看Friends学英语-Season Three

多云有时晴

看Friends学英语-Season Three

多云有时晴

301 The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy

[Scene Central Perk, the whole gang is entering]
Joey: I'm tellin' ya that girl totally winked at me.
All: Did not, she did not wink at you... (sees that their sacred couch is occupied by strangers) .
Chandler: Huh. (They all leave, dejected)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
Ross: I have to say Tupolo Honey by Van Morrison.
Rachel: Nooo Way! The most romantic song ever is The Way We Were.
Phoebe: See, I-I think that one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on Who's The Boss.
Rachel: What song was that, Pheebs?
Phoebe: (singing) Hold me close, young Tony Dan-za.
(Monica enters from her bedroom)
Phoebe: Hi Monica!
Ross: Hey Mon!
Rachel: Hey Mon!
(she just walks straight into the bathroom)
Phoebe: Oh my God, has she slept at all?
Ross: Nope.
Rachel: No, it's been three nights in a row.
Ross: Yeah, she finally stopped crying yesterday, but then she found one of Richard's cigar butts out on the terrace, so.
Phoebe: Oh, okay that explains it. I got a call at two in the morning, but all I could hear was, like, this high squeaky sound, so I thought okay its like a mouse or a opossum. But then I realized where would a mouse or a opossum get the money to make the phone call.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is coming in from the bedroom]
Chandler: Morning.
Joey: Morning, hey, you made pancakes?
Chandler: Yeah, like there's any way I could ever do that.
Janice: (entering and singing) Monica and Rachel had syrup, now I can get my man to cheer up. (laughs hysterically) Good morning Joey.
Joey: (sarcastically) Good morning.
Chandler: Hey, you know what, here's a thought. Why don't you stay home from work today and just hang out with me.
Janice: Oh, I wish. Look, honey, you have that report to finish, and I gotta go see my lawyer.
Chandler: I can not believe that I am going out with someone that is getting divorced. I'm such a grown up.
Janice: (laughs) I-I-I gotta go, I gotta go. Okay, not without a kiss.
Chandler: Well, maybe I won't kiss you, and then you'll have to stay.
Joey: (under his breath) Kiss her! Kiss her!
Janice: I'll see you later, sweetie. Bye Joey.
Joey: B-bye Janice. So when ya' dumpin' her.
Chandler: Nope, not this time.
Joey: Come on, quite yankin' me.
Chandler: I'm not yanking you.
Joey: This is Janice.
Chandler: Yeah, I know. She makes me happy.
Joey: Okay. All right. You look me in the eye and tell me, without blinking, that you're not breaking up with her. No blinking.
Chandler: (looks him in the eye) I'm not breaking up with her! (they stare at each other for a while, then Joey blows in his face)
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Monica is entering from the bathroom.]
Monica: God, look what I found in the drain.
Rachel: What?!
Monica: It's some of Richard's hair! (holds it close to Ross) What do I do with this?
Ross: Getting it away from me would be job one.
Monica: It's weird, but you know what I don't wanna throw this away. I mean this is like all I have left of him, gross, drain hair. Ooh! (drops it in Ross's cereal)
Phoebe: Ooh. Oh. It looks like, like a tiny little person drowning in your cereal. (Ross gives her this look, like 'Yeah, doesn't it', and gets up to dump it down the drain.)
Monica: God, what is wrong with me.
Ross: You need to get some sleep.
Monica: I need to get some Richard.
Rachel: Monica, you broke up with him for a reason.
Monica: I know, I know. I'm just so tired of-of missing him. I'm tired of wondering why hasn't he called. Why hasn't he called!
Phoebe: Maybe, because you told him not to.
Monica: What are you the memory woman?
Joey: (entering) Their not breaking up. Chandler and Janice. Their not breaking up. He didn't blink or anything.
Rachel: Well, you know I'm not surprised. I mean have you seen them together, they're really cute.
Joey: Cute! This is Janice! You remember Janice?
Rachel: Yes, Joey, I remember, she's annoying, but you know what she's-she's his girlfriend now. I mean what can we do?
Joey: There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! What can we do? Huh? All right who's first? Huh? Ross?
Ross: Well I'm thinking that Chandler's our friend and Janice makes him happy, so I say we just all be adult about it and accept her.
Joey: Yeah, we'll call that Plan B. All right?
[Scene: Ross's bedroom, Ross is working and Rachel is reading a book in bed]
Rachel: (she leans over and kisses him on the cheek) Honey, I was wondering....
Ross: Hmm?
Rachel: Do you still have that, um, Navy uniform?
Ross: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume place.
Rachel: Hmm.
Ross: I think I have an old band uniform from high school.
Rachel: You remember not having sex in high school, right?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Well honey, what about you?
Ross: What?
Rachel: I mean do you have any fun, you know, fantasy type things?
Ross: No.
Rachel: Come on you gotta have one!
Ross: Nope.
Rachel: Ross, you know what...
Ross: What?
Rachel: ...if you tell me, I might do it.
Ross: Okay, umm. Did you ever see, um, Return Of The Jedi?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hut? Well Jabba had as, as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia.
Rachel: Oooh!
Ross: Princess Leia, was wearing this, um, gold bikini thing. It was pretty cool.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there]
Phoebe: Yeah, oh, Princess Leia and the gold bikini, every guy our age loved that.
Rachel: Really!
Phoebe: Um, um. It's huge. Yeah, that's the moment, when-when, you know she stopped being a princess, and became, like, a woman, you know.
Rachel: Did you ever do the-the Leia thing?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, um-mm. Oh!
Rachel: Really! That-that great huh?
Phoebe: No it's just that I got this new pager and I have it on vibrate. See ya!
Ross: (entering with Monica in tow) Hey!
Rachel: Hi you guys!
Ross: Look who I found standing outside of the Szechwan Dragon staring at a parking meter.
Rachel: Mon. Hi!
Monica: Hi.
Rachel: Why aren't you at work?
Monica: Oh, they-they sent me home.
Rachel: Why?
Monica: Because I don't work at the Szechwan Dragon.
Ross: Okay.
Rachel: You really, really need to get some sleep, honey.
Monica: I know I do.
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Hi.
Ross: Guess what?
Rachel: What?
Ross: They published my paper.
Rachel: Oh, really, let me see, let me see.
Phoebe: Rach, look! (she holds two buns up to her ears to make her hair look like the Princess Leia 'do.) Oh, hi! Where is my strong Ross Skywalker to come rescue me. (Ross stands up horrified) There he is.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching Wheel of Fortune, the puzzle is showing _oun_ Rush_ore.]
[Chandler enters]
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Wheel!
Chandler: Of!
Joey: Fortune! This guy is so stupid. (yelling) It's Count Rushmore!!
Chandler: You know, you should really go on this show. All right, listen, I got three tickets to the Rangers tonight. What'd ya' say?
Joey: I say, 'I am there!' Cool! Aw, is Ross going to?
Chandler: No, Janice.
Joey: Jan-ice. 'Cause I, just, I feel bad for Ross, you know, we-we always go together, we're like the three hocke-teers.
Chandler: You know, I may be way out on a limb here, but do you, do you, have a problem with Janice?
Joey: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. (walks into the kitchen, Chandler follows closely, he turns around and gets startled) . Oh, hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair (holds his hands up to signify she has big hair) ?
Chandler: Ooh, that girl that I hate, eww, drives me crazy, eww, eww, oh!
Joey: Look, I don't hate Janice, she's-she's just a lot to take, you know.
Chandler: Well, there you go.
Joey: Oh, hey. Come on man, don't look at me like that, she used to drive you nuts before too, remember?
Chandler: Well, I'm crazy about her now. I think this could be the real thing. Capital 'R'! Capital 'T'! (Joey stares at him) Don't worry, those are the right letters.
Joey: Look, what do you want me to say?
Chandler: I want you to say that you like her!
Joey: I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you know. Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna (grimaces and tenses up) pull my arm off just so that I can have something to throw at her.
Chandler: Thanks for trying. (grabs the ticket and starts to leave) Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore!
Joey: Yeah, then-then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain? (Chandler gives him a look like 'You stupid idiot!')
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are entering]
Ross: How could you have told her?
Rachel: Ross, I didn't think it would that big of a deal.
Ross: Oh, she didn't think it would be that big of deal.
Rachel: Okay, who are you talking to when you do that?
Ross: Look, that was supposed to be like a private, personal thing between us.
Rachel: Okay, Ross, Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay, we tell each other everything. You know, I mean, come on, guys do the same thing, I mean, what about all that locker room stuff.
Ross: That's different, okay. That's like, uh 'Who dated a stripper?' or 'Who did it on the back of the Staton Island Ferry?'.
Rachel: Were both of those Joey?
Ross: Yeah. Look, you don't, you don't talk about like, you know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you, you do with her.
Rachel: Not even with your best friend.
Ross: Noo!
Rachel: That is so sad. Your missing out on so much, Ross. I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know. And-and knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.
Ross: Hmph. So what you, you tell each other everything?
Rachel: Pretty much.
Ross: Did you talk about the night of five times? Do you tell people about the night of five times?
Rachel: Uh, honey, yeah that was with Carol.
Ross: I know, but it's still worth mentioning, I think.
[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is trying to relax her.]
Phoebe: ( in a soothing voice) Relax every muscle in your body. Listen to the plinky-plunky music. Okay, now close you eyes, and think of a happy place. Okay, tell me your happy place.
Monica: Richard's living room, drinking wine.
Phoebe: All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put down the glass. And get out!
Monica: I'm sorry, but that's my happy place.
Phoebe: Well, okay, fine, use my happy place. Okay, I'm just gonna, I have to ask that you don't move anything.
Monica: All right, I'll try not to.
Phoebe: Okay, all right, so, your in a meadow, millions of stars in the sky....
Monica: Do you think breaking up with him was a huge mistake?
Phoebe: All right, there are no questions in the happy place. Okay, just, the warm breeze, and the moonlight flowing through the trees....
Monica: I'll bet he's totally over me, I'll bet he's fine.
Phoebe: All right, betting and wagering of any kind, are, I'm sure, not permitted in the happy place. Okay. Just-just, you know, the-the lovely waterfalls, and the, the trickling fountains. And the-the calming sounds of the babbling brook....
Monica: Okay, this isn't working. I'm still awake and now I have to pee.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's]
Janice: So, I hear, you hate me!
Joey: I, ah, I never said hate, I was very careful about that.
Janice: A little birdie told me something about you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me.
Joey: And you got a 'hate' from that?! Your taking a big leap there...
Janice: All right, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, we've got to do something about our little situation here Joey. So, this is my idea: you and me spending some quality time together.
Joey: But what does that gonna do...
Janice: For Chandler!
Joey: Okay. I'm in.
Janice: Okay. All right. This is what we're gonna call it: 'Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!'
Joey: Does it have to be a whole day?
Janice: Yes, because that's how long it takes to love me.
Joey: Yeah, I know, I sleep in the next room.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are entering]
Monica: (crying) So, I went down to the post office, and it turns out it was those videos that I ordered for Richard about the Civil War. He loved the Civ)l War.
Phoebe: Monica, do you want us to take you home?
Monica: Uh, huh. (to Ross) Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away. (Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe leave)
Ross: Women tell each other everything. Did you know that?
Chandler: Umm, yeah.
Ross: No Chandler, everything! Like stuff you like, stuff she likes, technique, stamina, girth....
Chandler: Girth? Why, why, why, wh-why, why, why, why would they do this?
Ross: Rachel says sharing's great and supposedly, you know, we outta be doing it. Do you wanna?
Chandler: We're not gonna talk about girth are we?
Ross: Nooo!
Chandler: Yeah, okay.
Ross: Yeah?
Chandler: Yeah! All right! You go first.
Ross: Okay, okay, I'll go first.
Chandler: Okay.
Ross: So, uh, the other night Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies, and I happened to describe a particular Star Wars thing....
Chandler: Princess Leia in the gold bikini.
Ross: Yes!
Chandler: I know!
Ross: Yes! Wow, well, that-that was easy. Okay, you-you go.
Chandler: Okay.
Ross: Okay.
Chandler: Okay, you know, you know when your in bed, with a woman.
Ross: Hmph.
Chandler: And, ah, you know, your fooling around with her. And you get all these like, mental images in your brain, you know, like Elle MacPherson, or that girl at the Xerox place....
Ross: With the belly-button ring? Oh, muhawa!
Chandler: I know, And then all of the sudden your Mom pops into your head. And your like 'Mom, get outta here!' You know, but of course, like, after that you can't possibly think of anything else, and you can't, you know, stop what your doing. So it's kinda like, you're, you know. You know... (Ross just stares at him) . You don't know!
Ross: Your Mom, your telling me, your telling me, about your Mom, what is the matter with you?
Chandler: You said...
Ross: I said 'share' not 'scare'. Go sit over there! (Chandler goes over and sits at a table and puts his head down) .
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Janice are returning from their DAY OF FUN!]
Janice: We're baack!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: What are you guys doing together?
Janice: Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!!! (laughs)
Chandler: Really.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. We went to a Mets game, we got Chinese food, and you know, I love this woman. You have got competition buddy.
Janice: I just came by to give you a kiss, I have to go pick up the baby, so. I'll see you later sweetheart, you too Chandler. (laughs)
Chandler: You still can't stand her can you?
Joey: I'm sorry man, I tired, I really did.
Chandler: Well, you know, I appreciate you giving it a shot.
Joey: But, hey, look, you know the good thing is, is that we spent the whole day together and I survived, and what's even more amazing, so did she. It was bat day at Shea Stadium.
Chandler: Well, I guess that's something.
Joey: No man, that's huge! Now, I know I can stand to be around her, which means I get to hang out with you, which is kinda the whole point, anyway.
Chandler: Okay.
Joey: Oh, hey, Chandler, we, ah, we stopped by the coffee shop and ran into Ross.
Chandler: Oh God!
Joey: Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I do it too.
Chandler: Really?
Joey: Oh yeah, I always picture your Mom when I'm having sex.
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Monica is watching the Civil War videos]
Video:April Twelve, Eighteen hundred, Sixty-One (Monica lights Richard's cigar butt) , 4:30 A.M. on Tuesday, the United States garrison at Fort Sumter was fired upon (knock on door) it is now under bombardment by....
(Monica answers the door)
Monica: Hi, Dad, what are you doing here?
Mr. Geller: Well, it's your mother's bridge night so I thought that I would come into the city for a little Monicuddle. (hugs her) Since when did you start smoking cigars?
Monica: I don't, I just, I just like the smell of them. So, uh, what are you really doing here Dad?
Mr. Geller: Well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.
Monica: What makes you think that I might not be okay?
Mr. Geller: I saw Richard.
Monica: Oh.
Mr. Geller: So, how are you doing?
Monica: I'm fine, just a little tired, I'm okay. How's Richard doing?
Mr. Geller: You don't wanna know.
Monica: No, I really, really do.
Mr. Geller: Well, he's doing terrible!
Monica: Really!
Mr. Geller: Worse than when he broke up with Barbara.
Monica: You're not just saying that are you?
Mr. Geller: No, the man is a mess.
Monica: Was he crying?
Mr. Geller: No.
Monica: Well, do you think he was waiting 'til after you left, so he could cry?
Mr. Geller: Maybe.
Monica: I think so.
Mr. Geller: Honey, relationships are hard. Like with your Mom and me. You know after we graduated college we broke up for a while. It seems her Father, your Grandfather, wanted her to travel around Europe, like he did. Of course, he got to do it on Uncle Sam's nickel, because he was also strafing German troop trains at the time. However, (turns around and sees that Monica is sleeping and puts a blanket around her, kisses her, picks up the cigar, and starts watching the video)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Ross's bedroom, Ross is humming the Star Wars theme. Rachel enters, with her hair done up like Princess Leia's, and wearing a belly dancer's outfit, to simulate the gold bikini thing.]
Rachel: Okay, here we go. I'm Jabba's prisoner, and you have a really weird look on your face. What? Honey, what is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I get the hair wrong? What? Did you just picture it differently? What? What?
Ross: No, no it's, um, it's not you, um, it's um, it's (turns and sees his Mom standing where Rachel is)
Mrs. Geller: Well what is it? Come on sweetie, your like, freaking me out here.
Ross: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life. (Rachel starts looking around and down, with a 'What the hell is going on?' look on her face.)
End

