suffering from her cold) Ross isn't here.
Rachel: Oh. (She tries to walk away from Josh, by he keeps holding her) Stop it!
Josh: So I'll see you at the party? Beer's beer man, 24, 7!!
Rachel: Yeah! (Monica gives a sarcastic thumbs up) (Josh leaves) I am soo gonna marry that guy. (looking in her wallet) Ohhh!
Monica: What?
Rachel: I think he's stealing from me.
Monica: Why?
Rachel: Because he's stealing from me!
Phoebe: (entering) Hi! It's me. And soup. (to Rachel) Hey, I just saw Josh, he looks so yummy in your leather jacket.
Rachel: Ughh! (Storms out after him)
Phoebe: (to Monica) Here, now I don't eat chicken, so it's just noodle soup. And there's no chicken in the broth either, so it's really just... noodle water.
Monica: Thank you so much Phoebe.
Phoebe: (picking up Monica's used Kleenex and putting some in her pocket.) Sure.
Monica: What are you doing with those?!
Phoebe: But, I need your germs! I want my cold back! I miss my sexy voice.
Monica: Sorry, Phoebe.
Phoebe: It's okay. How's the soup?
Monica: Umm. (nodding her head, "Good.")
(Monica sets the soup down and Phoebe picks it up and licks the rim.)
Monica: Ohhhh!! Gross!!
[Scene: A nightclub, Chandler is having dinner with Kathy and Joey.]
Kathy: Ohh, God, guys, check it out, you can see that girl's underwear!
Joey: Is she great or what?
Kathy: (to Chandler) So? Huh? What do you think?
Chandler: Ohh, she's-she's not really my type.
Kathy: Not your type?! She's gorgeous!
Chandler: Y'know what I think it is? It's the fishnet stockings. Y'know? Whenever I see a girl in fishnet stockings it reminds me of my father in fishnet stockings.
Kathy: Okay. Understanding a little more why you're single. Ohh! Y'know, I have a friend you would like, she's really pretty. And then we could double date!
Chandler: Uhh, no-no thanks.
Kathy: Okay, I've got some ugly friends, and they're all available too.
Chandler: Listen, I-I'm gonna grab a beer. (Leaves)
Joey: (to Kathy) I'll be right back. (to Chandler) What was that?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Kathy was being really nice and you just walked away. I thought we had a deal.
Chandler: Hey, look, what do you want from me?
Joey: I want you to like her! But if that's too damned difficult for you, then the least you can do is pretend.
Chandler: I am pretending.
Joey: Well then, do it better!
Chandler: Okay, what do you saw I go over there and say how much I like her? (Joey gives him a thumbs up) No-no it'll be good, I can tell her much I've been thinking about her. That I haven't stopped thinking about her since the moment I met her. That I'm so fantastically, over-the-top, wanna-slit-my-own-throat in love with her, that for every minute of every hour of every day I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!!
Joey: Well, that's pretty good. But you might wanna tone it down a little.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there.]
Ross: (entering) Hey! So, uhh, Amanda just-just dropped me off. Yeah, that's one of the things I love about her, she's...uh, she's old enough to drive. (to Monica) So uhh, I guess you're not going to mom and dad's tonight?
Monica: No, sorry.
Rachel: Well where's Amanda?
Monica: Hey Rach, could you get me some cough drops?
Rachel: I mean y'know, I'm thinking. You could bring her, and you guys could go up to your old room, and not make out.
Monica: Ross, cough drops, please?
Ross: At least I know she's not going out with me to get into R rated movies.
Rachel: Why don't you just marry her? Oh no, wait a minute you can't, I'm sorry I forgot, she's not a lesbian.
Ross: You see Amanda and I have a very special...
Monica: (interrupting) You have nothing! You're not even going out! You're her baby sitter! You have a 12-year-old girl's job!
Rachel: (laughing) Ohh, that is soo sad.
Monica: And what are you laughing at, Miss `My-keg-sucking-boyfriend-is-stealing-from-me!'
(Ross starts laughing)
Rachel: Hey, so he stole a couple bucks from me! At least he bought me something with it! (Shows her, her ring)
Monica: That's mine!! Now, would you both please start acting like adults? And get me my cough drops!
Ross: Fine.
Rachel: Sorry.
Ross: Here. (Hands her, her cough drops) (to Rachel) At least I made ten bucks in my relationship.
Rachel: Y'know...
(She does Ross's little gesture. In response Ross puts his hands behind his neck with his arms sticking straight out and starts flapping them together.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with her guitar.]
Phoebe: (singing) Platting goats are platting. Platting down the street. Platting goats are platting, leaving little treats. (to Gunther) Does it even work without my sexy voice?
Gunther: I like it. (sneezes)
Phoebe: Gunther, kiss me.
Gunther: What?
(Phoebe grabs Gunther and kisses him. He then falls to the couch in shock.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV as Joey and Kathy are laughing in Joey's bedroom. They get to be pretty loud so Chandler turns the TV way up.]
Joey: (opening the door wearing nothing but a sock, and holding a dart board over the `Little General.') Hey! (Chandler turns down the TV) Now, we're not actually gonna be sleeping in her, but do you mind?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, with a blanket draped over her shoulders, opens the door to a similarly clad Chandler.]
Chandler: Can I sleep on your couch?
(Monica nods `Yes.' And they both walk to the couch looking all depressed.)
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing, with everyone else present.]
Phoebe: (singing) And I'm still waiting for my paper mache man. Thank you my babies.
(applause)
Gunther: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah.
Gunther: I don't know if you heard about what happened between me and Phoebe the other day_
Rachel: No!
Gunther: Well, we kissed. I-I-I didn't initiate the kiss, but-but I also didn't stop it, and I've been feeling guilty.
Rachel: (confused) Okay.
Gunther: So umm, are we cool?
Rachel: (really confused) Okay.
Gunther: I knew you'd understand.
(Gunther walks away, leaving Rachel with a `What just happened?' look on her face.)
END

