看Friends学英语-Season Three

多云有时晴

310 The One Where Rachel Quits


[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: (reading the comics) Eh..., I don't, I don't know.
Rachel: What?
Chandler: Well, as old as he is in dog years, do you think Snoopy should still be allowed to fly this thing?
Gunther: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah.
Gunther: Do you remember when you first came here, how you spent two weeks getting trained by another waitress?
Rachel: Oh, sure! Do you need me to train somebody new?
Gunther: (laughs) Good one. Actually, ah, Terry wants you to take the training again, whenever.
Rachel: (to Chandler) Eh, do you believe that?
Chandler: (thinks about it) Yeah?
Opening Credits
[Scene: The hallway of Ross's building, there is a Brown Bird girl selling cookies, as Ross and Chandler come up the stairs.]
Sarah: So that's two boxes of the Holiday Macaroons. On behalf of the Brown Birds of America, I salute you. (Does the Brown Bird salute, she blows on a bird call, then holds her hand, palm facing out, next to her face, and then waves it like a bird flapping it's wings.)
Ross: Just admit it Chandler, you have no backhand.
Chandler: Excuse me little one, I have a very solid backhand.
Ross: Shielding your face and shrieking like a girl... is not a backhand.
Chandler: I was shrieking... like a Marine.
(they both start up the stairs.)
Ross: All right here. Watch me execute the three 'P's of championship play. Power. (swings the racquet) Precision. (swings the racquet.) and penache. (does a backswing and hits Sarah who's started up the stairs, knocking her down, they both watch in horror.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang's all there discussing the incident.]
Monica: You broke a little girl's leg?!!
Ross: I know. I feel horrible. Okay.
Chandler: (reading the paper) Says here that a muppet got whacked on Seasame Street last night. (to Ross) Where exactly were around ten-ish?
Ross: Well, I'm gonna go see her. I want to bring her something, what do you think she'll like?
Monica: Maybe a Hello Kitty doll, the ability to walk...
(Rachel starts to laugh, and Ross notices her.)
Rachel: I'm gonna get back to retraining. (gets up)
Ross: All right, see you guys. (starts to leave)
Chandler: Look out kids, he's coming! (Ross continues to leave with his head down in shame.)
Joey: And I gotta go sell some Christmas trees.
Phoebe: Have fun. Oh wait, no, don't! I forgot I am totally against that now.
Joey: What? Me having a job?
Phoebe: No, no, I am against innocent trees being cut down in their prime, and their, their corpses grotesquely dressed in like tinsel and twinkly lights. (to Joey) Hey, how do you sleep at night?
Joey: Well, I'm pretty tired from lugging the trees around all day. Hey, Phoebe listen, you got this all wrong. Those trees were born to be Christmas trees, their fulfilling their life purpose, by, by making people happy.
Phoebe: Really?
(Phoebe turns and looks at Monica, while Joey frantically motions to Chandler to help him out.)
Chandler: Yes. Yes, and ah, ah, the trees are happy too, because for most of them, it's the only chance to see New York.
[cut to Gunther retraining Rachel.]
Gunther: ...and after you've delivered the drinks, you take the empty tray....
Rachel: Gunther, Gunther, please, I've worked here for two and a half years, I know the empty trays go over there. (points to the counter.)
Gunther: What if you put them here. (sets the empty tray on another stack of empty trays on the back counter.)
Rachel: Huh. Well, y'know that's actually a really good idea, because that way they'll be closer to the mugs. Y'know what, you should have the other waitresses do that too.
Gunther: They already do. That's why they call it the 'tray spot.'
Rachel: Gee, I always heard them talk about that, I just always thought that it was a club they went to. Oh God, I'm, I'm sorry. (walks away)
Gunther: It's all right. Sweetheart.
[Scene: Sarah's bedroom, her room is decorated with a space motif.]
Ross: So, this must be kinda neat for ya, huh? I mean, your Dad tells me that you get a couple of days off school, and you, you ah, don't have to sell those cookies anymore.
Sarah: Well, I kinda wanted to sell the cookies. The girl who sells the most wins a trip to Spacecamp, and gets to sit in a real space shuttle.
Ross: Wow, you ah, you really like all this space stuff, huh?
Sarah: Yeah. My Dad says if I spend as much time helping him clean apartments, as I do daydreaming about outer space, he'd be able to afford a trip to the Taj Mahal.
Ross: I think you would have to clean a whole lot of apartments to go all the way to India.
Sarah: No. The one in Atlantic City, Dad loves the slots. He says he's gonna double the college money my Grandma left me.
Ross: Huh. Well, good luck to Dad. Say, how many more boxes would you have to sell in order to win?
Sarah: The girl who won last year sold four hundred and seventy-five.
Ross: Yeah.
Sarah: So far, I've sold seventy-five.
Ross: Four hundred, huh? Well, that sounds do-able. (starts to get out his wallet) How much are the boxes?
Sarah: Five dollars a box.
Ross: (puts away his wallet) And what is second prize?
Sarah: A ten speed bike. But, I'd rather have something my Dad couldn't sell.
Ross: Well, that makes sense.
Sarah: Could you do me one favor, if it's not too much trouble?
Ross: Yeah, Sarah, anything.
Sarah: Could you pull open the curtains for me? The astronauts from the space shuttle are gonna be on the news, and since we don't have a TV, the lady across the alley said she'd push hers up to a window, so I could watch it.
[Scene: A hallway, Ross is selling Brown Bird cookies for Sarah, he stops and knocks on a door.]
Woman: (looking through her peephole, we see Ross standing in the hallway.) Yesss?
Ross: Hi, I'm selling Brown Bird cookies.
Woman: You're no Brown Bird, I can see you through my peephole.
Ross: No, hi, I'm, I'm an honorary Brown Bird (does the Brown Bird salute.)
Woman: What does that mean?
Ross: Ah, well, it means that I can sell cookies, but I'm not invited to sleep-overs.
Woman: I can dial 9-1-1 at the touch of a button, y'know. Now, go away!
Ross: No, please, please, um, it's for a poor little girl who wants to go to Spacecamp more than anything in the world.
Woman: I'm pressing, a policeman is on his way.
Ross: Okay, okay! I'm going. I'm going. (goes across the hall to knock on another door.)
Woman: I can still see you!
Ross: All right!!
[Scene: Joey's work, selling Christmas trees.]
Phoebe: (walking up to Joey) Hey.
Joey: Hey. What, what are you doing here?
Phoebe: Well, I-I thought a lot about what you said, and um, I realilized duh, all right maybe I was a little judgmental. Yeah, (looks at the tree) oh, but oh...
Joey: Look now, Phoebe remember, hey, their just fulfilling their Christmas....
Phoebe: Destiny.
Joey: Sure.
Phoebe: Yes.
Joey: All right.
Phoebe: Okay. (One of Joey's co-workers, walks by with a dead tree.) Yikes! That one doesn't look very fulfilled.
Joey: Oh, that's, that's ah, one of the old ones, he's just taking it to the back.
Phoebe: You keep the old ones in the back, that is so ageist.
Joey: Well we have to make room for the fresh ones.
Phoebe: So, what happens to the old guys?
Joey: Well, they go into the chipper.
Phoebe: Why, do I have a feeling that's not as happy as it sounds? (Joey points out one going into the chipper to her, as this haunty, demonic music starts to play in the background) No! Nooooo!!! (she winces in horror and hides her face against Joey's shoulder, as she sees the tree spit out from the chipper.)
Joey: (to the guy operating the chipper) Hey! Hey!! (makes the 'cut it' motion with his hands)
[Scene: Central Perk, all except Phoebe are there, Ross is telling the gang, minus Rachel who's still being retrained, about the different cookie options.]
Ross: ...and these come in the shapes of your favourite Christmas characters, Santa, Rudolph, and Baby Jesus.
Joey: All right, I'll take a box of the cream filled Jesus's.
Ross: Wait a minute, one box! Come on, I'm trying to send a little girl to Spacecamp, I'm putting you down for five boxes. Chandler, what about you?
Chandler: Ahh, do you have any coconut flavoured deities?
Ross: No, but ah, there's coconut in the Hanukkah Menoreoes. I tell you what, I'll put you down for eight boxes, one for each night.
(Chandler mouths 'Okay.')
Ross: Mon?
Monica: All right, I'll take one box of the mint treasures, just one, and that's it. I-I started gaining weight after I joined the Brown Birds. (to Ross) Remember, how Dad bought all my boxes and I ate them all?
Ross: Ah, no Mon, Dad had to buy everyone of your boxes because you ate them all. But ah, y'know I'm sure that's not gonna happen this time, why don't I put you down for three of the mint treasures and just a couple of the Rudolph's.
Monica: No.
Ross: Oh, come on, now you know you want 'em.
Monica: Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't do this.
Ross: I'll tell you what Mon, I'll give you the first box for free.
Monica: (she reaches out for it and stops) Oh God! I gotta go! (runs out)
Ross: Come on! All the cool kids are eating 'em! (chases after her.)
[cut to Gunther retraining Rachel.]
Gunther: And when you have a second later, I wanna show you why we don't just trap spiders under coffee mugs and leave them there.
Rachel: (sitting down next to Chandler) I'm training to be better at a job that I hate, my life officially sucks.
Joey: Look Rach, wasn't this supposed to a temporary thing? I thought you wanted to do fashion stuff?
Rachel: Well, yeah! I'm still pursuing that.
Chandler: How... exactly are you pursuing that? Y'know other than sending out resumes like what, two years ago?
Rachel: Well, I'm also sending out.... good thoughts.
Joey: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, you've got nothing pushing you to get another one. You need the fear.
Rachel: The fear?
Chandler: He's right, if you quit this job, you then have motivation to go after a job you really want.
Rachel: Well then how come you're still at a job that you hate, I mean why don't you quit and get 'the fear'?
(Chandler and Joey both laugh)
Chandler: Because, I'm too afraid.
Rachel: I don't know, I mean I would give anything to work for a designer, y'know, or a buyer.... Oh, I just don't want to be 30 and still work here.
Chandler: Yeah, that'd be much worse than being 28, and still working here.
Gunther: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah.
Gunther: Remind me to review with you which pot is decaf and which is regular.
Rachel: Can't I just look at the handles on them?
Gunther: You would think.
Rachel: Okay, fine. Gunther, y'know what, I am a terrible waitress, do you know why I'm a terrible waitress? Because, I don't care. I don't care. I don't care which pot is regular and which pot is decaf, I don't care where the tray spot is, I just don't care, this is not what I want to do. So I don't think I should do it anymore. I'm gonna give you my weeks notice.
Gunther: What?!
Rachel: Gunther, I quit.
Chandler: (to Joey) Does this mean we're gonna have to start paying for coffee? (Joey shrugs his shoulders.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is entering numbers on a calculator as Ross reads off how much he's sold.]
Ross: ....and 12, 22, 18, four... (Chandler starts laughing) What?
Chandler: I spelled out boobies.
Monica: (comes up and starts looking through Ross's cookie supply) Ross, but me down for another box of the mint treasures, okay. Where, where are the mint treasures?
Ross: Ah, we're out. I sold them all.
Monica: What?
Ross: Monica, I'm cutting you off.
Monica: No. No, just, just, just a couple more boxes. It-it-it's no big deal, all right, I'm-I'm cool. You gotta help me out with a couple more boxes!
Ross: Mon, look at yourself. You have cookie on your neck.
Monica: (covers her neck) Oh God! (runs to the bathroom)
Chandler: So, how many have you sold so far?
Ross: Check this out. Five hundred and seventeen boxes!
Chandler: Oh my God, how did you do that?
Ross: Okay, the other night I was leaving the museum just as 'Laser Floyd' was letting out of the planetarium, without even trying I sold 50 boxes! That's when it occurred to me, the key to my success, 'the munchies.' So I ah, started hitting the NYU dorms around midnight. I am selling cookies by the case. They call me: 'Cookie Dude!'
Rachel: (entering) Okay, stop what you're doing, I need envelope stuffers, I need stamp lickers.....
Ross: Well hey, who did these resumes for ya?
Chandler: Me! On my computer.
Ross: Well you sure used a large font.
Chandler: Eh, yeah, well ah, waitress at a coffee shop and cheer squad co-captain only took up so much room.
Rachel: Hey-hey-hey that's funny! Your funny Chandler! Your a funny guy! You wanna know what else is really funny?!
Chandler: Something else I might have said?
Rachel: I don't know, I don't know, weren't you the guy that told me to quit my job when I had absolutely nothing else to do. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!!
Ross: Sweetie, calm down, it's gonna be okay.
Rachel: No, it's not gonna be okay Ross, tomorrow is my last day, and I don't have a lead. Okay, y'know what, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna call Gunther and I'm gonna tell him, I'm not quitting.
Chandler: You-you-you don't wanna give into the fear.
Rachel: You and your stupid fear. I hate your fear. I would like to take you and your fear....
Joey: (entering, interrupting Rachel) Hey! I got great news!
Chandler: Run, Joey! Run for your life! (runs out)
Joey: What? Rachel, listen, have you ever heard of Fortunata Fashions?
Rachel: No.
Joey: Well my old man is doing a plumbing job down there and he heard they have an opening. So, you want me to see if I can get you an interview?
Rachel: Oh my God! Yes, I would love that, oh, that is soo sweet, Joey.
Joey: Not a problem.
Rachel: Thanks.
Joey: And now for the great news.
Ross: What, that wasn't the great news?
Joey: Only if you think it's better than this... (holds up an aerosol can) snow-in-a-can!! I got it at work. Mon, you want me to decorate the window, give it a kind of Christmas lookie.
Monica: Christmas cookie?
[Scene: Joey work, Joey is showing a guy a tree.]
Joey: Okay, and ah, this one here is a Douglas Fir, now it's a little more money, but you get a nicer smell.
Guy: Looks good. I'll take it.
Phoebe: (running up carrying a tree) Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! No, no, you don't want that one. No, you can have this cool brown one. (points to the almost dead tree she has)
Guy: It's-it's-it's almost dead!
Phoebe: Okay but that's why you have to buy it, so it can fulfil it's Christmas destiny, otherwise there gonna throw it into the chipper. Tell him, Joey
Joey: Yeah, the ah, trees that don't fulfil their Christmas destiny are thrown in the chipper.
Guy: I-I think I'm gonna look around a little bit more.
Joey: Pheebs, you gotta stop this, I working on commission here.
Monica: (entering) Hey, guys. I'm here to pick out my Christmas tree.
Phoebe: Well look no further, (shows her the dead one) this one's yours! Ahhh.
Monica: Is this the one that I threw out last year?
Phoebe: All right y'know what, nevermind! Everyone wants to have a green one! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so emotional, I guess it's just the holidays, it's hard.
Monica: Oh honey, is that 'cause your Mom died around Christmas?
Phoebe: Oh, I wasn't even thinking about that.
Monica: Oh. (turns and looks at Joey, who gives a 'way-to-go' thumbs up and smile.)
[Scene: A Brown Bird meeting, Ross is there with the other Brown Birds to see who won the contest.]
Ross: (to the girl sitting next to him) Hi there. How many, how many ah, did you sell?
Girl: I'm not gonna tell you! You're the bad man who broke Sarah's leg.
Ross: Hey now! That was an accident, okay.
Girl: You're a big scrud.
Ross: What's a scrud?
Girl: Why don't you look in the mirror, scrud.
Ross: I don't have too. I can just look at you.
Leader: All right girls, and man. Let's see your final tallies. (all the girls raise their hands) Ohhhh, Debbie, (looks at her form) 321 boxes of cookies, (to Debbie) Very nice.
Ross: (to himself) Not nice enough.
Leader: Charla, 278. Sorry, dear, but still good.
Ross: (to himself) Good for a scrud.
Leader: Oh, yes Elizabeth. Ah, 871.
Ross: That's crap!! Sister Brown Bird. (to Elizabeth) Good going. (does the salute)
Leader: Who's next? (goes over and stands behind Ross, who's feverishly writing on his form, and clears her throat to get his attention.)
Ross: Hi there!
Leader: Hi. And batting for Sarah, Ross Geller, 872. Although, it looks like you bought an awful lot of cookies yourself.
Ross: Um, that is because my doctor says that I have a very serious.... nuget.... diffency.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross are there.]
Chandler: Tell us what happened, Brown Bird Ross.
Ross: Well, I lost. Some little girl loaned her uniform to her nineteen year old sister, who went down to the U.S.S. Nimitz, and sold over 2,000 boxes.
Chandler: (to Rachel, who's entering) Hey! How'd the interview go?
Rachel: Oh, I blew it. I wouldn't of even hired me.
Ross: Oh, come here sweetie, listen, you're gonna go on like a thousand interviews before you get a job. (she glares at him) That's not how that was supposed to come out.
Phoebe: This is the worst Christmas ever.
Chandler: Y'know what Rach, maybe you should just, y'know stay here at the coffee house.
Rachel: I can't! It's too late! Terry already hired that girl over there. (points to her) Look at her, she's even got waitress experience. Last night she was teaching everybody how to make napkin.... (starts to cry) swans.
Ross: That word was swans.
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments, Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are coming up the stairs.]
Chandler: Well seeing that drunk Santa wet himself, really perked up my Christmas.
(They start to go into Monica and Rachel's, their apartment is filled with all of the old Christmas trees from Joey's work.)
Phoebe: Oh! Oh my God!
Joey and Monica: (jumping up from behind the couch) Merry Christmas!!
Phoebe: You saved them! You guys! Oh God, you're the best!
Chandler: It's like 'Night of the Living Dead Christmas Trees.'
(phone rings)
Rachel: (answering the phone) Hello? (listens) Yeah, this is she. (listens) Oh! You're kidding! You're kidding! (listens) Oh thank you! I love you!
Chandler: Sure, everybody loves a kidder.
Rachel: (hanging up the phone) I got the job!
All: That's great! Hey! Excellent!
Phoebe: Oh, God bless us, everyone.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving her last cup of coffee.]
Rachel: Here we go. I'm serving my last cup of coffee. (the gang starts humming the graduation theme) There you go. (hands it to Chandler) Enjoy. (they all cheer)
Chandler: (to Ross) Should I tell her I ordered tea?
Ross: No.
Rachel: Um, excuse me, everyone. Ah, this is my last night working here, and I ah, just wanted say that I made some really good friends working here, and ah, it's just time to move on. (at the counter Gunther starts to cry and runs into the back room) Ah, and no offence to everybody who ah, still works here, you have no idea how good it feels to say that as of this moment I will never have to make coffee again.
[Scene: Rachel's new job, Rachel's boss is telling her what to do.]
Rachel's Boss: Now Mr. Kaplan Sr. likes his coffee strong, so your gonna use two bags instead of one, see. Now pay attention, 'cause this part's tricky, see some people use filters just once.
Closing Credits
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Ross is bringing Sarah to Joey and Chandler's.]
Ross: I'm, I'm sorry you didn't get to go to Spacecamp, and I'm hoping that maybe somehow, this may make up for it. Presenting Sarah Tuttle's Private Very Special Spacecamp!! (opens the door and Chandler and Joey jump up, their apartment is decorated like outer space, one of the leather chairs is covered in tinfoil.)
Sarah: Really Mr. Geller, you don't have to do this.
Ross: Oh come on! Here we go! (picks her up and puts her in the chair) Stand by for mission countdown!
Joey: (simulating an echo) Ten, ten.., nine, nine, nine...., eight, eight, eight... (Chandler hits him in the back of the head) Okay, Blast off!
(They start shaking the chair likes it's flying into outer space. Ross picks up a soccer ball and starts spinning it in his hand and runs around the chair beeping like a satellite. Chandler also starts running around the chair and saying...)
Chandler: I'm an alien. I'm an alien.
Ross: Oh no! An asteroid! (throws the soccer ball off the back of Joey's head.)
(The camera zooms in on Sarah and she has a big smile on her face.)
End