多云有时晴

302 The One Where No-one's Ready

[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, everyone is getting ready to go to a banquet]
Joey: All right they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider. (takes a glass from the fridge.)
Chandler: Taste it.
Joey: (drinks from the glass and puts it back in the fridge) Yep, it's fat. I drank fat!
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hey, mister tux!
Ross: Why aren't you guys dressed?
Joey: We have a half hour.
Ross: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight.
Joey: Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed.
Ross: Well, you know, I'd feel a whole lot better if you got dressed now.
Chandler and Joey: Okay. (they don't move)
Rachel: (entering from bathroom) Hey-hey! Oh, look at you, all sexy.
Ross: Really.
Rachel: Ooooh! Wow!! Oh, hi.
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: How come you didn't come over earlier?
Ross: 'Cause, I'm a stupid, stupid man.
Joey: Hey, Ross, want some cider?
Ross: No. (to Rachel) So, um, let's see your pretty close, huh. Make-up's on, hair's done.
Rachel: Yeah, I just have to get dressed.
Ross: Yay! And that takes what? Just six or seven minutes.
Rachel: Yeah! Once, I figure out what I'm wearing.
Joey: Glass of fat?
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross is acting nervous]
Joey: What's a matter Ross? What you're nervous about your speech?
Ross: No! Do you wanna hear it?
Joey: Am I in it?
Ross: Uh, huh. Yeah, right after I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey.
Phoebe: (entering) Hello.
Ross: Hey!
Joey: Whoa!
Ross: Wow, hello! You look great!
Phoebe: Thank you! I know, though.
Ross: You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star.
Phoebe: Ohh, well, you're my lucky penny.
Chandler: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up.
Joey: What?
Chandler: You're in my seat.
Joey: How is this your seat?
Chandler: 'Cause I was sitting there.
Joey: But then you left.
Chandler: Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom, you knew I was coming back.
Joey: What's the big deal, sit somewhere else.
Chandler: The big deal is I was sitting there last, so, that's my seat.
Joey: Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there (points to the bathroom) . Soo...
Ross: You guys, you know what, you know what, it doesn't matter, because you both have to go get dressed before the big vain in my head pops. So..
Chandler: All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing, really quickly, it's not a big deal. (yells at Joey) GET UP!!
Monica: (entering) Hi.
All: Hey.
Monica: Ooh, Phoebe, you look great!
Phoebe: All right all ready.
Monica: (to Ross) Ooh, are you gonna do magic?
Ross: That's, that's funny. Change!
Monica: Hang on a second I just got in.
Ross: Look, I don't care it starts at eight, we can't be late.
Phoebe: We could not, would not want to wait.
Ross: Look, our table is down in front, okay, my boss is gonna be there, everyone will see if we arrive after it starts.
Monica: Has somebody been drinking my fat? (Joey and Chandler look at each other)
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) You guys, (holds up an outfit) does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?
Phoebe: I don't know, you might be the first one.
Monica: Rach, did you check the machine?
Rachel: Uh, no. Wait, you know what, this is the outfit that makes my calves look fat. Nevermind.
Chandler: Well, Joey, I wrote a little song today. It's called: Get Up.
Joey: All right! You can have the chair.
Chandler: Really!
Joey: Oh my, would you look at that! (holds up crossed fingers)
Phoebe: (on machine) "Hi, it's me, I'm coming over now. Hey, what if I'm already there when your playing this message?" (to the guys) Is that too spooky?
Ross: (on machine) "Hi Rach, are you there? It's me, pick up. Rachel. Rach!"
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) What?!
Ross: Nevermind.
Richard: (on machine) "Monica, it's Richard. Call me."
Monica: Is-is-is that message old or new? (yelling) Old or new?! Old or new?!
Ross: It's old, it's definitely old. Didn't you hear the, the double beep?
Monica: What if it's new? I mean, we agreed not to talk again, unless we had something really important to say. Shouldn't I call him back?
Chandler: Honey, you did call him back. 'Cause, it's, it's really old.
Ross: Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing. And you know what I did?
Monica: Huh?
Ross: I.....got.....dressed. Really, really quickly. Okay, okay. (Rachel starts to follow Monica into her room, but Ross stops her and sends her back to her room.) There we go, there we go.
Chandler: You know what, okay, fine. Don't get up, you just sit right there. I just hope, you don't mind, you know, my hand right here. (holds his hand a couple of inches in front of Joey's face) Op, not touching, can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! (Joey flings some dip onto Phoebe's dress)
Phoebe: Ah! Oh my God! You r-r-rotten boys!
Chandler and Joey: Sorry Phoebe.
Joey: I'm so sorry.
Phoebe: What am I gonna do?
Ross: No, no, don't, don't, rub it! Don't! (clapping) What gets out hummus?! What gets out hummus?!
Phoebe: Monica, Monica, you know what gets out hummus.
Monica: If it is a new message, what is he calling to say?
Phoebe: Okay, thanks. Yeah, I'll try that.
Chandler: Maybe he's calling to say your obsessive and crazy.
Monica: So, should I call him back?
The Guys: Noo! (Monica starts to go back into her room and stops) NO!
Chandler: All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in the chair. (sits on Joey's lap) I'm soooo, comfortable.
Joey: Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable.
Chandler: All right! (jumps up)
Ross: Okay, look, we have nineteen minutes. Okay, Chandler, I want you to go and change! Okay. And then, when you come back, Joey will go change, and he'll have vacated the chair. Okay. Okay.
Chandler: All right! Fine! I'm going. But when I get back it's chair sitting, and I'm the guy who's....sitting in a chair! (leaves)
Rachel: (entering from her room) Is this a little too... (sees Phoebe) Pheebs, what happened?
Phoebe: Hummus. I got the hummus.
Rachel: Ooooh! Honey, well we'll find you something. Do you wanna wear my black jacket?
Phoebe: That won't go with this dress though.
Rachel: No, you're right. Well, we'll find something. Let's just get you out of that. Come on.
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, no, not out of that, not out of clothes.
Rachel: Monica, can Phoebe borrow your green dress?
Monica: I called him.
All: Nooo.
Monica: Yes. Well I got his machine and I left a message. But it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, because you know it was like a casual, breezy message. It was breezy! Oh God, what if it wasn't breezy?
Phoebe: Well, how could it not be breezy, no, 'cause, you're, you're in such a breezy place.
Monica: Here, I got it. I'll will play my message for you guys, and you can tell me if it's breezy enough.
Joey: Monica, how are you gonna do that?
Monica: I know the code to his answering machine.
Ross: Okay, Mon, I really don't think this is the... Okay, you're dialing, you are dialing.
(Chandler enters, and Joey is standing near the chair, they have a show down to see who gets the chair and Joey wins)
Richard: (on machine) "Hi, this is Richard. Please, leave a message at the tone."
Machine: "You have two new messages."
Joey: Wow, what a cool job. (in a machine voice) 'You have two new messages.' 'Please, pass the pie.'
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, it's Monica. I'm just checking in 'cause I got this message from you and I didn't know if it was old or new or what. So, I'm just checkin'. So let me know, or don't, whatever. I'm breezy."
Joey: Hey, you can't say you're breezy, that, that totally negates the breezy.
Woman's Voice: (on machine) Hola, it's me, yesterday was really fun. Call me about this weekend, okay.
Joey: Now she sounded breezy.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier]
Monica: He's seeing someone. I can't believe he's seeing someone.
Phoebe: Monica, you don't know that.
Monica: Well, who's voice was that?
Chandler: Maybe it was his sister's. You know, maybe it was his daughter's.
Monica: Michelle! Of course, it was Michelle! Did it sound like Michelle?
Ross: Oh, great. It's starting to rain, that will make it easy to get a cab.
Monica: It was Michelle. It was definitely Michelle.
Rachel: Pheebs, you go with Monica and try on her green dress. If that doesn't work, you can wear my gray silk one. Oh, gosh, what am I wearing?!
Ross: You don't, you don't know what your wearing?
Rachel: Well, hon-ey. I'm just trying to look nice for your big night.
Ross: Yeah, which, which we have to leave for in exactly twelve minutes. All right, come on, I'll just pick something out for you.
Chandler: All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair, dillhole!"
Joey: Okay. (he gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave)
Chandler: What are you doing?
Joey: You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions.
Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair!
Joey: That's right! I'm taking the essence.
Chandler: Oh-ho, it'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.
Ross: Look, I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty.
Rachel: Ross, that was a Halloween costume, unless you would like me to go to this thing as Little Bo Peep.
Ross: Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable sheep.
Rachel: Yeah, which, by the way Chandler, I would like back one of these days.
Phoebe: Oh Rach, good, listen isn't this perfect for me! (she's wearing another dress on a hanger around her neck)
Rachel: Oh, it's perfect! But not for tonight.
Phoebe: Well, of course not for tonight. Yeah, hi!
Ross: Not for tonight. Not for tonight! Wh-what, what, what, are you doing?
Rachel: No honey, we're sorry, we didn't mean it. I love you. I love you.
Chandler: We used them as pillows when we went camping.
Ross: What?
Chandler: (shyly) The sheep.
Ross: Hey, what you do on your own time...
Joey: (entering) Where's my underwear?!
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, come on, what. You took his underwear?
Chandler: He took my essence!
Ross: Okay, now hold on. Joey, why, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
Joey: Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now.
Ross: Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?
Joey: It's a rented tux. Okay. I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.
Chandler: Well, then it looks like somebody is gonna have to give back somebody his cushions.
Joey: Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you.
Chandler: What are you, what are you gonna show me my clothes?
Joey: Hey, opposite, is opposite! (leaves)
Chandler: He's got nothing!
Phoebe: (entering from Rachel's room, wearing a huge bow to cover the stain) Okay, I'm ready.
Ross and Chandler: Oh, aaaah!
Phoebe: Rachel, didn't have anything that I liked, so, but she had this Christmas ribbon, and I thought, 'All right, fine I'll be political.'
Chandler: What are you supporting?
Phoebe: Duh!! Christmas!
Ross: Okay, hey, that's okay with me. Two down and I have exactly twelve minutes.... Wha, my watch stopped. My watch. (shows Chandler) Okay, see, the, the dinosaur tail isn't going around any more. (grabs Chandler's watch) What time is it? It's 7:33, I have seven minutes. I have seven minutes!!
Rachel: (entering from her room) Okay, Pheebs, quick, what shoes should I wear? The black or the purple?
Ross: Just, just, just pick one!
Phoebe: Okay, okay, okay, the black. But, oh, do you have black, with the little strappys?
Rachel: Yeahh, but, but those really go better with pants. Maybe I should wear pants?
Ross: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.
Rachel: But I...
Ross: No, no, no just do it. Go in there and pick something out so we can go.
Rachel: All right.
Ross: Thank you!
Monica: (entering from her room) Okay. I gotta call Michelle. I gotta see if that was her voice or not. I'm sorry, I just have to.
Ross: It was, it was her voice.
Chandler: Monica, I think you've gone over to the bad place.
Michelle: Hola! Hello. Hello?
Monica: Okay. That was her right?
Phoebe: Definitely.
Monica: See there you go. Woo! We're out of the woods. Okay, I'll get dressed now.
Ross: Yay!
(phone rings)
Phoebe: I'll get it, okay. (answers phone) Hi, Monica and Rachel's. (listens) Yeah, just a second, can I ask who's calling. (to Monica) Oh, ew, it's Michelle! Ew! She, she must have that Caller Id thing. You should get that.
Monica: (on phone) Uh, Michelle. Yeah, that was me, I-I dialed your number by mistake. (listens) Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah, we were a great couple. I know I really miss him. Well, you know how it is, it's that....
Chandler: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
Monica: (on phone) Michelle, I only beeped in so I could hear my message. I mean that's allowed. Yeah-huh! I mean look, yeah, you know what I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell your Dad about. What do you mean, you're not comfortable with this? Come on we're friends!! (Michelle hangs up) That bitch always hated me. I'm calling her back.
Ross: No, no, no, no. Tick, tick, tick, tick.
Monica: Okay, fine. (runs to her room)
Chandler: They got a phone in there, right?
Phoebe: Okay, we're on it. We're on it.
(Rachel comes out from her room wearing sweat pants and a sweatshirt)
Ross: Um. I know it says black tie optional, but, um this may be pushing it a little, um.
Rachel: I'm not gonna gooo.
Ross: You're not going to go.
Rachel: No, I think I'm gonna catch up on my correspondence.
Ross: How, how, um how can you not be going?
Rachel: I'm not gonna gooo, so I think that will accomplish the not going.
Ross: Um, you know, just out of curiosity...
Rachel: Well, ever since I was humiliated and yelled at in front of my friends, I'm just, I don't know, not in a museum benefitty kind of mood.
Ross: Right. Right, okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled.
Rachel: It's fine.
Ross: No, but, your-your mad.
Rachel: I'm not mad.
Ross: No.
Rachel: I'm just not going.
Ross: Your not going.
Rachel: Right.
Ross: Okay. You know that I-I have to go.
Rachel: Um, hum.
Ross: Right. So is it gonna be like 'I'm abandoning you while your upset.'
Rachel: No.
Ross: No, because your not upset.
Rachel: Right.
Ross: About the yelling.
Rachel: Right, and the humiliating.
Ross: Oh, well of course, the humiliating. So, so wee, we're okay.
Rachel: Um, hum.
Ross: We're good.
Rachel: Right.
Ross: Okay. Honey?
Rachel: Yes, Ross. (turns toward him)
Ross: I love you. (goes to kiss her and she turns away.)
Phoebe: (yelling from the bedroom) Get away from that! No! (she comes into the living room carrying the phone) She's just getting dressed.
Chandler: Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that?
(Joey enters wearing a lot of clothes)
Joey: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
Chandler: Oh my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!!
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
Chandler: Oooo-ooh!
Joey: Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges. (starts doing lunges)
Ross: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party!
Chandler: Jeez, what a baby.
Joey: Yeah, Ross, way to ruin it. I was just going to get dressed.
Ross: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.
Joey: You could drink the fat.
Ross: Hi, welcome, to an adult conversation.
Rachel: No, no, no, now wait, wa, wa, waa-it a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. That actually, uh, that sounds interesting.
Ross: What?
Rachel: I think you should drink the fat.
Joey: Yaaaay!
Ross: Okay, okay. If that is what it takes to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I want you there. Then that's what I'll do.
Phoebe: Oh, wait, let me get you another glass. That's been sitting out.
Ross: I think this will be fine. Okay, vanilla milkshake, just a vanilla milkshake, with chicken bits floating in it. Cheers. (starts to drink, but Rachel stops him just before he starts drinking)
Rachel: No, no, no, wait! Okay, okay. Don't! I'll go, I'll go!
Ross: You will?!
Rachel: You were really gonna do that, weren't you?
Ross: Well, yeah.
Rachel: You were gonna drink the fat.
Joey: Let's see what else he'll do!
Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!
(Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is walking)
Chandler: Stop it. Stop it!
(Monica runs into the living room, and starts dialing the phone)
Phoebe: Ross, went to get a cab so we can all... No, wh-what are you doing! No, Monica, no!
Richard: (on machine) Hi, this is Richard.
Machine: You have three new messages.
Monica: Not any more!
Machine: Message erased. To record a message begin speaking at the tone.
Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.
Machine: Your outgoing message has now been changed.
Monica: Outgoing! Did that say outgoing?! Not, outgoing!!!
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know." Nooo!!
Phoebe: How did you do that?
Monica: I don't know!
Machine: Good-bye.
Monica: Noooo!!!!
Ross: (entering) Okay, okay, okay, I've got two cabs and no people. Go! Go! Go!
Monica: Maybe we could call the phone company. Maybe they could change the message. Maybe they can change his number.
Phoebe: Yeah, after this, I think he'll be doing that himself.
Ross: Rachel!! (she enters) Wow! You, uh, you look, wow!
Rachel: And I still have about five seconds to spare. (kisses him) Okay, that was about seven seconds.
Ross: So we're a little late.
Rachel: Come on. (they start to leave) Oh! And, uh, by the way....
Ross: What?
Rachel: I'm going commando, too.
Ross: Awwww!!!
Closing Credits
[Scene: At the banquet]
Sherman Whitfield: Dr. Geller, Sherman Whitfield, London Institute.
Ross: Wow! What a pleasure.
Whitfield: (sits down) Well, I have to tell you, I was quite impressed with your paper on Pre-Cretaceous fossils. Yeah, it confirmed everything that I have written.
Chandler: Excuse me. Hi.
Whitfield: Yes?
Chandler: Well, your kind of sitting in my seat.
Whitfield: What do you mean, your seat?
Chandler: I mean, I was sitting there.
Whitfield: But, you got up!
Chandler: But, I never left the room!
Whitfield: But, you left the chair area.
Chandler: All right, that's it, give me your underwear.
End