多云有时晴

406 The One With The Dirty Girl
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and a beautiful blonde (Cheryl) are standing outside. The rest of the gang is watching from inside.]
Cheryl: So, thank you for the delicious dinner.
Ross: You're welcome for a delicious dinner.
[inside]
Phoebe: Hey what are you guys looking at?
Chandler: Ross and the most beautiful girl in the world.
Phoebe: Yeah, come to papa.
[Cheryl walks away and Ross walks inside. Everyone stares at him in disbelief.]
Ross: I know!
Monica: Probably the only time I'll ever say this, but did you see the ass on her?
Chandler: Where did you, when did you, how did you... (Joey hits the back of Chandler's head) How did you get a girl like that?
Rachel: Yeah, so what is she, like a... like a spokesmodel, or an aerobics instructor, what?
Ross: Actually she's a paleontology doctoral candidate, specializing in the centazoic era.
Chandler: Okay, but that's, like, the easiest era.
Ross: I've seen her at work, but I always figured, ah-huh? But, uh, I made her dinner. We had a great time. And we're going out again tomorrow.
Rachel: Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
Ross: Fine by me; hope she wins.
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there. Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hi. You guys have any wrapping paper?
Phoebe: Oo! Is it for my birthday present?
Chandler: Phebes, it was your birthday, like, months ago.
Phoebe: Yeah, but remember you said you ordered something special, and it just hasn't come yet?
Chandler: Well, I have a call in about that.
Phoebe: 'Kay.
Chandler: Actually, this is for Kathy's birthday. It's an early edition of her favorite book.
Rachel: Oh, The Velveteen Rabbit! Oh my God, when the boy's love makes the rabbit real!
Chandler: Okay, but don't touch it, because you fingers have destructive oils.
Rachel: Huh. Well, then you'd better keep it away from Ross's hair.So this is pretty rare. How did you get that?
Chandler: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to a couple of bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers... called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
Rachel: Oh, honey, that's so sweet.
Phoebe: Yeah, and what a great way to say, "I secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend!"
Chandler: It doesn't say that. Does it?
Ross: How do you think it's gonna look when you get her something incredibly meaningful and expensive and her boyfriend Joey gives her an orange?
Chandler: Okay, all right, I'll just uh, make sure that uh, Joey gets her something really great.
Phoebe: It's gotta be better than that book. Oo! Like a crossbow!
Monica: (Entering from her bedroom, talking on the phone) Yeah, once again, I am sorry. Thank you. Bye. (To the gang) I just had to turn down a job catering a funeral for sixty people.
Rachel: Oh my God! What happened?
Monica: Sixty guests.
Ross: So, uh, why did you have to turn it down?
Monica: Because I don't have the money or the equipment to handle something that big on such short notice. I mean there's no way.
Phoebe: Wow, what is with all the negativity? You sound like Monican't , not Monican... (Monica looks almost puzzled) ...Monica. Look, you know, you have been playing around with this catering thing for over three years. Do you want to be a caterer or not?
Monica: I don't know.
Phoebe: There you go, that's the spirit! Okay! Now, if you need money, I will lend you money, but just get moving!
Monica: Really? Cause I'd need like $500 for all the food and the supplies and stuff.
Phoebe: Okay! It's worth it, if it will get you moving. You haven't worked in months.
Monica: Well, you're not working either.
Phoebe: Yes, but I'm doing this.
Monica: Yeah, that'd be great! Thank you!
[Joey enters]
Joey: Hey!
Everyone: Hey.
Kathy: Can I borrow the keys to your apartment?
Joey: Why?
[Kathy whispers something in Joey's ear]
Joey: You can pee here!
Kathy: Ahahaha... haha.. yes I can, of course. Excuse me.
Chandler: It's okay, the duck's using our bathroom anyway. (Kathy goes into the bathroom.) Hey Joe! What are you getting Kathy for her birthday?
Joey: We've only been going out for a couple of weeks, do you think I gotta get her something?
Everyone: Yeah!
Rachel: Yes, you have to get her something, and it should be something really nice.
Joey: Oh, I know...
Rachel: And not one of your coupons for an hour of "Joey Love."
[cut to a new scene, also in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting, Phoebe is nearby.]
Phoebe: Ooo, a crossword! Can I help?
Rachel: No! I'm sorry, honey, it's just that last week I got all but three answers and I really want to finish a whole one without any help.
Phoebe: Fine. But you can't help me develop my new universal language.
[Monica enters]
Monica: Hey!
Rachel: Hey, how'd it go?
Monica: Oh my God, it was the best funeral ever! I mean, everyone loved the food, and guess what? I even got another funeral for tomorrow--the dead-guy-from-today's best friend. I mean, it is like I am the official caterer for that accident!
Phoebe: Mon! I'm so happy for you!
Monica: Thanks. Like, check out my new catering stuff.(Picks up two frying pans) Look at this! I'm an omelet station! Omelet? Made to order!
Phoebe: I'll have one, please. Plus my money.
Monica: Oh. Well, I didn't realize that you needed it back right away. I mean, you told me to go and be a caterer. So I went. I beed. I mean, I... I used it to buy all this stuff. But look--I've got another job tomorrow, so I'll pay you back with the money I make from that.
Phoebe: Oh. Okay. Oo, sorry I acted like a bank.
Monica: Okay.
[Scene: Outside Cheryl's apartment, Ross and Cheryl are kissing]
Ross: (moved by the kiss) Huh...
Cheryl: Um, would you like to come in?
Ross: Did homo-erectus hunt with wooden tools?
Cheryl: According to recent findings!
[They go into the apartment. Inside the apartment it looks like a sewage dump exploded and landed in her living room. There are clothes and food and junk covering every square inch of space. I mean pigs have nicer pens. Ross is completely shocked.]
Cheryl: (throwing food around the room) Here Mitzi! Here Mitzi!
Ross: Mitzi is.....
Cheryl: My hamster. I hope she's okay, I haven't seen her in a while. Have a seat.
Ross: (mouths "where?") Uh... Oh hey, do you, uh (steps on some garbage and falters) ...do you have any, um, Cinnamon Fruit Toasties?
Cheryl: What?
Ross: Well, I do! Why don't we go back to my place, light a couple of candles, break open a box of Cinnamon Fruit Toasties, uh...
Cheryl: I'd rather not.
Ross: Oh, yeah, why not?
Cheryl: Okay, um, don't take this the wrong way, but your place kinda has a weird smell.
[Scene: A kitchen where Phoebe and Monica are finishing up a catering job]
Monica: Oh, is everything in the car?
Phoebe: Yes. Did you settle the bill?
Monica: No. I hate this part.
Phoebe: Oh, look what we almost left. (Picks up a coffee maker)
Monica: No, that's not mine.
Phoebe: Oh, all right. Oh! Look what we almost took!
[cut to the living room of the same dwelling, where the funeral guests are mingling. Monica enters.]
Monica: Excuse me, Mrs. Burkart? Well, we're all cleaned up in the kitchen.
Mrs. Burkart: Oh, good. Thank you.
Monica: Um, and, well there's the.. the the small matter of...
Mrs. Burkart: Dear?
Monica: Just the matter of ...payment?
Mrs. Burkart: (in grief) Jack used to handle the finances! (Breaks into tears)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on the couch still doing the crossword. Chandler is in the kitchen.]
Rachel: You know what we should all do? Go see a musical.
Chandler: (confused) Sure...
Rachel: And you know which one we should see? The 1996 Tony award winner. Do you happen to know the name of that one?
Chandler: I don't know... um, Grease?
Rachel: No....
Chandler: Rent?
Rachel: Yes! Rent!
Chandler: Okay, so when do you want to go?
Rachel: What? Oh, I'm sorry, I can't, I'm busy.
Joey: (entering the apartment) Hey. Man, it is so hard to shop for girls.
Chandler: Yes, it is, at Office Max.
Rachel: What did you get her? (Joey opens up a rectangular black box and holds up a pen.)
Chandler: A pen.
Joey: It's two gifts in one. It's a pen that's also a clock! Huh?
Chandler: Huh-huh! You can't give her that.
Joey: Why not?
Chandler: Because she's not eleven! And it's not the seventh night of Hanukkah!
Rachel: Okay, honey, what he means by that, is ...while this is a very nice gift, maybe it's just not something a boyfriend gives?
Joey: Sure it is! She needs a pen for work, she's writing, she turns it over.... "Whoa! It's time for my date with Joey!"
Chandler: All right, look, look. What did... what did you get for Angela Delveccio for her birthday?
Joey: She didn't have a birthday while we were going out.
Chandler: For three years?
Joey: (whining and heading toward the door) Look, it's too late, and I got an audition. I can't shop anymore! I...
Chandler: All right. I will go out and I will try to find something for her, okay?
Joey: Thanks, man. And oh, while you're at it, could you get her a card?
Chandler: Would you like me to write her a little poem as well?
Joey: Or... just get a card that has a poem already in it.
[Scene: Back in the kitchen at the funeral. Phoebe is there, Monica enters.]
Phoebe: But Mon, you have to get our money!
Monica: Oh, Phoebe, she couldn't stop crying! With those thick glasses, her tears looked giant.
Phoebe: I know, it's tough. You know what the first thing I did after my mother's funeral was?
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Pay the caterer! Look, I've had a lot of jobs, okay, and there are some people who just always try to get out of paying. It's either, you know, "that massage wasn't long enough, or, "I don't recognize any of those songs," or, you know, "these sombreros aren't big enough. Bad little white girl!"
Monica: Okay. So what do you.... you think she's faking?
Phoebe: Well, it seems like there weren't any tears 'til you showed her the bill.
Monica: Phoebe, she sounded pretty upset to me.
[cut to the living room where Mrs. Burkart is now performing.]
Mrs. Burkart: (singing) You're a grand ol' flag, you're a high-flying flag, and forever in peace may you wave....
Phoebe: She seems fine now.
Mrs. Burkart: (singing) ...emblem of the land I love. The home of....
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are standing and talking, Ross is tying a tie.]
Joey: So, you just left? Her place was really that bad?
Ross: You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day?
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: Well, like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived! (Ross takes the loosely tied tie off and hands it to Joey who puts it on.) Here.
Joey: Wow. Thanks. So, uh, what happened?
Ross: What do you mean? Nothing happened! I had to get out of there.
Joey: All right, so... next time, you take her to your place.
Ross: No, I tried that. She says it has a weird smell.
Joey: What kind of smell?
Ross: I don't know. Soap?
Joey: All right, listen, Ross... you like this girl, right?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: You wanna see her again, right?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: So you're gonna have to do it in the mess!
Ross: Yeah, okay you're right.
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: I mean, uh, who... who cares about a little sloppiness?
Joey: Yeah!
Ross: It's, uh... it's endearing, really.
Joey: All right! Now you go get that beautiful pig! (Ross hesitates, looks unsure) Oink!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel, Rachel is there, Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Okay, all right. I just spent the entire afternoon looking for a present for Kathy that would be better than the rabbit.
Rachel: Any luck?
Chandler: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I found this great place called "Invisible things for Kathy." (Motions to an imaginary pile of presents next to him.) Can you give me a hand with all this stuff?
Rachel: All right, look. Why don't you just return the book, let Joey give her the clock pen, and you give her something worse than that. Like... a regular pen.
Chandler: She's really going to love this, you know? The bottom line is I want her to have it, even if I don't get to be the one who gives it to her.
Rachel: Aw, honey, that's so sweet.
Chandler: Yeah? You don't think it's just pathetic?
Rachel: Oh! Pathetic! (Grabs the crossword puzzle and starts writing.)
Joey: (entering) Hey! I'm meeting Kathy in ten minutes! I've been looking all over for you!
Chandler: Where?
Joey: Our place, the hall! I...
Chandler: I got something for her. (Joey picks up the package, shakes it next to his ear, can't hear anything, switches ears, shakes it again.) It's a book!
Joey: (Unimpressed) A book? (Suddenly interested) Is it like a book that's also a safe?
Chandler: No, it's a book that's just a book, okay? It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. It was her favorite book as a kid. So, uh, just... let me know if she likes it, okay?
Joey: You got it. Thanks man. Thanks for doing this, I owe you one. (Joey leaves, comes back in.) Oh, hey! There wasn't any change from that twenty, was there?
Chandler: No, it came out to an even twenty.
Joey: Wow. That's almost as much as a new book.
[Scene: In the living room at the funeral]
Mrs. Burkart: (singing) Jeepers, creepers, where'd you get those peepers? Jeepers, creepers, where'd you get those eyes?
[cut to Monica and Phoebe in the kitchen]
Phoebe: You didn't get the money, did you?
Monica: Maybe I can try at intermission? Phoebe, come on... you know what? Let's just go!
Phoebe: No! Hey, we're not leaving until we get paid! I don't know who she thinks she is! Enough is enough! (Phoebe goes into the living room.) Hey, widow?
Mrs. Burkart: (Singing) Come on along and listen to...
Phoebe: Okay, Widow!
Mrs. Burkart: (Singing) ...the lullabye of...
Phoebe: Excuse me. Excuse me! (Mrs. Bukart stops singing) Thanks. Um, clearly this is a very, very hard time for you. Um, but, um, we provided a service, and we deserve to be paid because you ate that service, and, um, we are not leaving here until we're paid every penny. 'Cause you know what, lady? We're part time caterers, and we have no place else to go.
Mrs. Burkart: All right. I'll get my bag.
Phoebe: Good. (Phoebe and Mrs. Burkart go into the other room, leaving Monica with everyone staring at her.)
Monica: I'm gonna leave some cards here. Please think of us for you next event.
[Scene: Outside Cheryl's apartment.]
Cheryl: So you want to come inside?
Ross: (mustering up courage) Yes. Yes I do. (They go inside.)
Cheryl: I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable. (Ross attempts to clear a place for his coat and fold it small enough to fit. Then hit sits on the couch. Something falls on him from above and he brushes his neck off frantically.)
Cheryl: (sneaking up behind Ross) Guess who?
Ross: Department of Sanitation?
Cheryl: It's me!
Ross: Oh! (She kisses him) Ah. (They kiss more, and move down onto the couch. Ross's hand moves under some garbage) Aw! (His hand is covered with something brown and gooey.)
Cheryl: What?
Ross: (trying to make his disgust into lust) Ah, Cheryl!
Cheryl: Oh, Ross!
[They sit up, moaning in excitement, and Cheryl straddles Ross. Ross finds a slice of bologna and moans higher and louder, then a bag of potato chips on the coffee table starts to move. Ross throws Cheryl off his lap, grabs a tennis racket and a toilet brush and starts pounding the bag.]
Cheryl: Wait! No! No! It's my hamster! It's Mitzi!
Ross: Oh my god! I'm so sorry, Cheryl. I must have freaked out.
Cheryl: (looking in the bag) Oh, thank god, it's not Mitzi. It's just a rat.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is sitting on the couch alone. Gunther is there, going into the back room.]
Rachel: I did it! Oh! I finished it! I did it all by myself! And there's nobody to hug!
[From the background we hear a crash and Gunther comes running out of the back room, pushing people aside, reaching for Rachel.]
Gunther: Move!
[Gunther slips and falls just before reaching the back of the couch. Monica and Phoebe come into Central Perk.]
Rachel: Hey! Hey, you guys, I finished the crossword all by myself! Hug me!
[Gunther gets up slowly from behind the couch and walks away sadly]
Phoebe: Uh... yay!
Rachel: Thanks!
Monica: Oh, that's great! Congratulations!
Rachel: Thank you! Hey, how'd the catering go?
Monica: Oh, it was great! The widow wouldn't pay, so Phoebe yelled at her 'til she did.
Phoebe: Yeah. I'm a hard ass.
Monica: And I'm a wuss. And we should be partners.
Phoebe: Yeah. Hard Ass and Wuss. We could fight crime!
Monica: Wait a minute, Phoebe! We should be partners. We should be catering partners. I mean, think about it! You're not working right now, and we have such a great time together!
Phoebe: Okay!
Monica: I can cook and you can take care of the money.
Phoebe: Yeah. Oh! It'll be like I have a wife in the fifties!
Both: (screaming with excitement) Aah!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is there, Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey, how'd it go? How'd she like the gift?
Joey: Oh, man, she loved it! She's over there showing Monica and Rachel right now.
Chandler: Oh yeah? That's great!
Joey: Hey, listen, I gotta tell ya, I feel kinda bad taking credit for this, because man, am I gonna get a lot of credit for this!
Chandler: [nodding, with mixed feelings] Aahhuuhhh....
[Kathy enters]
Kathy: Hey.
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey! Happy birthday.
Kathy: Thank you!
Joey: You know, uh... [Joey moves the pen case out onto the counter.] Chandler got you a gift, too.
Chandler: No he didn't. [Moving it back.]
Joey: Yeah, he did, look... look, it's right there on the counter! Ha-ho-ho!
Chandler: Happy birthday! I'm sorry.
Kathy: You really didn't have to. (Opens the box) Wow.
Chandler: See, you think it's just a pen, but then you turn it over and it's also a clock.
Kathy: Yeah. No, this is great. Thank you, Chandler. (They hug).
Chandler: Oh, yeah... yeah.
Joey: Ah. Hm. (To Kathy) Wanna go to bed?
Kathy: I'll be in in a minute.
Joey: Oh, uh... don't forget your coupon. (Tries to strike a sexy pose up against the doorway to his room. Then goes inside).
Chandler: [to Kathy] Goodnight.
Kathy: Um, thank you for the gift.
Chandler: Oh, uh, yeah... I just knew that sometimes when you're writing, you... you don't always know the exact time.
Kathy: No, I... I didn't mean the pen. Thank you for the book.
Chandler: Uh, the book?
Kathy: The Velveteen Rabbit. I kinda have the feeling you had something to do with it.
Chandler: What do you mean?
Kathy: Well, uh, when Joey gave it to me, he said, "This is 'cause I know ya like Rabbits, and I know ya like cheese." Thanks. I love it. And I know how hard it must have been for you to find.
Chandler: (tongue-tied) Uhl..ell. By the way, in case you missed that, that sound was, "Uhl, ell."
Kathy: You must really like... Joey... to go to all that trouble for him.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, he's my... he's my best friend.
Kathy: Well....
Chandler: Goodnight. (Goes to his room.)
Joey: (opening bedroom door) Hey, that coupon expires, you know.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[ending credits scene: outside Cheryl's apartment, Monica knocks on Cheryl's door]
Monica: Hi. Uh, you... you don't know me, I'm Monica Geller... Ross's sister.
Cheryl: Oh, yeah. Oh, you know, that's too bad that didn't work out.
Monica: Yeah. Anyway, he told me about your apartment. And, um, I couldn't sleep, thinking about it. So, uh, would it be okay if I cleaned it?
[Cheryl shrugs, shuts the door, looking puzzled]
Monica: No?
[Monica looks around the hallway, pulls out a sponge and starts scrubbing the door frame.]
THE END