多云有时晴

311 The One Where Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister


[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are there, Joey is demonstrating a card trick.]
Joey: Okay, pick a card, any card. (Monica picks one) All right, now memorize it. Show to everybody. Got it?
Monica: Um-mm.
Joey: All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back, but he looks at the card before he puts it back in the deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a little while) 5 of hearts.
(Monica is sarcastically amazed.)
Ross: Real magic does exist.
Rachel: Wow.
Monica: Wow. Joey, (sarcastically) how do you do it?
Joey: I can't tell you that, no.
(We hear some knocking coming from the ceiling.)
Ross: Ah, somebody's at the door on the ceiling.
Rachel: Noo, that's our unbelievably loud upstairs neighbor.
Monica: He took up the carpet, and now you can hear everything.
Phoebe: Why don't you go up there and ask him to 'step lightly, please?'
Monica: I have like five times, but the guy is so charming, that I go up there to yell and then I end up apologizing to him.
Phoebe: Ooh, that is silly. (gets up) I'll go up there, I'll tell him to keep it down.
Monica: All right, be my guest.
Rachel: Good luck.
(Phoebe exits)
Joey: All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, you really wanna know how I did it, I'll show ya. When you handed me back the card, what you didn't see was, I looked at it so fast that it was invisible to the naked eye. (picks up a card and quickly looks at it) I just did it. (does it again) I just did it, again. Here, I'll slow it down so that you guys can see it. (looks and the card in slow motion)
All: Oh, I got it.
(We hear Phoebe knock at the door upstairs, and the guy answer it.)
Phoebe: (muffled through the floor) Yeah, look I was with my friend downstairs and we hear everything up here that you do, and I am sick and tired... (I tired but the rest is unintelligible) .
Guy: (muffled) Whoa, you are very beautiful.
Phoebe: (muffled) Oh, thank you.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Chandler: (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?
Monica: Honey, what's the matter?
Chandler: I just saw Janice.
All: Oh.
Chandler: Yeah, she was at Rockefeller Center skating with her husband, she looked so happy. I almost feel bad for whipping that kid's pretzel at them.
Joey: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me.
Chandler: Yes, but you ended up having sex with both of them that afternoon.
Joey: Sorry, I just, any excuse to tell that story y'know....
Ross: Hey Chandler, there's a party tomorrow, you'll feel better then.
Chandler: Oh, y'know what, I'm gonna be okay, you don't have to throw a party for me.
Monica: It's Joey's birthday.
Chandler: Oh, well then, if anybody should have a party it should be him.
(We hear Phoebe's muffled voice through the ceiling.)
Monica: Sush!! I cannot believe she is still up there.
(We hear the guy telling a joke, and Phoebe laughing.)
Chandler: Okay, well he totally screwed up the punch line. Y'know, it's supposed to be arrghh-eh og-errigh.
[Scene: Fortunata Fashions, Rachel's new job.]
Mr. Kaplan: (entering) How's that coffee comin,' dear?
Rachel: (jumping up from reading her magazine) Yeah, right away Mr. Kaplan.
Mr. Kaplan: I'm not supposed to drink coffee, it makes me gassy.
Rachel: I know!
Mr. Kaplan: I'll bet your thinking, 'What's an intelligent girl who wants to be in fashion, doing making coffee?' Eh?
Rachel: Op.
Mr. Kaplan: Eh.
Rachel: Oh, you got me.
Mr. Kaplan: Well, don't think I haven't noticed your potential. Well, I've got a project for you that's a lot more related to fashion. How does that sound?
Rachel: Oh, that sounds great.
Mr. Kaplan: Come on over here, sweetheart. (they walk over to a storage closet)
Rachel: Oh thank you so much Mr. Kaplan, thank you so much.
Mr. Kaplan: (opening the closet door revealing that it's full of tangled up hangers.) I need these hangers separated ASAP. (she is stunned) You're welcome.
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Rachel is talking to Monica about her job.]
Rachel: Oh God, I hate my job, I hate it, I hate my job, I hate it.
Monica: I know honey, I'm sorry.
Rachel: Oh, I wanna quit, but then I think I should stick it out, then I think why would such a person stay in such a demeaning job, just because it's remotely related to the field they're interested in.
Monica: (gives her a look) Gee, I don't know Rach. Order up!! I got a Yentel soup, a James Beans, and a Howdy hold the Dowdy!
Rachel: Oh honey, come on, I'm sorry, I didn't.... I don't mind paying my dues, y'know, its just how much am I gonna learn about fashion by walking Mira, the arthritic seamstress, to the bathroom.
(A guy at the end of the table starts laughing.)
Rachel: (to him) Hi! Is my misery amusing to you?
Guy: I'm sorry, I wa, I wa, I was just ah.... (starts to laugh again)
Rachel: It's not funny, this is actually my job.
Guy: Oh believe me, I-I-I've been there. I had to sort mannequin heads at that Mannequins Plus.
Rachel: Oh well then, so I'm just going to go back to talking to my friend here. And you can go back to enjoying your little hamburger.
Guy: Ah, just one other thing.
Rachel: Yes?!
Guy: I ah, I work at Bloomingdale's and I might know of a job possibility if your, if your interested?
Rachel: (looks at Monica) (to him) Do you want my pickle?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it's Joey's party.]
Gunther: (to Monica and Phoebe) Hey guys.
Monica: Hey Gunther. Hi. (to Phoebe) I mean you're going out on a date with the noisy guy upstairs?
Phoebe: Well, he's very charming.
Monica: I know, he's too charming, but if you two start going out, then it's just gonna make it so much harder for me to hate him.
Phoebe: Well, you're just gonna have to try.
Monica: Joey, where are the Jell-o shots?
Joey: I don't know, Chandler is supposed to be passin' 'em around...
(Camera cuts to show Chandler giving a Jello shot to the ceramic dog and holding an empty tray of Jello shots.)
Joey: Chandler!
Chandler: Hello-dillillio!!
Ross: Oh, somebody's feeling better.
Monica: (to Chandler) Stick out your tongue.
Chandler: (to Monica) Take off your shirt!
(Chandler sticks out is tongue and it's a horrible shade of green.)
Monica: Oh my!!
Joey: Oh my God! How many of these things did you have? These are pure vodka.
Chandler: Yeah, Jell-o just like Mom used to make.
Rachel: (entering, to Ross) The most unbelievable thing happened to me today.
Ross: Hi!
Rachel: Hi! So I'm out having lunch at Monica's and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdale's and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and he's gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!
Ross: Wow!
Rachel: I know!
Ross: What, so this guy is helping you for no apparent reason?
Rachel: Uh-huh!
Ross: And he's, he's a total stranger?
Rachel: Yeah! His name is um, Mark something.
Ross: Huh. Sounds like Mark Something wants to have some sex.
Rachel: What!?
Ross: Well, I'm just saying, I mean why else would he just, y'know, swoop in out of nowhere for no reason.
Rachel: To be nice.
Ross: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?
Joey: No, only for sex.
Ross: Thank you. (to Rachel) So did you ah, did you tell Mark Something about me?
Rachel: I didn't have to, because I was wearing my 'I heart Ross' sandwich board and ringing my bell.
Ross: Uh-huh.
Joey's Sisters: (entering) Joey!!! Happy Birthday!! (all 7 of them look almost identical)
Joey: Hey!! Hey-hey-hey!
Chandler: (to Monica) Okay, how many of that girl are you seeing?
Monica: How hammered are you? Huh? These, these are Joey's sisters.
Chandler: Hi Joey's sisters!
Phoebe: (to one of his sisters, Cookie) Hey!
Cookie: Hey. What are we drinkin' over here.
Phoebe: Well, I have ah, vodka and cranberry juice.
Cookie: No kiddin,' that's the exact same drink I made myself right after I shot my husband.
Phoebe: Wow. Okay, I don't know how to talk to you.
(Cut to Chandler)
Sister 1: (to Chandler) What 'cha doing?
Chandler: Oh, I'm taking my ex-girlfriend of my speed dialer.
Joey's Sisters: Oh!!
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, it's a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why can't we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joey's sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
(Cut to Ross and Monica)
Ross: Hi.
Monica: Hi.
Ross: Yeah. So um, I-I heard about this ah, Mark guy that ah, Rachel met today.
Monica: Isn't that great?
Ross: Oh yeah! So ah, kinda pretty, pretty good. He sounds like a nice, good guy.
Monica: Oh, he is. And he is so dreamy. I mean, y'know what, when he left I actually used the phrase, 'Hummina-hummina-hummina.' (walks away)
Ross: That's excellent.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
Ross: (to Rachel) So, he's just a nice guy. You really think this Mark doesn't want anything in exchange for helping him?
Rachel: Well, I assume I'll have to take showers with him, but y'know, that's true of any job.
(Chandler enters hungover and groaning)
Monica: How ya feelin'?
Chandler: Well, my apartment isn't there anymore, because I drank it.
Phoebe: Where'd you get too? We lost you after you opened up all the presents.
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Yeah, I ended up in the storage room, and not alone.
All: Woooo hoooo!!!
Chandler: Ow, no 'woo-hooing,' no 'woo-hooing.'
Phoebe: Why, what happened?
Chandler: Ah, I fooled around with Joey's sister. (Phoebe gasps) Well, that's not the worst part.
Monica: What is the worse part?
Chandler: I can't remember which sister.
Ross: (to Rachel) You see what men do! Don't tell me men are not nice! (points to Chandler) This is men!!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Monica: Are you insane? I mean Joey, is going to kill you, he's actually going to kill you dead.
Chandler: Okay! You don't think I thought of that?
Phoebe: How can you not know which one?
Rachel: I mean that's unbelievable.
Monica: I mean, was it Gina?
Ross: Which one is Gina?
Rachel: Dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.
Monica: No, no, no, that's Dina.
Chandler: (to Monica) You see you can't tell which one is which either, dwha!!
Phoebe: We didn't fool around with any of them. Dwha! Dwha!
Chandler: Veronica. Look, it's got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt. I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.
Monica: That was me.
Chandler: Look, when I've been drinking, sometimes I tend to get overly friendly, and I'm sorry.
Monica: That's okay.
Rachel: That's all right.
Ross: That's okay.
Joey: (angrily entering, to Chandler) Can I talk to you for a second?!
Ross: Hey, Joey.
Rachel: Hey. (they all walk away from Chandler)
Joey: Come on!! (motions for Chandler to come with him)
Chandler: Why can't we talk in here? With, with, witnesses.
Joey: I just got off the phone with my sister.
Ross: Ah, which, which one?
Joey: Mary-Angela.
Ross: Mary-Angela.
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: Y'know which one was she again?
Joey: Why don't you ask Chandler, 'cause he's the one that fooled around with her. She told me you said you could really fall for her. Now is that true? Or are you just gettin' over Janice by groping my sister.
Chandler: It's gotta be the first one.
Joey: Really? That's great! You and my sister, sittin' in a tree.
Chandler: Yep, I'm in a tree.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is writing letters as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Did he call? Did Mark call?
Monica: No honey, I'm sorry, but the weekend's not over yet.
Rachel: Oh. (we hear laughing from the upstairs apartment) Oh my God, is that Phoebe?
Monica: I guess they're back from their date.
(He starts to play music.)
Rachel: Music. Very nice.
(We hear them start making out upstairs.)
Monica: Oh my God!
Rachel: So, how are you?
Monica: I am good. I finished my book.
(Things start to get really hot upstairs.)
Rachel: Oh yeah, what's it about?
Monica: I don't remember. Do you wanna take a walk?
Rachel: Yeah, I do. (they both run out)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is reading a letter that Chandler wrote.]
Ross: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. How's it going. This is the hardest letter I've ever had to write. (to Chandler) What the hell's a matter with you? How do you think Joey's going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a letter?
Chandler: Well, that's the part where you tell him that I moved to France. When actually I'll be in Cuba.
Ross: All right, look, look, you've got to do this yourself, okay in person. At least you know her name. You just go to the house and you ask for Mary-Angela, okay, when which ever one she is comes to the door, you take her for a walk, you let her down easy.
Chandler: What if Mary-Angela comes to the door and I ask for Mary-Angela?
Ross: Where in Cuba?
[Scene: Joey's sister's house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]
Chandler: (shocked) Joey, what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are you doing here?
Joey: Waiting for my Grandma to finish my laundry. What about you?
Chandler: I'm here to see Mary-Angela.
Joey: You are so the man! (motions him to come in, and he does) Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, 'cause my Grandma doesn't know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.
Chandler: Where's Mary-Angela?
Joey: She's right in there. (motions to the living room)
(Chandler walks into the living room, and sees all of Joey's sisters, all wearing red.)
Joey's Sisters: Hey, Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: I can't believe Mark didn't call. It's Sunday night, and he didn't call.
Ross: Bummer.
Rachel: (to Ross) Yeah, right. Look at you, you're practically giddy.
Ross: No, I'm genuinely sorry the Mark thing didn't work out. Look, Rach, I want only good things for you.
Monica: Wait a minute, why don't you just call Mark. (they both look up in shock) I mean, who says you have to sit here and wait for him, you've got to make stuff happen.
Ross: But, you, you don't want to seem too pushy.
Monica: (to Ross) Honey, it's not pushy, he gave her his home number.
Ross: (to Rachel, as she gets his number) What, he gave you his home number? As in like, to, to his home?
Rachel: Yeah, and you don't mind if I call, because you only want good things for me.
Ross: That's right good things, that-that is what I said. (glances at Monica)
Rachel: (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, it's Rachel Green. (listens) Oh no, don't you apologize. (listens) Yeah, I'll hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.
Ross: That is so made up!
Rachel: (on phone) Yeah, oh my God, tomorrow! That, no, it's perfect. Oh God, thank you soo much. Great! Bye! (hangs up phone) I got the interview!
Monica: Yay!
Ross: There you go.
Rachel: He even offered to meet me for lunch tomorrow to prep me for it.
Monica: Oh, that is amazing!
Ross: Yeah well, if I know Mark, and I think I do, I'd expect nothing less.
Rachel: I got to figure out what I'm going to wear.
Ross: High collar and baggy pants say I'm a pro.
Rachel: Yeah! Right! Okay, I'll see you guys later. (starts to leave) Woo hoo!
Ross: You go get 'em. (to Monica) What did I do to you? Did I hurt you in some way?
Monica: What?
Ross: 'Why don't you call him?!' Well, thank you very much! Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep her, as in what you do when you surgically remove the boyfriend!
Monica: Are you crazy?!
Ross: Am I! Am I! Am I out of my mind! Am I losing my senses!! This dreamy guy is taking my girlfriend out for a meal.
Monica: What?! Ross y'know this isn't even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if you're right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?
Ross: No.
Monica: I mean don't you trust her?
Ross: Well, yeah!
Monica: Then get over yourself! Grow up!
Ross: (shyly) You grow up.
[Scene: Joey's sister's house, they're finishing up dinner.]
Chandler: This teramisu is, is excellent. Did you make it Mary-Angela?
Joey's Grandmother: No! I did!
Chandler: Well, it's, it's yummy. So Mary-Angela do you like it?
Joey's Grandmother: Of course! It's her favorite.
Chandler: So um, Mary-Angela, what's your second favorite?
Joey's Grandmother: More of Grandma's teramisu.
Chandler: Would you just please....give me the receipt 'cause this is great. It's top notch.
Joey's Grandmother: That dies with me.
Chandler: So will I.
Joey's Sister: Excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no I was just squinting. That doesn't mean anything.
Joey's Sister: (whispering in his ear) Just do it.
Chandler: Will you excuse me I have to um..... (walks to the hall)
[Cut to the hall, Joey's sister runs up and grabs Chandler's butt.]
Chandler: (startled) Hey!
Joey's Sister: Finally, I thought we'd never be alone. Can I just tell you something, I have not stopped thinking about you since the party. (kisses him)
Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and I'm not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.
Joey's Sister: So! Me neither! God, Mary-Angela was right you do have the softest lips.
Chandler: Ahhhh, you're not Mary-Angela.
Joey's Sister: No, I'm Mary-Theresa.
Chandler: This is so bad. If-if you're not Mary-Angela, then-then who is?
Mary-Angela: (standing behind Chandler) I am!
Chandler: Oh, this is soo bad. (doesn't see Mary-Angela)
Mary-Angela: Joey!!!
Chandler: No Joey! No Joey! Don't Joey! Joey!
Joey: What's goin' on?
Chandler: (pats him on the shoulder) You're it! Now run and hide!
Mary-Theresa: It's no big deal. Chandler was just kissin' me because he thought I was Mary-Angela.
Joey: What?! How could you do that, how could you think she was Mary-Angela?
Chandler: I wasn't sure which one Mary-Angela was. (all of Joey's sisters gasp) Look, I'm sorry okay, I was really drunk, and you all look really similar.
Joey's Sister: I say, punch him Joey.
All: Yeah! Punch him!!
Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brother's not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?
Joey: Well, that is usually what I would do. But I just never thought you'd be on the receiving end of it. How could you do this?!
Chandler: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, you're my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.
Cookie: So what. I say, punch him.
All: Yeah! Punch him! Punch him!
Joey: No! No! No! No, I'm not going to punch Chandler.
Cookie: I'll do it.
Joey: No you won't. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, he's sorry. But, (to Chandler) you've got one more apology to make, all right, you've got to apologize to Mary-Angela.
Chandler: Okay, absolutely!
Joey: All right.
Chandler: You've got it. (he starts to look at his sister's, but he still doesn't know which one is Mary-Angela.)
Joey: Cookie, now you can punch him!
Chandler: What?! (Cookie punches him)
[Scene: A lobby, Ross is waiting for Rachel, after her interview.]
Rachel: (getting of the elevator and noticing Ross) Hey!
Ross: Hi!
Rachel: What are you doing here?
Ross: Ah y'know, this building is on my paper route so I... (gives her a flower)
Rachel: Oh.
Ross: Hi. (kisses her)
Rachel: Hi.
Ross: How'd did it go?
Rachel: Oh well, the woman I interviewed with was pretty tough, but y'know thank God Mark coached me, because once I started talking about the fall line, she got all happy and wouldn't shut up.
Ross: I'm so proud of you.
Rachel: Me too!
Ross: Listen, I'm ah, I'm sorry I've been so crazy and jealous and, it's just that I like you a lot, so...
Rachel: I know.
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Yeah.
Mark: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah. (turns around) Hi Mark!
Mark: Hi. I just talked to Joanna, and she loves you. You got it, you got the job.
Rachel: Oh, I did!
Mark: Yes.
Rachel: (to Ross) Oh my God!! (she turns around and hugs Mark, not Ross)
Ross: Congratu!! (sees her hug Mark) -lations-lations.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The entire gang is there.]
Monica: So ah, Phoebe, how was your date?
Phoebe: Oh well y'know. (laughs)
Monica: Yeah, I do know.
Phoebe: Ick, you were eavesdropping.
Rachel: Eavesdropping. Pheebs, the ceiling tiles were falling down.
Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry. But I really like this guy. And I think he really happens to like me.
(We hear the sound of a bed creaking through the ceiling, and him moaning.)
Ross: Maybe he's just jumping on a pogo-stick and really likes it?
(We hear a women start moaning.)
Ross: Maybe the pogo-stick likes it too?
Joey: All right, that's it! He cannot do this to Phoebe. (gets up) This guy is going to get the butt kicking of a lifetime! (stops and turns around and asks Rachel) But, is he a big guy?
Ross: Ah, we'll all go. (motions to Chandler) Come on. (the guys leave)
Phoebe: Thanks you guys! Thank you.
Chandler: Don't worry.
Phoebe: God, I hope they kick his ass!
Rachel: Honey, I'm sorry.
Monica: Y'know if it's any consolation, he really did sound like he was having more fun with you. (Rachel nods in agreement)
(We the guys knock on the door upstairs, and the guy answering it.)
Guy: (muffled) May I help you?
(We hear the guys start to attack him, but the guy manages to calm them down and gets them to agree to what he did. Monica throws up her hands in disgust.)
End