多云有时晴

303 The One With the Jam

Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting reading a book and hears the bed in Joey's room creaking, and does a 'Oh no, not again' look on his face.]
Joey: (from bedroom) WHOAA!!
Chandler: (going to the bedroom) See Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering]
Monica: Hey, look at me. I'm making jam, been at it since 4 o'clock this morning.
Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning?
Monica: Went down to the docks. Bet ya didn't know you could get it wholesale.
Rachel: I didn't know there were docks.
[Joey and Chandler enter]
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: Aww, is it broken?
Joey: No, I gotta wear this thing for a couple weeks. (points to the sling he is wearing)
Rachel: Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?
Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then Chandler sold me out.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.
Joey: What is this? Fruit?
Rachel: Monica's making jam.
Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! (to Chandler) Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
Joey: This will just be my batch.
[Scene: Street, Phoebe is being followed by some guy, as they pass a flower vendor. Phoebe turns around and the guy quickly picks up some flowers and continues following her.]
Phoebe: (turns around) Um, that's it. No. Hey! You! J. Crew guy. Yeah. Why have you been following me? I mean, all week long everywhere I look there's you.
Guy: You wouldn't return my calls, you sent back my letters....
Phoebe: What?
Guy: One more chance Ursula, please?
Phoebe: Oooh. Oh, well this is awkward.
Guy: Wh..
Phoebe: Um, yeah, you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.
Guy: Oh, that's great. I'm stalking the wrong woman. I am such a dingus!
Phoebe: Oh, you're not a dingus.
Guy: I just, I want you to know I didn't used to be like this. Before I meet your sister I was like this normal guy who sold beepers and cellular phones.
Phoebe: Well, I mean look it's, it's not your fault, you know. I mean this is just what, what she does to guys, okay.
Guy: Well thanks. (starts to leave)
Phoebe: Wait, (grabs him) you know what, I got a little story. When I was in Junior High School I went through this period where I thought I was a witch. And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot. He said okay, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?
Guy: Not really.
Phoebe: Um, well, get over it. So, I mean you, you just seem to be a really nice guy, you know. Don't be so hard on yourself okay.
Guy: Wait. You're right. I know you're right. And, thanks for being so nice. Here (gives her the flowers he bought.)
Phoebe: Oh, thanks a lot. Do you want to get a cup of coffee?
Guy: Yeah, okay.
Phoebe: Okay. (they start to leave, he is still following her) Okay, you don't have to walk behind me any more.
Guy: Sorry.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering]
Rachel: Mon?
Ross: Mon?
Rachel: (reading) 'Gone for more jars. Back later. Monica Geller.'
Ross: Wait a minute, look.
Rachel: What?
Ross: Look, look, look.
Rachel: What, what, what?
Ross: It's an empty apartment.
Rachel: Oooh.
Ross: We're all alone in an empty apartment.
Rachel: Honey, come on, I have to be at work in like ten minutes (Ross starts kissing her neck) Oh, all right, well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything. (they fall onto the couch)
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Ross: There it is.
Rachel: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. (to Chandler) Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Ross and Rachel: Noo.
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Rachel: Okay, walk us through it, honey, walk us through it.
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her. You never look. You just answer, it's just a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size matter?
Rachel: Nooo!
Ross: And it works both ways.
Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
Rachel: Well you know, after about thirty or forty fights, you kinda catch on.
Ross: Okay, for instance. Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1 she'll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do?
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Ross: (buzzes) Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.
Chandler: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddlily sleepers. (Chandler makes an 'Ewww' face) Okay, I'm late for work.
Ross: Oh.
Rachel: All right are you guys gonna come down?
Ross: Uh, yeah, yeah I'll, I'm right behind you.
Rachel: Good luck Chandler.
Chandler: Thank you Rachel.
Ross: Bye sweetie.
Rachel: Bye hon.
Ross: (blows her a kiss) Okay the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do.
Chandler: Well, I thought you guys were cuddlily sleepers.
Ross: Noo! No, not cuddlily, not me, just her. I'm like you, I need the room. Okay, come here. (they sit on the couch and Ross puts his hands on Chandler's shoulder and thigh.) Okay, you're in bed...
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are)
Ross: I'm gonna use the cushion.
Chandler: Yeah.
Ross: Okay, you're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her (demonstrates on the cushion) and roll her back over to her side of the bed. And then you rollll a-way. Hug for her! Roll for you.
Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll.
Ross: Yep.
Chandler: Okay, one question.
Ross: Shoot.
Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is putting jam on his muffin, lots of jam]
Joey: Remember when you where a kid and your Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?
Rachel: (Looks at him) You're so pretty.
Phoebe: (entering) Hi!
All: Hey, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Hey, oh, you know that guy who's been following me? I talked to him today.
Joey: (with food in his mouth) You talked to him. Are you crazy?
Phoebe: Okay, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it don't spray it. Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but 'cause he thought I was Ursula, ick. And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order.
Chandler: Umm, not feeling better 'bout Malcom.
Phoebe: Ooh! No, no, no, no, he's not like a kook, no. He's just like this, this very passionate, incredibly romantic guy, that got like a tinsy bit carried away, you know. And we just get along really well, and he's so cute.
Ross: Oh my God, you've got a crush on your sister's stalker.
Phoebe: No, I'm just gonna help him, you know, get 'de-Ursula-ized', like you know, like I did for Joey after he went out with her.
Joey: (with his mouthful) Hey, I didn't stalk her. I mean (he sprays Phoebe with crumbs)
Phoebe: Okay, I asked for the news, not the weather.
Monica: (entering) Hey guys.
All: Hey Mon.
Monica: Joey, this is for you. (gives him a jar of jam) It's blackberry curin.
Joey: Aww. (tastes it) Ohh!
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand) , or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Joey: Put your hands together.
Monica: Joey, take your time with that. That's my last batch.
Joey: No more jam?!
Rachel: Well, what happened to your jam plan?
Monica: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now. Babies.
Chandler: Well, your gonna need much bigger jars.
Ross: What are you talking about?
Monica: I'm talking about me having a baby.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Are you serious?
Monica: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan.
Ross: Well, aren't you forgetin' something? What, what, what is uh, what is that guy's name? Dad!
Monica: It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanna spend my life with, if I have to wait another 28 years then, I'll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that's just stupid.
Chandler: That, that's what's stupid.
Monica: I don't need an actual man, just a couple of his best swimmers. And there, there are places you can go to get that stuff.
Rachel: Down at the docks again?
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Janice and him are cuddling]
Janice: Night-night Bing-a-ling.
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, Malcom is giving Phoebe all of his spy stuff]
Malcom: Here's my binoculars.
Phoebe: Oh, great. Great. You're doing great, you know real strong. Going strong. Keep going.
Malcom: These are my night vision goggles. This is the book I pretend to read when I'm watching her in the park. And these are Mad Lips, they're just for fun.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. What's this? (picks up a book)
Malcom: Oh, this is log I kept, recording her every movement. Do you wanna here something from it?
Phoebe: Um, not even a little bit.
Malcom: It's about you.
Phoebe: Oh, okay then.
Malcom: (reading) I met Phoebe today. She was really nice to me eventhough I'm such a loser. And, then when I was walking home I thought about her a lot, it was weird, but kinda cool.
Phoebe: Good. So what were you thinking?
Malcom: I was thinking what it would be like to kiss you.
Phoebe: Really?
Malcom: No.
Phoebe: Oh.
Malcom: See that's just something I said now, so that maybe I could kiss you.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. (he kisses her)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) Okay, sperm donor number 03815, come on down! Okay, he's 6'2", 170 pounds, and he describes himself as a male Geena Davis.
Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us.
Ross: Look, you can't do this Mon. All right, if you do this, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm, I'm gonna.....
Monica: You're gonna what?
Ross: I'm gonna tell Mom.
Rachel: Honey, I'm sorry, but he's right. I love you, but you're crazy.
Ross: Crazy.
Monica: What?! Why? Why is this crazy? So this isn't the ideal way to something....
Ross: (interrupting her) Oh, it's not the ideal way...
Monica: Lips moving, still talking. I mean it may not be ideal, but I'm so ready. No, I-I-I see the way Ben looks at you. It makes me ache, you know?
Joey: Check it out!! Jam crackers!
Monica: Okay, all right, how's this? 27. Italian-American guy. He's an actor, born in Queens. Wow, big family, seven sisters, and he's the only....boy. (they all turn and look at Joey) Oh my God, under personal comments: 'New York Knicks, rule!'
Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule!
Monica: Joey, this is you!
Joey: Let me see. (goes over and looks at the form) Oh, right.
Rachel: When did you go to a sperm bank?
Joey: Well, right after I did that sex study down at NYU. (to Chandler) Hey, Remember that sweater I gave you for your birthday?
Chandler: And that's how you bought it?
Joey: Noooo, that's what I was wearing when I donated. I'm kinda surprised there's any of my boys left.
Monica: Well, honey, it is pretty competitive. I mean I've got an actual rocket scientist here.
Joey: Maybe, I should call this place and get them to put my 'Days of Our Lives' on here. You know, juice this puppy up a little.
Phoebe: (entering) Hellooo!
All: Hey.
Ross: How's the maniac?
Phoebe: Oh, well he's yummy. We did a little kissin'.
Rachel: Phoebe, what are you doing?
Phoebe: Oh, no, no, no, no. You know what, he's not into that stuff anymore. He quit for me.
Rachel: Pheebs, this guy has been obsessed with your sister, for God knows how long, okay, you don't just give up something like that.
Phoebe: Look, he gave me his night vision goggles and everything.
Ross: You're taking the word of a guy who has night vision goggles?
Phoebe: What, he's not still following her. Do you think he is still following her?
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.
Phoebe: What are you saying I should do?
Monica: I think, that if you really like this guy, you should just trust him.
Phoebe: Thank you, Monica.
Joey: Orrr, you could follow him and see where he goes.
Monica: Oh, that's what I would do, forget mine.
[Scene: Central Perk]
Rachel: Oh my God, what happened? (points to the cast on Janice's wrist)
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
Rachel: Wow! Spinning that sounds like fun.
Janice: Oh, (laughs) I wish. No, you know he was just trying Ross's Hug and Roll thing.
Rachel: (turns around, not amused) Ross's what?
Janice: You know what, where he hugs you and kinda rolls you away and... Oh... my....God.
[Scene: Subway station, Phoebe is following Malcom by finding behind the pillars until she comes up to one with a wire mesh garbage can next to it. Malcom stops and starts walking the other way and passes Phoebe, who quick tries to hide behind the garbage can. But, Malcom sees her.]
Malcom: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yes? Yes! Oh.
Malcom: What are you doing?
Phoebe: Oh, I was just here looking for, um, my um, my part of an old sandwich. Oh, here it is! Oh. (picks one up out of the garbage can.)
Malcom: Were you following me?
Phoebe: Um, perhaps. Yes! Yes, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was just afraid that you were still hung up on my sister.
Malcom: So you spied on me. I can't believe you don't trust me. (Ursula walks past, and Malcom finds behind the pillar)
Phoebe: Oh well, what do you know, there goes my identical twin sister. Just walkin' along looking like me. What, is this just like a freakish coincidence, or did you know she takes this train?
Malcom: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I tried to stop, but I couldn't. I'm so pathetic.
Phoebe: No, no, it's not your fault. You know it's partly my fault, 'cause I made you quit cold turkey. Sorry, no. Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore, 'cause your, you know (in a high pitched voice) Wow! But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay, stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah, and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch.
Malcom: Uh-huh, I don't know.
Phoebe: Yeah, just, okay, look I'm going. Um, come on. Op, op, behind the pillar, which way am I gonna go?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering]
Joey: Hey.
Monica: Hey.
Joey: Where you going?
Monica: To the bank.
Joey: Sperm or regular?
Monica: Sperm.
Joey: So you're really doing this, huh?
Monica: Oh yeah, picked a guy, 37135.
Joey: Sounds nice.
Monica: 'Fraid so. Brown hair, green eyes...
Joey: No kiddin', hmm.
Monica: What?
Joey: No, I-I figured you would've picked a blond guy.
Monica: Really? Why?
Joey: I don't know, I just always pictured you ending up with one of those tall, smart blond guys, name like.... Hoyt.
Monica: Hoyt?
Joey: It's a name, yeah. I saw you, you know, in this great house with a big pool.
Monica: Really, is he a swimmer?
Joey: He's got the body for it.
Monica: I like that. (Joey starts laughing) What?
Joey: You guys have one of those signs that says: 'We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.', you know.
Monica: We do not have one of those signs.
Joey: Sure you do, it was a gift from me. Oh! And you have these three great kids.
Monica: Two girls and a boy?
Joey: Yeah!
Monica: And, and, and they wear those little water wings, you know. And they're, they're running around on the deck. Then Hoyt wraps this big towel around all three of them.
Joey: Sure! (Monica gets very depressed) But hey, you know this way sounds good too.
Monica: Yeah.
Joey: Oh Monica. (goes over and hugs her, then looks at the form and stops hugging her.) Wow, this guy's an astronaut. That would've been cool, (sees Monica) for like a day. (hugs her again) .
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is finishing off the last of the jam]
Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person.
Rachel: Honey, you got a little thing on your... (points to her whole face)
Joey: (wipes a little jam from the corner of his mouth) Did I get it?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: (entering) Hello.
Rachel: Hello.
Ross: (sees Joey) Hey. (walks into the living room) Uh, Chan, can I uh, can I talk to you for a second?
Chandler: Sure. What's up?
Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the head with a magazine)
End

多云有时晴

304 The One With The Metaphorical Tunnel

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's: everyone is there and they are watching an info-mercial that stars Joey.]
Host: Welcome everybody, welcome to Amazing Discoveries!
Phoebe: Oh, oh! It's on again!
Joey: You guys, can we please not watch this all right.
All: Shhhh!
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Joey: Can we please turn this off?
Rachel: Noo way, Kevin.
Mike: There is a revolutionary new product that guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk cartons again. Meet the Milk Master 2000.
Ross: (to Chandler) Are you intrigued?
Chandler: You're flingin'-flangin' right I am!
Mike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (to Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Joey: (on TV, finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
(They all start laughing at him)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Chandler: Well, it's official there are no good movies.
Janice: Well, let's go to a bad one and make out. (they start to kiss and lean back into Monica.)
Monica: Perhaps, you would like me to turn like this, (turns sideways on the couch) so that you can bunny bump against my back.
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Hey.
Chandler: Hey, man. What's up?
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
Chandler: Well, I'll tell ya I do enjoy guilt, but, ah, it wasn't me.
Phoebe: Yes, it was! It was him! Uh huh! (they all stare at her) Okay, it was me!
Joey: How is it you?
Phoebe: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it. (shows him her hand)
Joey: Yep, that's my audition.
Monica: See, now this is why I keep notepads everywhere.
Phoebe: Yep, and that's why we don't invite you to play.
Janice: What is the great tragedy here? You go get yourself another appointment.
Joey: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting director told her that I missed my chance.
Phoebe: That is unfair. I'll call her and tell her it was totally my fault.
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
Phoebe: What a sad little life she must lead. Okay, ooh (starts dialing) .
Joey: What, what are you doing? What are you doing?
Phoebe: No, no, no, I know, I know, ooh. (on the phone in a different voice) 'Hi, this is Katelynn, from Phoebe Buffay's office. Um, is um, Ann there for Phoebe, she'll know what it's about.'
Joey: Hang up, hang up. (reaches with his good arm, but Phoebe grabs it and he tries to reach the phone with his other arm but can't because of the sling.)
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
Chandler: Is anybody else scared?
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
Chandler: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad!
Monica: Oh, now you want a pad.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben]
Carol and Susan: (entering) Hey!!
Ross: There's my boy! Here's my boy! And here's his Barbi (Ben is holding a Barbi doll) What's ah, what's my boy doing with a Barbi?
Carol: He picked it out of the toy store himself, he loves it.
Susan: He carries it everywhere, it's like a security blanket, but with ski boots and a kicky beret.
Ross: Yeah, it's, it's, it's cute. Why, why, why does he have it, again?
Susan: So he's got a doll? So what? Unless you're afraid he's gonna grow up and be in show business.
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Ross: You know what it's fine. If you're okay with the Barbi thing, so am I.
(cut to later in the day)
Ross: Give daddy the Barbi! Ben, give, give me the Barbi. Okay, how 'bout, don't you want to play with the monster truck? (makes a monster truck sound) No. Okay, oh, oh, how about a Dino-soilder? (squawks like a dinosaur)
Rachel: Ross, you are so pathetic. Why can't your son just play with his doll? (uses the Milk Master 2000 to pour milk into her cereal)
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) I gotta go to work. Has anybody seen my left boob?
Joey: I love that movie. (Joey is using it as a pillow)
Monica: There it is. Joey, what are you doing?
Joey: I'm sorry, it just felt nice.
Chandler: (entering with his ringing phone) Joe. Joe! Answer the phone.
Joey: Hey, I only got one good arm, you know. You should be doing stuff for me. Go get me a sweater.
Chandler: Just do it! Okay, it's Janice and if I get it I'm going to have to see her tonight. (phone stops ringing) Oh, that's great I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
Rachel: What's the big deal? Why don't you wanna see Janice?
Chandler: Okay, last night at dinner, when the meals came, she put half her chicken piccata on my plate and took my tomatoes.
Ross: And that's bad because..., you hate chicken piccata?
Chandler: Noo.
Ross: You didn't want to share your tomatoes, tomatoes are very important to you.
Chandler: No, it's like all of the sudden, we were this couple. And this alarm started going off in my head: 'Run for your life! Get out of the building!'
Rachel: Men are unbelievable.
Monica: What is it with you people! I mean, the minute you start to feel something, you have to run away?
Chandler: I know, that, (looks at her fake chest, and loses his train of thought, temporarily) that's why I don't want to go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid.
Monica: Oh, you mean like that guy thing where you act mean and distant until you get us to break up with you.
Joey: Hey, you know about that?!
Chandler: Look what do I do? I wanna get past this, I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing. I wanna go through the tunnel, to the other side!
(Joey looks quizzically at Ross)
Ross: (to Joey) Where there is no fear of commitment.
Chandler: Do we have any... (turns around and bumps Monica's fake chest) Do we have any thoughts here?
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Rachel: Amazingly, that makes sense.
Chandler: You think?
Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!
Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe's beeper is going off]
Phoebe: Oh, it's your audition from this morning. Can I use the phone again?
Rachel: Sure Pheebs, you know, that's what it's there for, emergencies and pretend agents.
Joey: Come on baby, come on!
Phoebe: (on phone, in 'Katelynn's' voice) 'Hi, I have Phoebe Buffay returning a page. Okay, well, um, she's in her car I'll have to patch you through.'
Rachel: Very nice touch.
Phoebe: (in voice, on phone) 'Okay, go ahead.' (in normal voice on phone) Um, hi Annie. (listens) Fantastic! (to Joey) You got it. (on phone) Oh, okay, um, 'Will he work for scale?' you ask me. Well, I don't know about that, (Joey clears his throat to signify yes) except that I do and he will. Great, oh you are such a sweetheart. I would love to have lunch with you, how about we have lunch next.... (hangs up phone) Op, went through a tunnel.
Rachel: Unbelievable.
Joey: Thank you so much.
Phoebe: It was really fun, I mean I've never talked on a car phone before.
Joey: You were amazing, could you just do me this huge favor, you see there's this one other audition that I really, really want, and Estelle couldn't get me in.
Phoebe: Oh, I don't know. I mean it was fun one time.
Joey: Come on, please, it'll be just this one more, well actually it's two.
Phoebe: Two?
Joey: Yeah! Well, well really it's three. Please. You're so good at it. I love you.
Phoebe: Okay, I'll do it, but just these three, right
Joey: Nooo, four.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Janice are having dinner]
Janice: So, how come you wanted to eat in tonight?
Chandler: 'Cause, I wanted to uh, give you this. (hands her a present)
Janice: Ohhh, are you a puppy! (opens it) Contact paper! I never really know what to say when someone you're sleeping with gives you contact paper.
Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
Janice: Oh, you didn't have to do this.
Chandler: Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because, you're my girlfriend, and that's what girlfriends should, should get.
Janice: Well, I gotta buy a vowel. Because, oh my Gawd! Who, would've thought that someday, Chandler Bing would buy me a drawer.
Chandler: Well, not me. But that's what's happened, and, ah, and, and there's more. We should take a trip.
Janice: We should?
Chandler: Yep, we're a couple and that's what couples do. And, I wanna meet your parents. We should take a trip with your parents!
Janice: (laughs) I don't think we need to, because you're tripping me out right now! Are you okay?
Chandler: I am, I actually am. I mean this is amazing. My entire life I have feared this place, and now that I'm here it's like what was the big deal. I could probably say 'Let's move in together.' and I'd be okay.
Janice: You probably want us to move in together?
Chandler: It doesn't scare me!
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um... (starts to leave)
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!! (Janice leaves, Chandler then calls Janice to leave a message on her machine) Hey, Janice! It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in advance for having chased you down the street. (runs out the door)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are comforting Chandler]
Rachel: Honey, this will help. (hands him a tub of ice cream)
Chandler: So, I finally catch up to her and she says this relationship is going to fast and we have to slow down.
Rachel and Monica: Uff.
Monica: That is never good.
Chandler: Then I got all needy and clingy.
Rachel: Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Maybe it's not so bad. How did you leave it?
Chandler: She said she'd call me.
Rachel and Monica: Ohh! (both grab there stomachs in pain)
Chandler: Oh God.
Monica: Welcome to our side of the tunnel.
Chandler: This ice cream tastes like crap by the way.
Rachel: Yeah, well that's that lo-cal, non dairy, soy milk junk. We sort of, we save the real stuff for those really terminal cases.
Monica: You know, when you start get screwed over all the time, you gotta switch to low-fat.
Rachel: Yeah, you do.
Chandler: So, you don't think I'm terminal?
Monica: Well, no, not at all, you're not terminal, you just, you just need some damage control.
Chandler: Okay, okay. So, should I call her?
Rachel and Monica: Nooo!
Rachel: This is a very critical time right now. If you feel yourself reaching for that phone, then you go shoe shopping, you get your butt in a bubble bath. You want her back you have to start acting aloof.
Monica: She has to know that your not ready.
Rachel: Right. So, what you have to do is, you have to accidentally run into her on purpose. And then act aloof.
Chandler: So I'm not, not gonna lose her?
Rachel: Oooh, honey, you're not a total loser.
Chandler: I said, 'So I'm not gonna lose her?'
Rachel: Oh.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is still trying to get Ben to play with something other than the Barbi doll.]
Ross: Guess who's here. It's the toughest guy in toy land, Ben. (singing) 'A real American hero. I'm G.I. Joe!' Drop the Barbi, drop the Barbi.
Rachel:G.I. Joe? Do you really think he's gonna fall for that?
Joey: (entering) G. I. Joe! Cool! Can I play?
Ross: Look Ben, it's a toy that protects U.S. oil interests overseas!
Joey and Ross: Go Joe!!!
Phoebe: (entering) Helloo! Oh! (sees Joey and starts to leave)
Joey: Pheebs! There you are!
Phoebe: No it's not, sorry.
Joey: But Phoebe, wait! Wait! Phoebe. Phoebe! (catches her in the hallway)
Phoebe: Oh, Joey! Oh, okay, see I didn't recognize you wearing, in those....pants.
Joey: Look listen, that TV movie I went in for? Did you hear anything? I think I got a shot at it.
Phoebe: Yes! They called and you didn't get it! Okay, I mean you didn't get it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Joey: It's okay, these things happen.
Phoebe: But they shouldn't happen, you know what, you're, you're in a terrible, terrible business. Oh God, I don't wanna be the person who makes your face look like that.
Joey: I'm, I'm okay. See. (tries to smile, but fails horribly)
Phoebe: Oh, now you're sad and creepy, oh. You know what, I, I'm sorry I quit, okay, I just quit.
Joey: No! No, no you can't quit! You're the best agent I ever had! Look Pheebs, rejection is part being an actor, you can't take it personally.
Phoebe: Not personal, really, well they said that they never met an Italian actor with a worse Italian accent.
Joey: They actually said that?
Phoebe: Yeah. Ooh God, there's that face again! See I can't do this job! I...
Joey: No, no, no, see that's why you have to do this job, agents always lie. You know, Estelle just says stuff like 'They went another way', but this, I can use this. (in a very bad Italian accent) I canna work on a new accent.
Phoebe: Yeah okay, no if it helps you okay. Yeah.
Ross: (running into the hall, in slow motion) You'll never get me, Joe!!! (he then pretends that he gets shot repeatedly and falls back against Joey and Chandler's door, dead.)
[Scene: A grocery store that Janice shops in. Chandler is on purpose, accidentally bumping into her.]
Janice: (to butcher) No, thank you. (Chandler makes a sound and she notices him) Chandler!
Chandler: (in a British accent) Hello, Janice.
Janice: What are you doing here?
Chandler: (in accent) Oh, just a bit of shopping. How've you been?
Janice: Are you being British?!
Chandler: (normal voice) No. Not anymore.
Janice: Why are you shopping here? You don't live in this neighborhood. Were you here waiting for me?
Chandler: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm just picking up some things for a party. (grabs a bag off of the shelf)
Janice: Barley? What kind of party serves barley?
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry if my friends aren't as sophisticated as yours.
Janice: Where is this party?
Chandler: Here in Chelsea.
Janice: Who's party is it?
Chandler: A woman's
Janice: What woman?!
Chandler: (shyly) Chelsea.
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
Chandler: Can I be that guy?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are there]
Phoebe: Okay, so we got some more good rejections, lots of stuff to work on.
Joey: Okay, shoot.
Phoebe: Okay, um, oh, the zoo commercial.
Joey: I didn't get it?
Phoebe: No. They said you 'Weren't believable as a human being.' So, you can work on that.
Joey: Okay, what else?
Phoebe: Um, the off-Broadway play people said 'You were pretty but dumb.'
Joey: Oh.
Phoebe: Oh no wait, I'm sorry, that's 'pretty dumb.'
Joey: Look, it's okay, no, no, no, really, look um, I really appreciate this Pheebs, but I think I'm gonna have to go back to Estelle.
Phoebe: Oh.
Joey: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.
Phoebe: Yeah, no, I understand.
Joey: You do, thanks.
Phoebe: Yeah. Sorry. (she starts to leave)
Joey: Wait a minute.
Phoebe: What?
Joey: Wait a minute, did you just make up all that stuff just to get out of being my agent.
Phoebe: (in a coy tone) Oh, you caught me. I am so busted.
Joey: (in a really, really bad Italian accent) That's-ah what I suspected-ah.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is laying on the counter and Rachel and Monica are comforting him again.]
Chandler: ....And then I just, you know, threw the bag of barley at her, and ran out of the store.
Monica: My God! Chandler, we said be 'aloof' not 'a doof'.
Chandler: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's time for the good ice cream now, right?
Rachel: Yeah, it is.
Monica: You know what, everything's gonna be okay.
(phone rings)
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Rachel: Shhh...I don't know what to do, this is totally unprecedented.
Monica: If-if-if we ever did what you did a man would never call.
Rachel: Yeah.
Chandler: Hello!
Monica: Oh wait, you know what, I got it, I got it, pretend like you just woke up, okay, that will throw her off. Be sleepy.
Rachel: Yes, and grumpy.
Chandler: What are you, stop naming dwarves! (on phone) Hello, Janice. Hi, I'm so glad that you called, I know I've been acting a really weird lately. And, it's just because I'm crazy about you, and I just got...stupid, and, and scared, and....stupid a couple of more times. I'm sorry. (listens) Really?! (listens) Really?!
Rachel: He's soo lucky, if Janice were a guy, she'd be sleeping with somebody else by now.
Chandler: (on phone) I love you too.
Monica: Aw, it's soo unfair. (they both start digging into the 'good' ice cream)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are picking up Ben, while Monica is pouring chocolate syrup, lots of it, into her ice cream.]
Carol:G. I. Joe. G. I. Joe?!
Ross: Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys that's the doll he chose.
Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
Ross: Look, G. I. Joe's in, Barbi's out. And if you guys can't deal with it, that's your 'too bad.'
Monica: What are you being such a weenie for? So he has a Barbi, big deal. You used to dress up like a woman.
Ross: What?
Monica: Well, you used to dress up in Mom's clothes all the time.
Ross: What are you talking about?
Monica: The big hat, the pearls, the little pick handbag.
Ross: Okay, you are totally making this up.
Monica: How can you not remember? You made us call you...Bea.
Ross: (remembering) Oh God.
Susan: I've literally never been this happy.
Monica: Wasn't there a little song?
Carol: Oh please God, let there be a song.
Ross: There was no song. (to Monica) There was no song!
Monica: (singing) 'I am Bea.'
Ross: Okay.
Monica: 'I drink tea.'
Ross: Okay, that's, that's enough. (retreats to the bathroom)
Monica: '....Won't you, won't you, won't you.... '
Ross: (coming out of the bathroom) Won't you dance around with me.
Monica: A-ha!!! (they all start laughing, as Ross hides in the bathroom)
Closing Credits
[Scene: It's an old home movie of the Geller's backyard, young Ross is dressed up as Bea, and pouring himself/herself some tea.]
Young Ross: (singing) 'I am Bea. I drink tea. Won't you dance around with....' (spills some tea and it drips onto his/her dress) Ohhh! (runs away crying)
YoungMonica: (entering the shot) Ross!!! (starts to wipe up the spill)
End