多云有时晴

407 The One Where Chandler Crosses a Line

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey and Chandler are there eating breakfast.]

Chandler: (entering in a bathrobe) I just walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked! It was like torture!

Ross: Y'know if we ever go to war and you're captured, you're in for a big surprise.

Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean it's bad enough that I'm in love with my roommate's girlfriend -- which by the way, I think she knows. Because every time we're in the room together there's this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when I've seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, she's smooth! Smooth! (leaves)

(Pause)

Phoebe: Wow! Could everyone totally see up his robe?

All: Yeah! Oh my God!

Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting a phone number from a woman (Casey) as Chandler watches from the doorway.]

Casey: Here you go.

Joey: Great! All right, so I'll call you later.

Casey: Great! (leaves)

Chandler: (rushing up) Hey-Hey-Hey! Who was that?

Joey: That would be Casey. We're going out tonight.

Chandler: Goin' out, huh? Wow! Wow! (Does a little celebration dance) So things didn't work out with Kathy, huh? Bummer.

Joey: No, things are fine with Kathy. I'm having a late dinner with her tonight, right after my early dinner with Casey.

Chandler: (shocked) What?

Joey: Yeah-yeah. And the craziest thing is that I just ate a whole pizza by myself! (Laughs)

Chandler: Wait! You're going out with Kathy!

Joey: Yeah. Why are you getting so upset?

Chandler: Well, I'm upset -- for you. I mean, having sex with an endless line of beautiful women must be very unfulfilling for you. (He can't believe he just sad that.)

Joey: What is the big deal? It's not like we're exclusive.

Chandler: Look, Joey, Kathy is clearly not fulfilling your emotional needs. But Casey, I mean granted I only saw the back of her head, but I got this sense that she's-she's smart, and funny, and gets you.

Joey: You got all that from the back of her head?

Chandler: All right look, I think it's time for you to settle down. Y'know? Make a choice, pick a lane.

Joey: Who's Elaine?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch playing cards, and Phoebe is working on a new song.]

Phoebe: (singing) "Little, tiny Tarzan, swinging on a nose hair. Swinging with the greatest of ease..." Darn it! Now, I don't know who to get to the next verse.

Ross: Oh, you could just go uh, "greatest of ease... (plays air guitar) BAH-bah-bha-bhannn." Then go right into it.

Phoebe: Yeah, ooh, I like that! Yeah. Wait! How do you know about 'bah-bah-bha-bhan?'

Ross: Well umm, y'know, I used to play.

Phoebe: Oh yeah, that's right, the keyboards, huh?

Ross: Yeah, just a little in high school, but then I really got into it in college. I mean that's-that's when I really found my sound.

(Monica is taking a drink as Ross says that, laughs, and snorts her drink.)

Monica: Oh God! Orange juice just came out of my nose, but it was totally worth it. Oh my God, I completely forgot about your sound.

Ross: Yeah.

Monica: He used to lock himself in the basement for hours. No one was every allowed to hear, "The Sound."

Phoebe: I wanna hear "The Sound."

Ross: Really? No. I mean, nah, I haven't played in so long, and-and, well it's-it's really personal stuff, y'know?

Phoebe: Come on, play that funky music white boy.

Monica: Yeah!

Ross: No, you guys, I mean my keyboards are all the way up in -- No, yeah, okay. (Runs out.)

[Cut to later that same day, Ross has retrieved his keyboard and is about to debut, "The Sound."]

Ross: Okay, guys.

Chandler: All right! Bring it on, you...

Ross: Here we go. (Plays one note) Y'know, I've-I've never played my stuff for anyone before, so it's important that-that you understand it's about communicating very private emotions. (Plays another note) Y'know, umm, you should-you should think of umm, my work as wordless sound poems. That's what I'm...

Chandler: (interrupting) Oh my God! Play!

(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash.)

Monica: (At a loss for words) Boy, that was-that was, umm... terrific.

Chandler: Really, bitchin'!

Phoebe: Wow, it was so -- wow!

Ross: Really?! I mean, really?!!

Rachel: Yeah, I mean, you should play in public!

Ross: Wow! Thanks, you guys. That's uh -- ohhh, I wanna, I wanna play you another piece! Umm! Uh-oh! I left my uh, helicopter sounds on another disk. I'll be right back! Okay? (Runs to fetch them) This is so nice, I'm -- I am so... (starts to break up and leaves)

Monica: Oh God bless my dad sound proofing the basement!

Rachel: Oh, I can't believe I ever let him touch me with those fingers.

Phoebe: What are you guys talking about, I loved it! It was soo moving. Oh, plus it's just, it's so different from the stuff you usually hear.

Chandler: You mean like, music?

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]

Chandler: Yeah, I know what you're thinkin'! Yes, yes, your breasts are just as firm and juicy.

(There's a knock on the door.)

Chandler: Come in!

Kathy: (entering) Hey! (sees what's on TV) Oh God, is that Baywatch?

Chandler: Uh yes, but uh, I just watch it for the articles.

Kathy: So is Joey around?

Chandler: No-no, he's not back yet, but he'll be here any minute. So uh, come on in. Have a seat. Bow or stern?

Kathy: I uh, don't really have a preference. You?

Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) ...of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.

Joey: (on the other end at a pay phone) Hey, it's me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble.

Chandler: What happened?

Joey: We broke down on the Parkway, so I have to walk back and get some transmission fluid. And hey, listen could you please tell Kathy that I'll be there as soon as I can.