多云有时晴

312 The One With All The Jealousy

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her first day.]
Rachel: (running in from her bedroom, wearing only a towel) Okay. Hey. Umm. Does everybody hate these shoes?
Chandler: Oh yeah, but don't worry. I don't think anybody's gonna focus on that as long as your wearing that towel dress.
Rachel: (to Ross) Tell him.
Ross: (to Chandler) It's her first day at this new job. Your not supposed to start with her!
Chandler: All right, I suppose I can wait a day. Hey, what are you doing Friday?
Ross: Why?
Chandler: I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert, y'know he's the botanist.
Ross: Oh God. Y'know, botanists are such geeks.
Chandler: Yeah. Is that a dinosaur tie?
Ross: Hmm? Oh, yeah. (he makes a growling sound)
Phoebe: (entering, with about 20 purses hanging around her neck) Morning. Rach, I'm here with the purses!
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It must take you forever to find your keys.
Rachel: (running into the living room) Thank you, thank you, thank you, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Your welcome, oh please not the one with the turtles.
Rachel: No, no, no, no turtles scare me. I don't need that today.
Ross: Honey, just relax, it's gonna be fine. Hey, umm,. why don't I come down there and I'll take you out to lunch?
Rachel: Oh honey, thank you, but Mark's taking me out.
Ross: Mark is that ah, the same Mark that helped you get the job?
Rachel: Yeah, it's kinda like a 'good luck on your first day' sort of thing. (to Phoebe) Is this actually a lunchbox?
Phoebe: Umm, no, it's a purse. And there's a thermos in it.
Rachel: Oh.
Chandler: (to Ross) Hey, so can you make it on Friday?
Ross: What? Oh yeah, yeah I think so. Why am I invited to this again?
Chandler: Well apparently Albert has no friends. He's very excited about the bachelor party though. I think actually the only reason he's getting married is so he can see a stripper.
Phoebe: A stripper at a bachelor party, that is so clich? Why don't you get a magician?!
Chandler: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his but cheeks, then all right.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are entering, Joey is on the phone.]
Ross: She's having lunch with him. She's having lunch with him. And you should of seen the hug she gave him when she got the job. And, and, and, (to Joey) he's really good looking. (Joey gives an enthusiastic thumbs up) What am I gonna do?
Chandler: Don't do anything. Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings! (pause) Don't cry outloud.
Joey: (hanging up the phone) Yes! Guess who's in an audition for a Broadway musical?
Chandler: I want to say you but, that seems like such an easy answer.
Joey: It is me! It's a musical version of Tale of Two Cities. So I think I'm gonna sing New York, New York, and ah, oh I left My Heart in San Francisco.
Ross: Ah Joey, I don't think you get to pick the cities.
Joey: What?
Ross: Mr. Dickens gets to pick 'em.
Joey: Who?
Chandler: I'll get you the Cliff Notes.
Joey: The what?
Chandler: The abridgment.
Joey: Oh, okay. (to Ross) The what?
[Scene: Rachel's office, Mark is training Rachel.]
Mark: ...and the style number, and the invoice number, and the shipping date. Good. Any questions so far?
Rachel: Yeah. What kind of discount do we get?
Mark: Twenty percent.
Rachel: Oh!! I love this job! (her phone rings) Wow! My first call.
Mark: Here, let me. (answers phone) Rachel Green's line, how may I help you?
Ross: (on phone) Hi, is Rachel there?
Mark: And who may I say is calling?
Ross: This is Ross?
Mark: Ross of.....
Ross: Of Ross and Rachel.
Mark: Oh hi. It's, it's Mark.
Ross: Oh hey, hey Mark.
Mark: Hey, hold on a second.
Ross: Okay.
Rachel: Hi honey!
Ross: Hi! What's ah, what's Mark doing answering your phone?
Rachel: Oh, he's just goofing around.
Ross: Ohhhhh yeah, that's, that's funny. Why ah, why isn't he goofing around in his own office?
Rachel: Oh honey, this is his office too. I told you we're Joanna's two assistants.
Ross: Why does Joanna need two assistants, how, how lazy is she?
Rachel: Oh! Oh my God! What did I just do?
Ross: What?
Rachel: I think I just shipped 3,000 bras to personnel. Oh honey, I gotta go. (to Mark) Mark, I need you!
Ross: Okay, bye-bye. (starts slamming the receiver down in anger.)
Rachel: Ow! Ross!!
Ross: Oh, oh, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry sweetie, I was just trying to ah, I'm dialing another number. (hangs up)
[Scene: The Moondance diner, Monica is cleaning up with one of the waiters, with her back turned to him she removes her fake breasts and hides them under her wig.]
Jeannine: (to Monica) All right, I just got changed in thirty seconds so you can be alone with him. You'd better go for it.
Monica: Please, I'm not going for anything.
Jeannine: Well, if you don't, I will.
Monica: Would you please go?
Jeannine: Night Mon. Night Julio.
Julio: (to Jeannine) Adios.
(Monica starts wiping down the stools, as Julio follows along behind her replacing the napkin holders.)
Monica: Look Julio, someone left their book here.
Julio: Ah actually, that is mine.
Monica: Oh yeah, what are you reading?
Julio: Flowers of Evil, by Beaudalire. Have you read it?
Monica: Have I read it? (pause) No, are you enjoying it?
Julio: I thought I would, but the translation's no good.
Monica: Your a poet and don't know it. (she turns away and makes a face like 'I can't believe I just said that.')
Julio: Actually I ah, I am a poet.
Monica: Oh, then you do know it. (pause) So um what kind of things do you write about?
Julio: Things that move me. The, the shadow of a tree, a child laughing, or this lip. (points to her lip)
Monica: Mine? (points to her lower lip) Right here?
Julio: I can write an epic poem about this lip. (grabs her lower lip)
Monica: How would that go? (they kiss) Well, it didn't rhyme, but I liked it.
[Scene: Joey's audition.]
Joey: (singing) You've got to pick a pocket or two. Boyyyyssss, (picks a handkerchief from the pianist's pocket) you've got to pick a pocket or two..........
Director: Lovely, just lovely.
Joey: Really? Thanks.
Director: Listen Joey, we definitely want to see you for the callback on Saturday.
Joey: Excellent, I'll be there.
Director: Okay, and listen don't forget to bring your jazz shoes for the dance audition.
Joey: Ahhh! My ah, my agent said it wasn't a dancing part.
Director: Joey, all the roles got to dance a little. But believe me with your dance background it'll be a piece of cake.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading Joey's resume.]
Chandler: ....three years of modern dance with Twila Tharp! Five years with the American Ballet Theater?!
Joey: Hey, everybody lies on their resume, okay. I wasn't one of the Zoom Kids either.
Phoebe: Well, can you dance at all?
Joey: Yeah, I can dance, y'know. (starts to dance really, really, really badly)
Chandler: Oh no, no, no, no.
Phoebe: (covering her mouth in shock) What, what is that?
Joey: Sure, it looks stupid now, there's no music playing.
(phone rings)
Chandler: All right, I have to get that, but no-no. (answering phone) Hello? (listens) (happily) Hi! Yeah listen, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that. (listens) Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred? (listens) So would I, would I have to provide the grapes?
Monica: (entering) Hi!
Phoebe: Oh, how was last night with Julio, senorita?
Monica: It was soo amazing, he is so sexy, and smart, which makes him even sexier. Oh gosh, I gotta so you this. Last night, we were fooling around and he stops to write a poem.
Joey: Get out! I couldn't stop if a meteor hit me.
Chandler: Okay, we have our stripper. A miss Crystal Chandelier.
Joey: Well sure, you name a kid that, what do you expect them to grow up to be?
Monica: Anyway um, when he left he forgot to take the poem with him. Now, I am like totally dense about poetry, but I think it's pretty good all right. Check it out. (hands them the poem)
Joey: (reading) The Empty Vase. Translucent beauty...
Chandler: To yourself. (finishing) Hey-hey-hey, y'know what that's pretty good.
Monica: Oh good, I think so too. Pheebs?
Phoebe: Oh yeah.
Monica: Oh, I'm so glad you guys like it. Yay! All right I gotta go to work. (tries to take the poem)
Joey: Whoa, I'm not done.
Monica: All right, just give it back to me when your done. See you guys.
Chandler: Bye-bye.
(Monica leaves)
Phoebe: Oh my God, oh my God! Poor Monica!
Chandler: What, what, what?!
Phoebe: What?! He was with her when he wrote this poem. Look, (reading) 'My vessel so empty with nothing inside. Now that I've touched you, you seem emptier still.' He thinks Monica is empty, she is the empty vase!
Chandler: You really think that is what he meant?
Phoebe: Oh, totally. Oh, God, oh, she seemed so happy too.
Joey: Done.
[Scene: Rachel's office, her desk is covered with stuff Ross has sent her.]
Mark: (reaching through the flowers) Do you have the, the Ralph Lauren file?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure, it's umm... (she picks up this bug and it starts to play the theme from Love Story)
Mark: Wh-what's that?
Ross: It's from Ross, it's a love bug.
Mark: Wow! Somebody wants people to know you have a boyfriend.
Rachel: Oh no, no-no-no, that's not, not, not, what he is doing. He's just, he's just really romantic.
Man: (to Rachel) Ah, excuse me, are you Rachel Green?
Rachel: Yes.
Man: (being joined by the rest of the barbershop quartet) One, two, three...
Quartet: (singing) Congratulations on your first week at your brand new job! It won't be long before your the boss.
The Bass Barber: Omm-pah, omm-pah, omm-pah.
Quartet: (singing) And you know who will be there to support... you?! Your one and only boyfriend...
The Bass Barber: It's nice to have a boyfriend.
Quartet: Your loyal loving boyfriend Ross..... Ross!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering the living room from her bedroom.]
Ross: I'm hurt! I'm actually hurt, that you would think that I would send you any of those things out of any thing other than love. Hurt! Hurt!
Rachel: All right Ross!! I get it!!
Ross: I mean my God...
Rachel: You're hurt!
Ross: ...can't, can't a guy send a barbershop quartet to his girlfriend's office anymorrrrre!!
Rachel: Oh, please, Ross it was so obvious! It was like you were marking your territory. I mean you might have well have just come in and peed all around my desk!
Ross: I would never do that!
Rachel: Look, I know what's going on here, okay, Mark explained it all to me. He said this is what you guys do.
Ross: Yeah well if, if, if Mark said that, than Mark's an idiot.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey are there.]
Joey: Mark's a genius!
Ross: Why?! How?! How is he a genius?
Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
Ross: What am I going to do?
Chandler: Well, why don't you send her a musical bug, op, no you already did that. All right look, you're going to have to go there yourself now, okay, make a few surprise visits.
Ross: I don't know you guys.
Chandler: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us, meanwhile she is talking to him about you. And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive, and she starts thinking 'Maybe this is the guy for me, because he understands me.'
Joey: And before you know it, she's with him. And you'll be all, 'Ohh, man!' And he'll be all, 'Yes!' And us, we'll be like, 'Wh-whoa, dude.' And pretty soon you'll be like, (sadly) 'Hhiii,' and, and, and, 'I can't go, Rachel and Mark might be there.' And we'll be like, 'Man get over it, it's been four years!!'
Chandler: He paints quite a picture doesn't he?
[Scene: Rachel's office.]
Woman: (walking up to Mark) Here's the Shelly Siegal stuff from December.
Mark: (turning around) And wait, I've got something for you. (kisses her)
Woman: Mark!!
Mark: It's okay, Rachel knows.
Woman: Yeah, but even soo.
(Ross appears in the hallway just outside of Rachel's office.)
Mark: I can't help it, I'm just, I'm just crazy about you.
Rachel: Ohhh! That is soo sweet! (gets up to get herself a cup of coffee)
(Ross is eavesdropping in the hallway.)
Mark: Okay, okay look, I know I'm being Mr. Inappropriate today, but it's just so tough, I mean see you walking around and I just wanna touch you and hold you, come on no one's around, just, just kiss me.
(They start to kiss, and Ross rushes into the office to break it up.)
Ross: All right that's, that's it!! Get off her!
Mark: What is going on?
Ross: What's going on?! (throws the love bug at him) That's what's going on!!
Rachel: (now standing behind Ross) Ross!
(Ross finally looks at the woman kissing Mark.)
Ross: I have been down in your store for twenty minutes trying to get a tie! What do I have to do to get some service?! (turns to Rachel) Hi Rach. (He's puts his hand on her shoulder and she knocks it away.)
[Scene: Joey's dance audition, Joey is warming up.]
Director: Ah Joey. Joey Tribbiani. Listen Joey, I got a problem, I just got a call from my dance captain, he's having a relationship crisis and can't get out of Long Island.
Joey: So, does that mean the audition is off?
Director: Listen Joey, seeing as you've got the most experience, I want you to take these dancers and show them the combination.
Joey: What?!
Director: Aw come on Joey, it's easy. Y'know, it's hand, hand, head, head, (very quickly, Joey watches stunned) up, pas de bouree, pas de bouree, big turn here, grand sissone, sissone, sissone, slide back, step, step, step, and jazz hands!
Joey: It's ah, step-ity, step and jazz hands.
Director: Have fun.
Joey: Bye. (does the jazz hands)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is tying a ribbon to a vase.]
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey.
Phoebe: What are you wrapping?
Monica: Oh-ho, look what I got Julio.
Phoebe: Yeah, it's a vase.
Monica: Yeah, just like the one in the poem.
Phoebe: Well not exactly like the one in the poem.
Monica: What do you mean?
Phoebe: Remember how you said you were really dense about poetry? Oh. (hugs her)
[Scene: The Moondance Diner.]
Monica: (to Julio) So! I'm just an empty vase, huh?
Julio: What?
Monica: Y'know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else. And y'know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when I my People magazine comes on Saturday, and the new Hold Everything catalog. Y'know but that does not mean that I'm empty, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no right to make that kind of judgment about me.
Julio: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Monica: You don't even know me...
Julio: Whoa, whoa, whoa, the poem is not about you.
Monica: What?
Julio: The Empty Vase is not about you. My baby, you make me so sad that you would think this.
Monica: I'm sorry, my friend Phoebe...
Julio: No, it's about all women. Well, all American women. You feel better now?
Monica: (sarcastically) Oh yeah.
[Scene: Joey's audition, the director has returned and wants to see the combination.]
Director: All right, let's do it!
(The group does the same horrible dance that Joey did earlier in the show, except they're all out of sync and they do the jazz hands at the end.)
Director: No, no, no. What was that?
Joey: I know, it was the best I could get out of them.
Director: Well, people!
Joey: People, people, people.
Director: Let's try it again, and this time let's watch everybody watch Joey. (to Joey) Show 'em how it's done. (to the pianist) Count it off.
(The pianist starts to play, and Joey readies himself, and then runs out of the audition.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: So ah, did you have fun at the bachelor party last night?
Chandler: Oh yeah, yeah! Look what I got, look what I got. (holds up a pen) See, she's fully dressed, right?
Rachel: Right.
Chandler: And then you click it and, uh-oh, she's naked. And then, and then you click it again and she's dressed. She's a business woman, she's walking down the street, she's window shopping, and (clicks pen) whoa-whoa-whoa, sh-she's naked! (Rachel just stares at him.)
Ross: (entering) Hi.
Rachel: Hello.
Chandler: Y'know what, I'm, I'm gonna spend some alone time with the pen.
Ross: (sits down next to her) I'm sorry, I was an idiot.
Rachel: A big idiot.
Ross: A big idiot. Just you have to realize is, this whole Mark thing is kinda hard for me.
(Gunther is eavesdropping in the background.)
Rachel: Honey, why is it hard, I mean we've been together for almost a year now?
Ross: Well, I was with Carol for like eight years and I lost her. And now if it's possible I think I love you even more. So, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not gonna, well that someone else is not going to take you away.
Gunther: Let it be me! Let it be me!
Rachel: Honey, that's very sweet, it just seems to me though, that if two people love each other and trust each other, like we do, there's no reason to be jealous. (she kisses him)
Ross: I gotta get going. Bye Chandler.
Chandler: Oh, okay Ross. Listen, this pen is kinda getting boring, so can you pick me up some porn?
Rachel: Where ya going?
Ross: Oh, I've got to go pick up Ben, we've got a play date this afternoon.
Rachel: Ohh, with who?
Ross: Oh, just this woman that I met last night at the party.
Rachel: There was a woman at the... (realizes) The stripper?!
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: You have a play date with a stripper?!
Chandler: Man, I gotta get a kid. (looks at the pen and starts laughing)
Ross: Ah, yeah, yeah. Umm, we started talking after she y'know, did her thing. And it turns out she's got a boy about Ben's age, so we're taking them to a gym-boree class. Why, is that okay?
Rachel: Sure, is she married?
Ross: Ahh, no.
Rachel: Oh. (starts shaking the sugar down in a packet really hard.)
Ross: Are you jealous?
Rachel: Noo, I y'know I don't see why she has to play with you, that's all. I mean doesn't she have any y'know other stripper moms friends of her own?
Ross: You are totally jealous.
Rachel: I'm not jealous. All right this is about, umm, people feeling certain things y'know about strippers. And y'know, and um, I...
Ross: Honey, I love you too.
Rachel: Ugh. Wait, wait, wait.
Ross: What?
(She runs over and gives him a very passionate kiss.)
Ross: Huh.
Rachel: (to Chandler) Well, there's a kiss that he won't forget for a couple of hours, y'know.
Chandler: Yeah. Either that, or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.
Closing Credits
[Scene: The Moondance Diner.]
Man: (entering) Is there a Julio here?
Julio: (to him) I am Julio.
(The rest of barbershop quartet enters, and joins him.)
Man: (singing) Mister Pretensous, (Monica stands up in the background) you think there's no one finer, well but your poems are unpublished, and you work in a diner.
Quartet: Your no God's gift to women, that's all in your headdddd. You are just a buttmunch.
Bass Singer: No one likes a buttmunch.
Quartet: And your also bad in bedd-edd-edd!.
(Monica waves at Julio.)
End

多云有时晴

313 The One Where Monica and Richard Are Friends

[Scene: A Video Store, Monica is running in to return a video.]
Monica: (to clerk) Hi.
(The clerk enters the video into the computer.)
Clerk: Six dollars, please.
Monica: Six? I just had it for one night. It's three.
Clerk: Eight o'clock is the cut-off and, (looks at his watch) aww, it's 8:02.
Monica: Y'know in a weird way, you have too much power. Look, you're gonna have to help me out here, 'cause I only have three.
Richard: (standing behind her, without his moustache) I can help with that.
Monica: Oh my God. Richard? (turns around) Hi!
Richard: Hi!
Monica: Wow! Your lip went bald. (Richard pays the clerk) Hey, thanks.
Richard: So, you look great.
Monica: Right.
Richard: No you do. You... just...
Monica: What?
Richard: You've got panties stuck to your leg.
Monica: (removes them) That's because I-I was just grabbing some things out of the dryer, and it's static cling. Or maybe it's just that God knew I'd be running into you and saw an opportunity.
Richard: It's good to see you.
Monica: It's good to see you too.
(They hug, and Richard notices a stocking stuck to Monica's back, which he removes for her.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: continued from earlier.]
Monica: You see that guy? He's in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave he's going straight to the porn.
Richard: He's gonna go up to the counter with Citizen Kane, Vertigo, and Clockwork Orgy. (they both laugh) This is nice.
Monica: Yeah.
Richard: I missed this.
Monica: Me too.
Richard: So, you wanna get a hamburger or something?
Monica: Oh, um, I don't know if that's a good idea.
Richard: Oh. Look, just friends, I won't grope you. I promise.
Monica: No, I just I think that it's too soon.
Richard: No it's not too soon, I had lunch at a eleven.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Ross. Joey, and Rachel are eating breakfast. Chandler is holding a bottle of Hersey's Syrup.]
Chandler: Yeah, baby!
Ross: What are you doing?
Chandler: Making chocolate milk. Do you want some?
Ross: No thanks. I'm 29.
Rachel: (looking at her watch) Oh my God, I gotta go to work!
Ross: Oh sweetie, when do you think you're going to get off tonight?
Rachel: Oh I don't know honey. It's gonna be really late.
Ross: Oh come on, not again.
Rachel: I know. I'm sorry. Look, I'll make a deal with you all right? Okay?
Ross: Hmm.
Rachel: For every night that you're asleep before I get home from work...
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: I will wake you up in a way that's proved very popular in the past.
Ross: Now, if you need to stay late, I want to be supportive of that.
Rachel: Right.
Phoebe: (entering, holding a pair of Roller Blades) Hi.
All: Hey.
Joey: (to Phoebe) Look at you. Since when do you roller blade?
Phoebe: Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he like y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal that's he's going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff.
Ross: And what are you going to do for him?
Phoebe: I'm going to let him.
Ross: Okay.
Joey: Cool.
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) Morning.
All: Hey.
Rachel: Somebody got in late last night.
Monica: Yeah well, I ran into Richard.
(They all gasp)
Rachel: When did this happen?
Monica: Oh, um, around 8:02. We ah, talked for a little while, and then um, we went out for an innocent burger.
Phoebe: Oh, there's no such thing as an innocent burger.
Ross: So, are you gonna see him again?
Monica: Tomorrow night.
Rachel: Monica, what are you doing?
Chandler: Well, she spent the last six months getting over him, and now she's celebrating that by going on a date with him.
Monica: It's not a date, okay. I'm just gonna teach him how to make lasagne for some pot luck dinner he has.
Joey: Well, you might wanna make a little extra, y'know you'll probably be hungry after the sex.
Monica: We're not gonna have sex! Okay, nothing's changed here. He still doesn't want children and I still do, so that's why we're just gonna be friends.
Ross: Naked friends.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
Rachel: (entering) Hey.
Joey: Hey.
Rachel: Do you have any ice?
Joey: Check the freezer. If there's none in there, then we're probably out. Are you just getting in from work? It's late.
Rachel: Yeah, I know. I had the greatest day though, I got to sit in on the meeting with the reps from Calvin Klien. I told my boss I liked this line of lingerie, she ordered a ton of it. How was your day?
Joey: I discovered I'm able to count all of my teeth using just my tongue.
Rachel: Hmm. (she opens the freezer) Umm, why do you have a copy of The Shining in your freezer?
Joey: Oh, I was reading it last night, and I got scared, so.
Rachel: But ah, you're safe from it if it's in the freezer?
Joey: Well, safer. Y'know, I mean I never start reading The Shining, without making sure we've got plenty of room in the freezer, y'know.
Rachel: How often do you read it?
Joey: Haven't you ever read the same book over and over again?
Rachel: Well, umm, I guess I read Little Women more than once. But I mean that's a classic, what's so great about The Shining?
Joey: The question should be Rach, what is not so great about The Shining. Okay? And the answer would be: nothing. All right? This is like the scariest book ever. I bet it's way better than that classic of yours.
Rachel: Okay. Ah, well we'll just see about that, okay. I will read The Shining, (she tries to take the book away from him but he doesn't want to let it go) and you will read Little Women.
Joey: All right, you got it.
Rachel: All right.
Joey: Okay.
Rachel: Okay.
Joey: Ah, now Rach, these ah, these little women.
Rachel: Yeah.
Joey: How little are they? I mean, are they like scary little?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there, Phoebe is entering with her date Robert.]
Phoebe: Um, Chandler, Ross, this is Robert.
Chandler: Oh, hey.
Robert: Hi.
Ross: Hey.
Phoebe: (to Robert) You've have lipstick right here (points to her cheek) . That's okay, it's mine, we just kissed.
Ross: Oh.
Chandler: (to Robert) So ah, isn't a bit cold out for shorts?
Robert: Well, I'm from California.
Chandler: Right, right. Sometimes you guys just burst into flames.
(Robert leans back on the arm of the chair and allows Chandler to see up his shorts and sees 'little Robert.' Chandler is horrified by this view.)
Chandler: (standing up) I'm up! I'm up, I've gotten up now! Anybody ah, want anything?
Phoebe: I'll have coffee.
Robert: Yeah, me too.
Ross: Yeah, make that three.
Chandler: Okay Ross, why don't you come with me?
Ross: Okay. (goes over to the counter) (to Chandler) What ah, what is the matter with you? What's going on?
Chandler: Robert's coming out.
Ross: What, what do you mean, what? Is he gay?
Chandler: No. He.....he's coming out of his shorts.
Ross: What?!
Chandler: The man is showing brain.
Ross: Are you sure? (Chandler nods: Yes!) Hold on. (walks over behind the couch) I'm sorry you guys, that was a coffee and a....
Robert: Coffee.
Ross: Okay.
Robert: We could write it down for you?
Ross: No, no, that won't be ah, that won't be necessary (leans down and looks up Robert's shorts, seeing Robert's package.)
Chandler: (to Ross) Wellll?
Ross: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Chandler: What do we do? What do we do?
Ross: Well, I suppose we just try to not look directly at it.
Chandler: Like an eclipse.
(Ross nods his head.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is teaching Richard how to make lasagne.]
Richard: So when people complement me on my cooking should I, what do I say?
Monica: You say 'Thank you very much,' and then you buy me something pretty. Come on, we're gonna put are hands in this bowl, and we're gonna start squishing the tomatoes.
(They both start squishing the tomatoes.)
Richard: Ew, this feels very weird.
Monica: You touch people's eyeballs every day and this feels weird.
Richard: Yeah, well, sure I touch them, but I spent years learning not to squish them. (Monica grabs his hand in the tomatoes.) That's my hand.
Monica: Oops.
Richard: Okay.
Monica: Gotta keep squishing.
Richard: Tomatoes are squishing.
Monica: Okay.
(Richard squishes a little too hard and some lands on his shirt.)
Richard: Op.
Monica: Oh, gosh, you got some on your shirt.
Richard: Yeah.
Monica: Hold on a second, just put a little club soda on it (does so) and it should umm, be.....
(She is rubbing his chest and her voice trails off into silence, a long pause follows.)
Richard: What?
Monica: Umm, you've got some on your pants.
Richard: I'll just throw them out.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is watching Joey read Little Women, Ross is also there.]
Joey: These little women. Wow!
Chandler: Your liking it, huh?
Joey: Oh yeah! Amy just burned Jo's manuscript. I don't see how he could ever forgive her.
Ross: Umm, Jo's a girl, it's short for Josephine.
Joey: But Jo's got a crush on Laurie. (Ross nods his head) Oh. You mean it's like a girl-girl thing? 'Cause that is the one thing missing from The Shining.
Chandler: No, actually Laurie's a boy.
Joey: No wonder Rachel had to read this so many times.
(Enter Phoebe and Robert)
Phoebe: Hey!
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: Hey! How'd the ah, basketball go?
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I learned how to shoot a lay-up, a foul shot, and a twenty-three pointer.
Chandler: You mean a three pointer?
Phoebe: Oh, I get more because I'm dainty.
Robert: So um, is there a phone here, I can check my messages?
Phoebe: Yeah, in the back. You want a quarter?
Robert: Oh, no thanks. I always carry one in my sock.
(He puts his leg up on the couch to get the quarter, once again exposing himself to Chandler and Ross. In horror, Chandler, slides over and leans against Joey on the couch.)
Joey: (noticing Chandler) What are you doing? (he pushes Chandler back to his side of the couch) Get back over on your side of the... (sees Robert in all his glory) Hello!! (to Robert) Hi, I'm Joey, we haven't met.
Robert: Ah, good to meet you. Robert.
(Robert walks away and the guys all start laughing in front of Phoebe.)
Phoebe: What? (the guys keep laughing.) What? You guys, what is going on? You not like Robert? (the guys keep laughing.) Why are you laughing?!
Ross: Calm down. There's no reason to get testy.
(The guys start laughing harder.)
Phoebe: You guys!! Come on!
Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it just seems that Robert isn't as concealed in the shorts area, as ah, one may have hoped.
Phoebe: What do you mean?
Robert: Hey. (sits down)
Phoebe: Hey.
Joey: Hey Robert, could you ah, ha, pass me those cookies?
Robert: Sure.
(He puts his leg up on the table to pass Joey the cookies, and Phoebe sees what the guys are laughing at, and gasps.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is talking to Richard on the phone.]
Monica: So, how'd the lasagne go over? (listens) Really?! Good. So you owe me three pretty things. (listens) Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about you too. (listens) I know. It's hard this whole platonic thing. (listens) It's a word!
(There's a knock on the door.)
Monica: Yeah, I do think it's better this way. (listens) Yeah, we're being smart. (gets up to answer the door) (listens) Yes, I'm sure. (she opens the door and it's Richard)
Richard: You really sure?
Monica: I'll call you back. (starts kissing him)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica's bedroom, she's in bed with Richard.]
Monica: So we can be friends who sleep together.
Richard: Absolutely, this will just be something we do, like racquetball.
Monica: Sounds smart and healthy to me. So um, just out of curiosity, um, do you currently have any other racquetball buddies?
Richard: Just your dad. (pause) Although that's actually racquetball. You know I-I do have a blind date with my sister's neighbour next Tuesday.
Monica: Oh.
Richard: You want me to cancel it?
Monica: No! (pushes him) No!
Richard: Okay.
Monica: 'Cause if you do that means you'd be cancelling it for me, and we're just friends.
Richard: Exactly. (pushes her back)
[Scene: Central Perk, Robert is picking up Phoebe for a date.]
Robert: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey. Ooh! Don't sit down!
Robert: You ready to go to the batting cage?
Phoebe: Yeah. And, first here's a gift.
Robert: Oh! Wow! Hey!
Chandler: Stretchy pants! Why, those are the greatest things in the world! If I were you I would wear them every day, every day!
Robert: Jeez, thank you really that is so nice. But um, to be honest, I don't think I can wear these, they're so tight, I feel like I'm on display. I'm sorry.
Phoebe: That's all right, that's well, I figured.... (they start to leave as Joey enters.)
Robert: (to Joey) Hey!
Joey: Hey! (starts to laugh.) How's it going?
Ross: Good.
Joey: Hey, Rach, how you doing with The Shining?
Rachel: Oh, Danny just went into room 217.
Joey: Oooh, the next part's the best, when that dead lady in the bathtub...
Rachel: Oh, no, meh-nah-nah-nah, come on you're gonna ruin it!
Joey: All right I'll talk in code. (to Ross and Chandler) Remember when the kid sees those two blanks in the hallway?
Chandler: Hmmm, that's very cool.
Joey: Oh, all blank, and no blank, make's blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no, no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at last second they get away. Aww!
Rachel: Joey! I can't believe you just did that!
Chandler: I can't believe she cracked your code!
Rachel: All right, okay, Laurie proposes to Jo, and she says no, even though she's still in love with him, and then he ends up marring Amy.
Joey: Hey! Mine was by accident! All right, the boiler explodes and destroys the hotel, and kills the dad.
Rachel: Eh. Beth dies.
(Joey recoils and gasps in horror.)
Joey: Beth, Beth dies?
Rachel: Um-hmm.
Joey: Is that true? If I keep reading is Beth gonna die?
Chandler: No, Beth doesn't die, she doesn't die. Does she Rachel?
Rachel: What?!
Ross: Joey's asking if you've just ruined the first book he's ever loved that didn't star Jack Nicholson?
Rachel: No. She doesn't die.
Joey: Then why would you say that?!
Rachel: Because, I wanted to hurt you.
Robert: (running in) Oh, there they are! I-I dropped my keys.
(He bends over to pick them up, right in front of Rachel, who then gets a free peep show.)
Rachel: (gasps) Oh my....
Robert: Got 'em.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading The Shining, as Monica enters.]
Monica: Hi.
Rachel: (screams and grabs a potato masher to defend herself) Sorry. I'm sorry.
Monica: You would not believe my day! I had to work two shifts, and then to top it off, I lost one of my fake boobs, (opens her coat revealing a large burn mark over her left breast.) in a grill fire.
(Rachel starts laughing.)
Monica: What are you smiling at?
Rachel: I'm sorry, I was just thinking you're day could still pick up.
Monica: Yeah, right.
(She goes into her bedroom, and sees Richard who has covered the room in roses and has two glasses of wine and a rose between his lips.)
Richard: Hello.
Monica: I love this friend thing!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross are there.]
Phoebe: Listen, Robert's gonna be here any second so, will one of you just tell him?
Ross: Oh.
Phoebe: Please, right now, no, every time I see him it's like 'Is it on the lose?' 'Is it watching me?'
Chandler: We can't tell him, you can't go up to a guy you barely know and talk about his.... stuff.
Ross: He's right, even if it's to say something complementary. (He stops and thinks about what he just said.)
Robert: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Hey.
Robert: (to Phoebe) So are ready for the gym? They've got this new rock climbing wall, we can spot each other.
Phoebe: No, I can spot you from here.
Robert: What?
Phoebe: Okay, listen Robert...
Ross: (to Chandler) Hey, don't we have to...
Chandler: Yeah, we got, um-hmm.
Phoebe: Umm, I think you're really, really great...
Robert: Oh God! Here we go again. Why does this keep happening to me? (spreads his legs) Is it something I'm putting out there? Is this my fault? Or am I just nuts?
Phoebe: I-I-I-I-I don't know, I don't know what to say.
Gunther: (cleaning up the table) (to Robert) Hey buddy, this is a family place, put the mouse back in the house.
(Robert looks down and realises the problem.)
[Scene: Richard's bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a thorn.]
Monica: Ow!
Richard: (outside the bedroom) Really?! Well, it's just like everyone else's apartment. It's got rooms, walls, and ceilings.
Richard's Date: Well, I just wanted to see where you lived. Now, give me the tour.
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God! (She frantically tries to clean up the bedroom as Richard starts the tour.)
Richard: Ah well, this is the living room.
Richard's Date: Impressive.
Richard: All right. This is the kitchen.
Richard's Date: Oh, that's real pretty. Wait a minute, don't I get to see the bedroom?
Richard: The bedroom. Well it's pretty much your typical... (opens the door as Monica hides under the covers, and quickly closes the door before his date can see the room.) bedroom.
Richard's Date: We're still on this side of the door.
Richard: Um-hmm.
Richard's Date: Yeah, but I didn't get to see it.
Richard: Oh shoot! Maybe next time. (yawns) Thanks for a lovely evening. (shows her out)
[Cut to into the bedroom, with Monica still hiding under the covers. Richard enters and sits down next to her.]
Monica: (still hiding under the blankets) So um, who was she?
Richard: Oh, (laughs) that was the blind date that I told you about, she called and switched it to today.
Monica: (still hiding under the blankets) Did you like her? And I'm just asking as a friend, because I am totally fine with this.
Richard: Well, you seem fine.
Monica: (gets up) Okay, y'know what, I'm not fine, I'm not. I mean how can I be fine, hearing you come in with her, she wants to see your bedroom.... (pause) Y'know what, what if we're friends who don't see other people?
Richard: You mean like exclusive friends?
Monica: Why not?! I mean this has been the most amazing week. Would it be so terrible? Even if we were friends who lived together. Or, maybe someday friends who stood up in front of their other friends, and vowed to be friends forever.
Richard: Wow. Y'know we're back where we were. Honey, I would love to do all that, but nothing's changed.
Monica: That's not true, you don't have a moustache.
Richard: Okay, okay, one thing's changed. But we still want different things and we know how this is gonna end.
Monica: Y'know what, I've got to walk out of here right now, 'cause getting over you is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I don't think I could do it again.
Richard: I know I couldn't. So....
(Monica kisses him.)
Monica: How 'bout one last game of racquetball?
(They both kiss, and Richard picks her up and goes over to the bed and starts to lie down.)
Monica: Watch the thorns!
Richard: (lying down) Ow!!
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, and he's very dejected.]
Rachel: What?
Joey: Beth is really, really sick.
Rachel: Awwww.
Joey: Jo's there, but I don't think there's anything she could do.
(Rachel hugs him)
Rachel: Joey?
Joey: Yeah.
Rachel: Do you want to put the book in the freezer?
Joey: (nodding his head) Okay.
Rachel: Okay.
(Joey hands her the book and she puts it in the freezer.)
End