多云有时晴

305 The One With Frank Jr.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, there is lumber all over the apartment]
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey-hey-hey. So what happened? A forest tick you off?
Joey: No. Y'know how we're always saying we need a place for the mail.
Chandler: Yeah!
Joey: Well, I started building one. But then I decided to take it to the next step.
Chandler: You're building a post office?
Joey: No, an entertainment unit, with a mail cubby built right in. It's a one day job, max.
Chandler: Okay. (notices that Joey is wearing some really tight jeans) My word! Those are snug.
Joey: Oh yeah. These are my old work pants, Sergio Valente's.
(Chandler goes to his bedroom and opens the door. However, only the top half opens, and he trips into his bedroom over the bottom half.)
Joey: Power saw kinda got away from me there.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Phoebe is pacing back and forth waiting for someone.]
Rachel: (joining Phoebe outside) Hey Pheebs.
Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: Any sign of your brother?
Phoebe: No, but he's always late.
Rachel: I thought you only met him once?
Phoebe: Yeah, I did. I think it sounds y'know big sistery, y'know, 'Frank's always late.'
Rachel: Well relax, he'll be here.
Phoebe: No, I know, I'm just nervous. Y'know it's just y'know Mom's dead, don't talk to my sister, Grandma's been sleeping a lot lately. It's like the last desperate chance to have a family, y'know, kinda thing. You're so sweet to wait with me.
Rachel: Well, actually Gunther sent me. You're not allowed to have cups out here, it's a thing. (takes her cup and goes back inside)
[Scene: inside Central Perk]
Chandler: Does anyone else think David Copperfield is cute?
Monica: No, but he told me, he thinks your a fox.
Chandler: All right, Janice, likes him. In fact she likes him so much she put him on her freebie list.
Joey: Her what?
Chandler: Well, we have a deal, where we each get to pick five celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one can't get mad.
Ross: Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship. Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.
Monica: So, Chandler, who's on your list?
Chandler: Ah, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and ah, Jessica Rabbit.
Rachel: Now, you do realize that she's a cartoon, and way out of your league?
Chandler: I know, I know, I just always wondered if I could get her eyes to pop out of her head.
Joey: Hey, Monica, who would yours be?
Monica: First, I need a boyfriend, then I can have a list.
Joey: It's just a game Mon. (makes a 'Can-you-believe-her' face to the rest of the gang.) Rach, how about you?
Rachel: Oh, I don't know, I guess, Chris O'Donnel, John F. Kennedy, Jr., Daniel Day Lewis, Sting, and Parker Stevenson.
Ross: Spiderman?
Rachel: Hardy Boy.
Chandler: Peter Parker.
Ross: Thank you.
Rachel: What about you honey, who would be on your list?
Ross: Well I-I-I, that kind of thing requires some serious thought. First, I'll divide my perspective canidates into catergories....
Chandler: (coughing) What a geek!
Phoebe: (entering) Everbody this is Frank! This is my half-brother Frank.
All: Oh, hi.
Phoebe: This is everybody. This is Ross.
Frank: How are you?
Ross: Hey.
Phoebe: Chandler.
Chandler: Hi.
Frank: Hi.
Phoebe: Joey.
Joey: Hey-hey!
Frank: Hey.
Phoebe: This is Monica.
Frank: Whoa!
Phoebe: And this is Rachel.
Rachel: Hi!
Frank: Whoa!!
Phoebe: I'm gonna get coffee.
Frank: Hey, how do you guys get anything done?
Chandler: We don't, really.
Rachel: Well, so, now, do you guys have a lot of big plans?
Phoebe: Oh yeah! Yeah, no, we're gonna connect, y'know bond, and everything.
Frank: Yeah, I was thinking that maybe we could go down to Time Square and pick up some ninja stars. And, oh, um, my friend Larry, he wants me to take a picture of a hooker.
Chandler: You know, we don't really take advantage of living in the city.
Joey: I know.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is drilling a hole in the wall and the drill comes out the other side really close to Chandler's head. Chandler then rushes out to talk to Joey.]
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get 'ya?
Chandler: No, you didn't get me!! It's an electric drill, you get me, you kill me!!
Joey: Calm down, do you want this unit or not?
Chandler: I do NOT want this unit!!
Joey: Well, you should've told me that before, I'm not a mind reader. Hey, we're out of beer. I'm going to Monica's.
Chandler: Fine! (goes into his room and slams the door, then he slams the bottom half of the door.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering]
Monica: Hey! Where 'ya headin' in those pants? 1982?
Joey: Oh Monica, listen, I ah, I saw down at the hardware store, they got those designer tiles on sale. If you ever want to redo the bathroom floor.
Monica: Why, what's wrong with my bathroom floor?
Joey: Nothing. It's just old and dingy, that's all.
Monica: I highly doubt that. (they both go to the bathroom)
Joey: Oh yeah. If you ah, move your hamper, you see what color the tile used to be. (Monica gasps) Yeah.
Monica: I can't live like this! What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?
Joey: Relax. Here hold this (hands her his beer) . This old stuff just comes right off. (he bends down to try and lift some tile right in the middle of the floor, in his tight pants.)
Monica: That's a little more than I wanted to see.
Joey: (manages to pry off only a small piece) Aw! Look at that, every inch of this stuff is glued down. It'd take forever to pry this up. You should ah, you should just leave it. (starts to walk away, but Monica grabs him)
Monica: I can't leave it! You gouged a hole in my dingy floor.
(Joey places the toliet brush and holder over the hole, which is in the middle of the floor.)
Joey: Eh! There you go.
Monica: You know that's nice, y'know we could put it back there after the surgeons remove it from your colon!
[Scene{s:1:tongue}hoebe's, Frank and her, are sitting on the counh, watching TV]
Phoebe: (sits up) Oh, ew!
Frank: What?
Phoebe: Yeah I know what I wanted to ask you. Um, can you roll your tongue? Because I can, and my Mom couldn't, and I thought y'know, I figured that was something I got from our Dad.
Frank: What, wait, you mean like this? (does it)
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. You can do it to. (tries to do it, but can't)
Frank: Your not doing it.
Phoebe: Oh right, yeah okay, my Mom could, and I can't. We don't have that....
Frank: When's your birthday?
Phoebe: Feburary 16th.
Frank: I know a guy who's the 18th.
Phoebe: Wow, that's close. When's yours?
Frank: October 25th.
Phoebe: That's the same month as Halloween. So, um, what kinda things do you like to do at home?
Frank: Melt stuff.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is working on his list]
Ross: Okay, I've got three of my five.
Rachel: Three of your five, what?
Ross: Celebrities I'm allowed to sleep with.
Rachel: Oh my God! You are giving this a lot of thought.
Ross: Yeah, it's hard okay, I only have two spots left.
Chandler: All right, so who do you got it narrowed down to?
Ross: Okay, Elizabeth Hurely....
Chandler: Oooh-hoo, very attractive, forgiving.
Ross: Susan Sarandon.
Chandler: Eh, y'know what, she's to political, she probably wouldn't let you do it, unless you donated four cans of food first.
Ross: And!! Isabella Rosselini.
Chandler: Ooh-hoo. Very hot, very sexy. But ah, y'know she's too international, y'know she's never gonna be around.
Rachel: So?
Chandler: So, you gotta play the odds, pick somebody who's gonna be in the country like all the time.
Rachel: Yeah, 'cause that's why you won't get Isabella Rosselini, geography.
[Scene{s:1:tongue}hoebe's, Frank is melting a plastic spoon.]
Phoebe: Okay so, by melting, you meant melting.
Frank: Yeah.
Phoebe: So is it like art?
Frank: Yeah, you can melt art. Hey, can I use your phone?
Phoebe: Um, yeah sure. Why you wanna call your Mom?
Frank: No, I wanna melt it.
Phoebe: Oh, well um, not right now. Y'know I'm just gonna go to bed, I think the fumes are giving me a headache.
Frank: (starts laughing) Yeah!
Phoebe: G'night, bro.
Frank: G'night.
Phoebe: Here. (gives him a fire extinguisher) Y'know, just in case.
Frank: Oh, excellent. (starts to melt the fire extinguisher's hose.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is eating breakfast with Monica while Frank is playing with num-chucks on the balcony]
Monica: What kind of karate is that?
Phoebe: No kind. He just makes it up.
Monica: So how's it going with you guys?
Phoebe: So far, it kinda blows. I don't know, I just thought y'know that he'd feel more like a brother y'know, like you and Ross, just like close and connected and....
Monica: Oh honey, we're close now but you-you wouldn't believe the years of-of nugies, and wedgies, and flying wedgies, and atomic wedgies, and.... (Phoebe shakes her head like she doesn't understand) That's where the waistband actually goes over your head.
Phoebe: Ah!!
Monica: Oh, we used to drive each other crazy playing the shadow game.
Phoebe: Oh, how do you play the shadow game?
Monica: Oh, how do you play the shadow game?
Phoebe: I just asked you.
Monica: I just asked you.
Phoebe: I don't have time for this.
Monica: No, that is what the game is.
Phoebe: Which you just gave up really quickly.
Chandler: (entering) Have you seen Joey?
Monica: What's the matter?
Chandler: Oh, just this! (turns around and has a paint lid stuck to the back of his pants.) Y'know what it's my fault really, because the couch is usually where we keep the varnish.
Joey: (yelling from bathroom) Hey, does somebody wanna hand me one of those tiles.
Chandler: What's going on?
Monica: He's retiling my floor. (they both run to the bathroom)
Chandler: Yo!! Spackel boy! Get up!
Monica: Ah-ah-ah, now you started this, you will finish it.
Chandler: He started mine first!
Phoebe: Build the unit Cinderelly, lay the tile Cinderelly.
[Scene{s:1:tongue}hoebe's, Phoebe and Frank are watching TV.]
Frank: Whoa! Big octopus.
Phoebe: Yeah. (phone rings and Phoebe answers it) 'Hello. (listens) Oh my God, I totally forgot! (listens) Well can't someone else do it. (listens) But, I have company. (listens) Yeah, no look, that's all right I'll come in.' (hangs up phone) Um, Frank, I'm really sorry but I have to go to work. It's-it's one of my regulars and he's insisting that I do 'um.
Frank: Hey, what kind of work do you do?
Phoebe: Oh! I'm a masseuse. I give people massages and stuff.
Frank: You-you work at one of those massage parlors?
Phoebe: Well, y'know we don't call it that, but yeah!
Frank: (starts laughing) Wow! That's wild! No, I had no idea.
Phoebe: All righty. I'll be back in-in a little bit. Unless you wanna come with me?
Frank: You mean like watch?
Phoebe: No, no, you can get one yourself. It'll be on the house! Y'know what are big sisters for?
Frank: Well, I don't think this, y'know.
Phoebe: No, no, no, I wouldn't do you myself, I mean that would be weird. Yeah, no, I'll get one of the other girls to do it. Oh, this will be so much fun! Hey! Are you excited?
Frank: Yeah! Hey, do Monica and Rachel work there?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's bathroom, Joey and Monica are admiring the new floor.]
Monica: It's beautiful! It's like the first bathroom floor there ever was. (Chandler tries to go to the bathroom) Whoa! Are you going in there for?
Chandler: What, like a number?
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hi! Bye! (runs to the bathroom)
Ross: Okay, I'm done with my choices, these are final. (holds up a little card)
Rachel: Well, it's about time.
Joey: Ooh, very official.
Ross: Oh, yeah, well y'know Chandler printed it up on his computer.
Monica: And who laminated it?
Ross: That would be me.
Rachel: All right let me see. (grabs the card) Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurely, Michelle Pfieffer, and Dorothy Hammel?
Ross: Hey, it's my list.
Rachel: Okay honey, you do realize she only spins like that on ice.
[Scene: Healing Hands Inc. (Phoebe's work) , Frank is being ushered in, by the arm, to the room Phoebe is in by another girl.]
Frank: Ow!-Ow!-Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Y'know, ow!
Phoebe: Hey!-Hey! What's going on?
Frank: She broke my arm.
Girl: He touched my fanny.
Frank: No, she touched mine first!
Girl: That's my job!
Frank: So wait, what's the deal here, I can have sex with you, but I can't touch you?
Phoebe and Girl: Ewww!!!
Phoebe: You can't have sex with her!
Girl: What'd you think I was, a hooker?
Frank: No, your a masseuse, it's cool, I'm not a cop.
Phoebe: Okay, Jasmine, can you, can you ask Mr. Whiffler if he can wait for like five minutes.
Jasmine: Fine. (starts to leave, and points at Frank) I don't like you!! (leaves)
Phoebe: (turns around and hits Frank) So that's what you thought I did!! God! That's not what I do!
Frank: Wait that's-that's, what that's not what you do?
Phoebe: Nooo! Why would you think that?
Frank: I don't know, I mean, y'know, this is the city y'know, I just, I mean, I don't know.
Phoebe: Whatever, it's the perfect end to the perfect weekend anyways.
Frank: Oh, wait, no your right, no it was perfect and I can't believe that I screwed it up so bad.
Phoebe: You really thought it was perfect?
Frank: Well, no, maybe-maybe it wasn't perfect, but y'know it was pretty cool, y'know, 'cause we had all those great talks y'know.
Phoebe: Yeah, um, which ones in particular were great for you?
Frank: Well y'know about the tongue thing, y'know, and how I told you about my likes and my dislikes...
Phoebe: I don't....
Frank: How-how I like to melt stuff, and how I dislike stuff that doesn't melt.
Phoebe: Right, okay, um-mm.
Frank: Yeah, y'know I feel like I can really talk to you 'cause y'know you're my sister, y'know.
Phoebe: Yeah, I guess I do, yeah.
Frank: Then I go feel your friend up and make you mad at me.
Phoebe: Well, I-I wasn't hopping mad, y'know.
Frank: You hopped a little bit. Yeah, I really sorry.
Phoebe: Okay. All right, this is my favourite part of the weekend, right now, this.
Frank: This?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Frank: Oh come on we went, we went to Time Square, we found ninja stars, I almost got arm broken by a hooker...
Phoebe: She wasn't a hooker.
Frank: Well, when I tell my friends about her she will be.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, everyone is there, helping to lift the entertainment center into place]
Chandler: Okay, on three. One....Two....
Joey: Why don't we just go on two.
Chandler: Why two?
Joey: Because it's faster.
Chandler: Yeah, I coulda counted to three like four times without all this 'two' talk.
Rachel: Oh!
Joey: All right, but in the future...
Ross: Okay!! Okay!!
Rachel: Come on!
Ross: Heavy thing, not getting lighter!
Chandler: Okay, one...two...
Joey: So we are going on two?
All: All right!! (they lift it into place, however there is one small problem, the unit is so long that it blocks some of both of their bedroom doors.)
Chandler: Oh, good job Joe.
Joey: Wow, it's big!
Chandler: Yeah-yeah, so big that it actually makes our doors look smaller!
Joey: Maybe, my ruler's wrong.
Phoebe: Maybe all the rulers are wrong.
Joey: Look it's not that bad. So what, it blocks a little of your door, a little of my door.
Chandler: Yeah, y'know what I got a better idea. How-how 'bout it blocks none of mine door and a lot of yours? (throws his shoulder into the center to try and move it, but it doesn't move.)
Joey: Yeah, listen, before I forget that side is still wet.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving some guy coffee.]
Rachel: Okay sir, um-mm, let see if I got this right. Ah, so this is a half-caf, double tall, easy hazel nut, non-fat, no foam, with whip, extra hot latte, right? (the guy nods) Okay, great. (she starts to walk away and under her breath) You freak.
(Isabella Rosselini enters)
Ross: (to Gunther) Thank you.
Isabella: (to Gunther) Um, coffee to go, please.
(Ross recognises her and goes over to the couch, mouthing 'Oh my God'
Ross: Isabella Rosselini. (points to her)
Monica: Are you serious? (they all look) Oh my God.
Ross: Damn! I can't believe I took her off my list.
Monica: Why? 'Cause otherwise you'd go for it?
Ross: Yeah, maybe.
Rachel: Oh-oh, you lie.
Ross: What you don't think I'd go up to her?
Rachel: Ross, it took you ten years to finally admit you liked me.
Ross: Yeah, well missy, you better be glad that list is laminated.
Rachel: You know what honey, you go ahead, we'll call her an alternate.
Ross: Okay, hold my crawler.
Rachel: Okay.
Monica: Rach, are you really gonna let him do this?
Rachel: Honey, he's about to go hit on Isabella Rosselini. I'm just sorry we don't got popcorn.
Ross: (to Isabella) Hi! Hi, I'm Ross, you don't know me, but I'm a big, big fan of yours. I mean, Blue Velvet, woo-oo hoo! Um, I was wondering if I could um, maybe buy you a cup of coffee? (Gunther hands her change) Or maybe reimburse you for that one?
Isabella: Aren't you with that girl over there? (points at Rachel, who waves back)
Ross: Well, yeah, kinda. Um, but that's okay, see we have an understanding, um, see we each have this list of five famous people, (gets his out) so I'm allowed to sleep with you. No, no, no, it's flattery.
Isabella: I'm sorry. (starts to leave)
Ross: Oh no, no, no, wait, wait, Isabella. Don't, don't just dismiss this so fast. I mean this is a once in a lifetime opportunity...
Isabella: Yeah, for you. Is that the list?
Ross: Um, yeah.
Isabella: May I see it?
Ross: Um, no.
Isabella: Come on! (grabs the list)
Ross: But, okay.
Isabella: (reading it) I'm not on the list!
Ross: Um, see, but that's not the final draft.
Isabella: It's laminated!
Ross: Yeah, um, okay see, you were, you were on the list but my friend, Chandler (Chandler waves) brought up the very good point that you are international, so I bumped you for Wynona Rider, local.
Isabella: Y'know it's ironic...
Ross: What?
Isabella: ...because I have a list of five goofy coffee house guys and yesterday I bumped you for that guy over there. (points at a guy and leaves)
Ross: (to the rest of the gang) We're just gonna be friends.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, they are admiring the entertainment center]
Joey: Y'know what?
Chandler: Umm?
Joey: I bet 'ya ya I could fit in there. (points to a hole in the center)
Chandler: I've got five bucks says you can't.
Joey: Get out your checkbook, mister.
Chandler: Oh, I think I have the cash.
(Joey successfully enters the entertainment center, and Chandler closes the door on Joey.)
Joey: You are dogged man! I totally fit!
Chandler: Yeah, you got me. (picks up a 2x4 and puts it through the handles so that the doors won't open) I'm out five big ones! (puts the money in the crack between the door and frame) Here you go.
Joey: Thank you. Cha-ching! (Chandler starts to leave) Oh, well hello Mr. Lincoln. Better luck next time buddy. (Chandler leaves and closes the door) And the drinks are on me!
End