Chandler: Why can't you tell her?

Joey: 'Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to -- (he stops talking suddenly)

Chandler: Joey! Joey!!

Joey: Yeah?

Chandler: I thought your time ran out.

Joey: Me too, but I guess I do have a couple of more -- (his time runs out for real)

Chandler: (to Kathy) Uhh, that was Joey. He's running a little late, he says he's sorry.

Kathy: Oh.

Chandler: So I guess it's just uh, you and me then.

Kathy: Oh, okay.

Chandler: Yeah, I think it is!

Kathy: So what did you do today?

Chandler: Oh, I had an appointment to get my haircut...

Kathy: (interrupting) Oh, it looks great!

Chandler: ...and then it got canceled.

Kathy: Well, I could cut it.

Chandler: Really?! You do that?

Kathy: Yeah, I do. Of course, I learned at my aunt's dog grooming shop, but hey, what do you say?

Chandler: Dog grooming huh? Okay, just don't make my tail too poofy.

[Cut to later, Kathy is cutting Chandler's hair.]

Kathy: You have really great hair.

Chandler: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. (Kathy is running her fingers through his hair, and Chandler catches himself enjoying it too much.) Y'know who also has great hair is Joey!

Kathy: Yes! Yeah! Joey has great hair! Umm, I'm basically done here. Just let me get this off your neck.

(Kathy leans in really close and Chandler mouths "Oh my God." She moves around in front of him and kneels at his feet.)

Chandler: What-what 'cha doin'?

Kathy: Checking to see if it's even.

Chandler: 'Kay.

Kathy: Looks good.

(They lean in to kiss and are interrupted by the phone.)

Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phone's making sounds! (On phone) Hello!

Joey: (on phone) Hey dude, it's me.

Chandler: Hey it's Joey!

Joey: Listen uh, I'm really sorry, it looks like I'm gonna be stuck here for a while. I got the transmission fluid, but when I went to put it in the car, the transmission wasn't there!

Chandler: What?

Joey: Yeah, it must've fallen out a few blocks back. I just figured we hit a dog.

Chandler: Okay.

Joey: Listen uh, could you put Kathy on, I wanna apologize.

Chandler: Oh yeah man. (to Kathy) Joey. (Hands her the phone.)

Kathy: (on phone) Hey. (listens) Oh no it's fine, don't worry about it. (listens) Yeah-no, stop apologizing, it's okay. (listens) Yeah! I'll talk to you tomorrow. (hangs up) (to Chandler) I should uh, probably go.

Chandler: Yeah. Yes! Yeah.

(Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.)

Kathy: I forgot my purse.

Chandler: Oh.

(They kiss, passionately.)

Kathy: No, I really did forget my purse.

(They kiss again.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, continued from earlier. Chandler and Kathy are still kissing, then they stop suddenly.]

Chandler: No-no-no-no, this is bad! It's bad! This is bad!

Kathy: Horrible!

Chandler: Wait the uh, the kiss or the situation?

Kathy: No-no-no, the kiss was good.

Chandler: Okay!

Kathy: No, but that's bad!

Chandler: Ooh! Yes! Okay! Here's what we do, we-we forget it happened.

Kathy: What?!

Chandler: Okay, we-we swallow our feelings. Even if it means we're unhappy forever. Sound good?

Kathy: Can you really do that?

Chandler: I have to; he's my best friend, and you're seeing him.

Kathy: Chandler, I like Joey a lot, but with you...

Chandler: (interrupting) Oh-no-no-no! Don't! Don't! See-see, you're getting me confused, I'm starting to urn.

Kathy: I'm sorry. If you wanna pretend that nothing happened, I can try.

Chandler: I-I think we have too.

Kathy: Okay. Bye.

Chandler: Bye. (Kathy leaves and Chandler wonders over to and leans up against the door.) Are you still out there?

Kathy: (outside the door) No. (Chandler opens the door and they kiss again.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is performing, his music hasn't improved.]

Ross: (His voice is altered to sound like a computer.) Electrifying. (He plays the sound of a ticking clock.) Emphatic time-time-time...

Monica: (to Rachel and Phoebe) Y'know, there's a Starbucks about three blocks down.

Phoebe: (pushing Monica back onto the couch) It's so inspired! Look at him! Look at him go!

[cut back to Ross who finally finishes his so-called song with the same crash from before. He gets some applause, mainly 'cause he's done.]

Ross: (with the altered voice) Thank you guys-guys-guys...

Monica: (to Phoebe) Hey, aren't you up next?

Phoebe: Oh no, I'm not playing tonight.

Rachel: Why not?

Phoebe: I can't follow Ross! It'd be like those bicycle ridding chimps that followed The Beetles. No.

Monica{s:1:tongue}hoebe, Ross sucks!

Rachel{s:1:tongue}hoebe, the place has emptied because of him.

Phoebe: Oh my God, he's not even appreciated in his own time. I would give anything to not be appreciated in my own time!

(Rachel and Monica look at each other, and agree on something without saying anything.)

Monica: Okay. Umm, Phoebe, you suck too.

Rachel: Yeah, Phoebe you're... awful!

Phoebe: You guys. You suck too. (She hugs them both.)

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is opening the door, but Chandler has the chain on it.]

Joey: Aww man! I can't believe I locked myself out again! (He knocks on the door.)

Chandler: Hang on buddy! (He goes over and unlocks the door and opens it to reveal a fully furnished apartment.)

Joey: (rushing in) Oh my God! What happened here? Did you do all this?

Chandler: I sure did.

Joey: Why?

Chandler: Well, I just thought it'd make me feel good to do something nice for my friend.

Joey: Well, you're amazing.

Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.)

Joey: (very excited) A TV as if it appears from nowhere! That's the dream! Man, how did you afford this stuff?

Chandler: Well, y'know I'm 29. I mean who needs a savings account.

Joey: Oh, you are the best friends anyone has ever had.

Chandler: Oh, I don't know.

Joey: Oh-no-no-no, you are! You do this, you give me the great advice, and hey listen, I was thinking about what you said yesterday about focusing on one woman, I'm gonna do that.

Chandler: You mean with Casey.

Joey: No-no-no, I think I'm gonna see how things go with Kathy. She's pretty cool.

Chandler: Or Casey.

Joey: No-no, Kathy.

Chandler: Could be Casey.

Joey: No. No, Kathy.

Chandler: Consider Casey.

Joey: Y'know what I think? I think somebody's got a little crush on Casey. How 'bout I fix you two up? What do you think?

Chandler: That all the pieces of my life are falling right into place!

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross has just finished playing.]

Ross: (to Phoebe) Hey!

Phoebe: Hey! You were really great! You were really, really great!

Ross: Oh, thanks, thanks. So Monica tells me that uh, you don't want to play anymore because me and y'know my talent. Is that true?

Phoebe: Well, kinda. Yeah. Yeah.

Ross{s:1:tongue}heebs...

Phoebe: Yeah, I-I can't -- I mean y'know I was trying to be really y'know okay and upbeat about it, I just -- I feel so dwarfed by your musical gift. I...

Ross: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact opposite intent of my music. Y'know my music is-is meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, then I... I won't play anymore.

Phoebe: Oh no. No-no-no, don't do that! How could I live with myself if I knew I was depriving the world of your music.

Ross: Yeah, okay.

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch and Phoebe is getting coffee as Chandler enters. Ross is also there.]

Ross: Hey Chandler! Saw the new furniture. Very nice.

Monica: Yeah! Joey has the best boyfriend ever!

Chandler: I kissed Kathy.

Ross: What?

Monica: Are you serious?

Phoebe: Does Joey know?

Chandler: No. Is there anyway, anyway you think he'll understand this?

Monica: You obviously haven't screwed over a lot of your friends. (They all look at her) Which we all appreciate.

Ross: No the-the sad thing is, if you had told him how you felt before you kissed her, knowing Joey, he probably just would've just stepped aside.

Chandler: Oh, don't say that! Don't say that. That's not true. Is it?

Phoebe: I think maybe, yeah.

Monica: He loves you.

Chandler: Then why didn't you tell me to do that?!!

Ross: Well, I said-I said something to Phoebe.

Phoebe: Yeah! No, that's right. And I thought it was a really good idea.

Rachel: I know, I remember that!

Monica: I remember you did.

Chandler: God!! (Sits down in disgust.) What am I gonna do?!

Rachel: Well, Chandler, you're gonna have to tell him.

Chandler: Why?! Why do I have to tell him?!

Rachel: Because you do.

Chandler: Yeah, I know.

Ross: Hey, would it be okay if I wrote a song about this.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV as Chandler enters.]

Chandler: Hey!

Joey: Hey! Samboucha Margarita?

Chandler: Is that a real thing?

Joey: Well, we only had samboucha, so it is now.

Chandler: Listen ah, Joe, I-I need to, I need to talk to you about something.

Joey: What's up?

Chandler: It's-it's about Kathy. Umm, uh, I like her. I like her a lot actually.

Joey: You do?

Chandler: Yeah.

Joey: Well, you're timing couldn't be better. She's not my girlfriend anymore.

Chandler: What?

Joey: Yeah, she broke up with me.

Chandler: Oh uh, when?

Joey: Just now, after acting class. At first I thought she was doing some kind of scene, that's why I let people watch.

Chandler: Oh man, I am so sorry. Are, are you okay?

Joey: Well, I've been better. But, I'm all right. So you like her huh?

Chandler: Yes, but I-I uh, don't have too.

Joey: No-no-no, no it's uh, it's okay.

Chandler: Yeah?

Joey: Yeah. You know why? 'Cause you came to me first.

Chandler: Well, I thought that would be the best thing to do.

Joey: But hey, listen just so you know, you might have you're work cut out for you. 'Cause when I talked to her, I kinda got the feeling that she's into some other guy. So...

Chandler: See uh, that's-that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I-I think I know who the other guy is.

Joey: Who?

Chandler: It's me. I'm the other guy.

Joey: What?

Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and...

Joey: And what?! Did you sleep with her?!

Chandler: No! No! No! I just kissed her.

Joey: What?!! That's even worse!!

Chandler: How is that worse?!

Joey: I don't know! But it's the same!