多云有时晴

314 The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner

[Scene: Central Perk, the gang, except Rachel, is watching a new singer.]
Singer: (singing) 'Cause every time I see your face, I can't help but fall from grace. I know.....
Joey: Wow! This girl is good.
Phoebe: Oh-ho yeah! A song with rhyming words. Oo, I never thought of that before.
Chandler: I like her.
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Why? Because she can sing and play guitar and do both at the same time?
Chandler: Well, that's pretty much all I'm looking for from these people.
Monica: (to Phoebe) Look at you. All jealous.
Ross: Yeah Pheebs, come on, you two have completely different styles. Y'know, she's more.. (shakes his shoulders, like he's dancing) y'know, and you're more (sees the look from Phoebe and stops)
Singer: (singing) beside meeeee-eeee-ee. (everyone applauds her) .
Phoebe: Okay, see, see, everyone else is happy she's done.
Singer: Okay, my next song's called{s:1:tongue}hoebe Buffay, What Can I Say. I Really Loved When We Were Singing Partners, And I Shouldn't Have Left You That Way.
(The gang all looks at Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh no, one of those 'look for the hidden meaning' songs.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, later.]
Singer: Hey Phoebe.
Phoebe: Hey Leslie, how'd you know I'd be here?
Leslie: I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said you played here a lot, so umm....
Chandler: (to Ross) All right listen, I have to go to the bathroom, but if the place with the big fish comes up again. I'd like know whether that's several big fish or just one big fish.
Joey: (to Leslie) So ah, Phoebe tells us you write jingles.
Phoebe: Actually I said she abandoned me to write jingles.
Joey: (to Leslie) Ah, anything we might of heard of?
Leslie: Ah, yeah, umm. (singing) Home is never far away..
Monica, Ross, and Joey: (joining in) Home is Home Star stew.
Leslie: Yeah, but, I don't do that anymore. I got kinda sick of it, and then I couldn't come up with anything good, so they fired me.
Phoebe: Hmm, bummer.
Leslie: Well, I y'know, I was just, umm, I was just thinking and hoping, that umm, maybe you'd want to get back together?
Phoebe: No. But thanks.
Leslie: Aw come on Phoebe would you just think about it?
Phoebe: Okay. No. But thanks.
Leslie: Okay, ah, see ya Pheebs. (leaves)
Joey: (to Phoebe) Wow, that was kinda brutal.
Phoebe: Well okay, let this be a lesson to all of you, all right. Once you, once you betray me, I become like the ice woman, y'know. Very cold, hard, unyielding, y'know nothing, nothing can penetrate this icy exterior. (to Monica) Can I have a tissue, please?
Monica: Yeah, sure.
[Scene: Outside the bathroom, Chandler is pacing back and fourth, waiting is use it.]
Gunther: (to Chandler) Someone in there?
Chandler: No. This is just part of a dare devil game that I play called 'wait until the last moment before I burst and die.'
(The door opens.)
Chandler: Jeez, man did you fall.. (sees it's a beautiful woman coming out of the men's room) Hi! So ah, did ya, did-did-did ya fall high?
Woman: Someone was in the lady's room, I couldn't wait. I left the lid up for ya though.
(Gunther walks up)
Chandler: (to Gunther) Y'know what Gunther, go ah, go ahead, I'm-I'm talking to ah, (tries to get her to say her name) . (to her) This is the part where you say your name.
Woman: Ginger.
Chandler: Ginger. I'm talking to Ginger, so....
Ginger: Don't you have to use the bathroom?
Chandler: Nope, nope, I'd just ah, I'd rather talk to you. (pause) Yes, I do. Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom. (knocks on the door)
Gunther: Someone in here.
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang's putting their coats on to leave.]
Phoebe: Where's Chandler?
Joey: Ah, he can't make it, he said he had to his... (sees Ginger) Whoa-oh! (hides behind the coat rack.)
Ginger: Joey? Joey Tribbiani?
(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that he's still behind it, and she can't see him.)
Ginger: Joey I can see you okay? You're hiding behind the coats.
(Joey puts his finger over his mouth to tell Ross to keep quiet. Ginger looks at Monica who looks away and leave.)
Joey: Phew, close one.
[Scene: Rachel's office, Mark is packing his stuff into a box.]
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Hi, sweetie!
Ross: Hello.
Mark: Hi, Ross.
Ross: Yeah, huh.
Rachel: I've got some bad news.
Ross: What?
Rachel: I can get a quick bite to eat, but then I have to come back up here.
Ross: Come on sweetie! You've had to work late every night for the past two weeks, what is it this time?
Mark: Actually, it's kinda my fault. I-I quit today.
Ross: (to Rachel) But work comes first! (to Mark) Oh hey, but that's sad about you though, what happened? Burn out? Burn all out, did ya?
Rachel: Nooo, he's leaving for a better job.
Ross: Oh well that's great, so I guess this is ah, this is good bye then. Huh? (picks a pad up off Rachel's desk and tosses it into his box) Good bye.
Mark: Okay, then.
Ross: Okay.
Rachel: Well we're gonna miss you around here.
Mark: Yeah, me too.
(Rachel goes to hug him but Ross is holding one of her hands and doesn't let go, so she can only put one arm around him.)
Mark: So, see ya on Saturday.
Rachel: Yeah, you bet.
(Ross is shocked, but Rachel drags him out of the office.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are playing with a Ouija board, Phoebe's beeper goes off and Monica screams.]
Phoebe: Oh. (takes her beeper puts in a pot, covers it, and puts the pot in the oven)
Monica: Y'know those are a delicacy in India.
Phoebe: Yeah, that was Leslie calling again to see if we can get back together. That's the twentieth time today! And good luck Leslie!
Monica: Wow, she must have hurt you pretty bad, huh?
Phoebe: Well, yeah. Y'know, we were best friends, ever since we were little, our Moms worked on the barge together.
Monica: Oh, you two must have been so cute running around on a barge.
Phoebe: You never run on a barge!
Joey: (entering) Hey.
Phoebe and Monica: Hey.
Joey: Is ah, is Chandler around?
Monica: No, umm, he met some girl at the coffee house.
Joey: Oooh.
Monica: Yeah, Ginger something.
Joey: Nooo. No, no, ah, are you sure it wasn't something that sounded like Ginger, like ah, Gingeer?
Monica: No, it was Ginger. I remember, because when he told me, I said, (singing) 'the movie star.'
Joey: Aww, man. That's the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out he's my roommate, she's gonna tell him what I did.
Monica: Well, what did you do?
Joey: What, oh, oh, oh, no, no, I can't, I can't tell you that, it's like the most awful, horrible thing I've ever done my whole life.
Monica: Y'know what, don't tell us. We'll just wait until Chandler gets home, (to Phoebe) because it'll be more fun that way.
Joey: All right!! Okay, it was like four years ago. Okay, Ginger and I had gone out a few times, and then this one weekend, we went up to her Dad's cabin. Just me, her, and her annoying little dog Pepper. Well that night, I cooked this really romantic dinner....
Monica: You gave her food poisoning!?
Joey: I wish. No. After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all fell asleep in front of the fire. Well I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw that the fire was dying out. So, I picked up a log and threw it on. Or, at least what I thought was a log.
Phoebe: Oh my God!! You threw Pepper on the fire!
Joey: I wish. See, I guess another thing I probably should've told you about Ginger is that she kinda has a ah, artificial leg.
(Phoebe and Monica both stand up and gasp.)
Monica: Oh my God! Joey, what did you do after you threw her leg on the fire?
Joey: I ran!!
[Scene: A street, Chandler is kissing Ginger.]
Chandler: Well, that's the best kiss I've had with anyone I've ever met in a men's room.
Ginger: Actually, me too.
Chandler: (sees her foot is in a slush puddle) Op, foot in a puddle, foot all in a puddle.
Ginger: Oh damn, I hate that.
Chandler: Yeah, we're gonna have to get you out of those shoes.
Ginger: Oh, don't worry about it.
Chandler: No, really you're gonna freeze.
Ginger: No, I'm not.
Chandler: You're not, what do you, what do you got a bionic foot?
Ginger: Some day, maybe.
[Scene: Ross's bedroom, Rachel getting into bed while Ross is reading and laughs.]
Rachel: Funny book?
Ross: Hmmm. Oh, no, no, I just thinking about something funny I heard today. Umm, Mark, Mark saying 'I'll see you Saturday.'
Rachel: Yeah, at the lecture, I told you that last week, you said you didn't mind.
Ross: Oh, no, no, no, it's-it's not the lecture ah, I mind, umm....
Rachel: Oh, please tell me it's not because I'm going with Mark.
Ross: Oh, well...
Rachel: Oh my God!!! Ross!!
Ross: Well, I'm sorry, but ah, look if you're not working with him anymore, why do you have to still do stuff with him?
Rachel: Because, he's my friend.
Ross: Okay, but do you really need another friend? I mean...
Rachel: Okay, well if I stop playing with Joey and Chandler, can I play with Mark?
Ross: Is that funny? Am I supposed to be laughing?
Rachel: I don't know, you thought 'See you Saturday' was funny. Look honey, Mark is in fashion okay, I like having a friend that I can share this stuff with. You guys would never want to go to a lecture with me.
Ross: Pa-haa!! I would love to go with you.
Rachel: Really!?
Ross: Yeah, hey I-I have clothes, I even pick them out. I mean for, for all you know I could be a fashion..... monger.
Rachel: Okay. Honey, I would love for you to go with me. (Ross has a worried look on his face) What?
Ross: What should I wear, now I'm all nervous.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is looking at her beeper still in the pot. She takes it out, shakes it, and puts it back in.]
Monica: Y'know they say a watched pot never beeps.
Phoebe: It's just y'know, been a couple of hours, and she hasn't called. Not that I even care, y'know.
Monica: Phoebe why don't you just call her? You obviously want to.
Phoebe: You think you know me so well.
Monica: Well, don't 'cha wanna?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: Okay, well I do know you.
Phoebe: That's what I said.
Monica: Well so?
Phoebe: I can't. I can't. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was 'Okay, bye Pheebs' gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun I've ever had in like all my lives.
[Scene: Central Perk, Leslie is singing.]
Leslie: (singing) My best shoes, so good to me. I wear them everyday. Down at the heel, holes in the toes. Don't care what people say. My feet's best friends, pals to the end. With them I'm one hot chicky. Though late one night, not much light, I....
(Phoebe runs in and joins her.)
Phoebe: (singing) I stepped in something icky.
Phoebe and Leslie: (singing) Sticky shoes, sticky shoes, always make me smile. Sticky shoes, sticky shoes, next time I'll.... avoid the..... pillleeeee.
Commercial Break
[Scene: The lecture, Rachel is listening closely, Ross is bored out of his mind.]
Lecturer: We're beginning to see a lot of layering of sheer fabrics and colours. For instance a sheer navy blouse over a pink....
Ross: (to Rachel) I'm really glad we came. (Rachel smiles and rubs his arm) You're so pretty. I love you.
Rachel: Oh. (puts her hand over his mouth)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is teaching Leslie how to sing Smelly Cat.]
Phoebe: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault.
Leslie: Wow, that's great.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Leslie: Y'know you could totally sell this. It'd be perfect for like umm, a kitty litter campaign.
Phoebe: I..., a jingle? No, no-no-no, no.
Leslie: What? Why not? You could make a ton of money.
Phoebe: Okay, well if I was in this for the money, I'd be a millionaire by now, y'know. You just got to get out of that jingle head sweetie.
Leslie: Aw, you're right, you're right. I'm sorry.
Phoebe: That's okay. All right, I'm gonna play song that's really, really sad. It's called Magician Box Mix Up. (she turns her guitar upside down to play it.)
[Scene: The lecture, Ross is passed out against Rachel's shoulder.]
Lecturer: ....oversized bracelets, oversized earrings, oversizing of accessories in general are very popular now.
(Ross wakes up with a start and startles Rachel. The guy next to him starts laughing, which starts Ross laughing, Rachel gives him a look and he stops.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading the newspaper.]
Monica: (entering) Hi!
Chandler: Hey.
Monica: Oh, can I borrow this? (points to his milk) My milk's gone bad.
Chandler: Oh, I hate that. I once had a thing of half and half, stole my car.
Monica: So umm, how was your date with Ginger?
Chandler: Great. It was great. She's ah, she's great, great looking, great personality, she's greatness.
Monica: Sounds like she's got the ah, whole package.
Chandler: Joey told you about the leg, huh?
Monica: Uh-huh.
Chandler: Oh God, it freaked me out. Okay, I know it shouldn't have, but it did. I mean I like her, I don't want to stop seeing her, but every so often it's like 'Hey, y'know what, where's your leg?' I mean I'm the smallest person in the world aren't I? I'm the smallest person in the world.
Joey: (entering from his bedroom) Morning.
Chandler: (to Monica) Actually he's the smallest person in the world.
Joey: (to Chandler) Heard about the leg burnin' huh?
Chandler: It came up.
Joey: Listen, I ah, I know it's a longshot. But, by any chance did she find that funny?
(Both Chandler and Monica walk away in disgust.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are getting back from the lecture.]
Ross: (entering) So I nodded off a little.
Rachel: Nodded off!! Ross you were snoring. My father's boat didn't make that much noise when it hit rocks!
Ross: Come on! Forty-five minutes! Forty-five minutes the man talked about strappy backed dresses.
Rachel: Well okay, how about four hours in a freezing museum auditorium listening to Professor Pitstains and he's 'Hey everybody! Remember that thing that's been dead for a gazillion years. Well there's this little bone we didn't know it had!'
Ross: First of all it's Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didn't fly.
Rachel: Okay, see now, what I just heard: blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah, blah.
Ross: Y'know what, 100 million people went to see a movie about what I do, I wonder how many people would go see a movie called, Jurassic Parka.
Rachel: Oh, that is so...
Ross: No-no-no, a bunch of out of control jackets take over an island. (Makes an unusual sound, then he realises that he still has his jacket on and quickly tries to shake it off, thinking it's alive and attacking him.)
Rachel: Y'know if what I do is so lame, then why did you insist on coming with me this morning? Huh? Was it so I just wouldn't go with Mark?
Ross: No. I... I wanted to be with you. I don't know, I feel like lately, I feel like you're slipping away from me, y'know. With this new job, and all these new people, and you've got this whole other life going on. I-I-I know it's dumb, but I hate that I'm not a part of it.
Rachel: It's not dumb. But, maybe it's okay that you're not a part of it. Y'know what I mean? (Ross looks confused) I mean it's like, I-I-I like that you're not involved in that part of my life.
Ross: That's a little clearer.
Rachel: Honey see, it doesn't mean that I don't love you. Because I do. I love you, I love you so much. But my work it's-it's for me y'know, I'm out there, on my own, and I'm doing it and it's scary but I love it, because it's mine. I, but, I mean is that okay?
Ross: Sure, I-I-I... (hugs her and mouths No!!)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Ginger are eating dinner.]
Ginger: Your thinking about my leg aren't you?
Chandler: No. No. Actually I forgot, what is the deal with that again?
Ginger: It's okay if it bothers you. Really. I mean the only thing I need to know is: 'How much it bothers you?' because I don't like wasting my time. Am I wasting my time?
Chandler: No. No. I don't think so.
Ginger: Okay. It's just like anything else, you just have to get used to it.
(They start making out. She opens his shirt and feels inside and stops.)
Ginger: What's that?
Chandler: That's-that's my nubbin.
Ginger: What's a nubbin?
Chandler: It's kinda a ah, a third nipple kinda thing.
Ginger: You have three nipples?
Chandler: Well, y'know two regulars. And ah one that barely qualifies as... (starts to kiss her again, but she gets up.) Ahh, what?
Ginger: Nothing. I, I just remembered I have to leave.
Chandler: You ah, you have, you have to leave, now? How come?
Ginger: Ah well, it's nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'know what, I'll see you later. Okay. (She leaves and in the hall we see her shake her shoulders like when someone runs their fingernails across a blackboard.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing as Leslie enters.]
Phoebe: (to Leslie) Oh, I thought you weren't coming. What? Where were you?
Leslie: Come here, come here. (they go to the side of the stage) Okay, don't get mad, okay.
Phoebe: Okay, don't give me a reason to get mad, okay
Leslie: I played Smelly Cat for the people at my old ad agency, they went nuts.
Phoebe: No, look, I told you that I didn't want you to try and sell it, and you just, you big fat did it anyway. God, y'know what, I think five years ago I probably would've done anything to play with you but, I can do it by myself. And if I can't trust you then just forget it.
Leslie: No, no, I don't want to forget it.
Phoebe: Okay y'know what you have to choose. All right, if-if the most important thing on the planet to you is this cat poopy thing then, okay you can have Smelly Cat, but we won't be partners. So what's it gonna be?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and Joey are watching TV.]
Commercial: (in the background their singing Smelly Cat) Problem odour in the litter box? Don't change your kitty, change your kitty litter.
(Monica gets up and shuts off the TV.)
Monica: Sorry, Pheebs.
Joey: Yeah. You okay?
Phoebe: Yeah. I actually am, yeah. Y'know life-life's gonna had you all kinds of stuff, y'know you learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow. Wanna hear a new song?
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: We'd love too.
Phoebe: Okay. (singing) 'Jingle bitch screwed me over! Go to hell jingle whore! Go to hell Go to hell. Go to hell-hell-hell.' That's all I have so far.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang except Chandler is there.]
Chandler: (entering, happily) Well hello!
Joey: Where have you been?
Chandler: The doctor.
Ross: Is everything okay?
Chandler: Oh yes! Just had me a little nubbin-ectomy. Yep! Two nipples, no waiting.
Monica: Wow! It's like Rachel in High School.
Rachel: What?!!
Monica: Come on! Come on, I was kidding! It was such an obvious joke!
Chandler: That was an obvious joke, and I didn't think of it. Why didn't I think of it? The source of all my powers. Oh dear God, what have I done!
End