多云有时晴

306 The One With The Flashback

[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there including Janice.]
Janice: Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has sleep with the six of you?
Phoebe: Wow, it's like a dirty math problem.
Ross: I'm sorry the answer there would be...none of us.
Janice: Come on over the years none of you ever y'know, got drunk and stupid.
Joey: Well, that's really a different question.
Janice: I'm sorry I find it hard to believe that a group of people who spends as much time together as you guys do has never bumped uglies.
Joey: Well, there was that one time that Monica and Rachel got together.
Monica and Rachel: What?!!
Rachel: Excuse me, there was no time!
Joey: Okay, but let's say there was. How might that go?
Janice: Okay, okay, well then answer me this. Has any of you ever.... almost?
Rachel: Does anybody need more coffee?
Ross: Yeah, I'll take some.
Joey: Hey, there's a dog out there!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, three years earlier, Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are there]
Phoebe: Oh, that is so unfortunate.
Ross: What?
Phoebe: Cute naked guy is really starting to put on weight.
Monica: (entering from bedroom) Okay, I'll be back in just a minute. Oh, Phoebe I'm sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.
Phoebe: You didn't leave lipstick marks on the phone.
Monica: Oh, then it must've been you. Bye. (leaves)
Phoebe: (angrily) Bye-bye! (to Ross) That's why I moved out.
Ross: Hey, y'know while we're on that, when are you gonna tell my sister that you don't live here anymore.
Phoebe: I think on some levels she already knows.
Ross: Phoebe, she doesn't know that you sneak out every night, she doesn't know that you sneak back every morning, and she doesn't know that you've been living with your Grandmother's for a week now.
Phoebe: Okay, well maybe not on those levels.
Chandler: (entering, with a goatee) Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Chandler: I'm never gonna find a roommate, ever.
Phoebe: Why, nobody good?
Chandler: Well let's see, there was the guy with the ferrets, that's plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing Bing! Great apartment Chandler Bing, Bing!
Ross: So how many more do you have tomorrow?
Chandler: Two. This photographer, who seemed really dull. And this actor guy, who I'm not sure about, because when he called and I answered the phone 'Chandler Bing,' he said 'Whoa-whoa, short message.'
Monica: (entering) Ross (who has his foot on the coffee table) , foot on the floor or come over no more!
Ross: (to Phoebe) Sure, your dresser is missing but this she notices.
Monica: What?
Ross: I have to go. Yeah, Carol should be home by now, soo...
Chandler: Umm, how's it going with you guys?
Ross: Oh, better, actually. Y'know I-I-I think I finally figured out why we were having so much trouble lately.
Phoebe: Oh, really?
Ross: Yeah, y'know how I have you guys, well she doesn't really have any close friends that are just hers, but last week she meet this woman at the gym, Susan something, and they really hit it off, and I-I-I think it's gonna make a difference
[Scene: Chandler's, Chandler is interviewing a potential roommate.]
Chandler: Soo, ah, Eric, what kind of photography do ya do?
Eric: Oh, mostly fashion, so there may be models here from time to time, I hope that's cool.
Chandler: Yes, that is cool. Because I have models here y'know......never.
Eric: Oh, yeah, during the summer, I spend most weekends at my sister's beach house, which you are welcome to use by the way. Although, I should probably tell you, she's a porn star. (Chandler breaks his pencil in half)
Chandler: Well, listen I ah, still have one more person to ah meet, but unless it turns out to be your sister, I think you're chances are pretty good. (Eric offers to shake hands) All right. (Chandler hugs him.)
[Scene: Chandler's, Chandler is interviewing Joey.]
Chandler: (running around the apartment pointing out things) Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. This right here is the kitchen, and thanks for coming by, (opens door) Bye-bye.
Joey: Don't you ah, don't you wanna ask me any questions?
Chandler: Sure. Ummm. What's up?
Joey: Well, ah, I'm an actor. I'm fairly neat. I ah, I got my own TV. Oh, and don't worry I'm totally okay with the gay thing.
Chandler: What gay thing?
Joey: Ah, y'know just in general people being gay, thing. I'm totally cool with that.
[Scene: the hallway, Monica is coming up the stairs.]
Chandler: Well okay Jerry, thanks for stopping by.
(Joey is leaving and notices Monica, as Monica notices him)
Monica: Hi.
Joey: Hey!
(Joey leaves and Monica mouths to Chandler 'Oh my God!')
[Scene: A bar, Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: Hey, Mon.
Monica: Hey-hey-hey. You wanna hear something that sucks.
Chandler: Do I ever.
Monica: Chris says they're closing down the bar.
Chandler: No way!
Monica: Yeah, apparently they're turning it into some kinda coffee place.
Chandler: Just coffee! Where are we gonna hang out now?
Monica: Got me.
Chandler: (to bartender) Can I get a beer.
Monica: Hey, did you pick a roommate?
Chandler: You betcha!
Monica: Is it the Italian guy?
Chandler: Um-mm, yeah right!
Monica: He's so cute.
Chandler: Oh yes, and that's what I want a roommate that I can walk around with and be referred to as the funny one.
Monica: Oh look, the pool table's free. Rack 'em up. I'll be back in just a minute. Get ready for me to whip your butt.
Chandler: Okay, but after that, we're shootin' some pool.
Rachel: (sitting at a table with some of her friends) (to waitress) Oh, um, no, no, no, no excuse me, hello. Hi. My friend ordered an onion, not an olive, and uh I ordered a rum and Diet Coke, which I don't think this is.
Waitress: I am so sorry.
Rachel: That's all right. (to her friends) I mean hard is it to get a couple drinks right, huh?
Friend No. 1: Well, I would like to propose a toast to the woman, who in one year from today, become Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber DDS
Rachel: Ummm, I think it's time to see the ring again. (holds her hand out and they all scream)
Friend No. 2: Oh, isn't it exciting, I mean it's like having a boyfriend for life.
Rachel: Yeah, I know.
Friend No. 1: What?
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. Well maybe it's just the idea of Barry for the rest of my life. I don't know I think I feel like I need to have one last fling, y'know, just to sorta get it out of my system. (Chandler is listening in very intensely)
Friend No. 1: Rachel stop!
Friend No. 2: You're so bad!
Rachel: I'm serious, I really, I think I need just to have some...meaningless, sex y'know, with the next guy that I see.
(Chandler throws the cue ball under there table.)
Chandler: Excuse, I seem to have dropped my ball.
Rachel: Yeah, so?
Chandler: (picks it up) And now I've picked it up again. (walks over to Monica.)
Monica: Oh my God, I went to high school with her. (to Rachel) Rachel! Hi!
Rachel: Monica! Look! Hi! What do ya think? (shows her, her ring)
Monica: Oh my God, you can't even see where the Titanic hit it.
Rachel: Yes, his name is Barry, he's a doctor, thank you very much.
Monica: Awww, just like you always wanted. Congratulations
Rachel: Thank you. So how-how 'bout you, are-are you seeing anybody?
Monica: Aww, not right now.
Rachel: Oh, but that's okay.
Monica: I know.
Rachel: Yeah.
(An awkward silence)
Monica: So, I'll get-get back to my friend.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. (points at Chandler, who holds up the cue ball as a 'Remember me?' thing) Listen, can we please have lunch the next time I'm in the city?
Monica: Oh, that'd be great.
Rachel: Okay!
Monica: Thanks.
Rachel: Bye!
Monica: Bye! (to Chandler) Ten bucks says, I never see that woman again in my life.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Ross is on the phone, as Phoebe is walking by carrying a lamp.]
Ross: No real-, honey, really it's fine, just g-go with Susan. Really, I, no, I think girls night out is a great idea. Okay, okay, bye
Phoebe: So what are they doing?
Ross: I don't know, something girlie.
Phoebe: (to Monica, who's entering) Hey, you're early.
Monica: What are you doing with the lamp?
Phoebe: I'm just taking it to be re-wired.
Monica: Oh, well don't take it to the same place you took the stereo, 'cause they've had that thing for over a week.
(There is a knock on the door, Phoebe answers it, its Mr. Heckles)
Phoebe: No, no, Mr. Heckles no one is making any noise up here.
Mr. Heckles: You're disturbing my oboe practice.
Phoebe: You don't play the oboe!
Mr. Heckles: I could play the oboe!
Phoebe: Then I'm gonna have to ask you to keep it down. (slams the door in his face.)
(in the hallway, Eric is moving in)
Mr. Heckles: (to Eric) Who are you?
Eric: Hi, I'm Eric, I'm gonna be Chandler's new roommate.
Mr. Heckles: I'm Chandler's new roommate.
Eric: I-I-I don't think so.
Mr. Heckles: I could be Chandler's new roommate.
Eric: But, he told me over the phone.
Mr. Heckles: He told me in person.
Eric: That's weird.
Mr. Heckles: Well, I'm going to go into my new apartment now. (goes over to the door and opens it) Ehh! (Eric leaves)
(inside Chandler's apartment, Chandler is coming in from his bedroom, sees Mr. Heckles, and screams.)
[Scene: the hallway, Joey is moving in, Monica is leaving.]
Monica: Hi, again.
Joey: Hey! (goes into the apartment)
Chandler: (leaving to go to work) Hey!
Monica: Thank you soo, much.
Chandler: Oh, don't thank me, thank the jerk that never showed up. Okay, I gotta get to get to work.
(Joey comes back into the hallway and starts to pick up a heavy box)
Monica: You want some help with that?
Joey: Oh, no thanks, I got it. (picks it up) No I don't!
Monica: Whoa! Are you okay?
Joey: Whew! Stood up to fast, got a little head rush.
Monica: It's the heat. (has her hand on his chest, and then pulls it away) And-and the humidity.
Joey: That's a uh, that's a tough combination.
Monica: Do you wanna come in for some lemonade?
Joey: Like you wouldn't believe. (they go into the apartment) Wow! This is a great place.
Monica: Thank you. Just make yourself comfortable.
Joey: Gotcha.
Monica: This place is really my Grandmother's. (Joey starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, I'm 87 year old woman, who's afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty?
Joey: Oh, you bet I am!
Monica: (turning around) Okay, here's your penis!
Commercial Break
[Scene: continued from earlier.]
Monica: Oh my God!!! What are you doing?!!
Joey: You said, you wanna come in for some lemonade?
Monica: So?!
Joey: Whoa, ah!! We're you just gonna give me some lemonade?
Monica: Yeah huh!! Cover yourself up!
Joey: Oh right, right.
Monica: I don't believe this! When someone asks you in for lemonade, and to you that means they wanna have sex?
Joey: Well usually...yeah! Well, not just lemonade, iced tea, sometimes juice. Well, sorry, I just, I thought you liked me. I'm such a jerk.
Monica: It's okay. I suppose it could happen to anyone, not anyone I know, but... By the way I can still see it.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is vacuuming.]
Monica: Pheebs?
Phoebe: Huh?
Monica: Where's your bed?
Phoebe: It's not in the apartment? (Monica gives a 'Come on' look) Oh no. I can't believe this is happening again.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Okay, enough with the third degree! I-I've, I don't live here anymore.
Monica: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: I'm sorry, I-I-I-I don't live here anymore. I-I didn't know how to tell you, but y'know everybody else knows!
Monica: Everybody knows!
Phoebe: That was supposed to be a good thing, I forget why. Just listen, Monica, I, do you know, okay, do you know, I couldn't sleep for like a month because I got like a dot of ink on one of the sofa cushions.
Monica: Well, you-you coulda just turned the cushion over.
Phoebe: Yeah, I would've except I had a big spaghetti stain on the other side.
Monica: What?!?!
Phoebe: Okay, this is what I'm talking about, this. I-I need to live in a land where people can spill.
Monica: You can spill. In the sink.
Phoebe: Aw, honey it's not your fault, y'know this is who you are, and I love you, and I want us to be friends, and if I keep living here I don't see that happening.
Monica: I love you, too.
Phoebe: Aww, good. (they hug) What?
Monica: What? I'm just said.
Phoebe: No you're not, you're wondering which cushion it is.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, (now) Joey is watching Baywatch, as Chandler enters from his bedroom.]
Chandler: So ah, whatcha watching?
Joey:Baywatch.
Chandler: What's it about?
Joey: Lifeguards.
Chandler: Well, it sounds kinda stupid... (looks at the TV) Who's she?
Joey: Nicole Eggert. You'll like her.
(Baywatch goes into one of those running scenes.)
Chandler: Wow! Look at them run.
Joey: They do that a lot. Hey, you want a beer?
Chandler: Yeah, I'll go get one.
Joey: No, no, no, don't get up, I got a cooler right here.
[Scene: Monica's, Monica is coming out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, as Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: Well, hello!
Monica: Hey.
Chandler: Do you have any beers? We're out of beers.
Monica: (all depressed) Help yourself.
Chandler: You okay?
Monica: Phoebe moved out.
Chandler: Right.
Monica: I don't understand, I mean am I so hard to live, is this why I don't have a boyfriend?
Chandler: Noo!! You don't have a boyfriend because....I don't, I don't know why you don't have a boyfriend. You should have a boyfriend.
Monica: Well, I think so.
Chandler: Oh-ho, come here. (goes and hugs her) Listen, you are one of my favourite people and the most beautiful woman I've ever known in real life.
[Scene: the bar, Ross is entering, Phoebe is at the bar, they are the only two in the place.]
Ross: (all depressed) Hi. Where is everybody?
Phoebe: Oh, it's already closed, Chris gave me the keys to lock up-what is wrong?
Ross: My marriage, I think my marriage is um, is kinda over.
Phoebe: Oh no! Why?
Ross: 'Cause Carol's a lesbian. (Phoebe is shocked) And, and I'm not one. And apparently it's not a mix and match situation.
Phoebe: Oh my God! I don't believe it! Oh, you poor bunny.
Ross: (sets out a bunch of shot glasses and starts to poor himself a drink, many drinks) I'm an idiot. I mean shoulda seen it, I mean Carol and I'd be out and she'd, she'd see some beautiful woman, and, and she'd be Ross y'know look at her, and I'd think, God, my wife is cool!
Phoebe: Aw! Hey, do you think that Susan person is her lover?
Ross: Well, now I do!!
Phoebe: I'm sorry.
Ross: Seven years. I mean we've been together seven years, she's the only woman who's ever loved me, and the only woman I've-I've ever....
Phoebe: Aw, God Ross. Oh. (goes over and hugs him)
[Scene: Monica's, Chandler and Monica are still hugging each other.]
Chandler: Umm, this is nice.
Monica: I know, it is isn't it?
Chandler: No, I mean it, this feels really good. Is it a hundred percent cotton?
Monica: Yeah! And I got it on sale, too.
Chandler: Anyway, I should go, one of the lifeguards was just about to dismantle a nuclear device.
Monica: Well, if you wanna get a drink later we can.
Chandler: Oh yeah, that sounds great. (starts to leave) Oh, and listen, it's, it's gonna be....
Monica: I know. Thanks. (Chandler leaves)
[Scene: the bar, Phoebe is still hugging Ross.]
Ross: Maybe this would've happened if I'd been more nurturing, or I'd paid more attention, or I... had a uterus. I can't believe this!
Phoebe: I know no, no, y'know you don't deserve this, you don't Ross. You're, you're really, you're so good. (kisses him on the cheek)
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: And you're so sweet. (kisses him on the other cheek) And you're kind (kisses him on the lips)
Ross: Thanks. (kisses her on the lips)
(They pause, and they the start kissing passionately, and taking off each others clothes, and they start to lie down on the pool table.)
Ross: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Phoebe: Huh?
(Ross tries to clear off the pool table by knocking the balls to the other end of the table, but they all bounce back, and he frantically starts to throw them into the pockets.)
Phoebe: Okay, it's okay.
(Phoebe jumps on to the table and lays down, Ross follows her and hits his head on the light hanging over the pool table.)
Phoebe: Oh. (they start kissing again)
Ross: Wait, wait, wait.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: My foot is stuck in the pocket.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: No, I can't get it out.
Phoebe: Well, that's not something a girl wants to hear.
Ross: No, come on don't start. (they start kissing again) Ouch!
Phoebe: What?
Ross: Stupid balls are in the way. (holds up two balls)
(They both look at each other and start laughing (Lisa almost lost it there) , and sit up. Ross hits his head on the lamp again.)
Ross: Oh well. It probably would've been the most constructive solution.
Phoebe: You have chalk on your face.
Ross: Huh? (the rest of the gang enters)
Phoebe: Oh, Ross you're right, I don't know why I always thought this was real grass.
Monica: Hey, are you okay?
Ross: My wife's a lesbian.
Joey: Cool!!
Chandler: Ross-Joey, Joey-Ross. (they shake hands)
Ross: Hi.
Closing Credits
[Scene: the bar, Chandler is playing pool, as Rachel enters.]
Chandler: I can't believe you came back.
Rachel: Don't say anything. I don't wanna speak, I don't wanna think. I just want you to take me and kiss me and make love to me right here, right now.
(She hits the jukebox Fonzy style, and It's That Time of Season starts to play, as they start to kiss.)
Friend No. 2: Rachel! Rachel! (stirs Rachel from her dream, she's in her car driving back from the city)
Rachel: What?
Friend No. 2: You missed the exit!
Rachel: Oh, sorry.
Friend No. 1: My God, what were you thinking about?
Rachel: Um, (shyly) Barry.
Her Friends: Awwww!!
End