Chandler: Look, I'm sorry! But there's nothing I can do, I think I'm in love with her!

Joey: Who cares?! You went behind my back! I would never do that to you!

Chandler: You're right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.

Joey: Over the line?! You-you're-you're so far past the line, that you-you can't even see the line! The line is a dot to you!

Chandler: Yes. Yes! Right! And I feel horrible. You have to believe me!

Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, y'know what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and there's a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that I'm not gonna eat! You know why?!

Chandler{s:1:tongue}robably because...

Joey: Because it's all tainted with your betrayal. From now on this apartment is empty for me! And I'm not happy about you either. (The bread maker dings) Oh, and just so you know, I made that bread for you. (Joey walks into his bedroom and slams the door.)

Closing Credits

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is playing his music. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]

Phoebe: Oh my God, he's lost it. He's totally lost it.

Monica: (removing ear plugs) What?

Rachel{s:1:tongue}hoebe, his music could not get any worse. There are rats in the basement that are hanging themselves.

(Ross finally finishes with the same crash, and gets some applause.)

Ross: Thank you, thanks. (Sits down next to the girls) Yeah, I lost it. Y'know, I'm not gonna play anymore, (to Phoebe) would you, can you finish my set?

Phoebe: After that? Yeah! No, I mean if I can help.

(Phoebe gets up and goes to play, Ross goes over and sits down next to Monica and Rachel.)

Ross: Yeah, like I could lose it.

Rachel: What?

Ross: I played bad on purpose guys.

(Both Monica and Rachel laugh.)

Monica: Okay, so you were trying to play bad this whole time.

Ross: Yeah -- no, just that last song.