多云有时晴

315 The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A Break

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is taking a jar of olives out of the fridge.]
Joey: (to Monica) Hey, how much will you give me to eat this whole jar of olives?
Monica: I won't give you anything, but you'll owe me 2.95.
Joey: Done.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey. I need an atlas! I need an atlas!
Monica: Why? (in a motherlike tone) Do you have a report due?
Phoebe: I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the UN and, I don't know where his country is.
Monica: Okay, let's start with the free messages outside the UN.
Phoebe: Oh!! That's my new thing. I figure bodies at peace, make peace.
Monica: Wow! You might just get the first Nobel prize in rubbing. So what country is this guy from?
Phoebe: Ick-neck-tree-anis..... There's a 'g' in there.
Monica: Where's that?
Phoebe: In your atlas!
Monica: I don't have an atlas.
Phoebe: Oh.
Monica: Oh, but wait I do have a globe.
Phoebe: Oh.
Monica: Hold on.
Joey: So Pheebs what's this guy like?
Phoebe: Umm, well he's very dashing, y'know, and umm, very, very sophisticated, and he doesn't speak any English, but according to his translator, he totally gets me.
Monica: 'Kay, here you go. (Hands her this tiny little globe.)
Phoebe: What is this?
Monica: It's a globe and, a pencil sharpener.
(Phoebe puts the globe right up next to her eye to try and find the country.)
Chandler: (entering) Hey, does anybody need anything copied? I'm going down to the Xerox place.
Monica: Oh, no thanks.
Chandler: Okay listen, just give me anything I can make two of.
Monica: Well, if you don't have anything to copy, why are you going down there?
Joey: Yeah, are you just going down there to gawk at that hot girl with the belly button ring again?
Chandler: Yeah! You wanna come?
Joey: Yeah!
Opening Credits
[Scene: The Xerox place, Chandler and Joey are waiting in line.]
Chandler: Come on Chloe! Finish up with your customer first. Come on Chloe! Come on Chloe!!
Issac: (to Chandler and Joey) Can I help you?
Chandler: Uh-oh.
Joey: Uh, y'know what, we're having second thoughts about our copying needs. And we'll need a little more time to think about it.
Issac: Chloe, switch with me, there's some guys here that got a crush on you.
Chandler: (to Joey) Okay, that hurt us.
Chloe: Hi guys. I haven't seen you since this morning.
Chandler: Well ah, ........y'know.
Chloe: Hey, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?
Joey: Both of us? (points to Chandler and himself)
Chloe: Maybe. Does that scare ya?
(They both start laughing. They look at each other, stop and step apart a little bit.)
Chloe: Relax. It's just Issac's D.J.-ing at the Philly. You should come.
Joey: We'll be there.
Chloe: Great. I'll ah, see ya then.
Chandler: All right, rock on. (Does the 'Hang 10' sign, then hides his face in shame.)
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking along with the diplomat (Sergei) and his translator (Mischa) .]
Sergei: (something in Russian or Polish)
Mischa: He's says, 'Walking with you makes this strange city, feel like home.'
Phoebe: Me too. Although this city is my home, so. So that's dumb what I said, don't tell him I said that. Umm, you make something up. (Mischa does so and Sergei kisses her hand.) Nice, (to Mischa) thank you. This is me. Here.
(Sergei goes up to her at her door and says something.)
Mischa: (leaning in) Your eyes are very pretty.
Phoebe: (to Mischa) Thank you, very much! Oh! (to Sergei) Thank you!
(Sergei says something and leans in to kiss her, but just as he's about to....)
Mischa: (leaning in) He would like to kiss you.
Phoebe: (to Mischa) Okay, y'know what, you don't have to do that now. (Mischa translates that to Sergei) No-no-no-no!! Not him, you don't! (Mischa tells Sergei he can proceed and steps away) Well the moment's over.
(Sergei says something and kisses her.)
Phoebe: Oh.
Mischa: Oy!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is showing Monica where Sergei's country is.]
Phoebe: (pointing to the globe) See there it is right there.
Monica: Wow! It's small.
Phoebe: Yeah. But Sergei said it took the Germans six weeks to get all the way across it.
Monica: So you had fun, huh?
Phoebe: Yeah. Except for, y'know when you're on a date and you're getting along really great but the guy's translator keeps getting in the way.
Monica: No.
Ross: (entering) Hey.
Phoebe and Monica: Hey.
Ross: What is ah, Rach in her room?
Monica: Oh no, she's still at work, but she told me to tell you to call her.
Ross: Oh what?! Is she gonna cancel on me again?! How can she do this? Doesn't she know it's our anniversary?
Monica: All right ah, Ross, this is the extent of my knowledge on the subject. (holds up a notepad) Call Rachel.
Ross: What's that on the bottom?
Monica: Oh that's my doodle of a ladybug, with a top hat. (to Phoebe) She's fancy.
(Ross calls Rachel)
Rachel: (answering her phone at work) Hello.
Ross: Hey, honey.
Rachel: Oh, hi.
Ross: Hey, what's going on?
Rachel: Well, there was a disaster in shipping and I've got to get this order in. Honey, I'm so sorry, but it looks like I'm gonna be here all night.
Ross: What, do you, well umm, oh how about I come up there?
Rachel: No-no-no, no, honey please, I've got, I've just have so much to deal with.
[Cut to kitchen.]
Phoebe: (to Monica) Anyway, I'm going out with Sergei again tonight, and um, could you come and be the translator's date? So that when we, it's time for our alone time, you two could split off. Y'know, he's really, he's kinda cute.
Monica: Yeah, well kinda cute, like really kinda cute, or kinda cute like your friend Spackel Back Larry?
Phoebe: Hey, don't call him that! His name is Spackel Back Harry!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the big couch.]
Chandler: Hey, y'know what, maybe we should get going. I mean what time did Chloe say we should be there?
Joey: Uh, 10:30.
Chandler: What time is it now?
Joey: 4:30.
Chandler: Yeah all right, so we'll hang out.
Joey: Yeah. Hey, remember when she brought up that thing about the three of us?
Chandler: Yes. Vividly.
Joey: She was kidding about that right?
Chandler: Yeah, I-I-I think so. (Pauses and thinks about it for a second) Yeah, I-I think so...
Joey: God, that would be weird it that situation presented itself tonight, huh?
Chandler: Yeah. Yeah, I mean what, what would we do?
Joey: Dude, I don't know.
Chandler: She was kidding.
Joey: Yeah.
Chandler: She was.... But y'know what, just in case, maybe we should come up with a set of ground rules.
Joey: Yeah, for sure. Okay. Probably want the first thing to be, never open your eyes. Y'know, because you don't want to be doing something and then look up and see something you don't want to be seeing.
Chandler: Yeah. Good call, nice one. Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there.... (holds his arm out and pretends to grab something with his hand.)
Joey: Ah!! Okay! Eyes open at all times! Oh, hey, how do we decide where we... (clears throat) y'know each would, (clears throat again) y'know (pause) be?
Chandler: Right. Right. Well ah, y'know we could flip for it.
Joey: Yeah, I guess, but what's like heads and what's tails?
Chandler: Well it you don't know that, then I don't want to do this with you.
[Scene: Rachel's office, Rachel and a co-worker (Sophie) are dealing with the crisis.]
Rachel: (on the phone) No, no, no, I'm looking at a purchase order right here and it clearly states that we ordered the Rivera bikini in a variety of sizes and colours. And.... (listens) What does it matter, what I'm wearing?! Can I please speak to your supervisor? (listens) Thank you. (to Sophie) We're holding.
Ross: (entering, carrying a basket) Hi!
Rachel: (startled) Oh!! My God, what are you doing here?
Ross: Well you said you couldn't go out so.... (pulls the cover off of the basket)
Sophie: You brought a picnic, oh, what a boyfriend. That's it, on Monday I start wearing make-up.
Rachel: Ross honey, this is very nice, but, but I-I got a crisis.
Ross: Yeah, but I got cous-cous!
Rachel: Honey, honey, I'm sorry, I know it's our anniversary but I told you on the phone I don't have time to stop.
Ross: Okay, you don't have to stop, I'm invisible, I'm not here. (lights a candle)
Rachel: But I don't, hmm... (on phone) Oh, who approved that order?! (listens) Well there is no Mark Robbinson in this office. (to Sophie) Get me Mark on the phone!
Sophie: I love Mark. (to Ross) Do you know Mark?
Ross: Yeah!!
Rachel: Well, let me just check that with what I got here, all right see 038 is not the number for (Ross starts making a lot of noise with a handheld pepper grinder) this store, 038 is Atlanta. And I... (stops and looks at Ross)
Ross: (stopping grinding) Pepper?
Rachel: (angrily) None for me.
Ross: Okay sorry, whew.
Rachel: I'm sorry, as I was saying the store number is wrong, and I'm sorry but that's... (notices a fire that Ross's candle has started) Oh my God!!
Ross: (putting out the fire with a squeeze bottle of water) Okay, that's a fire. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Rachel: (on phone) Excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to call you back, I've got a Schemp in my office. (hangs up) (to Ross) What are you doing?
Ross: I'm sorry. But ah, hey, oh, somebody's off the phone, how 'bout a glass of wine by the fire, I could get it going again.
Rachel: Ross you're not listening to me, I don't have time to stop.
Ross: Come on Rach, you don't have what, ten minutes?
Rachel: I don't have ten minutes!!
Ross: What? (to Sophie) Sophie, does she have ten minutes?
Rachel: Hey, Ross!!! I told you I don't!
Ross: Don't yell at me okay, this is the most I've seen you all week.
Rachel: Look, I cannot do this right now, okay, I've got a deadline, would you just go home, I'll talk to you later. (storms out)
Ross: Yeah, but wait...
Rachel: Good bye!
(Ross starts to pack up the picnic in anger, and throws a three hole punch in the basket.)
Sophie: Actually, that's our three hole punch.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is eating the picnic as Rachel comes home from work.]
Ross: Hey.
Rachel: Hi. Look um, about what happened earlier...
Ross: No, hey, well, I-I completely understand. You were, you were stressed.
Rachel: (throws her stuff down) I was gonna give you a chance to apologise to me.
Ross: For what? For letting you throw me out of your office?
Rachel: You had no right coming down to my office Ross. You do not bring a picnic basket to somebody's work! Unless maybe they were a park ranger!
Ross: Yeah, well excuse me for wanting to be with my girlfriend on our anniversary, boy what an ass am I.
Rachel: But I told you, I didn't have the time!
Ross: Yeah, well you never have the time. I mean, I don't feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore, Rachel.
Rachel: Wh, Ross what do you want from me? You want me, you want me to quit my job so you can feel like you have a girlfriend?
Ross: No, but it'd be nice if you realised, it's just a job!
Rachel:Just a job!
Ross: Yes.
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life I'm doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life I'm doing something that I'm actually good at. I mean. if you don't get that...
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And I'm happy for ya, but I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I don't know what to do anymore.
Rachel: Well neither do I!
Ross: Is this about Mark?
Rachel: (shocked) Oh my God.
Ross: Okay, it's not, it's not.
Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, you're, you're, you're making this too hard.
Ross: Oh I'm, I'm making this too hard. Okay, what do you want me to do.
Rachel: I don't know, I don't know. Urrrgh! Look, maybe we should take a break.
Ross: Okay, okay, fine, you're right. Let's ah, let's take a break, (goes to the door) let's cool off, okay, let's get some frozen yogart, or something.. (opens the door)
Rachel: No. (Ross is standing in the doorway.) A break from us.
(Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: The Philly, Chandler and Joey are talking to Chloe.]
Chloe: And the advances in collating in the past five years, I mean we just got in an X-5000, y'know. The X-5000 makes the X-50 look like a T-71.
(Chandler agrees in an absolutely bored way.)
Chloe: (seeing Ross enter) Hey, it's the dinosaur guy. (runs over to Ross) Hi, Ross.
Ross: Oh, hi Chloe.
Chloe: I want you to met some friends of mine. (Introduces him to Chandler and Joey) This guy is my hero, he comes in with some stuff he wants it blown up 400%, we said we don't do that, and he says you gotta. And y'know what, we did it. And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say 'let's Ross it!'
Chandler: And that's the only colour that comes in.
Issac: Yo, Chloe, do you have a quarter for the condom machine?
Chloe: Oh! (storms off)
Chandler: So, what are you doing here? I thought tonight was your big anniversary dinner.
Ross: Yeah, little change in plans. Ahh, we're gonna break-up instead.
(Chandler and Joey stare at each other in shock.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Phoebe are on their dates with Sergei and Mischa.]
Monica: Oh, and I can also speak a little French. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? (Mischa laughs) Why? What did I say?
Mischa: Well, you just asked if I wanted to go to bed with you tonight.
Monica: Oh my God! No wonder I get such great service at Cafe Maurice.
Phoebe: (laughing and banging her spoon on the table) Knock, knock, knock, knock, hi. Um, could you please tell Sergei that um, I was fascinated by what Boutros Boutros Gali said in the New York Times.
(Mischa does so.)
Phoebe: You didn't say Boutros Boutros Gali.
Mischa: (to Sergei) Boutros Boutros Gali.
(Sergei responds.)
Mischa: He says he was too.
Phoebe: Interesting.
Mischa: (to Monica) So I was wondering....
Phoebe: Okay, ah, before you get all talky again, umm, could you also please tell Sergei that I really like his suit.
(Mischa does so, and Sergei complements Phoebe, and says it slowly)
Mischa: (to Phoebe, very quickly) Eh, he said, thank you very much, he thinks you look very pretty tonight, your hair, golden like the sun. (to Monica) So you're a chef?
Monica: I'm also thinking about opening up my own restaurant.
Mischa: Oh, really.
Phoebe: Monica, can I talk to you behind my menu, please. (Behind the menu) What are you doing?
Monica: Well, I was having a conversation.
Phoebe: Yeah but, Mischa is so interested in you, that Sergei and I haven't been able to say two words to each other.
Monica: What do you want me to do? Just sit here silently while you three have a conversation?
Phoebe: That would be great. Thank you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is lying in front of the bay window, and the phone rings.]
Rachel: (jumping up to answer the phone) Hello!
Mark: Oh, hi. It's Mark.
Rachel: (disappointed) Oh.
Mark: What? Is it my breath?
Rachel: No! Sorry, I just thought you were somebody else. Hi!
Mark: Hi. Well, look, I was just gonna leave a message, isn't tonight your, your big anniversary dinner?
Rachel: Yeah. Well, umm.....
Mark: Rach, are you okay?
Rachel: (on the verge of tears) Yeah, I'm fine.
Mark: You wanna talk, I mean I can come over?
Rachel: No! Really, no, please, please, that's, that's okay.
Mark: All right, all right, I'm coming over, and I'm bringing Chinese food.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, I'm not, I'm not hungry.
Mark: It's for me.
Rachel: Oh. Okay, bye.
[Scene: The Philly.]
Joey: So what are you gonna do?
Ross: What can I do? One person wants to break-up, you break-up.
Chandler: Hey, no way! Come on, this is you guys, call her and work it out.
Ross: Oh come on, we just had this huge fight, all right, don't I have to wait a while?
Chandler: Hey, this isn't like swimming after you eat, pick up the phone!!
(Ross goes to call her.)
Chandler: Y'know that whole swimming thing is a myth.
Joey: Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny.
Chandler: Why? What happened to him?
Joey: Nothing, he's just really believes in that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Mark is there, opening Chinese food boxes.]
Rachel: Oh, and then, we got into this big, stupid fight. I just, it was awful. I told him he treats me like a park ranger, or something, oh and then I told him I wanted to take a break, I don't want to take a break.
Mark: Wow. I'm sorry. Eggroll?
Rachel: No. (grabs an eggroll) And then I called him, and he wasn't there.
Mark: Well, then he's, he's probably just, out.
Rachel: Oh, thank you that's very helpful, I'm glad you came over.
(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)
Rachel: Hello.
Ross: Hi! It's me.
Rachel: Hi! Oh, I'm so glad you called.
Ross: Really? I've been thinking, this is crazy, I mean don't, don't you think we can work on this?
Mark: Hey, what do you want to drink?
Ross: Who's that?
Rachel: Nobody.
Mark: Is it okay if I finish the apple juice?
(Rachel mouths 'Shoot!' or something similar.)
Ross: Is that Mark?
Rachel: Umm, honey, look he just came over to....
[Cut to The Philly.]
Ross: Yeah! Got it! (slams the phone down, and walks back to the bar.)
Chloe: Hey, dinosaur guy, look at you, so sad. Come dance.
Ross: Ah, that's okay, thanks.
Chloe: Hey, you don't have to smile. You just have to dance.
Ross: Look, I don't feel like dancing, I feel like having a drink. Okay?
Chloe: Oh, okay. (to the bartender) Hey, two beers. (sits down next to him)
[Scene: The Restaurant, after dinner.]
Mischa: (to Monica) And the vet said it was time. And so from half a world away, while my Mother held the phone to his ear, I said good bye to my dog,. In seven languages.
Monica: Oh. (to Phoebe) Can I have a tissue?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, sure. I just hope you, hope you don't accidentally suck it up through your nose and choke on it.
(Sergei says something to Mischa.)
Mischa: (to Phoebe) Sergei, would like to apologise for my behaviour tonight.
Phoebe: Well, tell him, apology accepted.
(Mischa does so.)
Mischa: (to Monica) Oh, he's unbelievable. I mean for the first time in three years somebody wants to actually want to talk to me, but do you think he would let me enjoy that, no!! (to Sergei) You silly diplomat, why don't you learn some English, Sergei?
Phoebe: Excuse me, but umm, isn't he paying for your dinner?
Monica: Hey, the man's dog just died.
(Sergei insults Mischa, and they get into a huge fight, in Russian.)
Mischa: (to Monica) I have just resigned my post. Would you care to accompany me to the Rainbow Room? I have diplomatic coupons.
Monica: It will be my pleasure. (to Phoebe) My guy has diplomatic coupons. Your guy can't even say coupons. (they leave)
Sergei: Uh, (picks up a plate) plate?
Phoebe: Plate! Yes, plate.
Sergei: Plate. Plate. Plate.
Phoebe: See, we don't need them.
Sergei: (picking up a cup) Plate?
Phoebe: Yeah.
[Scene: The Philly, With or Without You is playing. (Which is the same song Ross played for Rachel in TOW the List.) ]
Ross: (to Chloe) I like this song.
Chloe: Well, you're practically dancing already. Why don't you just do it over here?
Ross: Oh, no, no.
Chloe: What? Are you married? 'Cause that's okay.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is next to the bay window again, Mark has left.]
Rachel: (picks up the phone and calls Ross) Oh, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home. Be home. Be home, be home, be home. Oh, you're not home.
[Scene: The Philly, Ross is dancing with Chloe.]
Chloe: Still no smile?
(She kisses him. Ross leans back for a second, and then they both kiss, more passionately this time as U2's With or Without You plays in the background.)
To Be Continued......
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Sergei is teaching Phoebe how to sing American Pie, by Don Maclean.]
(Both Phoebe and him are singing along and they get to the chorus.)
Sergei: (singing) Touchet, touchet, Miss Americccan pie. (stops to correct Phoebe) Ameri-ccan.
Phoebe: Ameri-can.
Sergei: Ameri-ccan.
Phoebe: Ameri-can. Y'know it's a very hard language. Let's do it again.
(They start singing, and Phoebe covers her mouth at the American part.)
Sergei: (to the rest of Central Perk) Everybody!! (In his language, and continues.)
End