多云有时晴

307 The One With the Race Car Bed


[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there, Ross is telling a story about what happened at work and the rest of the gang are thinking to themselves, denoted by italics.]
Ross: So I told Carl, 'Nobody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur.' But of course this went in one ear and out.....
Rachel:I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint I can pretend he's Alan Alda.
Monica:Oh good, another dinosaur story. When are those gonna become extinct?
Chandler:If I was a superhero who could fly and be invisible, that would be the best.
Gunther:What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. I wish she was my wife.
(Joey is singing in his head.)
Phoebe:Who's singing?
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there including Janice, they're watching Happy Days.]
Ross: Hey. When you guys were kids and you played Happy Days, who were you? I was always Richie.
Monica: I was always Joanne.
Joey: Question. Was ah, 'Egg the Gellers!' the war cry of your neighbourhood?
(A commercial for the Mattress King, Janice's ex-husband, comes on TV.)
Phoebe: Ewww! Oh! It's the Mattress King!
Joey: Booo!!
Chandler: (to Janice) Don't look honey. Change the channel! Change the channel!
Janice: Wait! Wait! I wanna see this. After I divorce him, half of that kingdom is gonna be mine.
Matress King: (on TV) 'Despair fills the mattress showroom. My kingdom is suddenly without a queen. I'm so depressed I'm going to slash... my prices!! Check it out! Four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set! I'm going medieval on prices!
Chandler: What a wank!
Janice: Oh, I cannot believe he's using our divorce to sell mattresses.
Monica: I know! And four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set, who cares about the divorce, those babies will sell themselves. (they all stare at her) And I'm appalled for you by the way.
Matress King: (on TV) I'm close. I'm cheap. I'm the king.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the phone, everyone else is there except Joey.]
Rachel: 'Okay. (listens) Okay, daddy we'll see you tomorrow night. (listens) Okay bye-bye.' (hangs up)
Ross: We?
Rachel: Are ah, having dinner with my Dad tomorrow night, I hope that's okay.
Ross: Oh shoot, tomorrow's not so good, I'm supposed to um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.
Rachel: Ross, my father doesn't hate you.
Ross: Please, he refers to me as 'wethead'.
Rachel: But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Okay, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, just one night for me, please. I just want him to love you like I do. (Ross looks at her) All right, well not exactly like I do, but, but, if you do come to dinner, I'll love you like I do in that black thing that you like.
Chandler: (leaning in) I'll go.
Ross: Fine.
Rachel: Thank you.
Ross: Hi Gunther.
Gunther: Yeah, we'll see!
Joey: (entering) Hey, you guys!
Phoebe: Hey!
Joey: Guess what?
Ross: What?
Joey: I got a gig!
All: Yay!!
Chandler: See, that's why I could never be an actor. Because I can't say gig.
Phoebe: Yeah, I can't say croissant. (realises) Oh my God!
Monica: What's the part?
Joey: Well, it's not a part, no. I'm teaching acting for soap operas down at the Learning Extension.
Ross: Come on! That's great.
All: Wow!
Joey: Yeah, yeah. It's like my chance to give something back to the acting community.
Ross: Y'know your probably not allowed to sleep with any of your students.
Joey: (glares at him) I know!
[Scene: Mattress King, Monica and Phoebe are shopping for a new mattress.]
Phoebe: Ugh! I don't know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janice's ex-husband, that's like betraying Chandler.
Monica: Not at these prices.
Phoebe: (sees a little kid playing with a race car bed) (to kid) Hi. Y'know in England this car would be on the other side of the store. (the kid just stares at her, and she makes the 'that went right over your head' motion) Woo!
Monica: (lying down on a mattress) Oh! Ohhhhh! Oh! Phoebe, come here. Aw, this is my new bed. You gotta feel this bad boy.
Phoebe: Eh, Monica it, it feels so weird, y'know, Chandler's your friend... (hops onto the bed) Oh! Oh my God! Aw, all right take this bed, you can make other friends.
[Scene: Classroom. Joey is writing his name on the board, but turns around before he's done which causes him to write his name with a downward curve, and he then underlines it, and draws the line right through his name.]
Joey: Good evening. I'm Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for soap operas. Now um, on my first day as (proudly) Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives, (looks for a reaction from his students, and gets none.) I learned that one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting again, it means, you don't have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes like this. (looks all intense for a moment and then gasps, the students cheer him) Thanks, thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Phoebe is already there waiting for the delievery guy.]
Joey: Hi!
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh! How was teaching last night?
Joey: Oh it was great. Yeah, you get to say stuff like, 'Hey, the bell doesn't dismiss you, I dismiss you.'
Phoebe: Ooooh, nice.
Joey: Oh, and guess what, I got an audition for All My Children.
Phoebe: Oh, yay!
Joey: Yeah, it's this great part, this boxer named Nick. And I'm so, so right for it, y'know, he's just like me. Except he's a boxer, and has an evil twin.
(There is a knock on the door.)
Phoebe: Oh. (goes and answers the door and there is this huge black delievery guy.)
Guy: Dom da-da dom! Here ye! Here ye! Delivery from the Mattress King. (to Phoebe) You Miss Geller?
Phoebe: Okay.
Guy: Sign here. (hands her a clipboard)
Phoebe: Oh, do I have a middle name. All right Monica Velula Geller. It's that bedroom there. (points to Monica's room)
Joey: Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?
Phoebe: Yeah, so please, please, please, don't say anything to Chandler.
Joey: You want me to lie to Chandler?
Phoebe: Is that a problem?
Joey: No.
Phoebe: Oh, hey, hey Nick the boxer let's see what you got. All right ya, put 'em up. Come on. (they start shadow boxing)
Joey: Hey, you're ah, pretty good at this.
Phoebe: Yeah, well I had to learn, I was staying at the Y and some off the young men weren't acting Christian enough.
Joey: Ahh!
(Joey throws a punch and just lightly taps her on the shoulder, Phoebe counters with a jab to the nose.)
Joey: Hey now!
(Phoebe throws another jab, and lands it on Joey's nose, causing it to bleed.)
Joey: Hey!!! Oww!! And I'm bleeding.
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh!
Joey: Okay, great.
Phoebe: Wow! And I'm a vegetarian! All right, all right, well I'm sorry, we'll put some ice on it.
Joey: Okay.
Phoebe: 'Kay, put your head back.
Joey: All right. I can't see.
Phoebe: All right, I have ya. Oh God.
Guy: Which bedroom do ya want it in Miss Geller?
Phoebe: Oh, it's the compulsively neat one by the window, okay.
Guy: Gotcha. (he and his helper walk in carrying the racecar bed.)
[Scene: Restaurant, Rachel and Ross and Dr. Green are having dinner.]
Rachel: Hi Daddy!
Dr. Green: This where they put it? What, there no table available in the kitchen! Hello, baby.
Rachel: You remember Ross.
Dr. Green: Um-hmm.
Ross: Nice to see you again Dr. Green.
Dr. Green: So! (they both try to sit next to Rachel but Dr. Green is successful.) (to Ross) How's the library?
Ross: Ugh, museum.
Dr. Green: What happened to the library?
Ross: There never was a library. I mean there are libraries, its just that I ah, I never worked at one.
Dr. Green: You know what's really good here, the lobster. What do you say shall I just order three.
Ross: Yeah, if you're really hungry. (Dr. Green stares at him) It was a joke, I made a joke.
Rachel: Yeah, actually Daddy Ross is allergic to lobster.
Dr. Green: What kind of person is allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of person that works at a library.
Ross: It's not a library...
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! It's a museum! What, you're the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I don't know to the waiter.)
[Scene: After dinner.]
Ross: So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat.
Dr. Green: They found rust. You know what rust does to a boat?
Ross: It gives it a nice antiquey look.
Dr. Green: (he stares at Ross) Rust, is boat cancer, Ross.
Ross: Wow. I'm sorry, when I was a kid I lost a bike to that. (Rachel giggles at that)
Dr. Green: Excuse me for a moment, will you please, I want to say good night to the Levines, before we go.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Okay! (picks up a knife and pretends to stab his heart.)
Rachel: Aw honey stop! It's not that bad.
Ross: Yeah. (sees the bill) Op! Uh-oh! I think your Dad must've added wrong. He only tipped like four percent.
Rachel: Yeah. That's Daddy.
Ross: That's Daddy?! But doesn't it bother you? You're a waitress.
Rachel: Yes, it bothers me Ross, but y'know if he was a regular at the coffee house, I'd be serving him sneezers.
Ross: So?
Rachel: So. Ross, I've bugged him about this a million times, he's not gonna change.
Ross: You really serve people sneezers?
Rachel: Well um, I don't.
Dr Green: You kids ready?
Ross: Thanks again, Dr. Green.
Dr. Green: All right.
(Ross takes a twenty and slips it underneath the bill when Dr. Green isn't looking.)
Dr. Green: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I forgot my receipt.
Ross: Oh, ah, you don't need that.
Dr. Green: Why not?
Ross: The carbon, it's messy, I mean it gets on your fingers and causes, the, the ah, night blindness.
Dr. Green: (gets his receipt and notices the twenty) What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Huh?
Ross: Oh, yeah, that would be me, um, I have, I have a problem I-I tip way too much, way, way, too much, it's a sickness really.
Rachel: Yeah it is, it is. (to Ross) We really, really have to do something about that.
Ross: I know.
Dr. Green: Excuse me, you think I'm cheap?
Rachel: Oh Daddy, no he didn't mean anything by that, he really didn't.
Ross: Nothing I do means anything, really.
Dr. Green: This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars for dinner, you put down twenty, and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Big Shot? Here, I'll tell you what, you pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right. (rips up the bill, and throws it at Ross, then leaves)
Ross: Well Mr. Big Shot is better than 'wethead'.
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is lecturing on facial expressions.]
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor, so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, let's say I wanna convey that I've just done something evil. That would be the basic 'I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it' (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, let's say I've just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And that's how it's done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
Student: Hey, Mr. Trib.
Joey: Hey-hey.
Student: Guess what, I got an audition!
Joey: Awww, one of my students got an audition. I'm so proud.
Student: I was wondering if you would consider coaching me for it?
Joey: You bet! What's the part?
Student: Oh it's great, it's a role on All My Children, Nick the boxer.
(Joey does the '232 divided by 13 bad news' look.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Hallway, Ross and Rachel are returning from dinner.]
Rachel: You had to do it, didn't you? You couldn't just leave it alone.
Ross: Four percent. Okay. I tip more than that when there's a bug in my food.
Rachel: Ross, tonight was about the two of you getting along. (Ross groans and rubs his neck) Oh, would you just see my chiropractor, already.
Ross: Yeah, I'm gonna go to a doctor who went to school in a mini-mall.
(they go into Monica and Rachel's, and see Phoebe hopping around.)
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what are you doing?
Phoebe: I'm, I'm freaking out! Monica kinda trusted me with something and she shouldn't have! All right, I haven't lived here in a while, so I have to ask you something. Does Monica still turn on the lights in her bedroom?
Rachel: Um. yeah.
Phoebe: I am soo dead. (goes to Monica's room)
Rachel: All right, look, here's the bottom line Ross, this is fixable, if we act fast, okay. So, I'll invite him to brunch tomorrow and you can make nice.
Ross: Look, honey, I have tried to make nice, it doesn't work.
Rachel: Okay, look, Ross, I realise that my Father is difficult, but that's why you have got to be the bigger man here.
Ross: Look sweetie, I could be the bigger man, I could be the biggest man, I could be a big, huge, giant man, and it still wouldn't make any difference, except that I could pick your Father up and say 'Like me! Like me tiny doctor!'
Rachel: Okay, well can't you just try it one more time Ross? For me? For me?
Ross: Rachel one brunch is not gonna solve anything. You gotta face it, okay we're never gonna get along.
Rachel: Okay, well you are just gonna have too, okay. Because I already got a Mother and a Father who cannot stay in the same room together, okay, I don't wanna have to have a separate room for you too!! (starts to cry)
Ross: Okay, okay, okay. (hugs her) I'll get the bagels.
[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is trying to hide the bed from Monica.]
Monica: (sees the bed) What's this?
Phoebe: Isn't it cool! Varoom! Varoom!
Monica: This is not the bed I ordered!
Phoebe: I know, you must've won like a contest or something!
(Phoebe starts to make a sound like a car accelerating)
Monica: Phoebe!
(Phoebe makes a sound like a car screeching to a halt.)
Monica: Why is this car in my bedroom?
Phoebe: I'm sorry, okay, I-I wasn't looking, and the store says that they won't take it back because you signed for it...
Monica: When did I sign for it?
Phoebe: When I was you! Y'know what, it's all Joey's fault, 'cause he left his nose open!
Monica: Did you make brownies today?
Chandler: Knock, knock.
Monica: (to Phoebe) Quick, take off your dress, he won't notice the bed.
Chandler: Hey, I'm going for sushi does anybody want.. (enters and sees the bed) Whoa-whoa, somebody missed the off ramp.
Phoebe: It's Monica's bed. What?
Chandler: Okay. (to Monica) It's a racecar.
Phoebe: So. This has always been Monica's bed, what you're just noticing now, how self-involved are you?
Chandler: Okay, well it this bed isn't new, how come there is plastic on the mattress?
Monica: Sometimes I have bad dreams. (starts to break down, and Phoebe offers her, her hand to comfort her.)
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is coaching his student.]
Student: Look, I just saw my best friends brains smeared across the canvas, that's not gonna be me, not me.
Joey: Wow! That was good. That was... (points to his pocket) Tweezers?
Student: No.
Joey: Whoa. That was really good.
Student: Thanks, any suggestions?
(Joey gets the evil look on his face.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]
Chandler: You told him to play the boxer gay!!
Joey: Well, I-I might've said supergay.
Chandler: You totally screwed him over.
Monica: Joey, you're this guy's teacher. I mean how could you do this?
Joey: Because, Monica, the guy's so good, and I really, really want this part.
Phoebe: Well, if you really, really want it, then it's okay.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is greeting her Father for their brunch.]
Rachel: (opening the door) Hi Daddy.
Dr. Green: Baby. Ross.
Ross: Dr. Green. How are you? (offers his hand, and Dr. Green puts his scarf on it.)
Dr. Green: Thanks for dinner last night.
Ross: Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson.
Dr. Green: Nice hair. What'd ya do? Swim here?
Ross: (to Rachel) Okay, that's it, I can't take it anymore.
Rachel: What? What? He's interested in you. He-he likes your hair, he just wants to know how you got here.
Ross: Oh, please. Sweetie it's hopeless, okay, I'm just gonna go. (starts to leave rubbing his neck)
Rachel: What?!
Ross: Look, look I'm sorry. It's just that....
Dr. Green: Ross? What's with the neck?
Rachel: He's got this thing. And I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor...
Dr. Green: You're still going to that chiropractor, that man couldn't get into medical school in Extapa!
Ross: Thank you! That's what I keep saying.
Rachel: Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor.
Ross: Uh.
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?
Rachel: Well that's his last name.
Ross: And his first name.
Dr. Green: He's Bobby Bobby?
Rachel: It's Robert Bobby.
Dr. Green: Oh.
Rachel: And um, excuse me, he helps me.
Ross: Oh-ho please. Ask her how?
Dr. Green: What do you need help for?
Rachel: With my alignment. I've got one leg shorter than the other.
Dr. Green: Oh God!
Ross: Argue with that.
Rachel: What? It's true, my right leg is two inches shorter.
Dr. Green: Come on! You're just titling! (to Ross) Her legs are fine!
Ross: I know that!
Dr. Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?
Rachel: I'm sorry, let her?
Ross: What can I do, she doesn't listen to me about renter's insurance either.
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, you don't have renter's insurance?!
Rachel: No.
Dr. Green: Well what if somebody steals something? How are you gonna run after him with one leg shorter than the other?!
(Both he and Ross start laughing)
Ross: Hey, would you ah, would you like some juice?
Dr. Green: I'd love some juice. Thanks.
Ross: Okay. (to Rachel) Wow! This is going so well. Did you see us? Did you see?
Rachel: Yeah honey, I'm standing right there! Why didn't you just tell him about the mole I haven't got checked yet.
Ross: Excellent!
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is talking to his students.]
Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when you'll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And I'm ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, he's got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me I'm stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.
[Scene: Mattress King, Monica is trying to return her bed.]
Jester: Uh, may I help you?
Monica: Yeah, I talked to you on the phone, I'm the lady that got stuck with the racecar bed.
Jester: Look, it's like I told you, there's nothing I can do. You signed for it, Monica Velula Geller.
Joey: All right, Jester man, look we wanna see the king.
Jester: Nobody sees the king!
Joey: Oh-ho-kay, I'm talking to the king. (starts to go to a back room)
Jester: Hey! You can't go back there!
(Joey goes to the door, but stops and looks through the window at Janice and the Mattress King, her ex-husband, kissing.)
Janice: Oh my God.
(Joey fakes a scream.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Chandler is playing with the bed.]
Chandler: Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom! (makes a screeching sound as he pretends to stomp on the brakes.) Hey-hey good lookin'! (honks the bed's little horn on the steering wheel.) Varrrrrrrrroom. (notices Rachel and stops) All right, I'll leave. My bed's so boring.
End