End

多云有时晴

408 The One With Chandler in a Box
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is sitting at the counter reading a magazine as the phone rings.]
Joey: (answering phone) Hello.
Chandler: (on phone) Hey, it’s me. I know you can’t stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought I’d try and apologize over the phone. All I… (Joey hangs up the phone in disgust.)
(Pause)
(The phone rings again.)
Joey: (answering phone) Hello.
Chandler: Look I never should have kissed your girlfriend, but I’m… (Joey hangs up the phone again.)
(Pause)
(The phone rings yet again.)
Joey: (answering phone) Stop callin’!!
Voice: (on phone) Hey! Hey! Hey! This is 92.3, WXRK, K-Rock for our $1,000 daily challenge.
Joey: All right!
Voice: What is the name of your roommate who is very, very sorry and would do anything… (Joey realizes it’s Chandler and hangs up the phone in anger.)
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone but Joey and Chandler are there getting ready for Thanksgiving.]
Chandler: (entering) Aww, turkey! Aww, giving thanks! Aww!
Phoebe: Look everyone, it’s the spirit of Thanksgiving!
Rachel: So are things with you and Joey any better?
Chandler: They couldn’t be worse. I spent eight hours calling him last night, just trying to get him to talk to me.
Rachel: Oh wow, eight hours? So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets huh?
Ross: Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?
Rachel: You shouldn’t.
Phoebe: Speaking of Christmas, umm since Monica and I are starting a new business and have like no money, umm, this year maybe we could do secret Santa, and then we each only buy one gift. And-and there’s the added mystery of who gets who.
Ross: Who gets whom. (They all look at him.) I don’t know why I do that.
[Cut to later, the gang, minus Joey, is watching the Thanksgiving Day parade.]
Rachel: Well, I’m gonna take a nap, turkey makes me sleepy.
Monica: We haven’t eaten yet!
Rachel: I know, but all that work you’re doing to get it ready, I just… (goes into her bedroom.)
Chandler: Hey, by any chance did either of pick uh Rachel for your secret Santa, ‘cause I wanna trade for her.
Phoebe: I picked her! Oh thank God you want her! Ooh!
Chandler: Wow! Why do you want to get rid of her so badly?
Phoebe: Because she exchanges every gift she ever gets, it’s like impossible to get her something she likes. Come on, let’s trade!
Chandler: Oh that’s not true! That’s not true! I got her that backpack and she loved it! I remember how much she was crying the day when that big dog ran off with it… (notices the look on Monica and Phoebe’s faces.) Oh, there was no big dog. All right this sucks! I already got her this briefcase, and I had R.G. put on it… (Phoebe looks confused.) Her initials…
Phoebe: Ohh.
Monica: Well, maybe you could give to somebody else. Ooh, like Ross Geller.
Chandler: Op, y'know what though, it’s kind’ve a girlie briefcase.
Monica: Who cares? He works in a museum!
Chandler: Hey, what time is it? The big game is about to start!
Phoebe: You don’t have to do that, Ross and Joey aren’t here, you can watch the parade if you want.
Chandler: Thanks.
Monica: What is wrong with this freezer?! (She jabs her arm into the freezer and a piece of ice flies into her eye.) Ow! Ow!!
Phoebe: God, what happened?!
Monica: Oh my God, ice just got in my eye!
Rachel: (standing in her doorway) People are trying to sleep in here!
Chandler: Monica got ice in her eye, and it hurts.
Phoebe: Open it up, let me see.
Monica: Oh, y’know what, I can’t, it really kills.
Chandler: Well maybe you should put some ice on it.
Phoebe: Ooh, God it looks bad.
Rachel: Honey, maybe we should take you to a doctor.
Monica: No, my eye doctor is Richard! I can’t go to him when I don’t have a boyfriend!
Chandler: He’s really picky about his patients.
Phoebe: Honey, you’ve got to go. What’s his office number?
Monica: Like I remember his office number! (Pause) Speed dial 7.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, I’m calling on behalf of Monica Geller’s eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) He’s out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
Monica: Yes!!
Phoebe: Yes! She’s very excited about that.
[Cut to later, Phoebe is adding butter to something and Ross is watching.]
Phoebe: This is so cool, ‘til Monica gets back, it’s like I’m head chef and I get to make all the decisions. (She looks at the remaining butter, and then decides to add it to the dish.)
Ross: Hey-hey, I thought she told you to follow the recipe exactly!
Phoebe: Okay, get out of my kitchen!
Chandler: (entering) All right! Okay! I think I am making some progress with Joey, when I went into the apartment he went straight into his bedroom but he only slammed the door once! (Ross is pleased.) I mean yeah, he gave me the finger while doing it.
Phoebe: All right I… I gotta call my mom and ask her a left handed cooking question.
Ross: So listen ah, I picked Monica for secret Santa, but I’m already getting her something for Chanukah, I was wondering if you wanna switch.
Chandler: Oh y’know what, I was already trying to trade for ah, well, you.
Ross: Really?! Wow! That’s-that’s so nice, what are you gonna get me?
Chandler: I don’t know R.G., I was thinking something girlie for your office.
Ross: Yeah, well maybe Phoebe will switch with me.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, you don’t want to do that, then you’re gonna get stuck with Rachel and she exchanges every gift she ever gets.
Ross: Oh, that’s not true! I’ve got her lots of stuff she never took back.
Chandler: Like?
Ross: Like uh, that gold necklace I got her last year.
Chandler: When was the last time you saw her wear it?
Ross: Well, she wore it all Christmas day, and then uh…
Chandler: Big dog?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is repacking the furniture into boxes to return it.]
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Ross: What are you doing?
Joey: I’m sending back all this stuff that Chandler bought out of guilt.
Ross: Everything? Even the TV?
Joey: No! I’m putting that in my room.
Ross: Listen, Joey, I know what he did was wrong but don’t you think you could at least hear the guy out?
Joey: Back when you and Rachel were together, if Chandler had kissed her, would you hear him out?
Ross: That’s a good point. So uh, how long are you gonna punish him?
Joey: Five years.
Ross: You’ve sentenced him?!
Joey: Hey! Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.
Ross: Joey, the guy’s your best friend.
Joey: No, was my best friend. Anyway, I don’t know why you’re pushing for him so hard. With him out of the way as my best friend, there’s a spot open.
Ross: Oh, who? Me?
Joey: Yeah!
Ross: Wow! I’m honored! And y’know what I’m gonna do as my first act as your best friend?
Joey: What?
Ross: I’m gonna get you to talk to Chandler.
Joey: All right. But if you weren’t my best friend.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Kathy are sitting at a table and talking about Joey.]
KATHY: Oh my God, is it really that bad?
Chandler: I walk into a room and he won’t even talk to me, he just mumbles something in Italian. And I know he only knows the bad words.
Joey: (entering) Hey Gunther, have you uh, have you seen Chandler?
GUNTHER: I thought you were Chandler. But umm, one of who is over there.
(Joey turns around and sees them kissing.)
KATHY: Oh.
Chandler: Hey Joe.
Joey: (Something in Italian.) (Storms out.)
[Scene: Dr. Burke’s office, Rachel and Monica are waiting as the doctor arrives.]
Doctor: I’ll be right with you. Okay? (to the nurse) Thanks, Wendy.
Monica: Oh my God! How cute is the on-call doctor?
Rachel: Ooh, so cute, that I’m thinking about jamming this pen in my eye.
(The intercom buzzes.)
Nurse: Dr. Burke will see you know.
Monica: Oh no-no-no, not Dr. Burke. Dr. Burke is out of town. The-the on-call doctor will see me now.
Nurse: Dr. Richard Burke is out of town. Dr. Timothy Burke, his son, will see you now.
Dr. Timothy Burke: Ready?
(Monica looks at Rachel, who gives her the thumbs up.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is packing as Chandler rushes in.]
Chandler: Hey! I’m sorry! That—(sees that Joey is about to leave) where are you going?
Joey: My folks.
Chandler: Oh, uh, when-when are you coming back?
Joey: I don’t know. I might stay there for a few days while I look for an apartment.
Chandler: What?!
Joey: Yeah, y’know at first I thought we could talk about this y’know, work it out, but uh, seeing you two together I don’t think I…
Chandler: Hey, look, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that I’ll stop seeing her?
Joey: Look, it’s not about her. Okay? But seeing you two together just reminds me of what you did. And I don’t want to live with some one who doesn’t know what it is to be a friend. So, I’ll see ya. (He starts to leave, but Chandler grabs his bag and stops him.)
Chandler: Hey, look, I know what it is to be a friend, I just-I just screwed up!
Joey: Yeah! You did! And that’s why I’m leaving.
(The chick and the duck walk into the living room.)
Chandler: All right look, if you’re not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year! What with the robbery and all!
Joey: When that guy was robbing us, and I was locked in the entertainment unit for like six hours, you know what I was doing in there all that time? I was thinking about how I let you down!
Chandler: What?
Joey: Yeah! But if would’ve know what kind of friend you were gonna turn out to be, I wouldn’t have worried about it so much! See you around!
Chandler: All right, wait! Come on! Just wait one second! There has to be something that I can do! Something! If we still had that entertainment unit I would get in it for six hours and think about how I let you down. (Joey looks intrigued) What?
Joey: We’ve got a box. (Motions to a large wooden box next to him.)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Dr. Burke’s office, Tim is examining Monica.]
Tim: Last time I saw you, it was the morning I left for college. And you were just standing outside The Dairy Queen.