多云有时晴

316 The One The Morning After
Joey: (Voice Over) Previously on Friends.
[A montage of scenes from The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A Break follows.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is eating the picnic as Rachel comes home from work.]
Ross: I mean, I don't feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore.
Rachel: You want me to just quit my job so that you can feel like you've got a girlfriend?
Ross: Is this about Mark?
Rachel: (shocked) Oh my God.
Ross: Okay, it's not, it's not.
Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight with you Ross! Look, urrgh, maybe we should take a break.
Ross: Fine, you're right. Let's ah, let's take a break, (goes to the door) let's cool off, okay, let's get some frozen yoghurt, or something.. (opens the door)
Rachel: No. A break from us.
(Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Mark is there, opening Chinese food boxes.]
Rachel: Then, we had this big, stupid fight, and I said I wanted to take a break, I don't want to take a break.
Ross: (on the phone) I've been thinking, this is crazy, I mean don't, don't you think we can work on this?
Mark: Hey, what do you want to drink?
Ross: Who's that?
Rachel: Nobody.
Ross: Is that Mark?
Rachel: Umm, honey, look he just came over to....
Ross: Yeah! Got it! (slams down the phone)
[Scene: The Philly.]
Chloe: Hey, come dance. What? Are you married? 'Cause that's okay.
[Cut to Chloe and Ross dancing, and their kiss.]
The Next Morning
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is making a fruit drink in the blender, Rachel has just finished her shower and is coming out of the bathroom.]
Monica: Hey.
Rachel: Hey.
Monica: How's the big anniversary dinner?
Rachel: Well, we never actually got to dinner.
Monica: Ohhh, nice.
Rachel: No, we kinda broke up instead.
Monica: What?! (She accidentally starts the blender without the lid on it and fruit flies everywhere.)
Rachel: (looking up at the ceiling) God, Monica it's on the ceiling.
Monica: That's okay, this is more important than fruit (pause) (angrily) on my ceiling! You broke up?!
Rachel: Yeah, but it's okay, because when Ross left Mark came over.
Monica: Oh no!!
Rachel: No.
Monica: Rachel, you and Mark?!
Rachel: No, no-no, it's okay, calm down. Mark and I talked, and I realised how much I love your stupid brother, and, yeah, we got our problems, but I really want to make it work.
[Scene: Ross's Bedroom, Ross is waking up. He straightens himself out on the bed and puts the covers over his head.]
Chloe: (entering from bathroom) Morning!
(Ross sits bolt upright, without moving the covers.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Ross's Kitchen, Ross is taking some aspirin and checking his messages.]
Rachel: (on answering machine) Hi, it's me. I've been trying to reach you all night. I feel awful. Please, Ross, you gotta know there is nothing between me and Mark. This whole break-up thing is just stupid.
Ross: Yeah!!
Rachel: Eh, I'm just so sorry I put you through it. And, I y'know, I don't want to get back together over a machine.
Ross: Na-huh.
Rachel: So, I love you.
Ross: I love you.
Rachel: And y'know what, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to bed now, but ah, on my way to work tomorrow morning, I'm gonna stop by around 8:30.
Ross: Okay. (Ross starts frantically looking for a clock.)
Rachel: Bye.
(Ross finds a clock, sees it's almost 8:30, and silently screams.)
Ross: Chloe, Chloe how's it coming?!!
Chloe: (entering from bedroom) Hey, what kind of puppy do you think I should get?
Ross: Umm, oh, hey, I don't know. How about a big one?
Chloe: But my apartment is so...
Ross: Well then a small one!! Listen, let's, we kinda have to get going!
Chloe: Wait! Where's my shoes?
Ross: You, you sure you need shoes? (Chloe nods her head) Okay. (reaches down and picks up a shoe)
Chloe: Do I know why we're rushing?
Ross: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? (He's frantically throwing the cushions off of the couch looking for her other shoe) Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!
Chloe: That's so great for you guys!
Ross: Yeah!
Chloe: You must be so happy!
Ross: Yes, yes I am, one of the many things I'm feeling. Well.... (picks up her coat)
Chloe: Good luck, with your girlfriend.
Ross: Oh, thank you. (She goes to kiss him, but he holds her coat up between their faces to stop her.) Hey, hey. (opens the door, sees Rachel, and hides Chloe behind the door) Rachel!!!!
Rachel: Hi. Ohhh, you got my message.
Ross: Yeah, oh hey, you are right on time.
Rachel: So what do you say? Can I be your girlfriend again?
Ross: Yes, you can, very much.
(Chloe gives Ross the thumbs up while still standing behind the door.)
Ross: (seeing the thumbs up) Ahhhh!! (Hugs Rachel tighter.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering carry a large box, Monica is mopping the ceiling.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey, why are you mopping your ceiling?
Monica: Oh, there's banana on it.
Phoebe: Wow, I have the spirit of an old Indian women living in mine.
Monica: So then you know? (Phoebe nods her head)
Phoebe: The mailman was downstairs, so I brought up your mail.
Monica: Oh, good. Thanks.
Phoebe: Now what is Fabutec?
Monica: Okay, all right don't judge me to much. Okay? Um, but I saw this info-mercial, and um, I swear to you I have never-ever bought anything on TV before, except for this mop. But there was this stuff on leg waxing, it just, it looked so amazing....
Phoebe: Waxine!!
Monica: Yes! Have you seen it?
Phoebe: Oh, it's incredible! I so want to be a Waxine girl.
Monica: I know!!
Phoebe: God. Do think it really doesn't hurt? 'Cause how can they do that?
Monica: Hello! Organic substances recently discovered in the depths of the rain forest!
Phoebe: They have the best stuff in there.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross has told Chandler and Joey his terrible act.]
Chandler: Oh my God! Oh my God!
Joey: Yeah. We figured when we couldn't find you, you'd gone home to make up with Rachel. Which is probably what you shoulda done. Huh?
Ross: You think?! God, I, ah, I'm in hell. I mean what, what am I gonna do? Rachel's all like, 'I love you and, and let's work on this.' And all I can think about is, 'What is she gonna do? What is she gonna say?' when I tell her what I did.
Chandler: Well, before we answer that, I think we should address the more important question. How dumb are you?
Ross: What?! Look, we're trying to rebuild a relationship here, right. How am I supposed to do that here, without being totally honest with each other?
Joey: Look, Ross look, I'm on board about this totally honesty thing, I am, just not about stuff that's gonna get you in trouble.
Chandler: He's right. Nobody's gonna benefit, and you're just gonna hurt her.
Joey: Yeah, and there won't be a relationship left to rebuild.
Ross: Yeah, but don't you think....
Chandler: All right look, if you absolutely have to tell her, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.
Ross: Yeah, okay. (he plops down into one of the leather chairs, with the footrest extended.)
Joey: All right, okay, now, we just have to make sure she doesn't find out some other way. (spins the chair around so that Ross is facing him) Did you think about the trail?
Ross: What trail?
Joey: (stomps on the footrest which pops Ross up into a sitting position) The trail from the woman you did it with to the woman you hope never finds out who did it! (slapping his hands with each word) You always have to think about the trail!
Ross: Oh, I-I don't think there's any trail.
Chandler: Okay, okay-okay, ah, Chloe works with that guy Issac. Issac's sister is Jasmine. And Jasmine works at that message place with Phoebe. And Phoebe's friends with Rachel. And that's the trail, I did it!
[Scene: Monica's Bedroom, Monica and Phoebe are waxing their legs.]
Phoebe: (reading from the instructions) After applying the Waxine and linen strips to leg number one,
Monica: Did that!
Phoebe: Grasp one of the linen strips by its 'easy grab tab' and pull it off in one quick pain free motion.
Monica: Okay. (Does so.) Ow!!!!! Ow-oh-oh!
Phoebe: Was it not pain-free?
Monica: No. It was painful. Oh my God , they should call it Pain-zine, now with a little wax.
Phoebe: Huh, well, the girls in the satin nighties on the commercial don't seem to think it's that bad.
Monica: That's because their nerves are probably deadened from being so stupid. But hey, y'know if you don't believe me, please, by my guest.
Phoebe: (Removing one of the strips) Ow-ow-ow-ow! Oh my God!!!
Monica: Now, are you glad we didn't start with the bikini strips?
[Scene: The Xerox Place, Ross is trying to break the trail.]
Ross: (entering) Chloe? Hi..
Chloe: Is this about me taking your watch?
Ross: You took my watch?
Chloe: I'm sorry, I do that.
Ross: Just you keep it, listen did you, did you tell anyone about us?
Chloe: Oh no. I feel it isn't really anybody's business, y'know.
Ross: Exactly. So you didn't, didn't mention anything to Issac right?
Chloe: Oh, well I tell Issac everything.
Ross: You tell, of course you do. Issac. Issac. Hey, Issac. Issac, hi! Y'know we haven't actually met...
Issac: You dog!
Ross: Yes, I suppose I am a dog. But Issac, see I-I happen to have a girlfriend.
Issac: Oh right, that Rachel chick from the coffee place.
Ross: Yeah, that's the one. Listen, I don't want to hurt her.
Issac: Oh, hey, man I know, doesn't matter how much we love 'em, monogamy is too cruel a rule.
Ross: Yeah. Listen, can you keep this information to yourself?
Issac: Aw, no problem dude. Y'know we got to look out for each other. We're the same, you and me.
Ross: Actually, no, we're not.
Issac: Yeah, we are.
Ross: No, we're not.
Issac: Yeah, we are.
Ross: No, we're not!!
Issac: Okay, we're not.
Ross: Right.
Issac: But, we are.
Ross: Fine. I just need to know that you're not gonna tell your sister.
Issac: I can promise not to tell her again.
[Scene{s:1:tongue}hoebe's Work, Ross is now trying to stop Jasmine from telling Phoebe.]
Ross: (entering out of breath) Jasmine?
Jasmine: Uh-huh.
Ross: We met at Phoebe's birthday party, I'm, I'm Ross Geller.
Jasmine: You did a bad thing!
Ross: Yes, I did.
Jasmine: Very bad!
Ross: Very bad.
Jasmine: Very, very bad.
Ross: I'm agreeing with you. Did you, listen, did you happen to tell Phoebe yet?
Jasmine: No.
Ross: Okay, Jasmine, please, please don't. I love my girlfriend very much, and I want more than anything to just work it out with her. Okay?
Jasmine: All right.
Ross: Thank you, thank you.
Jasmine: But you should probably talk to my roommate, because I told him and he knows Phoebe too.
Ross: (angrily) Who's your roommate?
[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is wiping down the counter as Ross rushes in.]
Ross: Gunther! Gunther. Gunther, please tell me you didn't say anything to Rachel about me and the girl from the Xerox place.
Gunther: I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to?
(Ross turns around and sees Rachel sitting by the window. She is just glaring at him.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica's Bedroom, Monica and Phoebe are removing the rest of their wax strips.]
Monica: Ow!
Phoebe: Oh!!
Monica: Ow!! Ow!!
Phoebe: Ow!!!
Monica and Phoebe: Ow!!!!!!! Ow-ow-ow-ow!
(Hearing the screaming Chandler and Joey rush in. Joey has a pan, Chandler has a tea kettle.)
Phoebe: We're all right.
Monica: It's okay, it's okay.
Phoebe: We're all right.
Monica: We were just waxing our legs.
Chandler: Off?!!
Phoebe: For your information, this happens to be a pain like no man will ever experience.
Chandler: Yeah, well I don't think you can make that statement, unless you've been kicked in an area that God only meant to be treated nicely.
Joey: Yeah, I-I think that women just have a lower threshold of pain than men, that's all. I mean, come on, it's just a little wax.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, come here. (Puts a little wax on Joey's arm and puts a strip on it.)
Chandler: Oh, that's mature.
Joey: Okay, fine, so now what, I just pull it off?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Monica: That's right.
(Joey laughs, pulls it off, then does a high-pitched whine.)
[Cut to Living Room, Rachel is trying to close the door on Ross.]
Ross: (forcing the door open) Come on, Rachel, come on! Talk to me! Please!!
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, Chandler slowly closes the door, and we hear Rachel from the living room.]
Rachel: I can't talk to you. I can't even look at you right now!
Monica: What?
Chandler: Nothing, nothing.
Monica: (going over to listen at the door) Rachel said everything was okay.
Phoebe: (to Joey) What, what are they talking about?
Ross: Rachel?
[Cut to Living Room]
Rachel: Just get away from me!
Ross: No, it was a mistake! I made a mistake! Okay?
Rachel: A mistake?! What were you trying to put it in? Her purse?!
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Phoebe: Whe-where did he put it?!
[Cut to Living Room]
Rachel: Ross, you had sex with another woman!
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, both Monica and Phoebe gasp.]
Monica: Oh my God.
Phoebe: Oh, I knew something had to be wrong, because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.
Chandler: Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight, and he got drunk....
Monica: Oh!! (hits Chandler and Joey in the head) You guys knew about this and you didn't tell us?!
Chandler: (to Joey) He has sex, and we get hit in our heads.
[Cut to Living Room]
Rachel: (opening the door) Y'know what, I want you to leave! Get outta here!
Ross: No!!
Rachel: Just get out! Now!!
Ross: No!! No!! I wanna stay. I wanna talk about this.
Rachel: Okay! All right! How was she?
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Chandler: Uh-oh.
[Cut to Living Room]
Ross: What?
Rachel: Was she good?
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Joey: Don't answer that.
[Cut to Living Room]
Rachel: Come on Ross! You said you wanted to talk about it, let's talk about it!! How was she?
Ross: She was...
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Joey: Awful! Horrible!
Chandler: She was not good. Not good.
Joey: She was nothing compared to you.
[Cut to Living Room]
Ross: She, she was different.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Joey: Ewwwww!
Chandler: Uh-oh.
[Cut to Living Room]
Rachel: Good different?
Ross: Nobody likes change.
(Rachel picks up a newspaper and starts beating him with it.)
Ross: What? Okay, okay, okay, okay.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Phoebe: Should we do something?
Chandler: Yeah, never cheat on Rachel.
[Cut to Living Room]
Ross: I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry. I wa-I was disgusted with myself, and this morning I was so, I was so upset and then I got your message and I was so happy, and all I wanted was to get her out of my apartment as fast as possible.
Rachel: Whoa!! Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. What time did your little friend leave? (Ross can't answer that) Oh my God. She was there? She was still there? She was in there, when I was in there?!
(Ross hands Rachel back the newspaper, and she starts beating him with it again.)
Ross: Listen. Oh hey, hey, the important thing was that she meant, she meant nothing to me!
Rachel: And yet she was worth jeopardising our relationship!!
(She throws the paper at him, misses and hits Monica's door, they all jump back at the sound.)
Ross: Look, I didn't think there was a relationship to jeopardise. I thought we were broken up.
Rachel: We were on a break!
Ross: That, for all I knew would, could last forever. That to me is a break-up.
Rachel: You think you're gonna get out of this on a technicality?
Ross: Look, I'm not trying to get out of anything, okay. I thought our relationship was dead!
Rachel: Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake!
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Joey: Y'know what, I don't think we should listen to this anymore. (Goes to open the door)
Monica: (stopping him) What, what are you doing? You can't go out there.
Joey: Why not?! (to Chandler) I'm hungry.
Monica: Because they'll know we've been listening.
[Cut to Living Room]
Rachel: God! And to have to hear about it from Gunther!!
Ross: Come on! Like I wanted him to tell you, I ran all over the place trying to make sure that didn't happen!
Rachel: Oh, that is so sweet. I think I'm falling in love with you all over again.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Chandler: Y'know what, I think we can go out there. I mean they have more important things to worry about.
Joey: Yeah, we'll be fine.
[Cut to Living Room]
Ross: Look Rachel, I wanted to tell you, I thought I should, I-I did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Chandler: (handing Monica the wax) Wax the door shut, we're never leaving, ever.
[Later, Phoebe is on the phone, they're all still trapped in Monica's bedroom.]
Phoebe: Hi, it's Phoebe. Listen someone's gonna have to take my 9:00 with Mr. Rehack, 'cause it's like 9:15 now, and I'm not there.
[Cut to Living Room]
Ross: Don't you realise none of this would've ever happened if I didn't think at that same moment you weren't having sex with Mark?
Rachel: All right. Let's say I had slept with Mark. Would you have been able to forgive me?
Ross: (pause) Yes I would.
Rachel: You'd be okay if you knew that Mark had kissed me, and been naked with me, and made love to me?
Ross: (less sure) Yes.
Rachel: You knew that our hot, sweaty, writhing bodies were....
Ross: (covering his ears and screaming) La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Okay, okay, yeah, I would have been devastated but, I would still want to be with you. Because it's, I mean it's you.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
All: Ohhhhh!
[Later, Ross and Rachel are sitting in the kitchen.]
Ross: What? Come on Rach, tell me what you're thinking?
Rachel: I'm thinking, I'm gonna order a pizza.
Ross: Order a pizza like, 'I forgive you?'
(She turns around and glares at him, he turns away.)
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Joey: Oh man, pizza? I like pizza. (makes like he is trying to send a telepathic message to Rachel) Put olives on the pizza.
Phoebe: We could eat the wax! It's organic.
Chandler: Oh great, food with hair on it.
Phoebe: No, not the used wax.
Chandler: Because that would be crazy?
[Cut to Living Room]
Ross: Hey, can I, can I get in on that? Because I'm kinda hungry myself.
Rachel: Fine. (on phone) Hi! Yes, I'd like to order a large pizza.
Ross: No anchovies.
Rachel: With ah, extra anchovies.
Ross: That's okay, I'll just pick 'em off.
Rachel: Yeah, and could you please chop some up and just put it right there in the sauce?
[Cut to later, they are finishing up the pizza, there's one piece left.]
Ross: You can have the last piece, if you want.
Rachel: Well, I should think so. You slept with someone.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, they're all eating the wax, Chandler and Phoebe, don't like it. Joey tries some and makes a face like: 'Hey, that's not so bad.']
Phoebe: They're gonna get through this, aren't they?
Chandler: Yeah, come on, it's Ross and Rachel, they've got too.
Monica: What if they don't?
(Long pause.)
Joey: You think I need a new walk?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Well y'know, I've been walking the same way since high school. Y'know, y'know how some guys they walk into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a 'take notice' walk.
Chandler: Are you actually saying these words?
[Later, in the living room, Rachel is sitting on the couch, Ross is on the chair.]
Ross: What, now you're not even taking to me? (moves over to the coffee table) Look Rachel, I-I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry, I was out of my mind. I thought I'd lost you, I didn't know what to do. Come on! Come on, how insane must I have been to do something like this? Huh? I-I don't cheat right, I, that's not me, I'm not Joey!
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Joey: Whoa-ho-ho! (He looks at Chandler, who gives him a 'come on' look.) Yeah, okay.
Monica: Hey. It's three in the morning. They don't know that I've come home yet. You notice how neither one of them are wondering where I am.
Phoebe: Yeah, y'know, people can be so self-involved.
[Cut to Living Room]
Ross: Y'know what, y'know what, I'm-I'm not the one that wanted that, that break, okay. You're the one that bailed on us. You're the one that, that ran when things got just a little rough!
Rachel: That's....
Ross: That's what?!
Rachel: That is neither here nor there.
Ross: Okay, well here we are. Now we're in a tough spot again, Rach. What do you want to do? How do you want to handle it? Huh? Do you wanna fight for us? Or, do you wanna bail? (sits down next to her) Look, I, (on the verge of tears) I did a terrible, stupid, stupid thing. Okay? And I'm sorry, I wish I could take it back, but I can't. (We see Monica and Phoebe are almost in tears.) I just can't see us throwing away something we know is so damn good. Rachel, I love you so much.
(He kisses her on her shoulder, then her neck, then the side of her face, then just before he kisses her on the lips....)
Rachel: No Ross!! (stands up and moves away from him) Don't! You can't just kiss me and think you're gonna make it all go away, okay? It doesn't work that way. It doesn't just make it better. Okay?
Ross: Okay, okay, okay.
Rachel: (softly) I think you should go.
Ross: What?
Rachel: (softly) I really think you need to go now.
Ross: (moving over to stand in front of her) Okay, okay. This morning you said there was nothing so big that we couldn't work past it together...
Rachel: Yeah, what the hell did I know!
Ross: Look, look, there's got to be a way we can work past this. Okay, (takes a hold of one of her arms.) I can't imagine, I can't imagine my life without you. (Both of them are starting to cry.) Without, without these arms, and your face, and this heart. Your good heart Rach, (drops to his knees and hugs her around her waist) and, and....
Rachel: (crying) No. I can't, you're a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me, ever. God, and now I just can't stop picturing with her, I can't, (Ross stands up and backs away) it doesn't matter what you say, or what you do, Ross. It's just changed, everything. Forever.
[We see the rest of them are now crying.]
Ross: (crying) Yeah, but this can't be it, I mean.
(Pause)
Rachel: Then how come it is?
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica's bedroom.]
Phoebe: They've been quiet for a long time.
Joey: Maybe she killed him?
Chandler: Let's go.
[Cut to Living Room, Rachel is sleeping on the couch, Ross is gone, the rest of them can finally emerge from their cell. They all wave good bye, and start to walk quietly out, as Monica goes and puts a blanket on Rachel. Joey starts walking all hunched over and bobbing his shoulders as he goes.]
Chandler: (to Joey) Is that your new walk?
Joey: (whispering) No, I really have to pee.
End