多云有时晴

308 The One With The Giant Poking Device

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross are there, Rachel is serving brownies.]
Rachel: Here you go Pheebs. Who else wants one of my special homemade brownies?
Chandler: I will have one. (Ross and him both take one.)
(Phoebe takes a bite and spits it out and screams.)
Chandler: Okay, I'm not gonna have one.
Ross: Neither will I. (they both put back the brownies.)
Phoebe: No, no, it's just my tooth.
Chandler: All right I'll have one. (he and Ross take another brownie,)
Ross: So what's a matter, you need a dentist? I've got a good one.
Phoebe: No thanks, I have a good one too. I just, I, I can't see him.
Chandler: See that is the problem with invisible dentists.
Ross: Why? Why can't you go to him?
Phoebe: Because, every time I go to the dentist, somebody dies.
Chandler: That is so weird, because every time I go to the dentist, I look down the hygienist's blouse.
Rachel: Phoebe, what? Umm...what?!
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, first there was my aunt Mary, and then there was umm, John, my mailman, and then my, my cowboy friend 'Albino Bob'.
Rachel: And all these people actually died?
Phoebe: Yes, while I was in the chair! That's why I take such good care of my teeth now, y'know, it's not about oral hygiene, I floss to save lives!
Ross: Pheebs, come on, you didn't kill anybody, these people just happened to die when you went to the dentist. It's, it's, it's just ah, a coincidence.
Phoebe: Well tell that to them. Oh! You can't, their dead.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.]
Ross: Thanks, Gunther. (takes the plate Gunther serves him and Rachel comes up and kisses him) (to Rachel) Hey! (to Gunther) Umm, can I get a napkin too?
Gunther: Oh, like you don't already have everything.
Phoebe: (trying to bite into an apple) Ow! Ow! (drops the apple in disgust.)
Rachel: Phoebe, your in pain, would you just go to the dentist, just go.
Phoebe: All right, fine, fine, but if you're my next victim, don't come back as a poltergeist and like suck me into the TV set.
Rachel: I promise.
Phoebe: Although, don't feel like you can't visit.
Joey: (entering with Monica) Hey, is, is, is Chandler here?
Ross: (patting his clothes like he is looking for his wallet) No, no he's not.
Monica: You guys, Joey just saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.
Ross: What? (to Joey) So what are you going to do? I mean how, how are you going to tell Chandler?
Joey: Well, I was thinking about that and I, I think the best way would be, to not.
Rachel: Joey, you can't keep this to yourself, if you know about this, you have to tell him.
Joey: It'll kill him. I mean it'll, it'll just kill him.
Phoebe: Well, you could wait 'til I go to the dentist, maybe I'll kill him.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, All are there except for Chandler.]
Joey: (looking out the window) Ewww! Ugly Naked Guy is using his new hammock. It's like a Play-Doo Fat Factory.
Phoebe: Well, I'm going to the dentist, so listen, okay, just be on the look out for anything that, that, that you can fall into, or, or that can fall on you, or... All right, just look out! Okay, And um, I also just wanna, I just wanna tell you all that um...... (starts to cry and runs out)
Ross: Okay, I have a problem I have to go into work for a few hours, some kids messed up the Homo Sapien display.
Joey: What did they do?
Ross: Well, they painted over the word 'Sapien' for one thing, then they rearranged the figures, let's just leave it at that.
Monica: So, do you want me to watch Ben for you?
Ross: Yes, that's what I was going to ask, thank you.
Rachel: Whoa! Wait! Hello! What about me?
Ross: You? You! Want to watch Ben? (in the background Monica mouths 'Don't worry, I'll be here the whole time.' to Ross.) Yes! That'd be great, no, I just wanted to ask Monica, because I know how empty her life is. (Monica sarcastically mouths 'Yeah!' and holds up her thumb.)
Joey: Hey-hey, Ross?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: I've got a science question.
Ross: Hmm?
Joey: If the Homo Sapiens, were in fact 'Homo-sapien', is that why there extinct?
Ross: Joey, Homo Sapiens are people.
Joey: Hey-hey, I'm not judging.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are babysitting Ben.]
Rachel: (holding Ben) Look Benny, spoon. (moves it back and forth) Spoon. Come on! All right, y'know what I think he's bored.
Monica: Here. Ben, do you wanna play the airplane game, do you wanna show Rachel? Come here. (takes Ben) We're gonna do something fun. Okay. (throws Ben up in the air a little bit and catches him) Weee!! (moves into the living room and does it again) Weee!! (starts to walk back into the kitchen as she does it again, and hits Ben's head on that wooden beam across the ceiling.)
[cut to later]
Monica: (to Ben) Who's so brave, you're so brave, yes you are, you're so brave.
Rachel: Okay. Okay honey, he's fine, he's fine, let's just put him down. Come here, Ben. (sets him on the couch) See that's a good boy. (to Monica) How could you do that to him!! Ross trusted me, what is he going to say?!
Monica: He's not gonna say anything, because we're not gonna tell him.
Rachel: We're not?!
Monica: No we're not.
Rachel: All right, I like that.
Monica: Okay.
Rachel: So we're okay, we're okay, we're okay, (starts to exam Ben) aren't we? No, we're not okay, we're not okay, there's a bump, there's a bump.
Monica: Oh my God! Well push it in! Push it in!
Rachel: I cannot push it in!
Monica: Okay, we're gonna need a distraction.
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay.
Monica: I got it!
Rachel: Okay.
Monica: The second that Ross walks in that door, I want you take him back to your bedroom and do whatever it is that you do that makes him go, (high pitched) rweee!!
Rachel: Or. We could put a hat on his head.
Monica: A hat! Yes! We need a hat.
Rachel: We need a hat..
Monica: Where are we gonna find a tiny little hat?
Rachel: Oh, oh, oh, I'll get 'Rainy Day Bear'!! (runs to get him)
Monica: Because he'll know what to do? (Rachel comes out of her room with a bear that's dressed in a rain suit.) Oh my God, you're a genius!
Rachel: Oh God, oh God, it's sowed on though.
Monica: Give it. Give it.
Rachel: Okay.
(Monica takes the bear, grabs his hat, and rips off his head.)
Monica and Rachel: Oh!!
Rachel: Oh, it's just like a bloodbath in here today.
[Scene: The street, Chandler and Joey are walking past a jewelery store.]
Chandler: Hey! Hold on a minute, hold on a second. Do you think these pearls are nice?
Joey: I'd really prefer a mountain bike.
Chandler: Janice's birthday is coming up, I want to get her something speacial. Come in here with me.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, whoa. Do you ah, want to get her something speacial, get her flowers, get her candy, get her gum, girls love gum.
Chandler: That's a good idea, 'Dear Janice have a Hubba-Bubba birthday'. I would like to get her something serious.
Joey: Oh, you want something serious. Y'know what you should do, you should get her one of those um, barium enemas. Those are dead serious.
Chandler: All right. Look, I'm gonna go in here, and you don't buy me anything ever. (starts to go into the store)
Joey: (stopping him) No, no, you can't, you can't, okay, you can't, you can't buy her pearls, you just can't, you can't, you can't.
Chandler: Why not?!
Joey: Oh God. Uh, okay, here's the thing, this is the thing, okay, the thing is...
Chandler: What is the thing?
Joey: Okay. I went down to the 'Mattress King' showroom and, and I saw Janice, kissing her ex-husband.
Chandler: (shocked) What?
Joey: They were in his office.
Chandler: Well she, she wouldn't do that, she's with, she's with me.
Joey: I'm telling you man, I saw it.
Chandler: Yeah, well, you're wrong! Okay, you're wrong.
Joey: I'm not wrong! I wish I was. I'm sorry. Bet that barium enema doesn't sound so bad now, huh?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are dressing up Ben in the entire rain suit from Rainy Day Bear.]
Monica: It just makes more sense as an ensemble.
Rachel: Right.
Monica: Besides, it takes the focus off the hat.
Phoebe: (running through the door) No! Oh! You're alive! You're alive!
Rachel: See Pheebs, I promised you no one would die, didn't I?
Phoebe: Yeah, well, we'll see about that. Can I use your phone? I just wanna call everyone I know.
Monica: Sure, we have no money, go ahead.
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Hey! You're not dead! Okay, see ya!'
Ben: Monica.
Monica: Oh my God! He just said my name! Did you hear that?
Ben: Monica bang!
Rachel: Okay, I heard that.
Monica: Did he just say 'Monica bang'?
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Monica: Oh my God! He's gonna rat me out!
Ben: Monica bang!
Monica: Oh-ho-ho, sweetie, sweetie, you gotta stop saying that, now. It's no big deal, it's not even worth mentioning, you see we all do it all the time. See watch this, Ben, Ben, Ben. (goes over and starts hitting her head on the post) Ow, Monica bang! (does it again) Everybody bang. (repeats) Ben bang. (repeats) Rachel bang. (repeats) Bang, Rachel bang! Oh, isn't that fun?
Rachel: (goes over and hits her head on the post) Look at that! (repeats) Look at that! (repeats) We all do it. (repeats) Okay, I'm stopping now.
Monica: You okay?
Rachel: Oh yeah! Y'know, if it's not a headboard, it's just not worth it.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is waiting for Janice to arrive, and is angrily fllipping through a magazine.]
Janice: (entering) How's my Bing-a-ling?
Chandler: Ah, I don't know, you tell me. Anything you ah, wanna tell me, because, if you ah, you should, if you, you would, tell me.
Janice: Why are your eyes so white?
Chandler: You tell me! Maybe, it's because I was just fooling with my ex! Oh no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no, that was you!!
Janice: Oh my God!!
Chandler: All right!
Janice: How did you know?
Chandler: Joey told me, he saw you two kissing.
Janice: In the park?
Chandler: No! In his office! How many kisses were there?
Janice: Just those two!
Chandler: Wh-wh-why, wh-why, why, why was there kissing!? There should be no kissing!!
Janice: Oh, I'm sorry honey, I'm so, so, (nasally) haaaaa! I'm so, so sorry, I just (nasally) haaaaaa! But I, oh what happened was, I-I-I can't breathe. Can you get me a bag, or something?
Chandler: (giving her a bag) Here.
(Janice starts to breathe into it and breathes in the reciept, and then spits it out.)
Janice: The receipt.
Chandler: I'll take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right look, (grabs the bag) I'm gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts to ring)
Janice: I don't know.
Phoebe: (rushing in) Okay. If you're alive you answer your phone!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]
Monica: Okay, Ben, I won't tell your daddy that you had ice cream for dinner, if you don't tell about our little bonking incident.
Rachel: Monica, number one, I don't think Ben understands the concept of bribery, and number two, I... (Joey starts laughing in the background) (to Joey) What?!
Joey: You said number two.
Rachel: I also said number one.
Joey: I know. (giggles harder)
Ross: (entering) Hey! Everyone.
Rachel: Hi!
Ross: How's my little boy?
Rachel: He's perfect, he's never been better.
Ross: (noticing the outfit he is wearing) What'd you do, take him whaling?
Ben: Monica.
Ross: Oh my God, he just said your name, that's great! Good job Ben.
Ben: Monica bang!
Monica: Oh that's right, that's what I'd sound like if I exploded.
Phoebe: Woo-Hoo! The curse is broken! I called everybody I know, and everyone is alive.
Joey: Uh.
Phoebe: What?
Joey: Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still. (Phoebe runs to the window and gasps.)
[Cut to later, all except Chandler are staring out the window at Ugly Naked Guy.]
Phoebe: Oh my God! I killed him! I killed another one! And this curse is getting stronger too, to bring down something that big.
Rachel: Well maybe he's just taking a nap.
Joey: I'm tellin' ya, he hasn't moved since this morning.
Monica: All right, we should call somebody.
Ross: And tell them what? The naked guy we stare at all the time isn't moving.
Rachel: Well, we have gotta find out if he's alive.
Monica: How are we gonna do that? There's no way.
Joey: Well, there is one way. His window's open, I say, we poke him.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is throwing darts, as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey! Y'know how we ah, save all those chopsticks for no reason we get when we get Chinese food?
Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: Well, now we got a reason.
Chandler: What?
Joey: Well, we're fashioning a very long poking device.
Chandler: All right.
Joey: Hey uh, what's a matter?
Chandler: I talked to Janice.
Joey: Oh my God, is she going back to him?
Chandler: She doesn't know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I can't even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
Joey: What are you ah, what are you gonna do?
Chandler: I don't know, y'know. What, what, would you do?
Joey: Well, it doesn't matter what I would do.
Chandler: Come on, tell me.
Joey: All right, you're probably not gonna want to hear this but ah, if it was me, and this is just me, (Chandler gets ready to throw another dart) I would ah, I would bow out.
Chandler: What? (turns around quickly still ready to throw the dart and Joey quickly ducks and hides behind the chair) What are you, what are you talking about?
Joey: They have a kid together, y'know. They're like, they're like a family, and if, I don't know, there's chance they could make that work, I know I wouldn't want to be the guy who stood in the way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, come poke a nude guy?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross has just finished putting Ben to sleep, and is entering from Rachel's room.]
Ross: Well, he's finally alseep. About that ah, bump on his head?
Rachel: Are you, are you, are you sure it's ah, a new bump? I mean, no offense, I've always thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy headed child.
Ross: It's okay if he bumps his head, kids bump their heads all the time, y'know, it was your first time babysitting, I figured you did the best you could.
Rachel: (confidently) I did!
Ross: I know! I'm saying you have to watch them all the time.
Rachel: I did!! I watched! I watched! I watched Monica bang his head against that thing!
Ross: Monica did it?
(Monica runs into the kitchen from the terrace.)
Ross: Monica?
Monica: Yeah.
Ross: Umm, did you notice anything wierd about Ben today?
Monica: No. Why?
Ross: Well, I was just playing with him, and y'know we were doing the alphabet song, which he used to be really good at, but suddenly he's leaving out 'e' and 'f.' It's like they just ah, I don't know, fell out of his head.
Monica: Really?!
Ross: Oh, and also, he's, he's walkin' kind of funny, his left leg is moving a lot faster than his right leg, and he's in there just sort of y'know... (walks around in a circle)
Monica: Oh my God, I wrecked your baby!! (runs into the bedroom)
Rachel: I hope it's still funny when you're in hell.
Monica: (coming out of the bedroom) You jerk! You know how much I love that kid! (starts to chase Ross around the living room)
Ross: Monica bang! Monica bang! (runs into one of the posts) Ow!
Rachel: I'll get the hat.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Janice are there.]
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because it's, it's, it's not gonna be easy.
Janice: Okay.
Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I don't wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y'know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y'know 'You're the reason, you are the reason why their not together.' and I hated that guy. And it didn't matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.
Janice: Wow!
Chandler: Yeah, well. It's the right thing to do.
Janice: Oh! You're right. Oh God. But, before I can say 'good-bye', there's something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, it's like, I finally understand what Lionel Richie's been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, it's like movie love, you're my soulmate, and I can't believe we're not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Chandler: Then don't leave me!
Janice: What?
Chandler: Forget what I said, I was babbling! Pick me!
Janice: No, you were right, you were right. I mean, I-I-I've got to give my marriage another chance.
Chandler: No you don't! No, no, no, I say you have to give your divorce another chance.
Janice: (standing up) I'm sorry. (hugs him)
Chandler: Ohhh. Don't go.
Janice: No, I-I-I gotta go. (she starts to walk away, but Chandler doesn't let her go.)
Chandler: No. No! No! No!
Janice: Honey, honey, people are looking.
Chandler: I don't care! (turns around and to the people watching them) I don't care!!
Janice: Yeah, um, I'm, I'm leaving now. (tries to get her leg out of Chandler's grasp, she finally does, but Chandler takes off her shoe.)
Chandler: You can't leave! I have your shoe!
Janice: Good-bye Chandler Bing. (walks out with one shoe)
Gunther: Rachel has those in burgendy.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, and Ross are holding the giant poking device.]
Joey: All right now remember, something this big and long is going to be difficult to manuver, fortunately I have a lot of experience in that area.
Ross: Can we please focus here, a naked man's life hangs in the balance!
Phoebe: I'm telling you he's dead. What we are about to have here is a dead fat guy on a stick.
Joey: All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's poke. (they start to advance the giant poking device) Steady. Steady. Okay, a little higher. Careful of the angle. Okay, okay, we're approaching the window (as he says this the camera cuts to their view of Ugly Naked Guy, so that we actually see him!) Thread the needle. Thread the needle.
(They thread the needle and start poking him, he then stirs.)
Phoebe: He's alive! He's a-live!!!
Monica: And yet, we're still poking him.
Joey: Okay, retract the device, retract the device.
Ross: He does not look happy.
Rachel: Hey-hey, now he's showing us his poking device.
Joey: Hey, that's never gonna make it all the way over here, buddy!
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is listening to a Lionel Richie album]
Chandler: (singing) I'll hold you close in my arms. (Phoebe enters) I can't resist your charms. And love....
Phoebe: (joining him) Love....
Chandler and Phoebe:I'll be a fool for you. I'm sure, you know I don't mind.
Chandler: (high pitched) No you know I don't mind.
Chandler and Phoebe:Yes! You mean the world the world to me. Oh...
Chandler:I know.
Phoebe:I know.
Chandler:I've found.
Phoebe:I've found....
Chandler and Phoebe:...in you, my endless (Phoebe goes high pitched, Chandler goes low pitched) love. (they both look at each other.) My endless love. (once again they don't match tones, and they just look at each other)
End