Monica: I was probably waiting for it to open.
Tim: I gotta tell you, you look great now.
Monica: You look great too.
Tim: You’re an excellent patient!
Monica: So how does it look?
Tim: Well, you’ve got a little scratch on your cornea, your gonna have to wear a patch for a couple of days.
Monica: Like a pirate?!
Tim: If that helps you.
Monica: Umm, so how long have you been working with your dad? (He looks at her) Come on, one of us had to mention him.
Tim: I moved back here a couple of months ago.
Monica: Oh. Big family dinner tonight?
Tim: Uh. (He holds up a brown lunch bag.)
Monica: No way!
Tim: I was gonna have Thanksgiving at my girlfriend’s.
Monica: (disappointed) Oh.
Tim: But we broke up.
Monica: (happy) Oh.
Tim: She-she wasn’t ready for a serious commitment.
Monica: (sympathetic) Oh. (in a pirate’s voice) So you made her walk the plank? Aye, matie?
Tim: You’re not wearing the patch yet.
Monica: I know.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, It’s closer to dinner. Monica has just told everyone that Tim is coming to dinner.]
Ross: He’s coming here for Thanksgiving!
Rachel: I know, it’s sick.
Monica: Why is it sick?
Rachel: Because it’s Richard’s son! It’s like inviting Greek tragedy over for dinner!
Monica: Hey, come on, Phoebe, you understand don’t you?
Phoebe: Yeah, I can see where I’d be your best shot but, no. I’m sorry, but I think it’s twisted.
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: (coming out of the bathroom) What’s twisted?
Monica: Me going out with Richard’s son.
Joey: Ewwwww!! Ew! Ew! Ew!
Chandler: (He is now in the box, in their living room.) Sounds like a really bad idea to me.
Rachel: Is he okay in there?
Joey: He’s fine!
Ross: Hey, y'know, Mon, if things wrong out between you and Richard’s son, you’d be able to tell your kids, that you slept with their grandfather.
Monica: Fine! Judge all you want to but, (points to Ross) married a lesbian, (points to Rachel) left a man at the altar, (points to Phoebe) fell in love with a gay ice dancer, (points to Joey) threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire, (points to Chandler) livin’ in a box!! (goes to her room)
Rachel: So now, what exactly is the point of the box?
Joey: Chandler?
Chandler: The meaning of the box is three fold. One (holds a finger up through the air hole), it gives me the time to think about what I did. Two (holds up another finger), it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three (holds up a third finger), it hurts!
Ross: (to Rachel) Oh hey! Hey uh, you remember the necklace I gave you last year? Can I see it?
Rachel: (worried) Why?
Ross: I just wanna check something.
Rachel: Okay. (She goes into her bedroom)
Ross: (He puts his hand over the hole on the box.) (to Chandler) Now, we’ll see.
Chandler: Air hole! Air hole!! (Ross retracts his hand quickly.)
Rachel: (coming out of her bedroom with a necklace) Here it is! I love it. I wear it all the time.
Ross: (grabbing the necklace) The necklace I got you was gold, this one is silver.
Rachel: Huh, well maybe it uh, it changed.
Ross: Oh my God! You actually exchanged it!
Rachel: Well isn’t it better that I exchanged it for something that I enjoy and that I can get a lot of use out of?
Ross: What did you get?
Rachel: Credit.
(There’s a knock on the door.)
Monica: (running in from her bedroom) I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! (opens the door) Hi, Tim.
Tim: Hi. (gives her a bottle of wine)
Monica: Thank you. Come meet my friends. This is uh, Phoebe.
Tim: Hi, nice to meet you.
Monica: And Joey.
Joey: Hey!
Tim: Hi, Joey.
Monica: My brother, Ross.
Ross: Hey.
Monica: And Rachel. (Chandler clears his voice loudly) And that’s Chandler.
Chandler: How do ya do.
Tim: What’s…
Monica: Umm, well, he’s…
Joey: He’s doin’ some thinkin’!
[cut to later, Joey, Rachel, Ross, and Tim are watching the football game, and they all cheer loudly.]
Chandler: What happened? What happened?!
Joey: You kissed my girlfriend!
(A commercial for sunglasses comes on.)
Rachel: Ooh, I like those sunglasses.
Ross: Like ‘em, like ‘em? Or, I’d like to get store credit for that amount like ‘em?
Rachel: (Swears in Italian, it’s the same term used by Joey earlier and Joey nods his approval.)
Monica: All right everybody, this turkey is ready!
Tim: Where can I wash up?
Monica: Here, let me show you. Okay, the towels are hanging next to the sink, and umm, you can use the fancy soap.
Tim: Thank you.
Rachel: Fancy soap? I thought we were savin’ that for the Pope!
Monica: See he’s nice. Right?
Phoebe: Yeah, but Monica, do you actually want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase, "That’s not how your dad used to do it."
Tim: Wow! Everything looks great! Where should I sit?
Monica: I saved you a seat. (Motions to the one next to her.)
Rachel: (pouring the wine) Sick-sick-sick-sick.
(There’s a loud knocking.)
Phoebe: Oh, I’ll get it. (goes over to the door.)
Chandler: Gotcha! (laughs)
Joey: That doesn’t sound like thinking to me!
Chandler: Sorry!
Joey: Y’know I don’t think you should be talking at all in there! I think you’ve got to much thinking to do to be talking and making jokes!
Chandler: Okay, okay, you got it!
Rachel: Ross, can you pass me the yams?
Ross: Sure! Oh, and Joey’s got the mashed potatoes if you want to exchange them.
Rachel: Would you stop?! What is the matter with you?!
Monica: Oh-ho-ho, we’ve got company.
Ross: There’s nothing the matter with me. See, I’m not completely devoid of sentiment, see I have feelings.
Rachel: Okay, fine. (She gets up and walks into her bedroom)
(an awkward silence follows)
Chandler: You can’t tell, but I’m trying to break the tension by mooning you guys!
Joey: All right, look! If this is just a big joke to you, then forget about it, all right?! This means something to me! And if it doesn’t mean anything to you, then you should get out of there, otherwise you’re just an idiot in a box!
Chandler: You’re right, and I’m sorry! This means a lot to me! I want you to be my friend again! I swear, I won’t say another word tonight.
Joey: So are you gonna start taking this thing seriously?
Chandler: Absolutely!
Joey: That sounds like another word to me! Are you gonna take this seriously? (There’s no response from Chandler.) Okay.
(Rachel comes back carrying a shoe box.)
Rachel: Don’t say that I have no sentiment! (Starts to show Ross what’s in the box.) This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! (Holds up a bone) This is from the museum from the first time we… were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!
Ross: I don’t know what to say, I’m sorry. Though, you’re not supposed to take these. (Points to the bone) It’s like a million years old, we, we actually, we had people looking for that.
(Rachel glares at him.)
[Cut to the balcony with Monica and Tim.]
Monica: (putting off her coat) Ooh, this always happens. (Her coat gets stuck.)
Tim: Here, let me help. (Does so.)
Monica: Thank you.
Tim: You-you have a very beautiful… eye.
Monica: Y’know all my friends think this is weird.
Tim: Y’know I-I thought it was gonna be weird, I mean I almost called and canceled, but it really isn’t.
Monica: I know! I mean it’s like me and your dad, that’s a totally separate thing.
Tim: Oh, I totally agree.
Monica: We’re just two people who find each other very attractive. Right?
(Tim leans in to kiss her. They stop, and when he tries to kiss her again, Monica pulls away.)
Tim: What?
Monica: Nothing. Nothing.
Tim: No-no really, was-was that not okay?
Monica: No-no-no that was good, it was, that was uh, that was a goood kiss…
Tim: Oh my God! It didn’t remind you of…
Monica: (interrupting) Don’t say it!
Tim: No, but it did! Didn’t it?!
Monica: Yeah!
Tim: Oh man!!
Monica: I know!
(They both shiver in horror.)
[cut to later, Tim has left. Monica is still shivering. There’s a knock on the door.]
Joey: I’ll get it. (It’s Kathy.)
KATHY: (sees it’s Joey) Oh.
Joey: Hey.
KATHY: Hey. Listen, I want you to know how sorry I am…
Joey: That’s okay. Chandler’s the one I’m mad at.
KATHY: Well, I’m still sorry. Is he here?
Joey: In the box.
KATHY: (going over to the box) Chandler?
Phoebe: Oh, he-he can’t talk right now.
KATHY: Why not? What’s going on?
Phoebe: He’s just trying to show Joey how much he means to him.
KATHY: By being in a box?
Rachel: Joey, had reasons.
Phoebe: They were threefold.
KATHY: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm… (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I don’t wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I can’t stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I don’t wanna be the cause of that. So, I don’t think we can see each other anymore. I’m gonna go to my mom’s in Chicago, I’m gonna stay there for awhile. I think this could’ve be something really amazing, but y’know this is probably for the best. Y’know? I’m gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
(She gets up and leaves, Chandler waves good-bye with one finger extended through the air hole. Ross glares at Joey.)
Joey: (starting to cry) Open the box!! (Runs over to do so.)
Rachel: What?!
Joey: He can still catch her! Come on, get out of there! (He opens the box) Get out of there!
Chandler: So?
Joey: Yeah, we’re gonna be fine! Get out!
Chandler: Yeah?
Joey: Yeah, you did some real good thinkin’ in there.
Chandler: Man, this is…
(Joey says something unintelligible and they hug.)
Joey: Now go! ‘Cause you can still catch her! And Merry Christmas from you’re secret Santa! (Chandler runs out and closes the door.)
(After he’s gone.)
Joey: All right, who got Chandler? ‘Cause I uh, need to trade.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, the gang is all there watching Chandler.]
Rachel: Oh, he sees her!
Monica: Oh, he’s catching up to her!
Phoebe: Oh, she sees him! Oh, they’re hugging!
Ross: He’s taking her purse!
Joey: Uhh, that’s not them. I’m gonna go call the police.
Phoebe: Oh, there they are!
(They watch them making up and sigh)
Phoebe: All right, get a room.
END