多云有时晴

317 The One Without The Ski Trip

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch reading.]
Joey: Can I see the comics?
Chandler: This is the New York Times.
Joey: Okay, may I see the comics?
[Monica and Phoebe enter.]
Monica: Guys. I thought you were taking Ross to the game?
Chandler: We are. He's meeting us here.
Monica: No! Rachel is meeting us here.
Phoebe: Oh come on, they can be in the same room.
Joey: Yeah, you shoulda been there last night.
Phoebe: Why? What happened now?
Joey: Well Ross was hangin' out over at our place, Rachel comes over to borrow some moisturiser from Chandler....
Chandler: Yeah y-you, how hard is it to say something? Rachel came over to borrow something.
Joey: Anyway! Her and Ross just started yelling at each other.
Phoebe: Wait. Why was he yelling at her? He's the one who slept with someone else.
Joey: Well, I guess he says that because they were on a break when it happened, that she should of forgiven him by now.
Phoebe: Whoa!! He is soo unreasonable! God, although I think I understand what he means. Oh my God, this is like 60 Minutes, okay, when, when, at first you're really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug and then y'know you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.
Chandler: Y'know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesn't try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.
Phoebe: Y'know I had a dream where Ross and Rachel were still together, they never broke up. And we were all just like hanging out, and everyone was happy....
Joey: I had the same dream!
Phoebe: Yeah, and nobody slept with that Xerox girl.
Joey: Oh, I had the opposite dream.
Chandler: Y'know what maybe it's gonna be okay, I mean it's been a week.
Joey: Yeah, I mean it's never taken me a week to get over a relationship.
Monica: It's never taken you more than a shower to get over a relationship.
[Rachel enters.]
Monica: (seeing her) Okay, let's go!! Let's hit the road!!
Rachel: Hey!
Monica: Let's get the show on it!
Rachel: Okay, let me just get a cup of coffee.
Monica: Oh Rachel, I know the best coffee house and it's sooo close.
Rachel: Closer than here?
Phoebe: (turning around and picking a cup off of a table) Oh, hey, look, I found coffee! (handing her the cup) Okay, let's skedaddle.
Rachel: Wait, I'm not just gonna drink somebody's old coffee.
Phoebe: Okay, your highness.
[Ross enters behind Rachel, and look at each other for a moment.]
Phoebe: (in a deep voice, imitating Ross) Um, Rachel I'm really sorry. (imitating Rachel) That's okay, do you wanna get back together? (imitating Ross) Yeah, okay. (in her normal voice) Did anyone else hear that?!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the whole gang is there, except for Ross and Rachel. Joey is trying to eat Chinese with chopsticks and fails miserably. There's a knock on the door, and Chandler answers it to reveal Rachel]
Rachel: (softly) Is he here?
Chandler: No.
Rachel: Oh. (smiles) Here's your moisturiser. Hi!
Monica and Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: You guys are gonna love meee! Okay, check it out, Thursday night, five tickets, Calvin Klein lingerie show, and you guys are coming with me. (they're all silent and look away) Okay, I said that out loud right?
Chandler: Yes, yes, it's just that we ah, we kinda all ready, made plans with Ross.
Rachel: Oh, well okay. Well, there you go.
Phoebe: No, it's just that he got this new like home theater dealie, and he wants y'know, us to check it out.
Rachel: Hm-mm.
Chandler: Yeah, he's really excited about it too, he even recorded show times on his answering machine.
Rachel: Ohh!
Monica: We're sorry honey.
Rachel: Oh, it's okay. (starts to leave)
Joey: Rach, it's, it's ah, it's not that we don't want to, really. (quietly) Are we talking models in their underwear?
Rachel: And heels.
Joey: (He turns around to Chandler looking for approval to go with Rachel, Chandler mouths 'Come on!') (turning back to Rachel) Ross, did ask us first, and we set that night aside.
Rachel: No, hey, come on, if he asked you first, that's only fair. (leaves)
[Chandler makes a noise of absolute disgust and heads into the living room.]
Phoebe: Ohhh boy, do I feel bad.
Joey: Oh yeah.
Monica: Very bad.
[We see Chandler lighting up a cigarette.]
Phoebe: Chandler what are you doing?!
Monica: Chandler!!
Chandler: (jumps back and points at the cigarette) Oh my God!
Joey: You're smoking again?!
Chandler: Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again. Today, I'm, I'm smoking still.
Phoebe: Why would you start again after chewing all that quitting gum?
Chandler: Look, I'm telling you this is just like my parents divorce, which is when I started smoking in the first place.
Monica: Weren't you nine?!
Chandler: Yeahhh. I'm tellin' ya something, that ah, first smoke after nap time....
[There's a knock on the door.]
Chandler: Oh that's great, with my luck, that's gonna be him.
Phoebe: Him? Him, Ross?
Chandler: Nope, hymn 253, His Eyes Are On The Sparrow! When my parents got divorced is when I started using humour as a defence mechanism. (answers the door and it's Rachel again.)
Rachel: Hi! Uhh, do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because I have my sister on hold, and she said that we could use her cabin for the weekend and go skiing. Huh? I'm asking you first, right?!. I mean I'm playing by the rules.
All: Absolutely, yeah!
Rachel: Chandler! You're smoking? What are you doing?!
Chandler: Hey, shut up!! You're not my real Mom!!
[Scene: Ross's, the gang, minus Rachel of course, is there. Chandler is forced to smoke by an open window.]
Joey: (obviously cold) Hey, can you close that window Chandler? My nipples can cut glass over here!
Phoebe: Wait. Really?! 'Cause mine get me out of tickets.
Ross: Look, you guys I just wanna say, I really, really appreciate you spending this time with me. It's been a pretty hard time right now, so I just wanna say thanks.
Chandler: Can somebody else hug him? I have to stay by the window.
Ross: Oh hey, hey, huh, how about this weekend we have a laser disc marathon okay, and maybe a tournament on my new dart board? Huh, huh, what do you think? (in an Irish accent) Two days of darts, it'll be great!
Joey: It'll be great for next weekend.
Ross: No, no, no, this weekend guys!
Joey: It'll be great for next weekend. I mean, (in an Irish accent) it'll be grrreat.
Ross: What's going on?
Phoebe: Well, we were um, sorta invited to go skiing, y'know Rachel's sister's cabin. (Chandler goes back to the window to smoke again.)
Ross: So, for the whole weekend?
Monica: We're really sorry, but um, she did ask us first.
Ross: Yeah, that's okay, I mean if you guys all have to go away for the first weekend I'm alone by myself, y'know then I totally, totally understand.
Phoebe: Y'know what, I can stay, I'm gonna stay. 'Cause the last time I went skiing I was to afraid to jump off the chair lift, I just went around and around.
Joey: Uh, Pheebs we kinda need you to drive us all up there in your grandmother's cab, but y'know what, I'll stay.
Monica: Noo! I'll stay. He's my brother.
Ross: What a pity stay?
Monica: No! We're gonna have fun. We can make fudge!
Ross: Pity food? Y'know what that's okay, all right, I don't need any of you to stay, okay nobody stays.
Chandler: Well, then, I might as well offer to stay.
[Scene: In Phoebe's Grandmother's cab, driving up to the cabin. Phoebe's driving, Rachel's sitting shotgun, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are in the back seat.]
Joey: (to Chandler and Monica) Hey, does anybody else feel bad about Ross?
Monica: Why? Do you think he's still mad at us?
Chandler: (to Joey) Well he's probably mad after you called him this morning to borrow his goggles.
Joey: What? Mine aren't tinted.
[Chandler starts to light a cigarette.]
Phoebe: Chandler!!
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: What does the sign say?
Chandler: Beam me up Jesus.
Phoebe: No, the 'No Smoking' sign. There's no smoking in my Grandmother's cab.
Chandler: Okay, well, then, I-I have to go to the bathroom.
All: Oh!
Phoebe: Please!
Monica: No Chandler no! No unscheduled stops. You can go when we stop for gas.
Chandler: Oh, come on, there's a rest stop right up there! Come on, I really have to goooooooooo.
Joey: Oh, now I have to go!!
[Scene: The rest stop, Phoebe's pulling in.]
Chandler: Here we go. Okay, brace yourselves.
Monica: What?
[Both Chandler and Joey put their feet up against the glass, Monica doesn't and gets thrown up against the glass.]
Rachel: Okay.
Monica: Ow!
[Joey gets out and sprints to the bathroom and Chandler follows with a cigarette in his hands.]
Phoebe: (to Rachel, who's staying in the cab.) Aren't you gonna go?
Rachel: No. Thank you.
Monica: (getting out) No, Rachel never pees in public restrooms.
Rachel: Well, they never have any paper in there y'know. So my rule is 'no tissue, no tuschy.' (Phoebe laughs and gets out.) Well, if everybody's going. (She gets out and starts to close the door.)
Phoebe: No, y'know what don't close it (Rachel slams the door shut locking themselves out.) 'cause the... keys...are in there.
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no!!
Joey: What's going on?
Chandler: (to Joey) My lighter's in there! (points to the cab)
Commercial Break
[Scene: The rest stop, the gang is still stuck, Chandler is kneeling at the rear bumper.]
Chandler: Damn! (stands up) The tailpipe's not hot enough to light this!
Joey: Relax okay, I-I-I can get this open. Anybody have a coat hanger?
Chandler: Oh I do! Op, no, wait a minute, I took it out of my shirt when I put it on this morning.
Monica: So, if you're parents hadn't got divorced, you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?
Joey: Look, I just need a wire something to jimmy it. Oh hey, one of you guys give me the underwire from your bra!
Monica: What?!
Rachel: What?!
Joey: Come on! Who has the biggest boobs?
Monica: Please!!
Joey: Whoever has the biggest boobs, has the biggest bra, therefore has the biggest wire.
The Girls: No, not getting my bra!
Joey: If you wanna get back in the car, we need the wire, your call.
Phoebe: Okay, Monica's are the biggest.
Monica: These tiny, little non-breasts?! Please, it's gotta be Rachel.
Rachel: What, no, no, no, mine are deceptively small I mean, I-I-I actually sometimes, st-stuff my bra.
Monica: All right then, your bra would still be big.
Rachel: No, I stuff outside the bra.
Chandler: Ladies, ladies, let's just compromise okay? Phoebe, Rachel take off Monica's bra.
Phoebe: All right, forget it, nevermind, you can have mine.
[Chandler crumples up his cigarette pack and throws it on the ground.]
Rachel: (seeing him) Chandler, what are you doing? There is a trash can right there.
Chandler: Well, I thought if I littered, that crying Indian might come by and save us.
Phoebe: (finishing removing her bra) Okay, there.
Joey: Thank you Phoebe, that is very, very generous.
Chandler: Okay, now let's decide who has the nicest ass.
Joey: (opening the door) And there you go!
All: Oh, yeahhhhh!!!
[They all run to get in the cab, and Chandler pulls out a smoke.]
Monica: Chandler!!
Chandler: At least let me smoke it to the good part.
[Phoebe puts the car in gear and starts to back out.]
Phoebe: Okay. (The car moves a few feet and sputters to a stop.) Oh, no!
Rachel: What, what's it, what's going on?
Phoebe: Yeah, this has happened before.
Rachel: So you know how to fix it?
Phoebe: Yep. Put more gas in.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is setting a romantic dinner for Susan as there is a knock on the door.]
Carol: (answering the door) Hi!
Ross: (entering) Hey.
Carol: Hey, what are you doing here?
Ross: Well, oh just ah, I was just wondering, when you and I split up, did you get the tape that was half the last episode of M*A*S*H and half the hostages coming home?
Carol: Ah yeah, but now it's Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Ross: Where's Ben?
Carol: He's sleeping.
Ross: Ahh. (notices the table) Ooh, is this a ah, is this a bad time?
Carol: Umm, yeah, actually, Susan's gonna be home any minute, it's kinda an anniversary.
Ross: Oh! I thought you guys got married in uh, January?
Carol: It's not that kind of anniversary.
Ross: Ah! (realises) Oh.
Carol: Sooo!! Anyway...
Ross: Umm, candles, champagne, yeah anniversaries are great. 'Cause you know love lasts forever, y'know. Nothing like it in this lifetime, money in the bank, so Rachel and I broke up.
Carol: Oh God, Ross I am so sorry.
Ross: Yeah, well.
Carol: Y'know what, I want to talk to you about this so much, but we should probably do it when we could really get into it, are you free for dinner tomorrow night?
Ross: Oh yeah, I'd love that.
Carol: Oh, great! Me too.
Ross: I guess it all started when Rachel got this new job. (he sits down at the table.)
[Scene: The rest stop, Phoebe is on the phone to the motor club.]
Phoebe: Okay, yeah. (to Monica and Rachel) Triple A can pick us up.
Rachel: Great!
Phoebe: Yeah, what town are we near?
Monica: Freemont. West-Westmont, ah Westburg?
Phoebe: (to Monica) Then why are you answering? Do you at least know what route we're on?
Rachel: Yeah, we are definitely on Route 27.
Phoebe: Okay. (on phone) We are at a rest stop on Route 27. Okay. (to Rachel) There is no Route 27. (listens) (to Rachel) Okay, either 93 or 76?
Rachel: I don't know, I'm sorry, I always slept in the back when we drove up here.
Phoebe: Okay. (on phone) Hey, can you send somebody up and down 76 and check every rest stop, and, and also 93? (listens) Okay! (hangs up) Yeah, no they don't do that.
Rachel: Ugh, okay, well somebody will come and save us.
Monica: Who? I mean have you seen a car come by here in the last hour and a half? I think we should call Ross, maybe he can get a car and come pick us up.
Rachel: No! No, I am not getting in a car with Ross, we will just have to live here!
Phoebe: But if...
Rachel: No you guys, I am not getting in a car with him, you'll have to think of something else.
Phoebe: Oh good, oh Joey and Chandler are back.
[Joey walks up helping Chandler.]
Monica: So the going for help went well?
Joey: Oh yeah, Smokey Joe here got half way to the highway and collapsed.
Chandler: I have the lung capacity of a two year old. (starts to light another cigarette.)
Monica: Then why are you smoking?
Chandler: Well it's very unsettling.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
Ross: ....right? Right? I mean it's pretty unbelievable y'know, I mean they just took off, took off without even looking back. Y'know I don't, I don't need them, huh, I've got you guys now as friends, you and Susan.
Carol: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.
[Ross's beeper goes off.]
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Where's 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, you've have more of these for Susan right?
Carol: No. But it's okay, I'll just put out pickles or something.
[Cut to the rest stop, Monica and Phoebe are waiting anxiously by the phone as it rings.]
Phoebe: (answering the phone) (whispering) Ross, thank God.
Ross: Pheebs? What, why are you whispering?
Phoebe: I ate a bug.
[Rachel starts to walk up.]
Monica: (running over to stop Rachel) Hey Rach, the tampons here are only a penny. Let's stock up. (takes her into the bathroom)
Phoebe: Listen Ross, we ran out of gas, and we don't know where we are, so we can't get a tow truck.
Ross: Oh, now you want a favour?
Phoebe: Yes, please.
Ross: Well, oh, I'm sorry your car broke down Pheebs, but I'm a little too busy with some of my real friends right now, but please call to let me know you got home safely okay?
Carol: (running over and grabbing the phone away from Ross) (on phone) Phoebe, hang on a second. (Hands Ross her keys) Here, take my car, go pick up your friends.
Ross: No, I'm not gonna pick them up.
Carol: Listen, we both know you're gonna do it 'cause you're not a jerk. Okay? So you can either sulk here for a half hour and then go pick them up, or save us both time and sulk in the car.
Ross: No, Rachel doesn't want me to....
Carol: Look, I-I-I am sorry that Rachel dumped you 'cause she fell in love with that Mark guy, and you are the innocent victim in all of this, but don't punish your friends for what Rachel did to you.
Ross: Yeah, you're right.
Carol: (on phone) Phoebe hang on a second Ross wants to say something. (listens) What? (listens) (to Ross) You slept with someone else?!
Ross: We were on a break!!! Okay!! (grabs the phone) We were, we were..., (calms down) yeah. Where are you? I'll find you. (hangs up)
Carol: You slept with another woman?
Ross: Oh, you-you're-you're one to talk.
[Scene: The rest stop, Joey is making a sign.]
Joey: Okay, done.
Monica: (reading the sign) What's 'pleh'?
Joey: That's 'help' spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!
Monica: Huh. What's doofus spelled backwards?
[Ross drives up.]
Rachel: (all excited) Op, op, car! Car!! (sees it's Ross) Ugh!!!
Phoebe: Oh, it's Ross on one of his drives!
Chandler and Joey: Hey!!
Phoebe: Hi!
Rachel: What is he doing here?!
Ross:He is saving your butt, ah, unless of course I'm stepping on some toes here, in which case I can just mosey on, I've got plenty of people to help on the Interstate.
All: No! Come on!
Rachel: All right!! Fine! Fine.
[Ross grabs the gas can he brought along, and walks through Joey's sign destroying it.]
Joey: Arrrghh!!
Chandler: Oh no, now it's not gonna make any sense!
Phoebe: (to Chandler and Monica) You guys, what, what do we do about Ross who drove all the way up here? What do we do? Just like send him back and we're then gonna go skiing?
Chandler: Oh, this is horrible, it's just horrible.
Joey: Guys, do you think we should ask Ross to come along?
Monica: I know, what about Rachel? I mean how are we even gonna ask her?
Rachel: Ask me what?
Monica: Umm, if ah, it might be okay if Ross came skiing?
Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey: No, I wasn't gonna ask you that, no.
Rachel: You guys are unbelievable. No! He cannot come.
Ross: Excuse me?
Chandler: It's horrible.
Ross: (sarcastic) Oh please, can't I come to your special, magical cabin?
Rachel: Why would you even want to come Ross? You're a horrible skier.
Ross: Oh-oh, hitting me where it hurts, my ski skills.
Monica: Here we go again.
Joey: I-I can't handle this, you guys.
Chandler: Y'know what, I can handle it, handle's my middle name. Actually it's the ah, middle part of my first name.
Ross: All right Pheebs, your cab's ready.
Rachel: All right, let's go!
Ross: You're welcome.
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry, were you speaking to me or sleeping with someone else?
Ross: We were on a break!
Rachel: Y'know Ross why don't you put that on your answering machine!
Ross: Hey-hey, it's valid okay? And I'm not the only one who thinks so, Monica agrees with me.
Rachel: (to Monica) What?!
Monica: (shyly) I don't know.
Ross: That's what you said last night.
Monica: What I said was, was that I understood. Joey's the one who agreed with you!
Ross: Okay.
Rachel: Really Joey?
Joey: (pause) What?
Phoebe: Y'know what, but there is, there is no right or wrong, here.
Rachel: No, I think it's very obvious who's wrong here.
Ross: Obviously not to Joey.
[They all turn around and look at Joey.]
Joey: (pause) What?
[They all start fighting with each other.]
Ross: (to Rachel) Look both, Joey and Monica feel the same way that I do. No-no-no-no.
Chandler: Guys, guys, guess who I am?! (starts dancing around in an effort to stop the fighting.)
[They stop briefly to look at Chandler, but then start fighting again.]
Phoebe: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! (they all stop fighting, Chandler continues to dance.) Look what you're doing to Chandler!! (Chandler finally stops) (to Ross and Rachel) Yeah, look, we know this is really, really hard for you guys. Okay? (Ross starts to leave) You don't, all right you don't have to love each other, okay? You don't, you don't even have to like each other much right now. But please, you have to figure out a way to be around each other.
Joey: Yeah, and not put us in the middle.
Phoebe: Yeah, otherwise, I mean that's, that's, that's just it for us hanging out together. Y'know is that what you want? (they both look away) Can you be civil?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: I can.
Phoebe: Okay. Good, all right, let's get back in the car, 'cause it's freezing, and my chest is unsupported.
Joey: Oh what, wait, wait a second, I mean, what are we doing? Who's going with who?
Ross: Look, you guys, you guys should go. (Joey tries to say something, but Ross cuts him off.) No, I'm, you, you planned this all out, and I don't want to ruin it, so you guys should just go.
Joey: Come on man, you drove all the way up here.
Ross: No, no, really, I've got to take the car back anyway, I'm spending all day tomorrow with Ben, It's fine, no guilt I promise.
Rachel: Thank you.
Monica: All right, we'll call you when we get back.
Ross: Okay.
Phoebe: Maybe we can like go to a movie or something.
Ross: Okay.
Phoebe: Or, or the rodeo!!
Ross: That would be great.
Phoebe: Okay!
Chandler: I was being Shelly Winters from The Poseidon Adventure.
Ross: I know!
[They all get in the cab and drive away.]
Phoebe: Bye!!!
[Ross tries to start the truck, and discovers the battery's dead.]
Closing Credits
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is running to answer the door.]
Carol: (looking through the peephole) Ugh. (opening the door) Ross!
Ross: (entering) Hi! Sorry I'm late. Were you sleeping?
Carol: Ahh, nooo!!
Ross: Oh, great! Listen, oh I had to get you a whole new battery. I got you the best one I could, 'cause that's not where you want to skimp.
Carol: You're a genius, Ross.
Ross: Yeah, well it came to about $112, but what the hell, just call it an even 110?
Carol: Okay, I'll pay you tomorrow. (pushes him out the door)
Ross: Okay.
Carol: Okay, bye!!
Ross: So they ah, they all took off, it was pretty hard watching them go, y'know?
Carol: Yeah, okay, bye. (closes the door, turns out the lights, and runs back to the bedroom)
Ross: (outside the door) So I'm gonna take off then!
End

多云有时晴

318 The One With The Hypnosis Tape

[Scene: Central Perk, all but Chandler are there, Joey laughs for no apparent reason.]
Monica: (to Joey) What's so funny?
Joey: Oh, nothing, no. It's an acting exercise, I'm practising my fake laugh.
Monica: Oh. (she laughs)
Joey: What-what's so funny?
(Chandler enters with a cigarette.)
Gunther: (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, there's none of that in here.
Chandler: Oh come on man! At least let me finish this last one.
Gunther: Okay, but only if you give me a drag.
Chandler: Okay.
(Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.)
Gunther: Oh dark mother, once again I suckle at your smokey tit. (hands Chandler back the cigarette.)
Chandler: No-no, why don't you hang on to that one.
(He goes and sits down next to Rachel and puts a cigarette in his mouth, which Rachel takes away from him. He puts another cigarette in his mouth, and Rachel takes it away again.)
Chandler: Okay, that's like the least fun game ever.
Rachel: Well, I'm really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit. (hands him an audio cassette)
Chandler: Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake laughs.)
Rachel: Come on, it's a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasn't smoked since.
Ross: Pffhah.
Rachel: (to Ross) What's your problem?
Ross: Nothing, it's just that hypnosis is beyond crap.
Rachel: Ross, I watched you get hypnotised in Atlantic City.
Ross: Hey, that guy did not hypnotise me! Okay.
Rachel: Oh right, 'cause you always pull your pants down at the count of three and play Wipe-out on your butt cheeks.
Phoebe: All right, y'know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men.
Chandler: Or what my Father called Thursday night.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Ross is handing Rachel a cup of coffee.]
Ross: Here you go.
Rachel: Oh, y'know what, I didn't want cinnamon on this.
Ross: Sorry. (To remedy that, Ross scoops the cinnamon off of the top with his hand.)
Frank: (entering) Hi!
Phoebe: Oh my God!!
Frank: Hi!
Phoebe: Frank! Hi!
Frank: How are you?
Phoebe: What are you doing here?
Frank: Oh, well y'know, I would've called but I lost your phone number and then ah, my Mom locked me out of the house so I couldn't find it. And then, I tried to find a pay phone, and ah, the receiver was cut off. So...
Phoebe: What happened?
Frank: Ah, oh, the ah, vandalism.
Phoebe: But, also, what happened between you and your Mom?
Frank: Well, we got into a fight 'cause ah, she said I was to immature to get married.
Phoebe: You're getting married?!
Frank: Oh, yeah!
All: Wow!
Phoebe: My little brother's getting married!!
Frank: Oh, I knew you'd be so cool about this. All right, ah, hey, do you want to meet her?
Phoebe: Do I?
Frank: Do you?
Phoebe: Yeah, I do, yeah.
Frank: Okay, cool, all right, she just ah, parking the truck. (to Joey) I'm gonna, I'm gonna get my ah, my fianc閑 man!
Chandler: Y'know, I would've bet good money that he'd be the first one of us to get married.
Phoebe: Yeah, isn't it fantastic?
Monica: Yeah, ah, but Pheebs don't you think he's a little young to get married?
Phoebe: What, he's 18.
Ross: Exactly, it'll be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party.
Joey: Yeah, or-or to get a hooker.
Chandler: Always illegal Joe.
Frank: (entering with his fianc閑 Alice, who is obviously much, much older than he is) Hey! Hey! This is ah, my fianc閑, Mrs. Knight. (he points out Phoebe to her)
Alice: Y'know it-it's funny, um, Frank told me so much about you, but your not how I pictured you at all.
Phoebe: Yeah, I'm a big surprise.
(Ross lets them both sit in his chair.)
Monica: So, um, how-how did you guys meet?
Frank: Well um, I was in ah Mrs. Knight's ah, I mean Alice, sorry, Alice, I always do that. I was in her ah, Home Ec class.
Alice: And he was my best student.
Frank: Yeah, she was my best teacher.
Alice: Ohhh. (They embrace in a very passionate kiss.)
Chandler: If that doesn't keep kids in school, what will?
Ross: And so now you guys are gonna be married?
Alice: Yeah. Y'know we-we talked about just living together, but um, we want to have kids right away.
(Both Chandler and Phoebe have shocked looks on their faces.)
Rachel: Oh my God!! Great!
Phoebe: Wow, kids. Frank, are you sure you're ready for that?
Frank: I mean, how hard can it be? Y'know, I mean, y'know, babies, y'know who doesn't want babies right? And besides y'know, I never had a Dad around, and ah, now-now I always will, 'cause y'know, it'll be me. Right?
Alice: Y'know, I mean, really we do realise that there's an age difference between us.
Phoebe: Oh good! Okay. 'Cause you were acting like you didn't.
Alice: Oh no, but when it comes to love, what does age matter?
(They both growl and hiss at each other and then kiss passionately again.)
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler is listening to the hypnosis tape.]
Hypnosis Tape: You are falling fast asleep. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. You are now completely asleep. You don't need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman.
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Monica is working, Rachel is having lunch.]
Monica: And y'know what, I just realised, in the last year I've only gone out with two guys, Richard and Julio. You gotta help me out here, you gotta set me up, you gotta get me back in the game.
Rachel: Well, that shouldn't be a problem. I mean I work in fashion and all I meet are eligible straight men.
Monica: (to a customer) Pete, can I get you something else?
Pete: Yeah, a slice of cheesecake and-and a date if you're given' 'em out.
Monica: Haven't you and I covered that topic?
Pete: Hmm, come on, you just said to her that you....
Monica: Aww, the only reason you want to go out with me because my blond wig, and the big boobs, and the fact that I serve you food.
Pete: Well, if that were true, I'd dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out were just plain awkward. (to Rachel) Come on, you think she should go out with me, don't you?
Rachel: (laughs) Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? I mean that ain't a pretty picture in the morning, y'know what I mean. That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung over the night stand, y'know.
Monica: I mean really, think about it.
Pete: Ho-ho, I will.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are being lectured by Phoebe.]
Phoebe: No, I know, I know, that this is Frank's life, (walks behind them, they turn around in the leather chairs to face her) y'know. Y'know, I don't want to be all judgmental, y'know, but this is sick, it's sick and wrong!
Ross: Pheebs, what, is it the age thing?
Phoebe: No-no, oh, I'm fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts sticking it's tongue down my little brother's throat!
Joey: Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it.
Phoebe: But, I mean, do you think he's gonna enjoy it when he's up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and it-it's not fair to the babies, and y'know what, it's not good home economics.
Joey: Well, have-have you told him how you feel?
Phoebe: Yes. Not out loud.
Ross: Pheebs, if you don't tell him, soon he's gonna be married, and then you're gonna hate yourself.
Phoebe: Yeah, but if I do tell him, then he's gonna hate myself. I mean look at him and his Mom, I can't. (pause) But, you guys can, please you gotta talk him out of it.
Ross and Joey: No-no-no-no-no. (They start to turn away, but Phoebe stops them, and turns them back to face her.)
Phoebe: Come on, you guys, you have nothing to lose, I have everything to lose. Do you want me to lose everything? Everything?!
Ross and Joey: No.
Phoebe: Okay, I'm gonna go get Frank. (exits)
Joey: So, we're walking down the street and I turn to you and I say, “Hey, let's go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes,” remember? And then, and then, you turn to me and say, “Nah, let's just hang out at your place.” Well, that was a nice move dumb ass.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Monica are entering.]
Rachel: I think you should definitely go out with this guy.
Monica: Nah, he doesn't do anything for me.
Rachel: Monica, last Saturday night, what happened on Walker: Texas Ranger?
Monica: Well, umm, Walker was looking for this big bus load of kids.... (realises) All right, I get your point.
Rachel: All right.
Chandler: (entering, carrying a briefcase) Hi.
Monica: Hey.
Chandler: Y'know, I forgot the combination to this about a year ago? I just carry it around. Do you have any Chap Stick?
Monica: Uh, yeah.
Rachel: Hey, how are those tapes working out for ya?
Chandler: Y'know what, pretty good.
Rachel: Yeah?
Chandler: Good! I haven't smoked yet today, I feel great, and-and-and confident, that is a stunning blouse.
Rachel: Thank you.
Monica: Here you go.
Chandler: Thanks
Rachel: Hey Mon, let's give Pete a chance Come on, he was funny, he seems really nice, and that check thing was adorable.
Chandler: What check thing?
Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so I'd call him.
Chandler: (reading the check) Pete Becker. Pete... (quickly grabs a magazine and opens it up to show her a picture) (pointing to the picture) Is this him?
Monica: That's Bill Clinton.
Chandler: Who's he huggin'?
Monica: Oh my God! That's Pete! But why is Bill huggin' Pete?
Chandler: This guy invented Moss 865! Every office in the world uses that program!
Rachel: We use it!!
Chandler: There you go!!
Rachel: Oh my God, Monica's gonna go out with a millionaire.
Monica: I'm not gonna go out with him.
Rachel: Oh my God, I can't believe this is a real $20,000 check, oh this is just so exciting.
Monica: Or incredibly offensive.
Rachel: Oh yeah, sure, that too.
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
Chandler: (to the girls who are staring at him) What?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are talking to Frank.]
Ross: All we're saying is don't rush into anything.
Joey: Yeah, come on, think about it. You're 18, okay, she's 44, when you're 36, she's gonna be 88.
Frank: What, you don't think I know that?
Joey: Look, the point is, there's a lot of women out there you haven't even had sex with yet!
Ross: Yeah, he-he's right, he's right. This is your time y'know, yeah, you're young, you're-you're weird, chicks dig that.
Frank: Okay, but isn't sex better when it's with one person that you really, really care about.
Joey: Yeah, in a poem maybe.
Ross: No the man's right, that's what I had with Rachel.
Frank: You don't have it anymore?
Ross: No, I ah, I slept with someone else.
Frank: Okay, so wait, all right, so how does that make things better?
Ross: It didn't.
Frank: Okay, so what you used to have with Rachel, is what I've got with Alice.
Joey: Now, wh-what, what is that like?
Frank: It's so cool man, it's so, it's just 'cause being with her is so much better than like not being with her.
Ross: Yeah, yeah.
Joey: (to Ross) Why can't I find that?
Ross: Don't ask me, I had it and I blew it!
Joey: Well, I want it!
Frank: You can have it!
Joey: I don't know, maybe I can't. I mean, maybe there's something wrong with me.
Ross: Oh, no! No!
Frank: It's out there man! I've seen it! I got it!!
Joey: Then you hold on to it!!
Frank: All right, man!!
Joey: All right, congratulations you lucky bastard! (hugs him)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it's after Ross and Joey's talk with Frank, and Phoebe's is finding out what happened.]
Phoebe: (to Joey) You're Frank's best man?!
Joey: I couldn't help it, there love is so pure.
Phoebe: Well then, (to Ross) what about you?! Huh?!
Ross: I'm the ring bearer.
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. He's just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell he's doing.)
Commercial Break
[Scene{s:1:tongue}hoebe's, Phoebe is opening the door.]
Phoebe: Hi! Oh, Alice, hi! Thanks. I'm so glad you could come, 'cause I've got a real umm, Home Ec emergency. (Points to the table cloth, which has a huge mustard stain on it.)
Alice: Oh my God, who died on this?!
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. It's a real mustard-tastrophe. Can you help me?
Alice: Absolutely. Okay, first we'll start with a little club soda and salt, and then if that doesn't work we can go back to...
Phoebe: Y'know what, forget it. It's ruined.
Alice: Oh no-no, never say that. If we can't get it out then we can cut around the stain, add a little lace, you make a stylish throw.
Phoebe: Or instead, maybe you could just not marry my brother Frank.
[Scene{s:1:tongue}ete's office, he is participating in a conference call with three other employees, each of whom are on a different TV screen that he controls with a remote.]
Pete: Okay, that's great, but can we make it smaller? Can we make it fit on the head of a pin? I love when we make things fit on the head of a pin.
All: Got it. Yeah all right. Yeah, okay.
(The intercom buzzes.)
Secretary: You have a Miss Monica Geller here.
Pete: Uh, absolutely, yeah, sEnd her in. (Monica enters) Hi.
Monica: What the hell is this? (holding up the check)
Pete: Hang on a second. (to the employees) I'll-I'll talk to you in the morning. (turns two of the three off) I'm sorry what?
Monica: Seriously, what is this supposed to mean?
Pete: Well, y'know, I never know how much to tip.
Monica: You're supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania. I mean, what's-what's the deal? Are you, are you trying to buy me? Is this the way you get girls to go out with you?
Employee: Umm, I'm still here.
Pete: (turns off the TV) You're taking this all wrong. Because, if I didn't leave you that tip, you wouldn't of come down here, we wouldn't be having this argument, and there wouldn't be this ah, heat between us.
Monica: What?!
Pete: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. 'Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now we're like this-this couple that fights.
Monica: Okay, umm, you're a loon.
Pete: Look, forget the check, okay. (rips up the check) I like you. I think you're great. Come on, what do you say?
Monica: I don't know.
Pete: Why not?
Monica: 'Cause I don't want to encourage this kind of behaviour.
Pete: One meal! That's all I'm asking for. Please? We go out, we eat, and if you don't have a good time, I give you ten grand, we call it even.
[Scene{s:1:tongue}hoebe's, she is coming home. She turns on the lights, and sits down on the couch.]
Frank: (hiding under a pile of clothes) Hi. (She jumps up screaming.) Wait, no! Just put the mail down. It's-it's me!
Phoebe: Okay. Whoa, sorry. Why were you just like all in the dark?
Frank: Oh well, um, your, your laundry just smelled so good, that I thought I'd curl up in it. Is that all right?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, sure. So, how was your day?
Frank: Oh, well just probably the worst one since I've been alive.
Phoebe: What umm, what happened?
Frank: Umm, Alice ah, she ah, called it off.
Phoebe: Oh no. Did umm, did she say why?
Frank: Uh, no, not really, just that I was too young, y'know, but I don't see how I could all of the sudden be too young, 'cause I'm older than I was when we first got together.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, no, I don't, I don't know. But, y'know what, maybe it's just all for the best?
Frank: Yeah, if the best is like unbelievable pain!
Phoebe: Oh, sweetie, oh. (hugs him)
Frank: Y'know, I just was finally happy y'know. For the first time in my life! After my Dad left me, and then, and then getting arrested for stealing those birds, and then, and then the whole punctured lung thing! I can, it's still really hard to take deep breaths in cold weather, but with Alice all that stuff kinda went away. And now it's, and now it's gone and I don't know why!
Phoebe: Uh, well I can tell you why. It's, it's because of me. But, y'know what, I only did it because I love you. Okay?
Frank: What?
Phoebe: Umm, well I, I kinda had a little chat with Alice, and I sort of made her see why you two shouldn't be together, y'know. And you're gonna see it to, one day, you really, really will.
Frank: Wait a minute, wait, this is because of you?
Phoebe: Okay.
Frank: Well, you, wait no, my Mother didn't want us to be together, but the worst thing she ever did was tie me to the porch.
Phoebe: Okay, but.
Frank: Wait, y'know what, I-I came to you because I thought you'd understand! Oh no!! Y'know, I would storm out of here right now if-if I had some money, or a place to go...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Monica ready for her date. The guys are also there. The door buzzes.]
Rachel: Oh my God! The millionaire's here!
Chandler: (in a feminine way) Oh my God! (and he jumps all around)
Monica: Guys, please, I'm just gonna have dinner with him. Okay?
Chandler: Okay, okay, just because he buys you dinner, does not mean you owe him anything.
Monica: I know!!
Chandler: Okay, then get the lobster!
Monica: (opening the door) (to Pete) Hey!
Pete: Hi.
Rachel: Hi!!
Joey: Hey!
Ross: Hi!
(They're all staring at him, with big, huge smiles on their faces.)
Joey: Hey, how much cash do you got in your pocket right now?
Monica: And that's why, I'm not inviting you in for a drink. (starts to leave) Bye.
All: Oh-no-no-no-no....
Rachel: Just one drink?!
Monica: (in the hallway) So, where do you want to go?
Pete: Hey, you like pizza?
Monica: Oh, that's sounds great.
Pete: I know a great little place.
[Cut to a shot of the coliseum in Rome, Italy.]
[Scene: A restaurant in Rome, Monica is paying for the pizza.]
Pete: You're, hey, you're not paying for the pizza!
Monica: Oh come on, it's only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?
Pete: Ahh, I'd throw another thousand on that.
Monica: Why, how much is that?
Pete: That's about 60 cents.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it's the middle of the night. Joey is walking into the living room, and runs into the entertainment centre.]
Joey: Every night!!
(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandler's bedroom.)
Hypnosis Tape: You do not need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. (Joey walks out smiling to himself.)
[Scene{s:1:tongue}hoebe's, Frank is watching TV, and he's very depressed as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey, Frank. Look, okay, I know that you think I did like this totally evil thing, but I so didn't. There's someone here who can explain this better than I can.
Alice: Hi Frank.
Frank: Hi, Mrs. Knight.
Alice: Phoebe's right Frank. I know it's hard to hear, but it would've been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we, we want the same things now, in the future we may not. (to Phoebe) Is that it, is that what it is?
Phoebe: Yeah, but not just that.
Alice: Right, not just that. Umm, even though we love each other as much as we do, none the less...
Phoebe: None the less.
Alice: None the less. Umm, you're too young to, to really know what you want. (They embrace in a passionate kiss.)
Phoebe: That's right, exactly. (sees them) All right, it's a good bye kiss, that's good. (Frank picks Alice up and they move to the couch) Bye-bye. (They both lie down on the couch and start to make out.) Okay, no, the important thing is that you see what I'm saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. (They ignore her) Okay, I've decided I'm gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my purse? (She reaches in and Alice moans) Okay, all right, good. (leaves) .
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, he's listening to the hypnosis tape again.]
Hypnosis Tape: Cigarette's don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke.
Joey: (He's recorded his voice on the tape) Joey's your best friEnd. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. (he laughs) And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.
(Chandler wakes up and stares at the tape.)
End