多云有时晴

309 The One With The Football

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there, the guys are watching football, the girls are cooking Thanksgiving dinner.]
The Guys: (reacting to a play) Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Awww!
Phoebe: Hey, it's your Thanksgiving too, y'know, instead of watching football, you could help.
The Guys: We will. (they don't move)
Monica: Okay, Rachel, you wanna put the marshmellows in concentric circles.
Rachel: No Mon, you want to put them in concentric circles. I want to do this.
(Rachel sticks a marshmellow into Monica's nose. Monica takes it out of her nose by closing one nostril, and blowing.)
Monica: Every year.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Phoebe: Y'know, for once, I am going to sit down and try to watch one of these things. (just as she sits down) .
Ross: Halftime.
Joey: Hey, who wants to ah, throw the ball around a little, maybe get a little three on three going?
Rachel: Oh! That would be sooo much fun!
Phoebe: Oh, can I play too? I've never played football, like ever.
Joey: Great, you can cover Chandler.
Chandler: No, no, no, I don't, I don't really wanna play.
Joey: Come on man! You never want to do anything since you and Janice broke up.
Chandler: That's not true! I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Don't say that I don't have goals!
Joey: Chandler, you have to start getting over her. All right, if you play, you get some fresh air, maybe it'll take your mind off Janice, and if you don't play, everyone will be mad at you 'cause the teams won't be even. Come on.
Chandler: Yeah, all right, I'll play.
Phoebe: Yay!!
Rachel: Let's do it! Ross?
Ross: What?
Rachel: Do you wanna play football?
Ross: Um, Monica and I aren't supposed to play football.
Joey: Says who? Your mom?
Monica and Ross: Yeah.
Monica: Well, every, every Thanksgiving um, we used to have a touch football game called the 'Geller Bowl.'
Chandler: No, no, no, you say that proudly.
Monica: Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and um, it got kind've competitive and one year, Geller Bowl VI, I accidentally broke Ross's nose.
Ross: It was soo not an accident. She saw I was about to tag her, so she threw her big fat grandma arm elbow right into my face. And just keep running.
Monica: To score the winning touchdown, by the way.
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa, ho, ho, ho, you did not win the game, the touchdown didn't count, because of the spectacularly illegal, oh and by the way savage nose breaking.
Monica: (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game.
Ross: Oh yeah! Then how come you didn't get the Geller Cup?
Rachel: Um, there was a Geller Cup?
Ross: Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game. But our Dad said, 'nobody won that game, ' and he was sick of our fighting, so he took the trophy and.... (pauses to collect himself, as he is on the verge of tears saying this) threw it in the lake.
Chandler: And was the curse lifted?
Ross: Anyway. That's when our Mom said we were not to play football ever again.
Monica: Y'know what, I think we should play a game. I mean come on, it's been twelve years.
Ross: Can I see you for a second?
(they walk over to the sink and discuss it for a moment)
Monica: (shouting) Once!!
Ross: All right, we're gonna play.
Chandler: But wait a minute though, how are we gonna get there, though, because my Mom won't let me cross the street.
[Scene: The Park, the gang is warming up for their football game.]
Monica: Okay. Let's bring it in.
Rachel: Wait no, honey, honey throw it to me, throw it to me.
Ross: Here you go. (throws her the ball)
Rachel: (knocking it down instead of catching it) That almost hit me in the face.
Joey: All right, we have to pick captains.
Chandler: And then Tineals.
Phoebe: Okay, so how do we decide that?
Monica: Well, why don't we just bunny up.
Rachel, Chandler, and Joey: What?
Monica and Ross: (holding both of their hands above their heads making rabbit ears with their fingers.) Bunny!
Monica: Okay, looks like Ross and I are captains. Okay, so um, I bunnied first so that means I get to pick first. Joey.
Joey: Thank you.
Rachel: Monica, I'm your best friend.
Ross: Sweetie, don't worry you'll get picked. Chandler.
Rachel: Ross!
Monica: Phoebe.
(Phoebe kisses Rachel on the cheek, then joins her team.)
Ross: Sweetie, now I pick you.
Rachel: You don't pick me! You're stuck with me!
Ross: Okay. All right. So let's see, let's play from the trash can, to the lightpost. Right. Two hand touch, we'll kick off.
Monica: All right people listen, I've got exactly twenty-eight minutes before I have to baste again.
Chandler: Wow! Just like in the pros.
Monica: Huddle up.
Joey: (to his team) All right, huddle up, right over here.
Phoebe: Wait for me! Wait for me! Wait for me! Oh cool, this is my first huddle.
Monica: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay, so what do you guys really think of Chandler?
Monica: Okay, Phoebe you know what you're doing right?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: Okay, Joey's gonna catch it, and you and I are gonna block.
Phoebe: What's block?
Monica: Phoebe, I thought you said you know what you're doing?
Phoebe: I thought you meant in life.
Monica: Break.
(Chandler is getting ready to kick off, Ross is holding the ball between his foot and finger.)
Chandler: The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice. (goes to kick the ball but kicks Ross's foot instead.)
Ross: Oww!! Son of a...!! Ow! Come on!
Chandler: Sorry. I'm sorry. Y'know what, we're just gonna throw it.
(Chandler throws the ball to kick-off.)
Joey: I got it. (catches the ball)
Phoebe: Go! Go! Go!
(Joey runs up field and fakes out Ross and scores a touchdown. His team all celebrates the touchdown.)
Monica: Score!! 7 to nothing!
Rachel: (coming over to Ross, who is just getting up) Are you okay?
Ross: Come on, let's go!
Monica: Losers walk!
Ross: Yeah, losers talk!
Chandler: No, no, no, actually losers rhyme.
[cut to later, Ross's team has the ball.]
Chandler: (coming up under center, just like a real quarterback does, and puts his hands between Ross's legs.) Twenty-three!! Seventy-four!! (Ross stands up and looks at him) You wanna go shotgun?
Ross: Yeah!
Chandler: (from the shotgun) Hike!
Monica and Joey: One-Mississippi. Two-Mississippi. Three-Mississippi.
(Rachel runs a quick slant.)
Rachel: Over here!
(Chandler throws her the ball, which she drops.)
Rachel: (proud of her self) I almost caught that one!
Chandler: Great! Now, the score is 7 to almost 7.
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
Rachel: Wait, what am I gonna do?
Ross: You, you go long.
Rachel: Wait, how long?
Ross: Until we start to look very small.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Break!!
[cut to later, Monica's team has the ball.]
Joey: Set....hike!
Ross: One-Mississippi, two-Mississippi, switch! Switch! Switch!!
Chandler: No, no, no, no, no!
(Monica throws the ball over Joey's head, it's stopped from rolling away by a very beautiful woman.)
Joey: Haaaaa! Hey-hey, thanks for stopping our ball.
Woman: (in a foreign accent) You are playing American football?
Joey: Yeah! Wow, your like from a whole other country.
Woman: I'm Dutch.
Joey: Hi-hi, I'm Joey.
Woman: I'm Margha.
Joey: I'm sorry Dutch, I didn't get that last little bit.
Chandler: (running up) Hey Joey, do you wanna play football or you wanna.. (sees Marhan) Hi, I'm Chandler.
Margha: Hello, Chandler.
Joey: Her name is Dutch, and also Marklan.
Margha: Margha.
Joey: Mar-klan.
Margha: Mar-gha.
Chandler: Mar-haaaan.
[cut to Ross and Monica.]
Monica: Come on guys! Let's go! Come on, it's second down.
Ross: Uh, hello, it's third down.
Monica: No it's not, it's second.
Ross: Wow!
Monica: Wow, what?
Ross: It just amazes me that your still pulling stuff like this.
Monica: Pulling what? It's second down.
Ross: Okay, it's second down. (turns away) Take all the second downs you need.
Monica: I heard that!
Ross: Well, I said it loud.
[cut to Chandler, Joey, and Margha.]
Margha: It is okay, if I stay and watch?
Chandler and Joey: Yeah! Why don't you stick around. You can sit right there.
(she goes and sits down)
Chandler: Well, that went well.
Joey: I think so.
Chandler: Y'know, I was thinking about ah, asking her for her number.
Joey: Thanks man, but I think it makes a stronger statement if I ask for it myself, y'know.
Chandler: Whoa-ho, whoa! No, I was thinking about y'know for me, as a part of that whole getting over Janice thing you were talking about.
Joey: Oh, yeah, that. All right, means that much to ya, I'll let you have her.
Chandler: Thanks. What, let me have her?! What do mean? Like if you didn't I wouldn't have a shot?
Joey: Well I don't like to say it out loud, but, yeah! Don't feel bad man, we all have our strengths. You're better with numbers and stuff.
Chandler: Math!! You're giving me math! All right, look y'know what, forget about it, you go for the girl, we'll see who gets her.
[cut to later, in Ross's huddle.]
Ross: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. And sweetie..
Rachel: Yeah, I know, go long. Y'know, it's like all I'm doing is running back and forth from the huddle.
Ross: Well ah, you wanna just stay out there?
Rachel: Can I see that for second.
Ross: Yeah.
(Rachel takes the ball from his hands and bounces it off of Ross's forehead and Chandler catches the rebound.)
Ross: Okay. Hut! Hike!
(Chandler runs around behind Ross, who pitches him the ball. Chandler runs upfield, and Joey knocks the ball out of his hands.)
Joey: Fumble!
(Joey starts to return the fumble and Chandler grabs Joey's shirt and rips it off of his back.)
Joey: What the hell's the matter with you?! This is my favourite jersey.
Chandler: Well now you have two. Hey, I am good at math.
Joey: All right, that's it. Y'know I was still gonna let you have her. But now, forget about it. Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.
Chandler: Hey! Well, I've been preparing for that my entire life! Or something about you that's mean!
Monica: All right, come on guys, let's go! Tie score, and we're runnin' out of time. Forty-two!! Thirty-eight!! Hike! (the timer sounds as Monica throws the ball to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh I got it!! (catches the ball) Oh! Ew! Broken boob! Ow!
Joey: Pheebs, run!
Monica: Run, Phoebe, run!
(Phoebe runs and scores a touchdown.)
Phoebe: Touchdown!! Touchdown!!
Ross: Uh, hello, the buzzer buzzed. It doesn't count.
Monica: After the snap!
Ross: Before the snap!
Joey: After!!
Chandler: Before!!
Rachel: Now, does it really matter?
All: Yes!!
Phoebe: Well, okay, I made a touchdown. It was my first touchdown. So?
Ross: Oh Pheebs, that's great. It doesn't count.
Monica: Does so count!
Ross: Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater.
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Monica: Y'know what, that's fine, maybe you haven't grown up, but I have.
Ross: Oh-ho, okay.
Monica: Dead leg!! (kicks him in the thigh.)
Ross: Ow! Ow! Okay, okay, fine, fine! All right, you wanna win by cheating, go ahead, all right. Phoebe the touchdown does count, you win.
Phoebe: Woo-yay!!
Monica: No! Listen, I'm not gonna go through this with you again, okay. Just once I wanna beat when you can't blame it on the broken nose, the buzzer, or the fact that you thought you were getting mono. Let's just call this, tie score and it's halftime.
Ross: Okay, first of all, I don't play with cheaters, and second of all, you know I had swollen glands!!
Monica: Y'know what? I'll think you'll play.
Ross: Oh really! Why is that?
[cut to Monica and Rachel's.]
Monica: Because the winner gets this!
Ross: The Geller Cup.
Chandler: Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by four?
All: Yeah.
Chandler: Okay, good.
Commercial Break
[Scene: The park, the gang is returning to play the second half of the game.]
Ross: Okay, where in the hell did you get that?!
Monica: When Mom and Dad drove you to the hospital to get your nose fixed, I swam into the lake and fished it out.
Ross: That cup is mine!
Monica: No it's not! You want it, you're gonna have to win it!
Rachel: All right, so are we not having dinner at all?
Monica: Come on Phoebe, let's go! Come on, it's time to get serious, huddle up. Joey, keep your head in the game.
Joey: It's hard, y'know, his huddle is closer to Dutch girl.
Monica: All right look, if I take Chandler out of the running will you be able to focus?
Joey: What are you gonna do?
Monica: All right, you just make sure that Chandler catches the ball, I'll take care of the rest.
Joey: Okay.
Monica: Break!
Joey: Here you go!
(Joey throws the ball to Chandler)
Ross: Chandler! Chandler!
(Chandler catches the ball and starts to run upfield.)
Chandler: (to Margha) Hi.
(just as he gets in front of Margha, Monica comes up and tackles him)
Monica: Whoa! Whoa!! Tackled by a girl! Bet ya don't see that everyday, do ya?
Ross: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's with the tackling?
Monica: What?! I just touched him and he went over.
Ross: Okay, you wanna play rough, we can play rough.
(They both stare each other down as we hear 'Let's get ready to r-r-r-rum-ble!!!')
(A long football sequence follows.)
[Sequence 1: Monica throws the ball over Chandler's head to Joey who catches it for a touchdown, and starts to dance in celebration. Chandler then tackles him, and he starts to dance in celebration.]
[Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a pass. Ross runs over and pulls her pants down, steps in front of her and intercepts the pass.]
[Sequence 3: Chandler throws a pass to Ross, who catches it. Phoebe starts screaming and runs up to him and tries to tackle him. But all she ends up doing is running around his waist and screaming.]
[Sequence 4: Ross hikes the ball to Chandler, and the camera pans down to show Rachel standing deep in the end zone, playing with her gum. Something hits her on the head and she looks up to see where it came from.]
[Sequence 5: Monica hands the ball off to Phoebe, who runs up field and delivers a fore-arm shiver to Chandler, knocking him over and scores the touchdown, and she yells...]
Phoebe: I love this game!!
[cut to Ross who walks up to Rachel who is eating a baked pretzel.]
Ross: Hey, where'd you get that?
Rachel: I went really long.
Monica: Forty-two to twenty-one! Like the turkey, Ross is done!
Ross: It's no surprise that your winning, 'cause you got to pick first, so you got the better team.
Monica: You're so pathetic! Why can't you just accept it, we're winning because I'm better than you.
(Ross makes a 'Yeah. Right.' sound.)
Monica: Oh, what a great argument, exhaling! All right, y'know what, I'll prove it to you, okay. I'll trade you Joey for Rachel, and I'll still win the game.
Ross: What?! The guys against the girls? See, that's ridiculous Monica, because I'm only down by three touchdowns.
Monica: Oh, then bring it on! Oh, unless of course your afraid you might lose to a bunch of girls.
Ross: Fine, fine, Rachel your with Monica, Joey you're with me.
Rachel: I can not believe your trading me!!
Monica: Come on Rach, come on. Let's see what's it like to be on a winning team for a change.
Rachel: Are you gonna let me play?
Monica: All right then.
[cut to the guys' team.]
Margha: (coming over) The game is over, we eat now?
Chandler: No-no-no-no, the game's not over, we're just switching teams.
Joey: Yeah, Chandler finds me so intimdating that it's better if we're on the same team.
Ross: Right. Okay, let's play. Let's go.
Chandler: No ah, hold on a second Joe, where do Dutch people come from?
Joey: Ah well, the ah, Pennsylvania Dutch, come from Pennsylvania.
Chandler: And the other ah, Dutch people, they come on from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?
Joey: Nice try. (to Margha) See the Netherlands is this make believe place where Peter Pan and Tinker Bell come from.
Margha: Oh, my.
Ross: Enough with geography for the insane, okay? Let's play some ball, guys.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, no, no, I-I'm not playing with this guy, now.
Chandler: Fine with me.
Ross: Okay, y'know what, let's just cut to the chase here. Okay? Heidi, which of my boys do you like?
Chandler and Joey: What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?
Margha: Which do I like?
Ross: Yeah, y'know for dating, general merriment, taking back to your windmill...
Margha: Well, if I had to chose right now, which by the way I find really weird, I would have to say, Chandler.
Chandler: Yes!!
Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! She obviously didn't understand the question.
Chandler: Well, you don't you have Captain Hook explain it to her.
Margha: I'm sorry, Joey, that is my chose.
Chandler: You hear that! That is her chose, mister I'll let you have her! I win! You suck! I rule all! A mini-wave in celebration of me!! (does the wave.)
Margha: I'm now thinking I would like to change my answer to, no one.
Chandler: Wh-what?
Margha: I now find you shallow and um, a dork. All right, bye.
Joey: Nice going. You just saved yourself a couple months of sex.
Chandler: Y'know what, it doesn't matter, 'cause she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!
Ross: Save the breakthroughs for therapy, okay. The clock is ticking. We have no time, and we are losing, we are losing to girls.
Chandler: We're not gonna lose to girls.
Ross: Hey! It's 42-21!
Joey: This sucks, I was just up by that much!
Monica: Are we playing football or what? Come on you hairy-backed Marries.
[cut to the girls huddle.]
Monica: We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere. Okay, just think about every lousy date that you ever had, okay, every guy who kept on the TV while you're making out...
Phoebe: Oh my God! You dated someone with a glass eye too?!
Monica: Come on, okay, come on this is for all womankind. Let's kill 'um!
Rachel: Yeah!!! Kill 'um!!!
Phoebe: All right, no, well I want to kill them to, but their boys, y'know how are we gonna beat three boys?
(Another football sequence follows)
[Sequence 1: Chandler is running past Phoebe with the ball, Phoebe flashes him, he stops and stares dumbfounded at her. Phoebe then runs up and takes the ball away.]
[Sequence 2{s:1:tongue}hoebe throws the ball, and it's intercepted by Joey, who starts to run up field. Rachel jumps on his back in order to try and tackle him, but she doesn't slow him down. Monica and Phoebe then both grab her legs in order to stop Joey, who still manages to fight through the tackle and score the touchdown.]
[Sequence 3: Chandler is running with the ball, Phoebe flashes him again, but Chandler covers his eyes, and keeps running. He then runs into a tree at the end of the field.]
[cut to the girls huddle]
Monica: All right, we still have a minute and a half to go, and we're down by two points. Two points.... (she gets interrupted by the guys, who are doing a slow-motion high five.) Phoebe you do a button-hook again. Rachel, you go long.
Rachel: No! Come on! Don't make me go long. Use me. They never cover me.
Monica: Honey, there's a reason.
Rachel: God, I'm not lame, okay. I can do something. I can throw, would you let me throw, come on this is my game too.
Phoebe: Come on Mon, let her throw the ball.
Monica: All right Rachel, you sweep behind, I'll pitch it to you, you throw it down field to Phoebe. All right. Break.
Rachel: Thank you! Break!
Monica: Thirty-two! Seventy-one! Hike!
(Phoebe snaps the ball to Monica, who pitches back to Rachel.)
The Guys: One-Mississippi! Two-Mississippi! Three-Mississippi!
(They all rush toward Rachel, who panics and runs away. She runs out of the park and up along the fence, she then comes back into the park and runs past Monica, as she gets to Monica, she throws the ball at Monica, and it hits her in the eye.)
Rachel: I'm so sorry! Are you okay?
Monica: No! I'm not okay!
Rachel: I'm sorry, they were just all coming at me, and I didn't know what to do.
Joey: (looking at the timer) Thirty seconds left on the timer!
Chandler: Okay, okay, so we get to take that stupid troll thing home!
Monica: Come on! Come on! Hurry! We're running out of time! Huddle up!
Phoebe: Okay. Oooh! Oh, this is our last huddle, yeah.
Monica: All right, Phoebe get open. Rachel, go long.
Rachel: (on the verge of tears) Okay.
Monica: Break!
(In slow motion, Phoebe snaps the ball, Rachel goes long. Joey and Chandler and all over Phoebe, leaving Rachel wide open. Ross starts to rush Monica, who sees Phoebe is double covered, in desperation she throws to Rachel. We see flying through the air, and then Rachel running underneath it, then the ball, then Rachel again, then the ball, then Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey staring at it in shock. Then with the grace of Jerry Rice (no offense to Jerry Rice) , Rachel catches the ball, and she stops and spikes the ball. Both Phoebe and Monica erupt in celebration.)
Rachel: (in triumph) I got a touchdown! We did it!!
Chandler: Hey-hey-hey Rachel, funny thing. Actually, the ah, end zone starts at that pole, so you're five feet short, so we win!
Phoebe: Wait-wait-wait-wait! So, explain something to me though, if, if nobody tagged Rachel, then isn't the play still going.
(they all start to dive for the ball and Monica and Ross grab it at the same time.)
Ross: Let go! Let go!
Monica: Let go! I'm a tiny little woman!!
Chandler: Guys! Guys! Come on! It's Thanksgiving, it's not important who wins or loses. The important thing is, (to Joey) the Dutch girl picked me! Me! Not you! Holland loves Chandler! Thank you, Amsterdam! Good night!!
Monica: Ow!!
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are eating Thanksgiving dinner.]
Rachel: We should defiantly play football more often. Maybe there's a like league we could join or something.
Phoebe: Isn't there a national football league.
Chandler: Yes. Yes, there is, they play on Sundays and Monday nights.
Rachel: Oh shoot! I work Monday nights.
Phoebe: Umm, this stuffing is amazing. Do you think we should bring them some?
Joey: When they're hungry enough, they'll come in.
[Scene: The park, it's dark outside and Monica and Ross are still fighting over the ball.]
Monica: Let go!
Ross: No! You let go!
Monica: No!
Ross: How come it's always us left in the field holding the ball?
Monica: I don't know. I guess the other people just don't care enough.
(It starts snowing.)
Ross: Hey! It's starting to snow.
(They both look up, and watch it start to snow. Then they both start fighting for the ball again.)
Ross: Gimme the this!
Monica: Let go!
End