多云有时晴

409 The One Where They’re Gonna PARTY!

[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are showing everyone the van they bought for the catering business. It’s an old Dodge van, that has a cartoon woman riding on a dragon painted on the side of it.]
Phoebe: Okay!
Monica: Come on, no peeking! (They are leading the gang out with there hands over their eyes.)
Chandler: Our eyes are closed and we’re about to cross the street. Very good.
Phoebe: Okayyyyy, open up!
(They open their eyes and are stunned at the van.)
Ross: What did you want to show us? Because all I can see is this bitchin' van!
Phoebe: Yeah, it’s for our catering business!
Joey: I think I know that girl.
Monica: All right, umm, we’re not gonna really keep it this way though.
Rachel: No?
Phoebe: No, we’re gonna paint over the sword, and replace it with a baguette.
Rachel: Oh!
Phoebe: And also, we don’t know what to do with this. (She turns on a switch and the girl’s nipples light up.)
Joey: Oh yeah, I definitely know her.
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all there.]
Monica: (to Phoebe) Remember that guy from cooking school I told you about that put cilantro with everything?
Phoebe: Oh sure, Cilantro Larry.
Monica: Well, I’m gonna fill in for him as food critic for the Chelsea Reporter.
Monica: Wow, Monica! What an amazing opportunity to influence… dozens of people.
Phoebe: How could you say yes, what about our catering business?
Monica: Oh no-no-no, it’s only one night a week, and plus I get to take all of you out for a lot of free dinners.
All: Yay!!
Phoebe: Oh, in that case—(hops up and down in joy)—Yay! (Monica looks confused) That was me hopping on board.
Monica: Oh.
Chandler: (entering) Hey, you guys! Hey, Ross, quick question for ya. Are you ready to party?
Ross: I don’t know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but there’s this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.
Chandler: No-no, I don’t think you heard me. Are you ready to party?!
Ross: Nooo!! Gandolf?! Gandolf is coming to town?
Chandler: Kathy’s with her parents, I have nothing to do, so tomorrow we are partying with Gandolf dude!
Ross: Dude, we are sooo gonna party!
Phoebe: Wow! Okay, dude alert! And who is this guy?
Ross: Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.
Chandler: I’m gonna call and get off work tomorrow!
Ross: I’m gonna call after you!
Chandler: This is gonna be soo cool, dude, we never party anymore!
Chandler and Ross: Woooo!!!
Monica: All right, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?
Joey: Really. And what do you mean you never have fun anymore? You have fun with me, remember that time we saw those strippers and you paid me 50 bucks to eat that book?
Ross: Joey, you are gonna love this guy. Gandolf is like the party wizard!
Joey: Well, why do you call him Gandolf?
Ross: Gandolf the wizard. (Joey is still confused) Hello! Didn’t you read Lord of the Rings in high school?
Joey: No, I had sex in high school.
[Scene: Rachel’s office, Rachel and Sophie are sitting at their desks working as Joanna walks in.]
Rachel: Oh, uh, Joanna I was wondering if I could ask you something. There’s an opening for an assistant buyer in Junior Miss…
Joanna: (interrupting) Okay, but that would actually be a big step down for me.
Rachel: Well, actually, I meant for me. The hiring committee is meeting people all day and…
Joanna: Oh. Well, I wish I could say no, but you can’t stay my assistant forever. Neither can you Sophie, but for different reasons.
Rachel: God, I am so glad you don’t have a problem with this, because if you did, I wouldn’t even consider applying.
Joanna: Really? Well, in that case…
Rachel: (interrupting) And that’s I’m so glad… there’s no problem.
Joanna: That’s fine, actually I’m on the hiring committee, so there’ll be at least one friendly face.
Rachel: Ohh! That’s great!
Joanna: You know, Junior Miss is where I started. Oh, I had to sleep with the ugliest guy to get that job.
Rachel: Really?!
Joanna: No-ho-ho! (pause) Yeah. (pause) I mean, no-no-no-no-no, don’t you worry, I’m sure with your qualifications you won’t need to sleep with some guy to get that job. Although, I might need some convincing.
Rachel: Well, I, umm…
Joanna: Kidding! God, I feel wild today!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is getting ready to party.]
Chandler: Oh man! I am so excited—I may vomit!
Joey: Will you calm down, he’s just a human guy.
Chandler: Look you don’t understand, Gandolf is amazing. Y’know you’re never know what’s gonna end up happening, you go out for a couple of beers and end up on a fishing boat to Nova Scotia!
Joey: Really?!
Chandler: Oh yeah, it’s beautiful country up there.
Ross: (entering) Hey! Okay! I got my passport, fresh socks, and a snake bite kit!
Chandler: It’s not gonna be exactly like last time.
Joey: All right, I’ll see you guys.
Chandler and Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa!
Chandler: Whoa-wh-wh-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!
Joey: I have an audition, but I’ll definitely hook up with you later. Where are you gonna be around noon?
Ross: Somewhere maybe along the equator?
Joey: Okay. (leaves as the phone rings)
Chandler: (answering it) Hello. (listens) (to Ross) It’s Gandolf!!! (on phone) So, are you in town? (listens) (disappointed) Oh, well, well maybe next time then. (Hangs up)
Ross: What happened?
Chandler: He’s not gonna make it, he’s stuck in Chicago.
Ross: Ohh, man! Chicago, is sooo lucky!
Chandler: Stupid, useless Canadian money!
[Scene: Bloomingdale’s, Rachel is meeting with Mr. Posner, Mrs. Lynch, and Joanna the hiring committee.]
Mr. Posner: You have a very impressive resume, Ms. Green. I especially like what I see here about implementing a new filing system.
Rachel: Thank you.
Joanna: Filing system? Oh-oh! You mean those-those little colored labels you put on all the folders? (to the committee) It certainly did brighten up the inside of the filing cabinets.
Rachel: Well, they uh, they-they do more than that.
Mrs. Lynch: I notice that you’ve been trusted with a lot of rather important responsibilities.
Rachel: Yes, Joanna really has been an incredible mentor to me.
Joanna: Oh. And Rachel has been really incredible in getting my morning bagel for me. It’s amazing how she gets it right almost every time!
Rachel: I-I-I of course, I have more responsibilities than that.
Joanna: Oh yes, well there’s the coffee too. (to the committee) Rachel can carry two things at once!
Mr. Posner: Yes, that’s very good. Now a uh, big part of this job is cultivating personal relationships, especially with designers.
Rachel: Yes, I realize that…
Joanna: (interrupting) And Rachel shouldn’t have any problem with that. The only problem might be getting a little too friendly, if you know what I mean.
Rachel: I love working with designers!
Joanna: With them, under them, what’s the difference? Eh, Rach?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is there as Monica enters carrying a huge stack of newspapers.]
Monica: Hey! My first review is out!
Phoebe: Ohh! Oh, the Chelsea Reporter, ohh, this used to keep me so warm.
Monica: All right, look at my on the back page.
Phoebe: Oh, okay! (reading) "Would I go back to Allesandro’s? Sure, but I’d have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." (to Monica) Wow! You really laid into this place.
Monica: Hey, they don’t pay me a penny a word to make friends.
Phoebe: Ooh, I gotta go. I found a guy that who could fix up the van for catering.
Monica: Oh! Do you need me to go with you?
Phoebe: No-no, it’s okay. But are we sure we don’t want the waterbed?
Monica: Haven’t we made this decision?
Phoebe: Yeah, all right. (starts to leave)
Monica: Bye!
Phoebe: Bye!
(The intercom buzzes.)
Monica: (answering it) Who is it?
Allesandro: It’s Allesandro, from Allesandro’s.
Monica: Oh my God.
Allesandro: I want to talk to you about your review.
Monica: Oh my God, oh my God. (on intercom) Call me on the phone!
Allesandro: Why? So you could hang up on me?
Monica: Look, I-I’m never gonna let you up so you may as well just go away.
Allesandro: Just give me a chance too…
Phoebe: (on intercom) Hey, do you need to get in? Here you go.
Monica: No! Phoebe!
Phoebe: Hey, Monica!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Allesandro: (entering) I want a retraction! Our food is not inedible swill!
Monica: I couldn’t eat it! I had five friends who couldn’t eat it, and one of them eats books.
Allesandro: Well our service is not grossly incompetent.
Monica: The waiter carried the breadsticks in his pants!
Allesandro: Well, you said that we except the Discover Card, which we do not!
Monica: All right, that I’ll retract. But I stand by my review, I know food and that wasn’t it. You’re marinara sauce tasted like tomato juice! You should serve it with vodka and a piece of celery.
Allesandro: Hey! I’m proud of that sauce, it’s delicious.
Monica: Oh my God! You own an Italian restaurant and you think that tastes good?! Where are you even from?
Allesandro: (shyly) Lebanon.
Monica: Hand me those tomatoes, I’m gonna show you what it should taste like! Come on, hand me them.
Allesandro: How long is this gonna take? ‘Cause I got another critic to go yell at.
[Scene: Rachel’s office, Rachel is confronting Joanna about her interview.]
Rachel: (entering Joanna’s office) Umm, Joanna? I wanna talk about that interview.
Joanna: I thought it went very well.
Rachel: No! It didn’t! That’s what I want to talk to you about. (starts to break up) Now, just to brief you… (starts to cry) I may cry, but they are not tears of sadness or of anger, but just of me having this discussion with you.
Joanna: Rachel, please, don’t make a scene.
Rachel: There’s nobody here!
Joanna: Sophie, get in here! (Sophie enters) You see! Now you’re making Sophie uncomfortable!
Sophie: She’s not making me uncomfortable.
Joanna: Congratulations! You now just crossed the line into completely useless. Get out. (Sophie starts to cry and leaves)
Rachel: Do you want me to quit?
Joanna: What?! What would make you think that?
Rachel: Well of those things that you said in the interview, I mean if you believe any of them, I must not be a very good assistant. Y’know what? I am just gonna pack up my desk, (She goes over to get all of her belongings from the desk, which amount to a muffin and a pen) and I will be gone by the end of the day! (Realizes she has nothing.) Well, I guess there’s no use to me sticking around ‘til the end of the day! (Starts to leave.)
Joanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait! You can put your sad little muffin back in it’s drawer. If you must know the truth, I didn’t want to lose a perfectly good assistant.
Rachel: What?
Joanna: That’s why I said all those things about your flirting and your drinking…
Rachel: My drinking?
Joanna: Oh, I must’ve said that after you left.
Rachel: Said what? Exactly.
Joanna: That you enjoyed the occasional drink…ing binge.
Rachel: Oh my God!! Ohh, that is it! I’m leaving! You are just a horrible person!
Joanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!! If you’re gonna get all sensitive about it! I don’t want to lose you. What if I, create a position for you? I’ll make you an assistant buyer in this department.
Rachel: Say more things like that.
Joanna: You can have your own office, and a raise! Effective tomorrow.
Rachel: I’d need an expense account.
Joanna: Done!
Rachel: And an assistant.
Joanna: Sophie, get in here! (Sophie peeks in around the corner)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey! What are you guys doing here? I thought you’d be out partying with Gandel-worf.
Ross: It’s Gandolf, and he’s not coming.
Joey: So you’ve been sittin’ around here all mornin’?
Ross: No! I balanced my checkbook.
Chandler: Yeah, and I-I gave first names to all of the foosball players.
Ross: I can’t believe he didn’t come!
Joey: So what if he didn’t come! We can still go out and party ourselves!
Chandler: Oh-no, y’know with Gandolf we’d be out all night!
Ross: Yeah! We’d meet, we’d meet total strangers, and hang out with them!
Joey: Well, we could do that!
Ross: There’s other stuff too.
Joey: We’ll do it all, and better! Look, after tonight, Gandolf will want to party with us, dude! Come on!
Ross: Yeah!
Joey: Yeah!
Ross: Yeah!!
Joey: Yeah!!
Ross: It’s not like we don’t know how to party!!
Joey: Yeah! All right? Let’s go!
Chandler: And may-maybe we could end up on a boat again?
Joey and Ross: Yeah!!!
Chandler: All right!!
Ross: (to Chandler) Hey-hey-hey, when uh, when were we on a boat?
Chandler: Remember that really cold morning, you woke up and those dogs were licking your face?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Well, those were seals, man.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is entering, excited.]
Rachel: Hey Mon, little question for ya! How do you think this suit will look on an assistant buyer?
Monica: Okay, the owner of Allesandro’s came over to yell at me, but instead I made him some sauce, and he offered me the job as head chef!!
Rachel: Oh my God!! You just ruined the thing I was practicing the whole way home, but I’m soo happy!
Monica: Can you believe it? I finally get to run my own kitchen!
Rachel: Ohh, you’ve waited soo long.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Rachel: Hey, Pheebs, quick question for ya.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Rachel: How do you think this suit would look on an assistant buyer at Bloomingdale’s?
Phoebe: I don’t know, it would totally depend on her coloring and… (realizes) You got the job!!
Rachel: Yes!!!
Monica: You got the job?! Why didn’t you tell me?
Rachel: Ohh, it’s gonna be so great! I’m gonna get to help decide what we sell, I’m gonna have an office with walls and everything. (turns to Monica) I’m gonna have walls!
Phoebe: Okay, is this the day of good news or what? I got us a job! The wedding reception.
Monica: Ohh! Umm, Phoebe, I kinda need to talk to you about that. (Rachel excuses herself) Umm, well I-I-I think it might be time for me to take a step back from catering.
Phoebe: But we’ve only had one job.
Monica: I know, but now we have this second one and it just, it feels like it’s snowballing, y’know?
Phoebe: Yeah! What are you saying?
Monica: I got offered the head chef job at Allesandro’s.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: It’s okay, ‘cause y'know what? You don’t really need me for the business.
Phoebe: You’re the cook! With out you it’s just me driving up to people’s houses with empty trays and asking for money!
Monica: All right. But umm, I-I-I’ll pay you back all the money you invested, and you can keep the van.
Phoebe: For what? I can’t believe this! I gotta get out of here. (leaves)
Monica: Phoebe, wait a minute! (runs after her, leaving Rachel alone)
Rachel: I’m an assistant buyer!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Ross, and Chandler are making a pit stop on their party tour.]
Joey: All right, so we’ll get a little coffee, and get energized, and we’ll head back out.
Chandler: Yeah, all right.
Ross: Okay.
Joey: So, we’re having fun, right?
Chandler and Ross: Yeah.
Joey: We don’t need that wizard guy. We hit a couple of clubs, talked to some strangers, and uh, after this, we’ll head down to the docks and see about that boat thing.
Ross: I’m kinda beat.
Chandler: Actually, me too.
Joey: Are you serious?!
Chandler and Ross: Yeah.
Joey: Thank God! I’m exhausted!
Gunther: So you guys want coffees?
Joey: Yeah, but uh, I don’t want to be up too late, so uh, I’ll have a decaf.
Ross: Yeah, me too.
Chandler: Actually, can I get some hot water with a little lemon? I think I strained my voice screaming in there. Does it have to be so loud?
Joey: I can’t hear a word you’re saying, my ears are ringing so bad.
Ross: I’m just glad I brought that extra pair of socks, y’know? I used them as mittens, I didn’t want to touch a thing in that last place.
(pause)
Ross: How sad are we?
Joey: Yeah, I know.
Chandler: Y’know what? We’re not sad, we’re not sad, we’re just not 21 anymore. Y’know? I’m 29 years old, damnit! And I want to sit in a comfortable chair, and watch television and go to bed at a reasonable hour!
Joey and Ross: Yeah!
Joey: Yeah! And I like to hang out in a quiet place where I can talk to my friends.
Chandler and Ross: Yeah!
Ross: And so what if I like to go home, throw on some Kenny G, and take a bath!
Joey: We’re 29, we’re not women.
[Scene: Central Perk, the next day, Phoebe is there.]
Monica: (entering) Ohh, here you are. Y’know, I’m-I’m glad you decided to hear me out.
Phoebe: Okay, I’m hearing.
Monica: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. A lot! And umm, well, I came up with a whole bunch of businesses you can do with your van. Okay umm, you could be flower delivery person.
Phoebe: What?!
Monica: Or! A bakery delivery person.
Phoebe: I wa-I wa-I wa…
Monica: Pizza?!
Phoebe: Monica!
Monica: All right, I’ve got a whole bunch of uh-uh, stuff in this area, but umm, I’m getting the feeling that you don’t want to deliver.
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Okay. I’m guessing that if you don’t want to deliver, you probably don’t want to pick stuff up either.
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Y’know what, let’s do the catering business.
Phoebe: Really?! Are you sure?
Monica: Yeah, y'know I-I made a commitment to you. Y’know what, it’d be, it’d be fun.
Phoebe: Oh! It will be fun! Ohh! Yay! Oh! Okay, ooh, let’s plan the wedding reception. (She grabs the notebook which Monica used for her ideas and starts flipping page after page after page after page after page to find a blank one.) Wow! You really wanted me to do something with this van. (pause) Y’know what, I want you to take the chef job.
Monica: Really?!
Phoebe: Yeah. That’s what you really want. Yeah, I don’t want to be the reason you’re unhappy, that would just make me unhappy, and I really don’t want to be the reason I’m unhappy.
Monica: Thank you.
Phoebe: Besides, it might be kinda fun to form the new A-Team.
[Scene: Rachel’s office, she is coming in for the day carrying a picture for her new office. Mrs. Lynch is coming out of Joanna’s office, carrying a box.]
Rachel: Oh, hi Mrs. Lynch! Is Joanna in already?
Mrs. Lynch: Oh my goodness! You haven’t heard!
Rachel: Heard what?
Mrs. Lynch: Joanna passed away last night.
Rachel: Oh my God! How?!
Mrs. Lynch: Well, she was leaving work and she was hit by a cab.
Rachel: Oh my God! Oh, I cannot believe it!
Mrs. Lynch: I know!
Rachel: Oh, God. Oh, God. (gets worried) Oh God.
Mrs. Lynch: I didn’t realize that she was so close.
Rachel: Yes, so close. Mrs. Lynch, I know that this is an emotional and difficult time, for all of us. But by any chance did Joanna send any paperwork your way before… it happened.
Mrs. Lynch: No. Nothing. Imagine, if she had just stepped off that curb a few seconds later.
Rachel: Yes-yes, just a few seconds and she’d still be with us—nothing about an assistant buyer?
Mrs. Lynch: (starting to cry) No, I’m sorry. I have to go. (She leaves as Sophie arrives.)
Sophie: (happily) Good morning!
Rachel: Oh, Sophie, I guess you didn’t hear about Joanna…
Sophie: I sure did! (smiles)
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica’s new kitchen, Allesandro is introducing her to her new employees.]
Allesandro: I’m so excited about having Monica come on board with us. Although I do feel bad about having fired chef Emillio, it’s like losing a member of the family. Of course, that literally is the case for several of you. Tony, Carlos, Marie, please, tell your father how much we’re gonna miss him. Now, I know that Monica has a lot of great ideas for this place, well, you all read the review. So without much further ado, I present to you our new head chef.
Monica:  Umm, I just wanna say, uh (reads from a 3 X 5 card) that with a pinch of exictement, a dash of hard work, a dollup of cooperation, we can have the recipe... (Looks up and sees eveyone glaring at her) Are you gonna kill me?
END