多云有时晴

319 The One With The Tiny T-shirt

[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is pouring Rachel coffee.]
Gunther: Here you go.
Rachel: Thank you.
Gunther: (In his head) Say Rachel, I was wondering if you'd like to go to a movie with me sometime. As my lover! Nnnsch, too out there. Maybe you'd just like to ah, get something to eat with me sometime? As my lover.
Mark: (entering) Hi!
Rachel: Hi! All right, let's go shoppin'!!
Mark: Um, y'know, before we go ah, there's something I need to say.
Rachel: Oh, okay.
Mark: I've kinda of had this ah, this crush on you. (Rachel is shocked) But since you were with Ross, I-I didn't do anything about it. But, now that you're not, I'd really like to ask you out sometime. So-so that's-that's what I'm doing, now.
(Gunther gets this hurt expression on his face and goes into the back room)
Rachel: Wow! Umm....
(She's interrupted by a loud crash and the sound of braking dishes. Followed quickly by another crash. Everyone turns and looks at the back room, as Gunther emerges.)
Gunther: I dropped a cup.
Opening Credits
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments, Pete and Monica are returning from their date.]
Pete: ...so y'know, that's why, within a few years, that voice recognition is gonna be pretty much standard on any computer you buy. Y'know, so you could be like-like, 'Wash my car.' 'Clean my room.' It's not gonna be able to do any of those things, but it'll understand what you're saying.
Monica: Oh, this is so great.
Pete: Yeah, it was.
Monica: All right then. (He leans in to kiss her goodnight, but she quickly kisses him on the cheek and pats his shoulder.) Bye.
(She goes into her apartment and sees Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross sitting there.)
Monica: Hello, people who do not live here.
All: Hi! Hello!
Monica: I gave you a key for emergencies!
Phoebe: We were out of Doritos.
Ross: Hey, how'd the date go with Mr. Millionaire?
Chandler: Mr. Millionaire, new from Snooty Playthings! Third wife sold separately.
Monica: He's great! I mean we have such a good time together! He's so funny, and sooo sweet, and I'm not attracted to him at all!!
Ross: Still?!
Monica: Noo!! It's driving me crazy. I mean every other way he's like the perfect guy, he has everything. Plus! He actually has everything.
Chandler: Life-sized Imperial Storm Troopers from Sharper Image?
Monica: Two.
Chandler: Wow!! Can Joey and I put them on and fight?
Joey: (entering, dancing and singing) Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! (He dances around the dinner table and exits)
Ross: I guess he musta gotten the part in that play.
Monica and Phoebe: Oh.
Chandler: Yeah, either that, or Gloria Estefan was right, eventually, the rhythm is going to get you.
[Scene: A Theatre, Joey is arriving to rehearse the play he's in.]
The Director: Joe. How's it going?
Joey: Good. (He sets his stuff down and starts talking to Kate, another cast member.) Hey.
Kate: Hi.
Joey: Oh, so you're playing Adrienne, huh?
Kate: Yes. Are you one of the retarded cousins?
Joey: Oh, no. Ah, I playing your husband, Victor. I'm Joey Tribianni.
Kate: Hi, nice to meet you. Kate Miller.
(She goes over to the snack table, and Joey quickly runs over and pours her a cup of coffee.)
Joey: So the ah, play's pretty great, huh?
Kate: Oh, yeah. I love Jennifer Van Murray's work. She's so brilliantly incisive when it comes to deconstructing the psyche of the American middle class.
Joey: Oh, forget about it. She rocks!
Kate: Where do I know you from?
Joey: Dr. Drake Remoray. Days of Our Lives. Voted most datable neurosurgeon by Teen Beat.
Kate: No, that's not it. So, you're a soap actor? Well this must be pretty exciting for you to be in a real play, hmm?
Joey: Hey, I've done plays before. I'm a serious actor.
Kate: That info-mercial! For the milk carton spout thing! You're-you're-you're the guy that doesn't know how to pour milk!!
Joey: See, I actually can pour milk, but I got you believing that I couldn't. Now, see, that's acting.
Kate: Right, at the end, you choked on a cookie.
Joey: Yeah, that was real.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is telling Phoebe about Mark, as Gunther eavesdrops behind them.]
Phoebe: Wow! I cannot believe Mark asked you out.
Rachel: I know.
Phoebe: What, so what are you gonna tell him?
Rachel: Well, I told him I would think about it, but I'm gonna tell him no.
Phoebe: Huh.
(Gunther tries to swoop in to ask Rachel out.)
Rachel: I mean I think I'd say no to anybody right now. (Hearing this Gunther swoops back to cleaning tables.) Oh, but it was so strange. I mean I'm standing there with this charming, cute guy, who's asking me to go out with him, which I'm allowed to do, and I felt guilty. Y'know, like I'd be cheating on Ross or something.
Phoebe: Wow. So, okay, maybe that means that, you're not over Ross yet and you have issues with your father.
Rachel: I don't have any issues with my Father.
Phoebe: Okay, so it's probably just the Ross thing then.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is telling Chandler about Kate.]
Joey: I hate this woman!! I hate her! She told everyone in the company about that info-mercial, and now they all keep asking me to open their drinks. Okay, and whenever I can't do it, they're all like-like laughing at me.
Ross: (entering) Hello.
Chandler and Joey: Hey!
Ross: So Rachel called. Wants to see me. Going over in a minute.
Joey: Wow, what-what do you think she wants?
Ross: Well, maybe the crazy fog has lifted and she realises that life without me ah sucks.
Chandler: It's possible. You are very loveable, I'd miss you if I broke up with you. (Ross glares at him) I was just trying to be supportive.
Ross: Then be supportive like a guy.
Chandler: (in a deep voice) If I broke up with you, I'd miss you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as Ross enters, walking very confidently.]
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Hi!
Ross: You ah, wanted to see me?
Rachel: Yeah. Ahh, here's a box of your stuff. (hands him a box)
Ross: What?!
Rachel: Oh, y'know, it's just like hats, and a shirt, and CD's, just sort of stuff that you've left here.
Ross: What are you doing? Are you trying to hurt me? Or something?
Rachel: No. Ross, it, it just seems that y'know it's time we-we y'know, move on. I mean, I mean don't' you think?
Ross: Yes.
Rachel: Yeah?
Ross: Yes, I do.
Rachel: Good.
Ross: Yeah, I-I really do. (takes a dinosaur mug out of the box) Hey! This-this was a gift?!
Rachel: Ross, you got that for free from the museum gift shop.
Ross: It's still a gift! I got it from the gift shop!
Rachel: Okay, all right, give me the mug! I'll keep the mug.
Ross: No!! Y'know-y'know don't do me any favours. In fact, where, where's the rest of my stuff?! Huh? Like-like my umm, (picks up a book) Hey, this book is mine!! And-and-and, and that T-shirt you sleep in? I'd like that back too. Yes, I do.
Rachel: You know how much I love that T-shirt! You never even where that T-shirt!
Ross: I'm just trying to help you, move on.
Rachel: Oh, you are a petty man. You are a petty, petty....
Ross: Petty...
Rachel: Petty... (goes into her room)
Ross: Petty...
Rachel: Petty...
Ross: Petty...
Rachel: Small...
Ross: Small... (Rachel comes back into the living room and catches Ross mocking her.)
Rachel: You are so just doing this out of spite.
Ross: Awwwahuh, no, no, no!!
Rachel: Huh?
Ross: I'm-I'm gonna wear this all the time! I love this shirt!! (he kisses the shirt)
Rachel: You have not worn that T-shirt since you were 15!! It doesn't even fit you anymore!
Ross: Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah...
Rachel: (imitating him) yeah-yeah-yeah!!
Ross: Oh-oh, okay, okay! (He quickly takes off his sweater in order to put on the T-shirt. It's an old 'Frankie says relax' T-shirt, that barely fits him. Rachel nods her head in approval of the new look.) If you don't mind I'm gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. (Starts to leave) You have a pleasant evening. (He exits and leaves the door open.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang minus Rachel and Ross are talking to Pete.]
Phoebe: So, you're like a zillionaire? (Pete smiles and nods)
Chandler: And you're our age. You're our age.
Phoebe: Y'know what, you should like, you should buy a state and then just name it after yourself.
Pete: What like Pete Dakota?
Phoebe: Yeah, or, or, or, Mississ-Pete.
Joey: Oh, oh, I got it! Pete-Chicago.
Chandler: That's not a state Joe.
Joey: Oh, and Mississ-Pete is?
Pete: I got to go, so ah, I'll see you guys later.
All: Okay.
Chandler: You're our age!
Pete: (to Monica, by the door) So ah, we on for tomorrow?
Monica: Absolutely! (He goes to kiss her, but she stops him and rubs his head and says...) Now get out of here you!! (Pete leaves) (to the gang) Okay, I'm running out of places I can touch him! Look, is there something wrong with me? I mean why am I only attracted to guys where there's no future? Either they're too old, or they're too young, and then there's Pete who's-who's crazy about me, and who's absolutely perfect for me, and there's like zip going on! I mean, seriously, does it sound like something's wrong with me?!
Phoebe: Yeah, kinda.
[Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are rehearsing for the play.]
Kate: Happy?! Is that what I'm supposed to be Vic? Happy?
Joey: Well, why don't you tell me what you're supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell can't figure it out! I talk to you and nothin'. You look at me, and it's nothin'. (He kisses her) Nothing.
The Director: Tasty! I'm really starting to feel like you guys have a history, it's-it's nice.
Kate: I have a question about this scene.
The Director: Yes?
Kate: Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor.
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, he's good looking.
Joey: Yeah.
Kate: I think my character's gonna need a little bit more of reason than that.
Joey: Oh, hey, how about this one. Ah, it's says so in the script! Y'know ah, I-I don't know why my character likes you either, I mean it says in the script here that you're a bitch.
Kate: It doesn't say that in the script.
Joey: It does in mine!
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Ross are returning from working out.]
Chandler: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesn't matter, I still wind up with this little (pats the flat spot on the back of his head) cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. It's so annoying. Does it bug you?
Ross: You bug me.
[Rachel comes out of her apartment, followed by Mark, and they leave on their date, without saying a word to Ross. Ross is stunned.]
Chandler: Is there any chance you didn't see that?
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching a basketball game, Ross is staring out the peephole.]
Chandler: Ross! You gotta stop! Okay?! You can't just stare through the peep hole for three hours! You're gonna get peep eye!
Ross: I knew it! I knew it! I always knew she liked him! Y'know, she'd say no, but here we are! Right? We just broke up, first thing she does!
Chandler: You didn't just break up.
Ross: Hey, it's been like three weeks!
Chandler: You slept with somebody three hours after you thought you broke up. I mean bullets have left guns slower!
Ross: Here they come, here they come. Oh-ho, if she kisses him goodnight, I'm gonna kill myself, I swear. I can't, I can't watch this. (turns away, then quickly turns to look again) Come on, date over! Date over! Uh-oh, here we go, she's going in.
Chandler: Okay.
Ross: She's going in. Wait! He's going in! He's going in!! The door's closed! I, I can't see anything but the door closed!!
Chandler: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.
Ross: Okay, I have to do something. I mean, I have, I have to stop it!
Chandler: Stop what?!
Ross: I don't know, but I ah, I have the feeling that my being there will do it. I'll go over and I will borrow something. Juice!! I need juice!!
(He starts to exit, but Chandler tries to stop him by climbing on his back and grabbing hold of the foosball table.)
Chandler: No!! You can't!!
Ross: Look, they must be stopped!
Chandler: I am your friend, and I am not gonna let you do this!! (Ross is now dragging Chandler and the foosball table to the door) You are surprisingly strong!
Ross: I need juice! People need juice!!
Chandler: Look man!
Ross: People need juice!
Chandler: Listen to me!! (Chandler turns him around and closes and holds the door shut with his feet.)
Ross: Juice, I need...
Chandler: She's moving on! Okay, if it's not this guy, it's gonna be somebody else! And unless you're thinking about subletting my peep hole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over! Okay, man? It's over.
Ross: Yeah, okay.
Chandler: Okay.
Ross: It's just I miss her so much.
Chandler: I know. (He rubs Ross's head)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is pouring Mark some coffee.]
Mark: Why do all you're coffee mugs have numbers on the bottom?
Rachel: Oh. That's so Monica can keep track. That way if one on them is missing, she can be like, 'Where's number 27?!'
(She sits down, and Mark leans over and kisses her. Rachel doesn't react. He tries it again, and Rachel jumps back quickly.)
Rachel: Y'know what?
Mark: No. And I don't think I'm gonna want to.
Rachel: I can't do this.
Mark: Yep. Yep, that's what I didn't want to know.
Rachel: Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you.
Mark: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!
Rachel: Oh God. I'm sorry about this.
Mark: That's okay.
Rachel: You sure?
Mark: Yeah. I can just go home and get back at him by myself.
[Scene: A Hospital Reception, Monica and Pete are there.]
Spokeswoman: ...has become the penicillin of the twenty-first century. And so today, this hospital is about to take major steps toward leading that revolution. It is truly ironic, on one hand consider the size...
Pete: (to Monica) Hey, can I ask you something?
Monica: Sure.
Pete: Where are we?
Monica: (looks around) Well, with all these doctors and nurses, I'm gonna say, midget rodeo.
Pete: Just tell me the truth.
Monica: Okay. Umm, y'know, I don't think, I don't think I told you this, but umm, I just got out of a really serious relationship.
Pete: Oh, yeah. Wasn't that like a year ago?
Monica: So I did tell you. Okay, y'know, that really isn't the thing. Umm, the thing is that, right now I'm just in a place in my life where I need to focus on me. Y'know what I mean?
Pete: Oh, yeah. I know that.
Monica: I so wanna be attracted to you.
Pete: But you're not. Okay, good.
Monica: I'm sorry.
Pete: Y'know what, don't be. This is not, don't be, 'cause it's not so bad.
Monica: It's not?
Pete: I know I'm no John Bon Jovi, (Monica laughs) or someone who find attractive, I'm just, I think, y'know, that you might end up feeling differently.
Monica: Well, um, look I-I don't want this to come our wrong, but ah, you seem awfully confident for a guy I just told I wasn't attracted too.
Pete: Yeah, stupidly charming isn't' it? Well listen let's, you wanna get something to eat? 'Cause this place is kinda depressing. (they start to leave)
Spokeswoman: And the man who made all this possible... Mr. Peter Becker.
Pete: (to Monica) One second.
(He takes the scissors, cuts the ribbon, shakes her hand, posses for the picture, and leaves.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in one of the black chairs, and turns to face the other one.]
Chandler: I don't think this town is big enough for both of us to relax in. (He blows on his hand) Draw!! (He quickly pulls the lever to raise the foot rest, like a gunfighter in a Western.)
(Joey enters.)
Chandler: (to Joey) I wasn't doing anything. (Joey starts angrily throwing his stuff down.) Uh-oh, what did she do now?
Joey: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she's like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!
Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.
Joey: God, I just, I hate her! I hate her!! With her, 'Oh, I'm so talented.' and 'Oh, I'm so pretty,' and 'Ooh, I smell so good.'
Chandler: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here?! Y'know?
Chandler: I'm talking about you. You big, big freak.
Joey: Oh. (realises) Ohh. Ohh, you're out of your mind.
Chandler: Hey, you have nothing but talk about her for the last 48 hours! If you were in a school yard you'd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now!
Joey: Oh, yeah?! Then how come I keep thinking about her in all these sexual scenarios and stuff huh?!
[Scene: The Theatre, Kate and Joey are rehearsing the same scene as before.]
Kate: Happy?! Is that what I'm supposed to be Vic? Happy?
Joey: Well, why don't you tell me what you're supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell can't figure it out! I talk to you and it's nothin'. You look at me, and nothin'. (He kisses her, more passionately this time) Nothing.
The Director: You guys make me fly! High! Okay, we're gonna pick it up here, tomorrow.
Kate: Well, that was ah...
Joey: Better?
Kate: Yeah! Yeah, it was definitely an improvement. G'night.
Joey: Ah, Kate?
Kate: Yeah?
Joey: You ah, you forgot your shoes.
Kate: (she giggles) I'm probably gonna need those. Huh? (she giggles some more)
Joey: Hey, listen you ah....
Kate: Hmm?
Joey: ...feel like getting a cup of coffee?
Kate: Umm.
The Director: (leaning in) Kate?
Kate: Yep.
The Director: You ready to go?
Kate: Yeah.
The Director: (to Joey) Very nice. Very nice. (he walks away)
Kate: So umm, I'll see you tomorrow, huh?
Joey: Yeah, yeah sure, goodnight.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen chopping vegetables. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting in the living room.]
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Hey! (Chandler looks up, startled) Why isn't it Spiderman? Y'know like Goldman, Silverman...
Chandler: 'Cause it's-it's not his last name.
Phoebe: It isn't?
Chandler: No, it's not like, like Phil Spiderman. He's a spider, man. Y'know like ah, like Goldman is a last name, but there's no Gold Man.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. There should be Gold Man!
Rachel: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey, Rach, how was work?
Rachel: Oh, great. Although I did sit down where there wasn't a chair.
Monica: By the way, Ross dropped by a box of your stuff.
Rachel: Oh, well, I guess I had that one coming. I'm just gonna throw it out, it's probably just a bunch of shampoo and... (she opens the box and stops)
Monica: Something wrong?
Rachel: (She takes the T-shirt out of the box and holds it to her chest and take a deep breath.) No. Nothing. (She smiles and goes into her room.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the black chairs.]
Chandler: So, ahh, what kind of powers would Gold Man have?
Phoebe: Okay well, he would turn things to gold.
Chandler: What about things that are already gold?
Phoebe: Ahh, his work is done.
Chandler: Okay, let's play my game now.
Phoebe: Okay. All right you yellow-bellied-lilly-livered-DRAW!! (they both kick up the foot rests like an old fashioned gun fight.)
End